A cow challenge
Most people know the cow meme:
Economic Models explained with Cows
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk..NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk
away…A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want
three cows.
The challenge is to use the cows to describe NZ First 
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Tags: cows, Humour, Winston First
August 11th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
You take one cow, sell it and put the money into the Spencer trust.
August 11th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
You have 200 cows, but never a herd of them,….. I mean I haven’t heard of them… till just now,………. even though there in my brothers paddock
got that sunshine? fuck off you wanker
August 11th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
You have two cows, sell them both to a third party.
Still claim you own the cows, but can’t explain how you managed to renovate your farm without spending any money.
August 11th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Winnie First:
They have two cows.
They milk them for all their worth.
You abuse everyone for asking why you have two cows.
You deny having two cows.
Where are the cows?
You hide the cows.
Then…. you leave your wife (not really a cow) and have the other.
The question is still where is the cow….
There is no cow.
Do you still have a cow?
NO!!
August 11th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
NZ1
Demand that nobody is allowed any cows since everyone else has two and you have none.
Go around asking those with spare cows to give some to you, get your brother to look after them.
Take the male bovine’s excretement and feed it to the public, hope like heck 5% enjoy it.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
A footnote:
When Winnie was very first elected, he took his then wife down the road to my mothers shop in Howick, his incy wincy law office was just up the road, and told my mother to dress her well enough to appear in public. He signed a cheque and left. Funny little man winnie.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I have two cows?
That’s a lie, sunshine! You’ll be talking to my lawyer before the sun sets, you unmitigated wanker!
August 11th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
NZ First
A man you’ve never heard of brings you two cows
You milk them dry and blame the “asians”.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
New Zealand First
You have two cows, but only rely on the Bull
August 11th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Patrick beat me to it – NZ First doesn’t have any cows – just a lot of bull.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
New Zealand First:
An expatriate billionaire, the Wizard of OG, alleges that he gave some political party a number of cows.
You hold up a ‘MOO’ sign as you patiently explain that your party received no cows. None. Not even a pint.
An email from the Wizard to his PR herdsman suggests otherwise.
You deny. No cows, not to us. It’s all bull.
Your lawyer calls. It seems that a herd of 100,000 of the Wizard’s cows was driven past your farm on the way to the lawyer’s great abattoir in the sky.
You tell the public what you’ve just been told. Some cows were seen to pass your property on the way to the Freezing Works. Just a driveby chuting. Nothing to see here, move along, just like the cows.
Your old drinking buddy Sir Robert alleges he gave you some cows for old times’ sake. Says he was asked to tie them up using the Spencer Truss.
Not me, you say. Must be my brother. We’re often mistaken for each other, especially by geeks bearing cows.
Spencer Truss? Sounds like money for old rope to me.
The suggestion that some Vela fella sliced up some cows and served them to you in different portions? Veal maybe …
So now you’re off to see the Privileges committee? Excellent — the manure the merrier.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
You have two cows, but rely on a lot of old ducks to keep you in Parliament?
August 11th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
The cows are dressed up to look like horses. Horse One becomes PM and Horse Two becomes Honorary Consul to Monaco.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
ha ha ha winston bjeikle-peterson gets more like himself every day
what a clown
its all over for him
August 11th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Patrick Starr (575) +5 Says:
August 11th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
You have 200 cows, but never a herd of them,….. I mean I haven’t heard of them… till just now,………. even though there in my brothers paddock
got that sunshine? fuck off you wanker
Brilliant!.
Its been a crap day I needed a laugh.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
okay….. so winnie first has two bulls….
Rt Hon Wiinne Peters orders the bulls to be masturbated…
Winnie then sells the semen secretly…
Winnie filters the money through 3 or 4 different bank accounts.
Winnie buys a new Italian suit with matching tie and hankie.
Italian suit maker says he never made the suit but wants to be consul for NZ in Italy (but checks with NZ retailer)
Media ask where are the bulls.
What bulls?
The bulls that you sold the semen for the suits?
I don’t own any bulls wanker.
You don’t own any bulls?
NO!!
August 11th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Look, I’ve made it perfectly clear that I am not discussing cows with a lying wanker like you.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Trying to keep to the original theme…
You have two cows.
One is young, highly-productive, but an odd skin pigment. The other is wizened, grumpy and “past it” in all senses.
