Surviving Cactus
Cactus Kate has been in town for a couple of days, and has been lots of fun catching up.
I first met Cactus over a decade ago after she went on a Centre of Independent Studies course, along with a couple of friends of mine. I expressed surprise that she didn’t actually hook up with anyone on the CIS course, and she stated that it was because everyone at CIS is far too left wing 
Monday Night was meant to be a catch up with Un-PC Lesbian but she pulled a sickie. Cactus and I consoled ourselves with some nice bottles of Moet down at Concrete. We were later joined by Karen Fuchs and eventually Ten after her prick of a boss allowed her to finish work at 10 pm. I have to say that there are few things as good as decent champagne – not the usual crap which passes for it in NZ.
Eventually dinner seemed a good idea but very little open at 11.30 pm on a Monday night. Eventually went to an Indian restaurant on Courtney Place whose name I can’t remember and whose food was pretty umm about forgettable also.
Tuesday was Cactus’s annual date with her secret Business Roundtable lover. I am their official chaperone. We had a stunning lunch at Shed Five – mainly thanks to the new waiter Scott who was just hilarious. After I took a call from someone, Scott confisicated both my phones for the next two hours and told any callers I was lunching with company and not to be disturbed. He arranged a non stop flow of Moet (Cactus lives off it) and mineral water, and kept us highly entertained. He refused to allow secret lover to have coffee until he had finished his dessert, as it will spoil the taste. The highlight was after we have moved onto cocktails and I had a raspberry Manhattan which didn’t quite work for me, so I left it slightly undrunk. Despite me not complaining, Scott insists on tasting it to check if anything was wrong, and it was priceless as his face screwed up and he loudly proclaimed the cocktail as disgusting and undrinkable, and he went off to the bar to point out you put raspberry not cherry into that particular cocktail. Scott was great and made the lunch a great success, on top of the excellent food.
Cactus then put on her union president hat for her Fairfax meeting, and we caught up after that at Monsoon Poon – always a good reliable choice. It was packed full, so we ended up dining up at the bar, which of course suited us fine.
Fortunately for my continued good health, Cactus flies out this evening, but we do have lunch with Parliament’s second most famous blogging MP today, after he wouldn’t miss a few unimportant votes last night to join us.
UPDATE: For the benefits of all the wives and existing mistresses of Business Roundtable members, I will clarify that if Cactus did have a secret BRT lover, I would not be blogging about it here! It is just carrying on a joke I made last February and carried on as to my delight I was asked by journalists last week in Auckland if it was true Cactus was having umm relations with a member of that fine body. Mind you I do hear she is preparing an application as to why she should be hired as their intern
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:54 am
All this is straight out of http://www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com, except they are pro business
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:02 am
A hard case waiter can really add to the night. When I was last in Wgtn we went for an Indian somewhere in town (I cannot remember where) and the waiter was extremely hard case. Dished out piss takes and when asked why he sat down at the table to take orders proclaimed that it was because he had lead balls. Great stuff.
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:11 am
Who gives a flying you-know-what.
Btw, it’s social liberals like you Farrah in the National Party that’re why Labour has been in power for 9 years. Ok, now we’re on topic again…
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:22 am
Monsoon-Poon, try Manos in Upper Hutt. The best Indian there is. Trust me, been to them all
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:27 am
DPF, agree totally that a glass of decent poo is one of the finest things in life.
Think you’re a tad unfair on local producers of methode trad though for there are many that are the equal or better of Moet (unless of course you were drinking the Moet flagship, DP). Try Pelorus vintage or Amisfield Blanc de Noir for a local taste that kicks Moet’s ass and save a few dollars.
For the real poo and one of quality, try Lanson black label that will save approx $30 on a bottle of Moet, Bolly or Veuve.
Disclosure: I have no vested interests in any products mentioned. Others are available!
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:29 am
this made me laugh out loud!
“…eventually (miss)Ten after her prick of a boss allowed her to finish work at 10 pm”
Dont worry since it was all due to ‘mutual agreement’. Good to see a shining example of how employees and employers can resolve differences over work hours to their mutual satisfaction. Remember who said a boss has to be liked by the employees, it only encourages slackness
Im sure any optional holidays as proposed by DPF will following the same template for Miss Ten and the hoildays will be optional in the sense they if the employer wants to only give 5 days a year and fold the rest into the pay package lets do our bit to boost the ‘national’ productivity statistics
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:53 am
“there are few things as good as decent champagne – not the usual crap which passes for it in NZ.”
Absolute tripe and I speak as someone with a degree in drink. In a blind tasting you would never tell the difference, I’m willing to bet. No offence, David, but if the judges at a blind tasting in Epernay saw fit to award second place to Lindauer (beaten only by Taittinger) a decade ago, I reckon you wouldn’t spot the difference between say LeBrun non vintage and the overpriced acidic muck of Moet.
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:06 pm
As far as this total wine snob is concerned, Moet is seriously over-rated. The local stuff is pretty reasonable – why do people ‘dis it?
Indian – been to the Balti House (Victoria St)? Food-wise, they are the absolute business.
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:21 pm
A degree in drink. I obviously missed my calling in life.
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:30 pm
If you want to spend your money on the foreign paper label that’s fine, just don’t try and tell me it makes
European wines taste better. They have failed to beat Kiwi stuff countless times in competitions in Europe.
I am surprised anywhere in Wellington was open on a Monday night but I havn’t been there this month.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Who was the secret Business Roundtable lover? Roger Kerr?
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:37 pm
@ Mickey D: You sure did. God bless Irish education…;-)
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:46 pm
yous truly a brave man farrar but I implore you to be careful even as a chaperone, I mean do you read that article on sex what Cactus she writes,
my eyes were watering with fear , what would happen to NZ if the Moet affect you and then you think what the hell I give this woman a go,
you never turn up to the shop front again and everybody laughing know you been swallow up
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:48 pm
I haven’t seen Karen for a while. She is VERY tidy.
April 2nd, 2008 at 3:01 pm
May
Roger Kerr is a fine man.
And so is Richard Long.
April 2nd, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Well said Bearhunter. Why pay three times as much for something just because it’s grown on a patch of dirt East of Paris? It’s just snobbery.
A nice bottle of Daniel Le Bruin is the equal of anything from France, and a steal at $25.
April 2nd, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Cactus Kate
Of course Roger Kerr is a fine man. I’m a big fan of him, and of you too.
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:01 pm
I was going to speculate if Cactus was shagging Roger Kerr but someone bet me to it.
Personally the last person you would use as chaperone while conducting a secret date would be a blogger as prolific as DPF. It would be like taking an ad out in Pork Chop’s HOS columns
DPF – what I am interested in is whether Cactus found the waiter hot?
[DPF: The waiter was very very gay]
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:51 pm
BlairM, agree with the sentiment but to say Daniel Le Brun is on a par with any champagne is stretching it way too far.
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:01 pm
I’m sorry MarcusD but I don’t have the same speculation as you.
I interpreted “date” as David’s funny word for a business lunch or catchup between long-time-no-see friends. I thought Cactus Kate knew him personally and had a catchup with him yesterday.
Roger Kerr is my number one hero, and by all accounts the most respectable man I know.
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Waiters like “Scott”, should just STFU and serve the food and drinks with a minimum of fuss and appropriate timing. Nothing ruins a meal more when the waiter thinks he (and it almost always is a he) is a freakin comedian.
Agree Moet is overpriced. Reasonably dry but no charachter
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:04 pm
GWW: you are an idiot. Get a sense of fun.
On bubbles, after about three glasses I can’t tell the difference. Did a champagne tasting one night with a bunch of friends. 18 glasses I think. The idea was to match each glass to the label as they came out, in teams. The first few we were pretty good at, after that it was all bubbly alcohol.
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:36 am
Why anyone would drink more than one glass of bubbly (of any heritage) I can’t imagine.
April 3rd, 2008 at 8:37 am
“pulled a sickie”…and here I was thinking I was being kind and not spreading my foul germs around, I’m sure the prickly one would have loved taking my yukky cold back to the tropics with her.
Oooh, forgot to say, she was staying at the property I work at, secret camera footage being processed now!
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:08 am
This whole scenario reminds me of that Nick Cave song… ‘The Swinger, the Flinger, and the out-raged Right Winger’