Cheney shoots lawyer jokes
Most would have heard the US Vice-President accidentially shot a lawyer who was his hunting companion.
Naturally the jokes have started such as “I’d still rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than driving with Ted Kennedy”
Over at NRO’s The Corner I had to laugh as I read one editor say “I earnestly hope that the man Cheney shot was not the prophet Mohammed” 
Other jokes at The Corner are:
Three of the Top Ten Things He Said Afterwards:
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Tags: Humour
February 14th, 2006 at 9:31 am
1. That’s how you get “made” by Dick Cheney.
2. Dick Cheney doesn’t have “hunting buddies”, Dick Cheney has “guest targets”.
3. Paramedics had to forcibly remove Karl Rove from trying to bury the body.
4. This was just a warning shot for the next guy.
5. $100 says the guy tried to take the last beer from the cooler.
6. I don’t think it was intentional for the simple fact that if Dick Cheney wants you dead, you’re dead.
7. Maybe he was just trying to toughen the guy up.
8. For Dick Cheney, shooting someone in the face qualifies as foreplay.
9. I bet Cheney’s bird dogs nearly killed themselves bringing that guy to him. I hear that the dog who gets the game back to him first gets a piece of the tender heart meat that Cheney eats raw from every kill – not for the power, mind you. Just because he likes the taste.
10. And that was a guy that Dick Cheney liked.
February 14th, 2006 at 9:38 am
No 3 and No 6 are hilarious. No 10 also.
February 14th, 2006 at 9:43 am
If you’re accidentally shot by somebody, consider yourself lucky if it’s by a guy who travels with his own medical team.
February 14th, 2006 at 10:02 am
Humm… I see a new plotline for ‘Commander In Chief’. Remember that Geena Davis narrowly missed making the 2000 US Olym[pic Archery team, and I sure wouldn’t mind seeing Donald Sutherland’s toxic waste bitch House Speaker with an arrow in his head ASAP.
February 14th, 2006 at 10:09 am
What’s the bag limit on those varmints?
February 14th, 2006 at 10:17 am
It’s all about oil. Quail hunting my a*se. Deosn’t anyone remember the opening credits of The Beverly Hillbillies?
February 14th, 2006 at 10:22 am
Be careful with your random use of humour people, we know what happened when the Muslims got the Micky taken out of them.
These humorous little quips may spurn a dark side, We may end up with a new wave of lawyer suicide bombers attacking strategic targets world wide in protest to their beliefs and profession being mocked.
One way to get rid of em I suppose.
February 14th, 2006 at 10:59 am
All jokes aside, and some of them are very very good, it is remarkable that this incident happened. Just imagine the headlines, had it been the lawyer shooting the VP fatally. What on earth were the hosts thinking of? Where were the basic fire arms safety precautions? Why was the lawyer standing in the wrong place? Why did Cheney squeese off the trigger when a man was in the line of fire? (I know the answer to that, having done a little skeet shooting. It is a reflexive thing, like batting against fast bowling.)
I have come pretty close myself twice to killing or seriously injuring someone with a fire arm and all that saved me was excellent weapons training provided by the Army at school cadet courses.
The real culprits are the organisers of the event but of course much fun will be made at the expense of the hapless VP.
A bit rich trying to make a story out of a delayed media announcement though. Mind you, what else would you expect from the Doncs.
February 14th, 2006 at 11:02 am
All jokes aside, and some of them are very very good, it is remarkable that this incident happened. Just imagine the headlines, had it been the lawyer shooting the VP fatally. What on earth were the hosts thinking of? Where were the basic fire arms safety precautions? Why was the lawyer standing in the wrong place? Why did Cheney squeese off the trigger when a man was in the line of fire? (I know the answer to that, having done a little skeet shooting. It is a reflexive thing, like batting against fast bowling.)
I have come pretty close myself twice to killing or seriously injuring someone with a fire arm and all that saved me was excellent weapons training provided by the Army at school cadet courses.
The real culprits are the organisers of the event but of course much fun will be made at the expense of the hapless VP.
A bit rich trying to make a story out of a delayed media announcement though. Mind you, what else would you expect from the Doncs.
February 14th, 2006 at 11:09 am
Bugger, sorry about the double post.
February 14th, 2006 at 12:16 pm
This reminds of that line from one of the Bards pieces I forget which one but someone will know “The first thing we do is we kill all the lawyers”.
