1: National will keep the EFA and widen its scope to restrict Union involvement in politics, for the whole of the parliamentary cycle.

2: John Key announces that Cullen didn’t leave enough money in the kitty to pay Helen Clark a salary to take up a high-ranking foreign post. Helen Clark subsequently dissolves on national televison after Cunliffe ‘accidentally’ spills a glass of water on her in Parliament.

3: Former finance minister Michael Cullen will mysteriously disappear one day in April after telling his spouse ‘I’m just going down to Pack And Save for a pack of chewing-gum’. His clothes will be found neatly folded on a park-bench in Napier, by the sea, and a polaroid of him and ‘his niece’ boarding a helicopter bound for Tahiti will surface in The Herald sometime later.

4: The unions will go on strike in mass protest after it is asserted in ‘The Standard’ that ‘John Key looked at us funny, but then he is jewish (not that we said it first) so how can you tell?’ on Breakfast TV.

5: Heather Simpson will be put under House arrest and extradited to the Hague for trial by the UN for being ginger. She will be returned within days for being a ‘smug, bossy cow’.

6: Annette King will emigrate to Australia, and the mean IQ of New Zealand will rise sharply. It will resume normality when she is returned to New Zealand because she attempts to pass off a picture of Scarlett Johansson as her passport likeness.

7: Winston Peters’ Autobiography will indicate that he knew of Helen Clark’s hydrophobia, and “had ‘a telephone book’ of evidence about it”. Which is why he only drank his whisky neat in her presence. Or out of it. Or in bed. Or for Breakfast. Or since the Reformation.

8: The Reserve Bank will give a government-sanctioned optional loan of $1500 to every person in New Zealand at 1% interest. Just before the next election as a reward to hard-working kiwis for braving the recession.

9: Rodney Hide will come out of the closet, and announce is is ‘Now Gay’. The Gay Community will spurn him for “… lacking any discernable fashion sense, so he can’t be one of us.”

10: Beurocrats will storm the Beehive in an attempt to get the word ‘Beuracrats’ replaced with something easier to spell, in a popular support action initiated by Dyslexics.

11: National will announce the creation of a single-party state, ‘Like Fiji, but more inclusive…’.

12: After a worrying disappearance Green co-leader Jeanette Fitzsimons be found in Sue Bradford’s freezer, and Bradford will blame parents who ‘give their kids the bash’ for her apparent suicide. Later it will be proven to have been ‘assisted euthanasia’ and Bradford will be beatified by the Pope, even though she has a uterus.

13: Phil Goff will be replaced as leader of the Labour Party by ‘Deputy-Cunliffe’. National will be forced to pass the ERA – ‘Ego Restriction Act’ in an attempt to curb Cunliffe’s Walter-Mitty syndrome in which he clearly believes he has been elected as the New PM, and starts telling National how ‘He would run the country, if it were me.’ Again.

14: After some discussion, it will be decided that the ethical thing to do, is to switch off Jim Anderton’s life-support because it is apparent that all brain activity ceased some time in the early 21st century.

15: The Labour Party will file for bankruptcy. Moral, that is. The subsequent hearing will clear up some outstanding issues such as why Helen Clark would never go out in the rain, and why Michael Cullen had had planned a tax-payer-funded state funeral for himself in which he would be buried in a golden ‘V-shaped’ coffin. Not because he was giving NZ the fingers, but because it was impossible fo get him to lie straight.

16: The new Parliamentary Speaker will show objectivity and wisdom. Labour will stage a mass walk-out of Parliament – out of confusion.

17: In a high-profile press release, Peter Dunne will announce his retirement from politics but no one will notice either the announcement, or any tangible difference to life in general, from while he was in politics.

18: The Maori Party will replace the Green Party as most cuddly option for middle-class white folk who can’t seem to grow up and face the fact that the world isn’t really like ‘Whale Rider’.

19: The Emissions Trading Scheme will be renamed ‘The Helen Clark ‘We were Students in the Sixties’ Scheme’ in honour of the amount of depleted THC she personally and very selflessy emitted as a student.

20: Finance Minister Bill English will confess on national TV that he converted to Judaism ‘Some time ago’ in order to facilitate John Key’s covert plan to subjugate the global economy under an international zionist plot. Unable to actually deal with the fact and tangibly spin it to make it even worse, The Standard will implode, and Anita will join Team Monkey. She and Monkey Boy will solve crimes together, like in Hart to Hart, and the implicit assumption will be that when they are not ‘sleuthing’, they have great sex.

I did notice John Hayes (Wairarapa) is sitting on the crossbenches, on the opposition side of the aisle. Next to Allan Peachey (Tamaki).

The media will gain more spotlight than the politicians do as:

1. More press gallery journalists take up ministerial positions;
2. New ambitious journalists will take their places in the press gallery;
3. Senior press gallery figures will hog the limelight from junior journos who do the donkey work;
4. Journalists will leak dirt on fellow journalists in order to climb the ladder;
5. More often than not, the dirt will claim unintended victims; and
6. The leaked material will backfire on the leaker.

I wonder whether another Tony Veitch is going to happen (I still think Saville was behind that so close to the Olympics).

With so many by-elections coming up, the timing is right for someone to push someone out of the way. Who’s it gonna be?

I’m not sure it will. I think it will vote for more Government bills than against. But certainly some issues will test their MPs.

I’d probably have to go with The Dom based on the work of the guys at ‘They Work for You’.

Yes Cullen is a Mother Fucker!

I should have said Minister of Finance …

You need to get out more.

Cullen was the best MF the country has had.

Yikes. Must you call him that?

They are predictions. They cannot be lies now, and if they do not pan out then they are inaccurate predictions rather than lies.

Cullen was the best MF the country has had. H1 and H2 are talented beyond anything the right wing have. Review things in 5 years time and then tell me if this is not true.

Why is it that left blogs debate and throw ideas around and right wing blogs have people that engage in aggressive and unnecessary personal attacks?

January 1st, 2009 at 8:23 pm
How about these for predictions:

And still you continue with your lies and spin.

You have no chance because your lies have been found out.

Cullen the Fiscal Fool. H2 the Beast in a skirt. H1 talented, but as Paul Henry stated, “On the Cusp Of Evil”

You are all deluded and useless!

Lefty Plonker. Get a proper cause.

Go and hug Hamas. They might use you as a human shield if we are lucky, or throw you off a tall building for not being a murdering Islamic Radical

You are sad and pathetic!!

1. National will repeal the EFA and will allow the use of trusts and unregulated third party advertisements such as the Exclusive Bretheren advertisements that we saw in 2005.
2. Aunty Helen will be appointed to a senior overseas role. Talent cannot be held down.
3. Michael Cullen will hang around for the full term. He is enjoying himself far too much mocking National and pointing out their inadequacies.
4. National has completely blown any chance of a rapport with the unions. The 90 day fire at will bill pushed under urgency has made the unions realise that National has no interest in the welfare of workers.
5. H2 will be fine. Talent rises to the top.
6. Act will continue to believe in strange things and will continue to be irrelevant to 95% of the population.
7. National’s poll support will plunge when people realise they are not labour lite.
8. Paula Bennett and Stephen Joyce will stuff up big time.
9. The progressives will fold into Labour.
10. David Cunliffe will show that he is more than the equal of Bill English.

Happy new year!!

McCully to Italy?

He’ll set up shop in Sicily.

JC

19: The emissions trading scheme will survive, and with few changes.

If National is silly enough to screw over its one true coalition partner then it will get what it deserves in 2011 when it comes to negotiating the next government.