NZFirst heaps clover on the old cow, but throws dirt on the off-colour cow, and blames it for all that is wrong with the country, while living off the butterfat it produces.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Who said you had two cows? Where’s your evidence? I haven’t seen any that stands up to scrutiny, and until you can show me incontrovertible evidence, accepted by a court of law, I will not believe your claims to cow ownership. Because you know you’re just fishing in the wrong pond. You can’t take cows to water and make them drink. Now go away – some of us have genuine milking to do.
August 11th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
MMP
You wanted a cow,
But there aren’t enough cows to form a herd
So you get a sheep
But the sheep won’t be part of a farm that includes cows, or goats,
So you loose the sheep and get a donkey
But the donkey doesn’t like pigs, and won’t work with horses
So you keep the sheep, and ditch the donkey and get a wolf to look after the farm
(The wolf has a penchant for dressing up in sheep’s clothing)
And that boys and girls is the story of how Winston Peters stayed in parliament for another term…
August 11th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
You have two cows.
Winston installs a cattle stop at the foot of the parliamentary stairs.
Fuck off unless your cows can cross the cattle stop.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State tells you when to milk them, where to sell the milk and at what price.
Then there is a goose-stepping parade.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
You guys are very good funny as a fuck – best laugh I have had in ages – but you ALL believed it was about cows when it was really about fish!
http://roarprawn.blogspot.com/
August 11th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
NEW ZEALAND FIRST-ISM
You have 2 cows.
No you don’t.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
You have two cows.
But when challenged about them your lawyer and your brother don’t tell you anything, and you quickly confuse them (the cows) for meercats at which point it is all the media’s fault and you boldly declare that they should resign! You then storm off, cancelling the promised media conference, and drown your sorrows over a late night mixed grill at the Green Parrot.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
thanks guys for the best laff i had in ages but your wrong its not about cows its about fish!
http://www.roarprawn.blogspot.com
August 11th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
best laff I have had in ages!!
August 11th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Err! How about the National Party? The answer is:
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
So, the Nats is not that much difference from the Labour. You have a private company, Telecom, nationalise its network and give it access to Telecom’s competitors (neighbours). If National was in government they would have done exactly the same thing as Labour, ie, nationalize a private company.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Peters: Two cows? My brother owns two cows and I have no idea where they came from. Neither does Helen. Now fuck off!
August 11th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
FF
There is only one cow in the country so if you want milk you have to buy it from the cow’s owner, Telecow. Telecow keeps it price for milk high and doesn’t really worry about looking after the cow properly so the milk is of poor quality.
The government can either buy the cow off Telecow or regulate Telecow in such a way to incentivise it to give milk users a better deal.
Last time the government owned the cow, it employed a huge number of people to milk it rather than buying a milking machine, so the cow never made much money.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Who says there are 2 cows? Where is your evidence that there are two cows? No, I’m sorry, if you can’t moo properly, then you can’t expect me to take your questions about cows seriously. Do some research! I’m not going to do your job for you. There’s not a shred of evidence that has been presented that there are two cows at all, it’s just another fabrication from a cud-chewing bovine-obsessed media.
August 11th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
In truth, the only cows Peters is interested in are cash cows like Owen Glenn, the Vela Family, Sir Robert Jones, Simunovich Fisheries……
August 11th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
You have two cows but,.. HEY look over there…Rex is on the computer
(sorry rex)
August 11th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
NZFirst does not have two cows and never had two cows.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
you have one cow named Public and a bull named Utter.
The trick is to get fat from Public’s teat while feeding her Utter’s bull shit
August 11th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
it’s late……
the moon is low…..
all cows are resting….
most polies have left….
the ninth floor lights are glowing….
the two cows are mooing….
AND Winnie is rooing!!
Just time Winston Peters, just time!!!
August 11th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
You start with a herd of blue cows.
One blue cow craps in its own nest and is kicked out by the other blue cows.
Blue cow finds a herd of red cows and becomes a black and white cow while grovelling in the red cows crap.
Red cows think of kicking out black and white cow because it has become too dirty and smells , and generally reminds them to much of themselves, and their friends the green cows are watching, but they can’t kick out black and white cow without getting covered in crap themselves.
Black and white cow thinks of some one else to hang around with, and sees blue cows looking in its direction.