February 14th, 2006 at 1:43 pm
“I understand this was a Quayle shoot, & I swear he looked like Dan”
February 14th, 2006 at 1:59 pm
I thought it came without saying, on the bottom of every shooting licence.
Please check which animals are in season prior to shooting, Lawyers can be taken any season.
February 14th, 2006 at 3:07 pm
Amazing he has a gun licence, since he has never served in country in the armed forces
February 14th, 2006 at 4:21 pm
If it had happened in good old NZ OSH would have had kittens by now and the grief councillors would be like magots on a fly blown sheep.
February 14th, 2006 at 7:42 pm
The man cannot pick the correct country to invade when hunting terrorists even when the Pentagon points it out to him, why would you expect that he can hit the correct species when hunting quail?
February 14th, 2006 at 7:51 pm
Maybe Dick thought he was coming on to him, being soooo sensitive after watching Brokeback mountain.
February 14th, 2006 at 8:22 pm
“Stewart was on fire tonight:
“Whittington was mistaken for a bird.”
“Harry Whittington, seasoned to an inch of his life.”
“Don’t let your kids go hunting with the Vice President. I don’t care what kind of lucrative contracts they’re trying to land or-energy regulations they’re trying to get lifted. He’ll shoot them in the face.”
Rob Courdry joined in.
Courdry: “Jon, tonight the Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time-there-were-quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be the 78 year old man. Even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists-he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face.”
http://www.crooksandliars.com/
February 14th, 2006 at 11:27 pm
One reason it took so long to become knowledge was the victim was a lawyer and it took that long to find someone who cared.
The reason it happened it simple: it is Bush administration policy to shoot first and find out the facts later.
Now the W.H. spin on this is absolutely funny. White House aides refuse to use the term “shot” or “shoot”. They do not exist. They publicly referred to “spray” or “peppered” which sounds a lot less serious. Spin, Spin. Spin. That the “spray” and the “pepper” put the man in intensive care for two days seems a bit strange but ignored.
It does appear that the W.H. simply was hoping that the story would remain a secret. In Texas an accidental shooting during hunting need not be reported to the police! Honestly. Nor did anyone in the W.H. tell the media. According to the W.H. the “facts” were only trickling into the WH over a period of hours and the full facts only learned in the wee hours of the morning. So I guess Cheney and Bush don’t talk! Now this is SPIN. Of course Cheney was there. He shot the man. He knows what happened. And the WH could find this out directly from Cheney easily.
The argument that they were being polite and letting the property owner reveal the facts to the media (which is how it got out one day later) is absurd. More Bush spinning. No wonder he can’t talk straight. He’s dizzy from the constant spin.
And the accident was carelessness by Cheney. The man he shot and another man were hunting with him. Cheney was walking in one direction, heard noise behind him (the man who was hunting with him) and turned and fired to the rear. So he fired in a direction where he was not looking.
Experienced hunters in the US are all saying it was carelessness by Cheney.
February 15th, 2006 at 9:32 am
Did Cheney hit the wrong target due to the fact that he was actually gunning for *Dan* Quayle, one of the culprits of George H Bush’s demise?
And not ‘damned quail?’
February 15th, 2006 at 10:50 am
I see the lawyer he shot has had a minor heart attack as some of the pellet moved and reached the outer wall of the heart. Radio news this morning.
February 15th, 2006 at 12:00 pm
If the guy dies, do you think the VP will be charged with man slaughter?.
Or as in the case of Frau Clark and Labour do you think they will change the law after the fact, so as to make it legal for Vice Presidents to bag a quota of lawyers each year?.
February 15th, 2006 at 6:35 pm
As usual the official story may be the biggest joke of the lot:
Mr. Cheney sprayed Mr. Whittington, 78, with 6 to 200 pieces of birdshot, the doctors said yesterday.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/15/politics/15heart.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=login
What kind of an estimate is that? Most doctors I know can count past one, two….err …lots. If the real number is closer to 200 than 6, then just how close was Cheney to Whittington?
24 hours to sober up and get all their stories straight?
February 17th, 2006 at 4:18 pm
Here’s something you’ll enjoy.
Courtesy of AL at Sir Humphreys.
http://rickdavismusic.com/cheneysgotagun.mp3