Best letter yet!
August 26th, 2006 at 6:22 pm by David FarrarGo check out this correspondence on Whale Oil between Paul Clarkin and the NZ Police over alleged unsafe driving. It is absolutely classic. Not sure how Whale Oil came across the letters.
Some extracts:
Tags: New Zealand
I was already in the process of turning my car right into Fields Lane from the western side of Shortland Street (Queen Street end) when I was first introduced to Dumb Ass A and Dumb Ass B who both simply stepped off the footpath to cross Fields Lane right in front of me.At this particular point in time we now had said two tonne car, with it’s lights and right hand indicator on, having complete right of way after giving way to the appropriate vehicle traffic.
The chances of these two being able to beat a car that was already committed to turning were about that of Auckland being able to beat Waikato in an NPC rugby match -slim to none.
As soon as I realised that Dumb Ass A and Dumb Ass B had a deathwish, I hit the car horn and the brakes at the same time.
The three air horns which are located on the front left side of the car (the very solid, pointy corner closest to Dumb Ass A and Dumb Ass B) hit a single, beautiful note at about 100 decibels. Now 100 decibels is about 20 decibels louder than the Sprint Cars cars that were deemed “too loud” for the Western Springs raceway, thereby causing it to close because in Auckland at the moment we seem to have an anti-motorsport, politically correct, left leaning, tree hugging, land-rights-for-gay-whales City Council – but I digress.
In order for my car to have supposedly exceeded the 50kmph speed limit that prevails within our fair city as I was making a complete 90 degree right-handed turn, both the car and my wife and I would have been subjected to lateral G Forces of around .92 Gs.
I can assure you that had I actually attempted to carry out such a manoeuvre as your letter suggests, my wife would have given me a rather significant slap up side of my head followed by a not-insignificant lecture and I would have had to spend the rest of the weekend on the couch.
If you get a chance to talk to whichever one of Dumb Ass A or Dumb Ass B who had the perception “that the way my vehicle was being driven was not safe”, could you ask them if they would much rather have had the number plate of the car embedded in their skull due to being mowed down as a result of their own stupidity.
August 26th, 2006 at 7:31 pm
And by the way,why don’t pedestrians,cyclists and Vespa users understand by now that motorists HATE their being on the road with us.They belong in supermarket car-parks at night or on paddocks.They are small,vulnerable,slow and often cause moi to make a right turn at short notice,which pisses off not only me but the other God-faring road user behind me.There are Amish Counties in America where their primitive ways are not only tolerated but encouraged.They should go there,potter about and worry about nothing more than the poo that their horses leave behind.And especially,get off Dominion Road.
Vote:August 26th, 2006 at 9:02 pm
If Paul Clarkin is going to drive around Auckland streets in a flimsy, lightweight TWO tonne vehicle I’m afraid he deserves all the damage that pedestrians will inflict upon him. There will be the inevitable broken indicator lamps, cracked headlamps, small dents that will cost a FORTUNE to get straightened out, and GASP… scratches on his paint work.
In a worst case scenario such a small vehicle might allow the pedestrian’s carcass to actually RISE over the bonnet and depending on the speed involved actually penetrate the windshield, with a high risk of blood splattering expensive outfits, and the chance of flesh getting stuck in those hard to reach ventilator parts. Paul really MUST be looking at something much larger that deflects struck objects UNDER the chassis where they can be safely dragged some distance before are safely abraded down to a size that can be safely hosed off at a convenient car wash.
Hummers are popular, especially the reinforced “Bagdad” model, but they do attract unwanted attention from the rabid anti-American cretins, and they are rather too wide to mount the average inner city footpath in order to pursue aforementioned cretins. A popular alternative with more kiwi cred is the Toyota “Bugger” model, but you do need to fit very large tyres, and that crew of stalinist at the LTNZ gulag, can be quite picky about the fitting of suitable aftermarket bull-bars. Last I heard they were considering banning the razor-sharp rotating knife sets as “unsporting”. OK so they have shredded some unwary schoolgirls waiting at bus-stops, but it does make travelling south of the Lido, quite unthinkable. Finally I point you at the hot new option on the market just this week. The IDF is having a fire sale of a whole fleet of “Merkava” tanks .These look like a handy choice, should perform well in even South Auckland conditions, and most of them have very low miles. All this tosh about them being contaminated with Depleted Uranium is just trash talk put about by the some impoverished socialist hell-hole dictatorship hoping to pick up a bunch at a good price.
Vote:August 26th, 2006 at 11:30 pm
logix,thanks for the info.Hummers are just SO like “yesterday”…the Merkava tank sounds to be the perfect vehickle ah need to get home from the Mall in one little piece.Depleted uranium?? have a cold bath,take 2 panadol and phone your Doctor again in the morning sweetheart.Air-kiss times three.
Vote:August 27th, 2006 at 6:51 am
Logix some very good points, though its probably worth while Paul checking out http://www.tankride.com/Tanks_For_Sale.html
While a T-55 may not be the most ideal tank on a modern battle field at $16,000 they are ideal for Traffic Combat on Aucklands Streets.
Another option though might be for Paul to bypass the streets all together and go straight to the Hind GunShip ($20,000) or the Mig 21 ($70,000).
Vote:August 27th, 2006 at 11:12 am
Screw the hummer.. you need a gun truck.. like these “civilian gun trucks” in iraq
http://www.flickr.com/photos/defensorfortis/sets/72157594152852804/
Now those are cool
Vote:August 27th, 2006 at 11:55 am
> I can understand why the guy behind me had a heart murmur
> because an HSV Avalanche can come to a complete stop from
> 100KMIH in about 6.3 seconds.
He should try getting some real brakes. 3 seconds is more like it for 100 km/h to 0 braking in a high-performance vehicle. Certainly no more than 3.5.
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