Ten best sex scandals

August 13th, 2008 at 5:00 pm by David Farrar

In the wake of John Edwards cheating in his cancer (but it was in remission) stricken wife, The Times has done a list of the ten best political sex scandals. They have five who got caught and five who did not.

  1. The Profumo Affair (if you don’t know what that was, go back to school) – Secretary of War John Profumo with Christine Keeler who was also sleeping with a Russian spy.
  2. Gary Hart (should be known to everyone over 30) – challenged the media to follow him, so they did – right to Donna Rice.
  3. Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Her surname became slang for a blowjob. Also had the wonderful lawyerly defence that he did not lie when he said he had not had sexual relations with her, as he had not recipricoated her fellatio with cunnunlingus.
  4. Lord Lambton – snapped in bed with two prostitutes in 1973. Said it was the pressure of the job and a battle over titles which made him do it, as he “sought to soothe this obsession by engaging in frantic activities such as gardening and debauchery”. Hmmn gardending doesn’t look that soothing to me :-)
  5. Eliot Splitzer and Ashley Alexandra Dupre – a very expensive hooker

And the five who did get away with it:

  1. Francois Mitterrand – actually had two families, and this was basically never published until his daughter was pictured at his funeral.
  2. JFK – Marilyn Monroe and scores or hundreds others.
  3. FDR and Lucy Mercer. Mercer was 23 when it started in 1914 and they broke off after ELeanor found out but possibly rekindled during WWII, as she was with him when she died. It seems FDR’s daughter helped get them back together!
  4. Lord Boothby had lots of affairs, and probably fathered one of the sons of his party leader – Harold MacMillan’s wife. He is thought to have fathered three children with the wives of other men, but also had an affair with Ronald Kray – the gangster.
  5. John Major. I have been reading Alastair Campbell’s diaries and just got to the day where he says he learnt of Major’s affair with Edwina Currie. Says it was one of the few times in politics he was genuinely stunned.

Hat Tip: Andrew Bolt (who poits out all the US ones are Democrats!)

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29 Responses to “Ten best sex scandals”

  1. unaha-closp (1,164 comments) says:

    Hat Tip: Andrew Bolt (who poits out all the US ones are Democrats!)

    Larry Craig in airport bathrooms isn’t technically an affair.

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  2. Rex Widerstrom (5,354 comments) says:

    The Profumo Affair… which added to the lexicon that handy phrase when dealing with dishonest pollies: “Well, he would say that, wouldn’t he?”

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  3. Murray (8,847 comments) says:

    St David Lange.

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  4. RRM (9,917 comments) says:

    I like Bernie Ecclestone’s style – brag proudly about the orgy with the 5 hookers, but sick your lawyers straight onto anyone who dares suggest that Nazi jackboots were involved!

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  5. David Farrar (1,894 comments) says:

    I think that was Max Mosley

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  6. Danyl Mclauchlan (1,069 comments) says:

    I’d put that whole Clarence Thomas thing ahead of Spitzer. Ted Haggard (although technically not a politician) is way up there as well.

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  7. Dr Dunny Brush (4 comments) says:

    I’m wondering why mine did not get a mention David. It is sad how quickly one is forgotten.

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  8. davidn (28 comments) says:

    Only the Democratic ones made the ten-best list. The Republican ones are all rather sordid and unpleasant, like consorting with the Congressional pages! Frequently anti-gay campaigners who, it turns out, enjoyed the company of male prostitutes.

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  9. Duxton (651 comments) says:

    “Larry Craig in airport bathrooms isn’t technically an affair.”

    A toilet incident doesn’t need to be an affair to be a scandal. Of course, the bigger scandal is MFAT conspiring to cover it up.

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  10. bearhunter (853 comments) says:

    well there was chalrie haughey in ireland. he wasn’t just shagging some tart, he was fucking an entire country. and i’ve always had a soft spot for the tory bloke in england who was ofund in his wardrobe, wearing women’s undies, an orange in his mouth, a plastic bag over his head and a ligature around his neck. anyone who was in the uk at the time will realsie the significance of the old soft drink ad tagline – YOU KNOW WHEN YOU’VE BEEN TANGOED…

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  11. Fairfacts Media (372 comments) says:

