Humour from Annette
May 14th, 2009 at 10:14 pm by David FarrarI’m not sure if Annette King penned this herself, or one if her staff did, but it actually is pretty damn funny so worth a repeat:
The Melissa Key Guide to Crime Busting
- Build a motorway – the more lanes the better.
- Direct all criminals (from areas you want to insult) to travel on the motorway preferably with signs on their vehicles saying “CRIM-IN-TRANST” to help Police identify them.
- Chose an electorate as far away as possible from the place you want to win as the destination for the mobile crims.
- Have all off-ramps removed to ensure a smooth flow of crims to chosen destination.
- Dedicate one lane as an expressway for crims who own cars.
- Dedicate one lane for a busway for crims who don’t have cars or haven’t stolen one yet.
- Increase public transport concessions for crims who are prepared to travel during off peak times to carry out their crimes.
- Encourage car-pooling of crims to cut down congestion and reduce the carbon footprint.
- Build motorways which cut through communities removing hundreds of houses thereby reducing the number of homes that can be burgled.
- Get a TV production company to make a video of your success in reducing crime.
- Avoid the PM at all costs because although you were once his “chosen candidate” he now thinks your crime busting ideas are silly.
- Avoid the good people of South Auckland you have labelled as crims.
I especially like the busway for crims that have not yet stolen a car!
Tags: Annette King, Humour, Melissa Lee, Mt Albert
May 14th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
But has Melissa Lee ever said that crime issues were caused by the full moon or the long hot summer?
No? But who did?
Annette King. Thats who.
Vote:May 14th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
Has the media gone mad with their predictions, on TV news this evening, that Lee’s campaign and her hopes to ever make Cabinet have been irrevocably sunk? She made a stupid comment about South Aucklanders. It wasn’t racist. And it wasn’t much different than Clark describing West Coasters as feral inbreds, Cullen describing anyone earning more than the average income as a rich prick, or Mallard making a racist comment about Australians recently.
I don’t recall any media predicting that Clark’s commentary about West Coasters would stop her winning another election, or cost her job as PM. It’d be ridiculous if they had.
I suspect that most people will agree that South Auckland’s crime rate is awful, which is one of the reasons that most of us don’t want to live there. They wouldn’t argue with the police if they say that South Aucklanders are known to be responsible for crime elsewhere in Auckland. NZers are generally fairly forgiving of occasional stupidity, especially when the person apologises as Lee has. I’m guessing that they’re going to wonder what the fuss is, vaguely agree with the spirit of what she said, and be disgusted at the media hounding of Lee.
I predict that this won’t have done any harm to Lee. It might have done her some good.
Vote:May 14th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Lee’s main problem here was trying to shoehorn law and order into the debate about the motorway..Law and order might have entered the agenda when David Shearer said crime wasn’t an issue in the election.
The debate though, become centred on the motorway, with Lee still attempting to steer it back to law and order. It clearly wasn’t going to work, and ended up making her look more foolish than she would have, if only she had chosen a better moment.
When Shearer said crime wasn’t an issue, he was only half wrong/right.
Vote:May 14th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Gee, that’s about as funny as shitting your pants in public, i.e. it’s not funny. Doesn’t even begin to approach humour. It’s just more nastiness from the pricks who put the N in nasty.
Vote:May 14th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Buggerlugs, shitting your pants in public is extraordinarily funny, as long as it’s not me who does it.
Have only done it once, walking home from a restaurant that, in retrospect, it may have been better to avoid. Fortunately, late at night and no-one else around to smell/hear the events occurring in my pants.
What you say? “It’s just more nastiness from the pricks who put the N in national”???
Vote:May 14th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Ridicule- the favourite strategy of the communists.
Vote:May 14th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
I still think Key should sack Melissa Lee, for being well to put it bluntly a stupid idiot. Saying Labour MP’s did it so it’s okay doesn’t make it any better.
