Enjoy
Do you remember the guy who tried to pay a bill with a drawing of a spider? Now he corresponds with his landlord over pets. Some extracts:
Thank you for your letter concerning pets in my apartment. I understand that having dogs in the apartment is a violation of the agreement due to the comfort and wellbeing of my neighbours and I am currently soundproofing my apartment with egg cartons as I realise my dogs can cause quite a bit of noise. Especially during feeding time when I release live rabbits.
The landlord doesn’t catch on to the windup at all.
Currently I only have eight dogs but one is expecting puppies and I am very excited by this. I am hoping for a litter of at least ten as this is the number required to participate in dog sled racing. I have read every Jack London novel in preparation and have constructed my own sled from timber I borrowed from the construction site across the road during the night.
And then after he admits to no dogs.
I have a goldfish but due to the air conditioner in my apartment being stuck on a constant two degrees celcius, the water in its bowl is iced over and he has not moved for a while so I do not think he is capable of disturbing the neighbours. The ducks in the bathroom are not mine. The noise which my neighbours possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I have of dogs barking which I play at high volume while I am at work to deter potential burglars from breaking in and stealing my tupperware. I need it to keep food fresh.
The landlord finally gives up!
June 15th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Heh, some neighbours of mine complained about my parrot, presumably because on warm days I allow it to sit out on the balcony where it gives the occasional tweet (the traditional kind… I’m not implying it’s started it’s own blog. I had to limit its broadband access after it used my monthly cap looking for a mate on Match.com).
I responded that when they’d negotiated with the Almighty to silence the birds that fly past the window and roost in the few remaining nearby trees I’d follow suit, but I didn’t want to set a precedent which He felt obliged to follow.
I’ve heard nothing more. I’m not sure whether the real estate agent felt inclined to pass along my response, but I have noticed that I receive more than the usual quota of icy glare when I’m outside and they’re standing by the window ironing their underpants.
June 15th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
I have had tenants who get dogs as pets when they previously signed tenancy agreements that included proviso “No Dogs”. Either they get rid of them immediately or I kick them out. On the other hand, I have had people with dogs who said so up front at their interviews and who impressed me with their honesty, paid extra bond for having a dog and were no troubles.
June 15th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
My cats have ALWAYS done more damage than my dogs. Unfortunately, that has mostly been to my own house also
Landlords don’t understand how destructive cats are compared to dogs. Or perhaps I haven’t seen any proper dog damage.