    Bearhunter, you are right.
    When it comes to sex scandals, the Brits do it bet and in the 1990s the Tories were tops, ooeer!
    Stephen Milligan MP, a former BBC journalist was the one with the tangerine in his mouth.
    Government minister David Mellor was another performer in the 1990s, apparantly wearing a chelsea football strip as he made love to his bit on the side- a one legged porn star called Anronia De sancha.
    Since then , Nu Labour and the Lib-Dems have done their best to catch up.
    One Lib dem leader thought cavorting with young rent boys would help cure his fears of baldness.
    And we mustn’t forget John Prescott and his many liason with his staff.
    http://www.slate.com/id/2142257/

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  12. bearhunter (853 comments) says:

    and which one was the bloke who was collecting the faeces of rent boys….now THAT’S a sex scandal…

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  13. tim barclay (886 comments) says:

    JFK and Judith Exner while she was a gangster’s moll was possibly the most explosive but the lid was kept on that quite successfully. With Profumo it is doubtful he was shagging Keeler the same time as the KGB spy but that faux security angle enabled Harold Wilson to skillfully exploit the affair. In NZ we had that wonderful “faux” headline – “Pig caught rooting in Ngaio – PM safe” (sic). In NZ we have not had a full on scandal the news seems to break when it least matters.

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  14. ghostwhowalks2 (118 comments) says:

    tim , the local media is too small so while we do have political sex scandals the media have decided to cover them up.

    Tom Shand , a nat cabinet minister from the 60s was shagging a female press gallery journalist, but who was going to reveal that

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  15. bearhunter (853 comments) says:

    The best sex scandals here are the All Blacks ones, of course. I’ve still got some dirt on some of them, but nobody wants to think of an MP actually shagging, surely….

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  16. kisekiman (219 comments) says:

    Not strictly political but how could we ever forget the tragic case of Peter Plumley-Walker

    “I said lick my balls, not Huka Falls!”

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  17. kisekiman (219 comments) says:

    Not strictly political but how could we ever forget the tragic case of Peter Plumley-Walker?

    PPW: “Hold on old chap, I said lick my balls, not Huka Falls!”

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  18. Harpoon (72 comments) says:

    What about Tarmac?

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  19. toad (3,674 comments) says:

    I have to say I liked this one from the Muldoon era (thanks to Jafapete, with a little help from DPF, he acknowledges):

    After a wild boar, which had been sighted on Thorndon Hill was caught, we were treated to “Rooting Pig caught in Ngaio, PM safe” (thanks to DPF for the correct wording). On another occasion the memorable, “PM’s pen is mightier than sword” (with little in the way of a gap between the second and third words). And so on. Can anyone remember the others?

    As for Tarmac, Harpoon: Jafapete reports “… so named because she worked for Air NZ and ensured that the PM always had a soft landing when he came to Wellington.”

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  20. Glutaemus Maximus (2,207 comments) says:

    Stephen Milligan MP, was also referred to by the Red Tops as

    “BIN BAG THE SAILOR”

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  21. getstaffed (9,186 comments) says:

    I recall a somewhat humorous segment on Saturday Night Clive a few years back. Some UK politician had been sprung with an excessively lusty mistress about a week after opening a hospital… complete with brass wall plaque carrying his name.

    The then PM (the Iron lady if I recall) said that the disgraced minister should not be remembered for the hospital opening and directed the plaque removed. This was duly done by screwdriver-carrying workmen, and captured on camera over which James dubbed:

    And so the minister’s actions confirmed the old Chinese proverb which says: “In so much as you screw, so shall you be unscrewed”

    (Was funny at the time, but I’ll confess to being pissed off that I can remember it at all, while I’ll inevitably forget the name of someone I met 30 seconds ago)

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  22. Al-Girta (60 comments) says:

    “And the five who did get away with it”

    JFK

    Well maybe.

    Liberal media looked the other way for Jfk over Cuban nuke crisis as well. Disgruntled leftist loser upset with media portraying Cuban standoff as Kennedy victory, when the chance presents itself, shoots Jfk the following year.

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  23. cha (4,010 comments) says:

    How about this lot.

    Back to Basics was an ill-fated attempt to relaunch the government of British Prime Minister John Major in 1993. Announced at the Party Conference of that year, the initiative was intended to focus on issues of law and order, education and public probity (especially single mothers) after the debacle of Black Wednesday had damaged the UK Conservative Party perceived ability to safeguard public finance. Back to Basics was widely interpreted as a moral campaign, and hence was vigorously attacked by political opponents using the revelation of several instances of “Tory sleaze,” including:

    * David Mellor’s extra-marital affair with bit-part actress Antonia de Sancha (ca. 1992)
    * Tim Yeo’s extramarital affair resulting in him fathering a “love-child” in 1993
    * Michael Mates’s resignation as a Minister of State following allegations he had accepted cash and gifts from the fugitive businessman Asil Nadir (1993)
    * Stephen Milligan’s accidental death by auto-erotic asphyxiation on February 7, 1994
    * Michael Brown’s involvement with a then-underage man in 1994, and his subsequent implication in the ‘cash for questions’ affair.
    * Neil Hamilton’s alleged acceptance of ‘cash for questions’ from Mohammed Al-Fayed in 1994
    * David Ashby discovered to have shared a bed with a man on a trip paid by expenses. Ashby was married at the time.
    * Jonathan Aitken’s alleged procurement of prostitutes for Arab businessmen, their payment of his Ritz hotel bill, and his subsequent conviction and prison sentence for perjury after the resulting libel trial in which he unsuccessfully attempted to sue The Guardian over the story.
    * Graham Riddick’s entrapment for, and acceptance of, ‘cash for questions’ in 1994.
    * Hartley Booth’s amorous, unreciprocated pursuit of his secretary in 1995
    * David Willetts’s disciplining by the parliamentary ombudsman over his intervention in a parliamentary enquiry in 1996
    * Piers Merchant’s affairs with a night club hostess, and his researcher in 1997

    Ironically, several years after his term of office ended, it emerged that John Major himself had engaged in an extramarital affair with fellow Conservative Party MP Edwina Currie. By this time, however, the “Back to Basics” campaign was all but forgotten.

    The phrase has since become used by UK political commentators to describe any failed attempt by a political party leader to relaunch themselves following a scandal or controversy.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Back_to_Basics_%28campaign%29

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  24. jafapete (757 comments) says:

    And did Andrew Bolt also mention that all the British ones are Tories? How about some balance!

    Danyl suggests Ted Haggard, which, given the impact of the christian right on US political outcomes is a fair point, but it wasn’t all that spectacular.

    Still, there’s plenty more dirty scandals in the christian right’s toybox. The most notable has to be Jim Bakker’s alleged rape of Jessica Hahn for sure, because it was wrapped up in all the excess of the 1980s and the ludicrous antics of wife Tammy Faye, and topped of with a prison sentence for mail fraud, wire fraud and conspiracy. Oh, and Jerry Falwell called Bakker a homosexual (not good in christian right circles) and “the greatest scab and cancer on the face of Christianity in 2,000 years of church history.”

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  25. Gerard Barry (28 comments) says:

    It is ironical that the only sex scandal involving a Head of State where one of the parties had to go down on their knees was the one involving Bill Clinton.

    Such is the power of the US Presidency!

    Hillary has had to keep more than her moniker on Bill ever since.

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  26. Gerard Barry (28 comments) says:

    For me, the Profumo Affair will alway be No. 1.

    What destroyed Profumo was not the sexual or espionage aspects, which any good conservative government could live with, but the fact that he lied to Parliament about the affair. This was the unforgivable part – everything else was OK – so there!

    The Punch magazine (RIP) at the time summed up the situation with the following limerick:

    Whatever have you done! said Christine,
    You have ruined the whole party machine!
    To lie in the nude,
    Is not at all rude,
    But to lie to the House is obscene!

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  27. dave strings (608 comments) says:

    TO THE TUNE of “An English Country Garden”

    a LOT of Tory ministers trotted too and fro
    from a stately Clifton Garden
    Some of them got caught, as we all know
    in a stately Clifton Garden

    It started with Profumo
    Who soon let Alex Hulme know
    Soon all of Pimlico was involved
    Except Big Ben

    The Queen thought it quite sinister
    They didn’t do it in Westminster
    Instead of in a
    Stately Clifton Garden

    Lord Howick took a fwend when on hith way he did wend
    To a Stately Clifton Garden
    And on the Lords’ Green sword he seduced Graeme Ward
    To a Stately Clifton Garden
    WHen the PM heard of this
    He said “make up with a kiss,
    and we can all retire
    To the foreign orifice”

    Oh the DUke thought it imoral
    They wouldn’t do it in Balmoral
    Instead of
    A stately clifton Garden

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  28. Dock (43 comments) says:

    The thing that gets me with politicians is they think they are so powerful, and fantastic, and people love them so much, the affairs will never be brought out into the public arena.

    It is amazing how many top people have been brought down by the dreaded ‘boxing outside the ring’.

    How many more have been hushed up I wonder?

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