Hi Tara, in reverse, perhaps me posting about ‘angry (insert colour) male computer geekoids’ might cause some raised eyebrows.

My own experience of Maori folk is very positive. But there again, I think it may be easier for Poms. We have come from a very diverse background. And I believe are more tolerant than Euro predominant Kiwis.

Some of the entrenched views about violent Maori males do seem however to be backed up when one reads the papers, or
watch the news, police crime programmes.

It takes all sorts, but my real concern is that everyone is equal before the law and their peers.

There is no real secret, except..”

..that i have made my money from brutalising/exploiting animals..

..that i own/run an animal concentration-camp..

and my money is soaked in blood..

..and the suffering of animals..

signed:..sideshow bob a.k.a…’bloody-hands-bob’..

phil(whoar.co.nz)

In the words of Buzz Lightyear (go figure, I’m a father & watch kids movies!), “You are a strange little man!”.

..that i have made my money from brutalising/exploiting animals..

..that i own/run an animal concentration-camp..

and my money is soaked in blood..

..and the suffering of animals..

signed:..sideshow bob a.k.a…’bloody-hands-bob’..

phil(whoar.co.nz)

But you have got it right about being “middle aged male computer geekoids”…..only I’m a fellow brownie & not angry except when the dinners not on time! Haven’t tried to chuck the roast spuds at the wife though…ooooooh that would be bad & I’d come off second best even though I’m nearly twice her weight & over half a foot taller. Me & the couch are well acquainted.

Welcome sistah!!

But you have got it right about being “middle aged male computer geekoids”…..only I’m a fellow brownie & not angry except when the dinners not on time! Haven’t tried to chuck the roast spuds at the wife though…ooooooh that would be bad & I’d come off second best even though I’m nearly twice her weight & half a foot taller. Me & the couch are well acquainted.

Welcome sistah!!

Regarding the good Dads being few and far between – I have to say I know lots. Although I’ve moved over to Australia and the into a larger community and network of people that recognise the importance of family.

Being good Dad’s does mean even though we are doofus’s and forget to do the dishes sometimes or work too hard to bring in $ to pay the bills, but the family is still top priority. I know a couple of guys who were real lads when they were single or before kids (some grew up in broken homes), but are now great Dad’s – I think being surrounded by peers who are family oriented has set them straight

I’m sure that there are similar networks in New Zealand – I’ve just found one that works for me. I had a Maori friend when I was in my teens and he taught me that family always comes first and made sure I never forgot it.

Anyway – thanks again and look forward to following more posts this week.

I would totally own the rugby field.

wouldn’t it be great if we could go back to ourselves as 10 y o’s and tell ourself everything is going to work out in the long run.

Guess that’s what we have to do with our kids.

so it sems many of you didn’t like this statement.

check out Socialist International

http://www.thebriefingroom.com/archives/2009/07/global_governan.html

Reminded me a little of Wairoa (I’m also Ngati Kahungunu, so am middle-aged if not entirely a ‘whitey’). Most of the local boys in the 1980s just wanted to drop-out of school and get a job in the Freezing Works. The economic reasoning was easy to see. The money was very good, and an education (in the days of 66% top marginal tax rates) was a dumb choice. You never got those years studying (i.e. not working) back.

As it stood, it turned out to be a brutally bad choice once the SMPs came off and the sheep numbers dwindled.

If I was 20 again, well if I was 10 again I wish I was brainy and able to stay in school. I wasn’t but I had a good job at the freezing works and as I said was paid well.

I’d tell 20 year olds to get the hell back to training and get educated. Forget the fella. but that is easier said than done isn’t it?

My mother was great, she did her best. My father was pretty useless and left. I don’t speak to him anymore.

The father? Well you would have to ask him those questions. As I said, he was great to start with. Shit at the end. All his mates are deadbeats also as was his father and I guess mine.

What am I teaching my kids? That they have to do better.

I’m sorry to hear about the hard times you’ve been through in your life. I truly find it sad and wish the best for you and your kids.

I have no problem with you being a solo mother who isn’t working. And I certainly don’t think it’s easy for you. One thing I do have a problem with is the large number of women who get pregnant just so they can claim the DPB, and then don’t care for their kids. The other problem I have isn’t about whether or not you’re working, but from where you get your income. There are plenty of women who also don’t work because their husbands provide for the family. There’s nothing wrong with that because they don’t rely on the taxpayer.

The children that women claim the DPB for also have fathers. Why aren’t we making these fathers pay child support for the kids they helped create? As someone earlier said, they should be forced to pay child support, and if they don’t, be jailed and forced to work to pay it. That way fathers would be paying what they should be paying, taxpayers would be paying less in DPB payments, and guys would think twice before getting a woman pregnant.

In your case Tara, you shouldn’t have to be on the DPB. The father of your children should be paying you. He should actually be in jail for what he did to you and your kids, but he should be forced to work while in there, and the income he creates should go to you.

As for a training allowance, there is no need for it. Anyone, including solo mothers, can get an interest free student loan now. Unless you intend to not work after your training (in which case you shouldn’t get the training in the first place), then you can repay the loan when you get a job, just like everyone else.

And as for awesome dads being few and far between, I disagree. I don’t know where you live, but where I live I see awesome dads everywhere, who clearly love and care about their kids.

The deadbeat dads should be the ones paying for their kids, not the taxpayer.

So now I’m paying twice for those actions.

Oh, and I was a single parent, completely broke and living in a caravan for a while.

I found a job.

I’m not sure if you are responding to questions – it’d be great to hear you opinion on a few things. Please understand that I don’t mean these to be judgemental in any way – more to hear your thoughts on society and influences in general

– If you could go back to when you were 20 – what would you do differently? Did you have any dreams or goals in life before kids?
– What would you tell 20 year olds in the position you were in?
– What was family life like for you growing up? Do you think your own family or peers had any influence on your life decisions?
– For the partner – what is his story? Has he done any soul searching? Anger Management? What does being a father mean to him?
– What was his father or male role models like growing up?
– Does he have any peers who are also fathers that would or could influence him? Or are his peers similarly “deadbeat”?

And most importantly:

– What are you teaching your children differently compared to the way you were taught or brought up?

As mentioned – please do not take these as judgemental. I value your opinions and thoughts as someone who has lived and suffered through harsh circumstances, and would like to know what you think could be or should be changed in society

Thanks,