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Winston’s computer code Add this story to Scoopit!.

PM of NZ has supplied this useful computer code:

>PROC DONATE()
> //open source rocks. no warranty. void where prohibited.

> var depositaccount=$0; //type currency

> WHILE (OG_NOT_CONSUL)
> .. depositaccount = depositaccount + 100K
> .. TRANSFERBALANCE(anyAccount)
> .. DO_NOT_DECLARE()
> ENDWHILE

> CALL INTENSE_MEDIA_SCRUTINY(answer=NO)

> IF answer = yes
> .. IF Country=’NZ’ THEN
> .. . CALL PM(‘not my problem’)
> .. . CALL SPEAKER(‘no laws broken, nothing to see here, move along‘)
> .. . FREE WinstonFirst()
> .. ELSE //any other country in the world
> .. . suspect:=defendant
> .. . status:=guilty
> .. . punishment:=max(long_jail_term(‘corruption’))
> .. . TOAST(suspect, status, punishment)
> .. . CALL SNAP_ELECTION()
> .. ENDIF
> ENDIF

> IF suspect == ‘Liarbour Foreign Minister’ and country=’NZ’ THEN
> .. CALL INSTRUCT_LAWYER(‘deny all knowledge’)
> .. CALL MOUTH_OFF(‘abuse media’)
> .. CALL MOUTH_OFF(‘threaten to sue)
> .. CALL AFFAIRS_OF_STATE(‘Condi’)
> .. DONATE(startover)
> ELSE
> .. SERVE_TIME()
> .. REPENT()
> .. BREAKLOOP()
> ENDIF

> ENDPROCxx

Very well done.

H/T: Original concept done at Crime Doesn’t Pay – NZ Conservative

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008 at 9:30 am and is filed under Humour, NZ Politics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

15 Responses to “Winston’s computer code”

  1. getstaffed (7,395) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 9:43 am

    Love it.

  2. dave strings (608) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 9:44 am

    25 years since I wrote computer code (BASIC it was) and I can understand this! How sad is that ?

  3. Lucyna (35) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 9:54 am

    Er… DPF, crediting the original source would have been nice. See Crime Doesn’t Pay – NZ Conservative

  4. Lee C (4,120) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 9:58 am

    sorry, but that was all geek to me.

  5. ZenTiger (311) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 10:12 am

    “That code is forked”, he cried. It wasn’t his accent.

    The beauty of Open Source.

  6. Grant Michael McKenna (1,058) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 10:27 am

    won’t let me write code joke- I think that the computer is trying to run it :-)
    oh well; I bow before your übergeekiness

  7. Tane (1,096) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 10:33 am

    Hi David. For some reason I can’t log on to comment on your “I believe Winston” thread.

    Could it possibly be because of this?
    http://www.kiwiblog.co.nz/2008/07/what_you_have_to_believe_in_to_believe_peters_did_not_know.html

    Seeing as you now seem to believe all of the above I’ve got some property in Brooklyn you might be interested in. :)

    [DPF: Heh. I believe Winston on the issue that he has not sold racing policy off to his donors. I am far far more sceptical on his assertion he had no idea at all Owen Glenn donated to his legal fees]

  8. PM of NZ (55) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 10:34 am

    Yes, as rightly noted by ZenT and Lucyna, the code was forked, but the source was rightly noted.

    And as dave strings suggests, it is sad that code cutting was a much simpler affair, easy to understand, in those days. Mind some of the skills I learnt then on GW-Basic and a C64, I still use to this day. Visual Basic / VBA is just a natural extension.

    I went down the Pascal track, just could never get used to the cryptic gobbledygook of ‘C’ type languages.

  9. aardvark (417) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 10:52 am

    Fatal error: File corrupt (Winston.NZF)

  10. polemic (303) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 12:02 pm

    New Failsafe Program…
    > .. .IF answer = yes=no(1)
    > .. . IF yes = THEN
    > .. . CALL Media=Yes =No(2)
    > .. . CALL SPEAKER
    > .. . IF answer = yes=No(3)
    > .. . CALL Media=Yes =No(4)
    > .. . IF answer still= yes=SUE(1)=NO(5)
    > .. . review media status
    > .. . IF answer still= yes=SUE(2)=NO(6)
    > .. . Check PM
    > .. . IF answer= Yes=Hold Vote=NO(7)
    > .. . Blame EB’s
    > .. . Check PM
    > .. . IF answer still= Yes= Hold Vote and Coalition=SUE(3)=NO(8)
    > .. . Check PM
    > .. . IF answer = No=SUE(4)=Yes
    > .. . CALL Media=yes =yes
    > .. . CALL SPEAKER=(threaten privileges committee)=yes
    > .. . Check Privileges Committee=OK
    > .. . Check MIRROR=YES =YES =YES =YES=YES
    > .. . Visit CONDI=Yes<YES<YES<YES<YES<YES<YES<YES<YES<YES<YES
    > .. . Check Baubles=YES
    > .. . Whew !!!!
    > ENDIF

  11. RRM (4,112) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 1:38 pm

    NOMAD is now seeking out: perfect (right-wing) life forms…
    …
    perfect (right-wing) life forms…
    …
    perfect (right-wing) life forms…
    …

  12. RRM (4,112) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    polemic – heh, I like where you’re going with that! Winston would (almost) be redeemed in my eyes if the old devil nailed Condoleeza Rice when she’s here…

  13. David Farrar (1,560) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 4:39 pm

    If the rumours are correct, then certain other Ministers would have more of a chance :-)

  14. hubbers (142) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 9:03 pm

    DFP this won’t run you have a missing ‘ in the following line

    ’threaten to sue)

  15. PaulL (4,409) Says:
    July 23rd, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    It won’t run anyway in any language I’m aware of – it is psuedo code. That is why people can understand it….you can tell this by the interchangeable use of :=, =, == in some places.

    Very very funny nonetheless.

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