Blue cows see black and white cow has become to dirty and pretend not to see it and look the other way.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
You have two cows. You drink 1000 litres of milk every day. No one ever gives you any milk.
On an unrelated note, your brother owns a 10,000 litre vat next door.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
One for the Weird Al Yankovic Fans … (to the tune of Armish Paradise)
As I wade thru the trust fund where I launder my gain
I take a look at my job and realise it’s a just a game
But that’s just perfect for a Winnie like me
You know I shun ol fashon things like honesty
At 4:30 in the morning I’m taking calls.
Henrey feed the journos and Glennie growls.
And I’ve be spitting and lying so long that even Helen thinks my mind is gone.
I’m a man of the Bay, I’m into to gin. Got bribe in my hand and an electorate to win.
But if I finishing all my bluster and you finish thine, the tonight we’re gonna party like its 1999.
>> Chorus
We been spending most our lives
Living in a Winnie paradise
I’ve told lies once of twice
Living in a Winnie paradise.
It’s hard work with a pack of dykes
Living in a Winnie paradise
We sell consolships at discount price
Living in a Winnie paradise.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
And finally Helun says to the camera.
Look, the people of New Zealand are sick and tired of all this NZ Cow nonsense, and frankly so am I.
Good Day.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
spherical cow: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spherical_cow
A bit geeky tho
August 11th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
NZF philosophy:
You have two cows, one is a knackered, CJD-infected barely breathing carcass, fit only for the knackers yard, and incineration, called ‘My Honour’. The other is a prize ‘cash-cow’ with unlimited to teats for you to suck on, which you named ‘Senile Voters’.
You parade the knackered cow is through the town dressed up in a banner which says ‘keeping NZ politics honest’ then euthanise it.
You deny any knowledge of the second cow, even as you are witnessed riding it straight up Parliament’s back passage..
August 11th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Easy DPF.
You have 3 Cows. You trade one for a tonne of Coal. You trade another for a Car.
Then you have the 3 big “C-words” of unsustainability (Cows, Coal, and Cars) that are stuffing our environment.
Oh, and as for NZFirst, there is a 4th “C-word” – but I don’t think I’m allowed to say that one here.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
You have four cows.
Helun takes two off you and gives one to Philu and one to the gnome.
Then she does everything she can to stop you making a profit out of the two you’ve got left.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
“Two cows, you have.”
~ Yoda on You have two cows
“I have what???”
Winston Peters on You have Two cows
August 11th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
And of course Ms Clark on the subject….
Mr. Peters has assured me there are no cows.
I believe him just as I did Philip, David etc……..
August 11th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Under NZ First:
You have two cows.
The government demands to know if they are foreign-owned cows. Only NZ cows are allowed.
The government denies the existence of a secret stockpile of 100,000 cows.
In the interest of fairness…
Under Labour:
You have two cows.
The government nationalises one of your cows for a billion dollars and assigns 17,000 bureaucrats to manage milk production.
Your other cow has to register as a third party under the EFA.
Under National:
You have two cows.
The govt re-privatises your cow for $1 to an Australian bank and de-regulates the milking market.
There is a policy on your other cow but you’re not allowed to know what it is yet.
Under the Maori Party:
You have two cows.
A Strategic Governance Group is set up to ensure that your milking processes are in accordance with Te Tiriti.
Tame Iti shoots your other cow.
Under the Greens:
You have two cows.
One of your cows burps. The govt taxes you.
Your other cow has a calf and kicks it. The govt prosecutes you.
August 12th, 2008 at 12:01 am
Question:
Anyone know if its coincidence that these two are banned at the same time?
Phil U – one week suspension until 19 Aug 2008
Roger Nome – 1 week until 14/3/08 and 2 weeks until 18 June 2008 and one month until 3/9/09.
August 12th, 2008 at 12:13 am
NZ First has two cows, quietly sells one to a fishing company and race horse partnership, claims that dark forces are trying to rustle the herd, and picks up a compensation cheque or three. Ron Mark accuses a former cowherd of bestiality of the cow.
Then the party firmly locks it’s lips around the teats of the other cow and resumes sucking, [its default position] hoping the dogs will stop that barking racket and life on Animal Farm will be business as usual
August 12th, 2008 at 1:25 am
Winston Peters has two cows. One called Labor and the other one called National. He milks them on alternate days and only has to call cooey for the other cow to come running.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:01 am
“Phil U – one week suspension until 19 Aug 2008″
Go look at what he wrote and tell me you dont think he deserved what he got.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:12 am
Expat:
I’m not sure where you’re going with this, Expat, but how exactly is one glorious week without two of Kiwiblog’s serial threadjackers, Philu and Phillip John/Roger Nome, a bad thing?
August 12th, 2008 at 2:19 am
And it isnt a big conspiracy with Nome either. If the blog rules state that you cant just post off topic all over the place, then dont do it. If you do, expect the 10 demerits. They add up over time. DPF is actually very lenient with Nome, it takes quite a few weeks of him doing it incessantly to even get slight rebuke.
Nome has been banned twice before. Do you know how many infringements that is??
With Labour “south polling” at the moment I reckon Nome will come back in such a tizzy that he will burn through another 100 points within a week.
He either doesnt learn or he doesnt care. He doesnt even discuss the topic at hand anymore, he will just find some way to link whatever story it is to National in the 1990’s, to John Key misspeaking, to the war in Iraq, to climate change, to the ECA, to the Waitemata Trust, etc.
He comes on here, lies, and then never backs up his accusations. He is a complete waste of comment space.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:27 am
Kimble, I can imagine the full stop inflicted invective.
Nomestradamus, I totally agree.
Where I was going was – if, hypothetically, a job seeker was allowed to classify blogging (their own blog) as starting up a business (looking for ad revenue etc), how much grant money would they receive and would it keep the ‘man’ off their back re: actually getting a job.
You see where I’m leading?
August 12th, 2008 at 2:30 am
An equivalent question would be are they able to play online poker for 15 hours a week?
I cant see it.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:37 am
You have two cows.
Print one word wrong about either of them and I’ll sue sunshine.
You have two cows.
Heifer 1 (H1) gives sour milk
No one wants to milk Heifer 2 (H2)
You don’t have two cows.
The facts are that you have domesticated ungulates, a member of the subfamily Bovinae of the family Bovidae.
You lot are a disgrace. Do some research. Don’t smear my heifers with inference and innuendo under the guise of journalism. Go back and do Journalism 101.
You say I have two cows?
That’s garbage. Next week you’ll get all the answers you need. But in the meantime you go and find out which of the three types of cow that Bob Jones has said he has given me you believe.
You have two cows?
“Bullshit,” says Sir Bob Jones, “absolute bullshit.” Peters, he says, has come looking for thousands of cows before every election. And most parties are no different.
You have two cows.
But you talk so much crap your carbon footprint is bigger than both heifers combined.
You claim I have two cows?
That’s udder garbage you lying wanker.
You have two cows.
Helen can’t see either of them and John avoids all discussion. Rodney’s screaming TB! but no one’s listening.
You have two mad cows.
The voters just realised and will elect the chickens on Nov 18.
August 12th, 2008 at 2:49 am
I go out for one night and everyone uncaps the Ouzo bottle (coincidentally it was probably the only time in the last two months I wasn’t at the computer when you wrote that, Patrick ;-P)
The question is how the party started with two cows, reported it only had two cows, and yet was later discovered to have hundreds of them.
Clearly someone has been inseminating the party on the quiet, yet Winston is claiming that it was, in fact, actually a lot of bull.
It’s far too late for me to match the lyricism of some of the above, so instead I shall offer my Winston Haiku:
Yes that’s a barbecue
And that’s a steak
But two cows?
I know nothing
Nice blog, bustedblonde… I do hope we’ll hear more. One can never have too many fish head recipes, I find
August 12th, 2008 at 5:32 am
kimble said:
An equivalent question would be are they able to play online poker for 15 hours a week?
I cant see it.
>> under the current labour mal-administration i see it as totally likely for job seekers to use blogging as “an entry back into the workforce”
August 12th, 2008 at 11:28 am
You have two cows.
One called Helen and the other called Margaret……
August 12th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Slippery Winnie is a national disgrace. The sooner he is gone the better. He will get crushed in Tauranga and that will be the end of NZ First.
August 12th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Yeah, I have just been told that we in fact do have two cows. The fact is that 1000’s of people give a little bit of food each for our cows and they are honest cows.
Now look at Rodney Hide and the Act Party; the only cows they know about are cash cows and without big business funding his cows he wouldn’t even be here today.