Dim-Post galore

November 11th, 2008 at 12:31 pm by David Farrar

Danyl has been busy, I do not know where to start.

We have Maori Party split over Coalition Deal

The have been offered entrenchment of the Maori seats and a review of the Foreshore and Seabed Act in exchange for fifty of their young every month for three years. …

It is understood that Sharples is deeply opposed to the proposed scheme while is a strong advocate for Key’s right to hunt, kill and mount unemployed Maori youths, describing it as enhancing his rangatiratanga and sending a strong message to young Maori that if they study and work hard they will not be cut down in their prime by Key’s poison-tipped crossbow bolts or torn apart by his pack of savage dogs.

A resolution to the impasse was reached late last night, when the Maori party co-leaders met for a cup of tea to confront the problem. After a short, congenial discussion Dr Sharples drained his mug of Earl Grey and then slumped to the floor unconscious.

And Tizard dismisses ‘rogue election result’:

Outgoing Auckland Central electorate MP has assured staff and family that she will not be stepping down as an MP in spite of her loss to National Party candidate Nicky Kaye in last weekends General Election.

‘I certainly never heard anything about any election,’ Tizard told the this morning. ‘And if there was something like that going on I like to think I’d be one of the first to know.’

Upon being informed of the results Tizard was quick to dismiss their significance.

‘I don’t think this represents the true wishes of the people of New Zealand or the people of Auckland Central,’ Tizard said. ‘This is clearly a rogue election result with no real impact that the media is beating up in order to sell more papers.’ …

Tizard has also confirmed that she will be maintaining her full contingent of staff and offices, rejecting the suggestion that she would now have to make her own dinner reservations and purchase her own plane tickets as ‘the worst kind of hate speech’.

Incoming National MP Nicky Kaye has advised she is negotiating a solution with Paliamentary Services, Tizard’s private secretary and an Armed Offenders unit.

Oh that was priceless.

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6 Responses to “Dim-Post galore”

  1. Murray (8,847 comments) says:

    I’ve been waiting for someone to mention the rouge election.

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  2. Chthoniid (2,044 comments) says:

    Sweet- good value satire making a fresh appearance.

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  3. Sam (501 comments) says:

    Yep – the best satire has to have at least a touch of viciousness about it…

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  4. Camryn (543 comments) says:

    Murray – I think that the rouge elections where the last three. This one was more from the YGBIV end of the rainbow (but without the G).

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  5. Ed Snack (1,872 comments) says:

    The Tizard one is one of the best, but the Maori Party one is a touch edgy. No need to be too sensitive though.

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  6. drinks-after-worker (59 comments) says:

    Is it Nicky or Nikki. Or even Nicki? Help please?

    [DPF: Nikki]

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