But Annette King should really be careful about what she comments on, people in glass houses shouldn’t really throw stones, especially boomerang ones that might come back to hit her in the head
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 12:07 am
Agreed Buggerlugs (10:55pm) – this try-hard “humour” is not even mildly funny, it’s just plain weak.
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 12:11 am
bugger me. I never knew toads wore pants. I thought they either a) got beaten to death with golf clubs in Queensland, or b) had to spend their lives listening to Jeannette read out Annette’s ‘funny’ jokes…”Orrrr, listen to thUUS, everybuddy…”
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 12:23 am
The Goff/King guide to crime busting:
1. Make criminal stats look better by releasing criminals more quickly.
Vote:2. In order to make gullible electorate swallow (1), say you will be tough on crime by raising the minimum non-parole period, but at the same time reduce the minimum sentences massively.
3. Blow up the moon.
4. After being told that you can’t blow up the moon (gravitational binding energy too big), make blowing up the moon an election promise.
5. If possible, use tax-payers money for campaign on crime and moon destruction.
6. If crime not a strong enough reason to blow up moon, alledge exclusive bretheren are living on it.
May 15th, 2009 at 7:46 am
I must have lost my sense of humour.
Vote:But I do like the idea of blowing up the moon
May 15th, 2009 at 7:56 am
Ahh Yes, Common Sense King, who muttered sweet nothings about violent crime and the moon from South Auckland. Why go to South Auckland to say it, Annette. Yes, you know exactly why, you racist hypocrite.
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 8:06 am
I live in south Auckland and am not remotely offended by what Ms Lee said.
It wasn’t racist, and there are criminals who live here. And fortunately for those of us who do live in south Auckland the criminals prefer not to shit in their own nests – so head up the road to Mt Albert.
Maybe a silly comment to repeat – but as mentioned above each and everyone of those throwing the stones have made silly comments in the past. And unfortunately for most, it doesn’t seem to affected their careers.
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 8:10 am
The line seems to be to cut Melissa loose least she cause collateral damage to the Government if she polls badly in the by-election. I do not think her “south auckland” jibe will be that unpopular. And sending in bully-boy Mallard to “beat up” on a woman will not do Labour much good also. I think things are much better than they look. But looming on the horizon is the budget and that will probably give the seat to Labour.
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Unless he was stating the ‘Australian’ is a race, i’m a little dubious that it was in any way racist, whatever it was(?)
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 9:39 am
I think Mallard was being sarcastic at the time. Remember he was having a shot at stereotyping of people because of where they live. BTW us Australians do have a bit to answer for in this area. John Howard was our PM for ten years.
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 9:52 am
You’re a credit to your race bchapman.
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 10:05 am
13. Fast-track a 6 lane motorway linking your suburb to West Auckland?
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 10:12 am
A Polish co-worker relates the following anecdote about Poland’s highway-building (I’m not sure if it’s an urban myth but…). Apparently Poland used to have a big crime problem with Russian car-thieves heading across Poland on the way to steal cars in Germany. It took a few days to drive across Poland with petty crime occurring along the way. Once Poland built decent motorways the petty crime dropped as Russian criminals could speed through Poland en route to their German destinations.
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
“Ridicule- the favourite strategy of the communists”
Get over it Redbaiter – the cold war ended nearly two decades ago. I guess tags like Aunty Helen doesnt some how fall into this catergory.
Nice find DPF.
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Annie penned – over lunch yesterday – I posted for her.
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Hell Trevor, you did that with no spelling mistakes.
Pity you couldnt get her to admitt ,with yourself ,the lie over money taken unlawfully for the previous election labour WON,more like rigged.
Also the fact that you knowingly ,with you party, tried to say the pledge card wasnt election spending.
Then when faced with court proceedings changed the law ,you really are a corupt little man.
Nothing like truth getting in the way of a good story.
Trevor, the man for the occasion,now your ANNIES bitch.
Vote:May 15th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Melissa Melissa Melissa Melissa the airwaves are all about Melissa. And what’s his name that Labour guy. You know that UN fellow. I do not think there has been much damage at all.
Vote: