All Black Jokes
October 9th, 2007 at 3:32 pm by David FarrarHeard about the All Blacks new bra? All support but no cup.
What’s the difference between the All Blacks and an arsonist? An arsonist woouldn’t waste five matches.
What do you call 15 guys sitting around the T.V watching the Rugby World Cup final? The All Blacks
What’s the difference between Graham Henry and Viagra?
At least Viagra gives you a semi.Graham Henry gets handed a mobile phone and is told “this is Wayne Barnes’s phone”, Henry says “how did you know”, the reply is “it had 15 missed calls”
What’s the difference between a tea-bag and the All Blacks?
A Tea Bag stays in the cup longer
Hat Tip: Red Confectionary
Add your own jokes in the comments.
Tags: Humour, Sport
October 9th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Why did Graham Henry go to a ball dressed as a pumpkin?
Vote:Because he hoped when the clock struck kidnight he would turn into a coach.
October 9th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Thats midnight
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Why did the man go to a Canterbury store & try to buy condoms?
He was too embarrassed to ask for an All Black jersey.
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 3:51 pm
Fellow was really down after the game on Sunday, so he rang Samaritans – got put through to a call centre in Pakistan, and told the guy that he was feeling depressed and suicidal. The Pakistani got really excited and asked him if he knew how to fly a plane.
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
whats the difference between America Cup yachtsman and the All Blacks
after 5 matches; horribly, devastatingly, traumatically different.
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Now I have 9 million texts on the sad subject from psychologists and in reflection I cannot blame the men in black. Although they were not the victims of a yarpie camphylobactor infected dinner on the eve of the match, the mere presence of certain twisted things sitting in the grandstand psychologically put them off badly, as they thought they had to play a anti –tackling bill legislation type second half. Give it a boot Helen. Yeah right Peter
I might met them at the airport in the morning, God help Sandra when she reads this?
Vote:I will be pc – honest – cross my fingers .
October 9th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Graham Henry has a busy day and tells the team just to practice passing round some plastic cones for training.
After 80 mins he says them trudging back looking depressed.
“How did the session go lads” he asks
Richie McCaw replies
“The cones won 18-12″
I’ll get my coat.
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
Seriously though, the rot set in a year ago when this team was virtually cemented in. For goodness sake, Carter has not even been the best flyhalf in NZ since 2005 but because he and the others were locked into place his position and godlike status was never questioned. All the worst aspects of privilege then come into play such as “We are the elite and therefore untouchable”.
It works for a while, flourishes against weak opposition and in less important matches but crumbles when someone has the audacity to get in their face and refuse to accept their privileged and godlike status.
They should have played a normal season, left every position up for grabs and had the tri nations in August to get match hardness.
I do not say this with the benefit of hindsight. It was my concern as soon as the reconditioning programme was announced and 25 players were given special treatment and elite status.
The idea of rotation however is not really the problem, after all the French
had a guy at full back who had never played a test match in that position. It would be hard to pick the “best” player in most AB positions anyway. Just pick a team but not according to any named policy as it only creates unwanted and unnecessary distraction and extra pressure.
Thats my 2cents worth.
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
There was a fire in Snow White’s cabin in the forest and she ran around desperately checking if the dwarfs were alright. There was a groan and she said “Sleepy’s fine!” and a growl and she said “Grumpy is alright” and so on, but she couldn’t find the seveth one until she heard someone say “The All Blacks are going to still win” and she said ” There – thank God – Dopey is okay!”
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers “241.”
“That’s wonderful!,” says Albert. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!”
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, “What is your IQ?” To which the lady answers, “144.”
“That is great!,” responds Albert. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!”
Albert goes to another person and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “51.”
Albert responds, “So, what do you reckon happened to the All Blacks?”
(Yes, I do think all sport is vastly over-rated and immeasurably boring. But unlike the PM, I don’t go along and pretend to enjoy it when I’d rather be at the ballet. Which I wouldn’t.).
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
sonic – That was funny.
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Rex, good one!
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
ps. that was not sarcasm
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Oh well , at least it wasn’t another speedgate incident ?
Nice joke sonic , hav you got a spare conehead for phil ?
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
I’ve been forwarded a bunch of bad joke emails (most of them already listed) and 1 pic of The Hof in the AB shirt with a “what if?” subject title, this one was partic harsh …
A mans body was found in the harbour wearing an All Blacks jumper, pink
Vote:panties, fishnet stockings and a dildo up his arse. Police removed the
jumper to avoid any embarrassment to his family.
October 9th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Did you hear NZ Post has just recalled their latest batch of stamps?
They had photos of all blacks on them & people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 6:41 pm
My uncle just sent me one
Vote:The NZRFU has taken the all blacks’ Fords off them. When the all blacks asked what they would do without them the NZRFU replied “Drive Holdens like all the other losers”
October 9th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Did you hear that thieves broke into the all Black Trophy room last night?
Police are appealing for information on the whereabouts of a glass cabinet and a carpet.
(not technically correct I know)
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 7:43 pm
Sonic
Vote:sounds like that could have been the Otago trophy room
October 9th, 2007 at 8:02 pm
crikey..!..d4j cracked a joke..”phil/conehead’..and irt was funny..
inventory..and the other side of d4j were the only ‘usual bullshit’ merchants..
everyone else was funny..!
i’m stumped..
the only all black joke i can think of..is the all blacks..
phil(whoar.co.nz)
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 8:25 pm
I am sorry for being a schizophrenic phil . I think it is caused by far too many over the top boots and all rucking incidents from a previous life .
Vote:cheers dude and have a good one .
October 9th, 2007 at 9:00 pm
Wayne Barnes is trapped on a remote desert island with a sheep and a dog. Soon, the sheep starts looking really attractive to Mr Barnes. However, whenever he approaches a sheep the dog growls in a threatening manner.
Wayne takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. Then Wayne ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck.
By now, Wayne Barnes is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf.
She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there’s ANYTHING she could do for him. Wayne Barnes thinks for a moment and then responds, “Could you take the dog for a walk?
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 9:14 pm
Michael E
Perhaps Wayne Barnes just didn’t want to give her the easy one.
Vote:October 9th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
at least michael e is into recycling..eh..?
phil(whoar.co.nz)
Vote:October 10th, 2007 at 5:38 am
Latest morgan poll have National down 0.5% but Labour is down 2%, greens up a bit. Do not think Labour is getting very far. The ghost of Phillip Field rumbles on. The public was fooled by the Ingram inquiry and if she had her way that would have been the end of it. Now we have the High Court giving permission to prosecute Field despite the best effort from his legal team to present Helen Clark’s arguments and assessment of the case to the Court.
Vote:October 10th, 2007 at 5:57 am
Since when does the judiciary need permission to prosecute from a Prime Minister , surely parliament and the judiciary are separate identities , obviously not, as they must both wear the same black jerseys ?
Clark is digging a very big hole for yourself , please give her a hand Jock !!
Vote:October 10th, 2007 at 6:12 am
I don’t get it.
Maybe it’s funnier out loud.
Vote:October 10th, 2007 at 6:31 am
Maybe it’s funnier that you have to set up a web site to challenge the integrity of this one Miss nih, and that’s OUT LOUD , do have a good day .
Vote:October 10th, 2007 at 6:51 am
phil u said “inventory..and the other side of d4j were the only ‘usual bullshit’ merchants..
everyone else was funny..!”
Sheesh phil – mentioned in the same sentence as dad4j – that’s not a great start to the day! I cracked up when I heard the Pakistan/Samaritans joke – I thought it was full of ironies, rather like Winston’s denials!
Anyway, moving on (heck, I’m starting to talk Helen-speak – woe is me!), just heard James McOnie on RadioSport – he mentioned that at 61, Graham Henry can always go back to teaching, ‘cos he’s got FOUR MORE YEARS until retirement – ouch!
Vote:October 10th, 2007 at 6:54 am
“Sheesh phil – mentioned in the same sentence as dad4j – that’s not a great start to the day!”
I have made a promise to be sane for a month ? Please be nice , thank you .
Vote:October 10th, 2007 at 7:11 am
John Kirwan has been appointed the new All Blacks coach because at least he knows how to deal with depression.
Vote:October 10th, 2007 at 7:58 am
noj..non-pc..but funny..!
phil(whoar.co.nz)
Vote:October 10th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Radvad – you made some good points abotu players being locked into their positions. I believe we have seen guys in the Air NZ Cup who wereplaying better in their reposective positions that some AB encumbents.
Anyway, The boys are back home now. At least the S14 trophy should come back where it belongs next year.
Vote:October 10th, 2007 at 11:01 am
Eddie was at school one morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Chippy, Captain of Industry etc, but Eddie was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
“My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him.”
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Eddie aside to ask him if that was really true.
“No” said Edward, “He’s an All Black but I was just too embarrassed to say.”
Vote:October 10th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
Wayne Barnes walks into a sperm donor bank.
“I’d like to donate some sperm” he says to the receptionist.
“Certainly Sir” replies the receptionist, “have you donated before?”.
“Yes” replies Wayne “you should have my details on your computer”.
“Oh yes, I’ve found your details” says the receptionist “but I see you’re going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?”
“Why do I need help?” asks Wayne . The receptionist replies
“Well, it says on your record that you’re a useless wanker….”
Q: What have the All Blacks got in common with a three pin plug?
A: Both are useless in Wales…
On a tour of New Zealand, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the north coast on an impromptu sightseeing trip.
Vote:His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, Wayne Barnes struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty-foot shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing Graham Henry, Richie McCaw and Anton Oliver roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, Richie McCaw took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark’s ribs, immobilising it instantly.
The other two reached out and pulled Wayne Barnes from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.
They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Wayne into the speedboat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was of course the Pope, and he summoned them to the beach.
Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, “I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some hooligan elements and vindictive people upset by the result of the match but, now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that you are truly enlightened examples of cultural harmony and could serve as a model which other peoples could follow.”
He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.
As he departed, Graham Henry asked the others, “Who was that?”
“That,” Anton Oliver answered, “was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God’s wisdom.”
“Well,” Richie McCaw replied, “he knows fuck all about shark hunting. How’s that bait holding up?”.
October 16th, 2007 at 1:53 am
What’s the difference between a New Zealander and a Jumbo 747? A 747 ships whining once it’s landed. A 747 also doesn’t jump up and down on cars!!!
Latest news from the Rugby World Cup 2007:
England meet France in the first semifinal
Vote:South Africa meet Argentina in the other semifinal
Australia meet New Zealand at the Airport
October 16th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
We won pool C….yeah, right
Vote:October 20th, 2007 at 9:03 pm
dad4justice Says:
October 9th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Now I have 9 million texts on the sad subject from psychologists and in reflection I cannot blame the men in black. Although they were not the victims of a yarpie camphylobactor infected dinner on the eve of the match, the mere presence of certain twisted things sitting in the grandstand psychologically put them off badly, as they thought they had to play a anti –tackling bill legislation type second half. Give it a boot Helen. Yeah right Peter
I might met them at the airport in the morning, God help Sandra when she reads this?
I will be pc – honest – cross my fingers .
Yes John,, whatever John
Vote: