Dim-Post Advice for Key

September 22nd, 2009 at 2:00 pm by David Farrar

The Dim-Post has a list of things should not say to the General Assembly. My favourites:

  • Okey-dokey.
  • It is vital that we all work together to combat the terrible threat to our global climax.
  • Allah Akbar!
  • We open with Lot #1 – Fiordland! What am I bid for this lush temperate rainforest?
  • Ban Ki, Imma let you finish but I just want to say that Boutros Boutros-Ghali was the best Secretary General of ALL TIME!.

Heh.

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15 Responses to “Dim-Post Advice for Key”

  1. Rex Widerstrom (5,354 comments) says:

    “Look, I’m sorry, okay? But anyone who believes what’s written in someone’s references is just asking for for trouble anyway. And seriously, how much harm can she do? I mean you guys have all sorts of checks and balances to make sure she can’t run the entire world from here, right?… Hello? Is this thing on?”

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  2. side show bob (3,660 comments) says:

    “I have a few hundred million I’m seeking to launder, will be open and welcome any offers after my speech”.

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  3. Johnboy (17,007 comments) says:

    “Hey Moonie mate, whats the number of that Swiss account you want me to pay Helens transfer fee into again”.

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  4. bka (135 comments) says:

    “My fellow world citizens, I am pleased to tell you today we have formulated a policy to ban agricultural trade barriers put up by Europe and America forever. We begin bombing in five minutes”

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  5. Jeff83 (745 comments) says:

    Yo Obama, I’ll let you finish in a minute, but Winston Churchill had the best speeches of all time.

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  6. Manolo (14,070 comments) says:

    You gentlemen are the most effective organisation known to mankind. Look at what this dynamic institution has achieved in Sudan, Somalia, Palestine, Lybia, Haiti, Iran, Yemen, North Korea and other paradises on Earth.

    I shall quadruple New Zealand’s contribution to the United Nations and in return will ask you to keep Helen Clark for life.

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  7. Johnboy (17,007 comments) says:

    “Bill wants to know if you have any vacancies on the landmine clearing program for Pete and Trev”.

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  8. CraigM (694 comments) says:

    “I shall quadruple New Zealand’s contribution to the United Nations………..”

    Didn’t Clark already do that to get the job in the first place? :-)

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  9. Rakaia George (313 comments) says:

    “I’m here all week, try the Lamb…and the milk…”

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  10. burt (8,321 comments) says:

    Is Key going to the UN to try and get some UNDP money to help NZ rebuild our aging electricity and rail infrastructure.

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  11. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    ‘the master-plan to make new zealand a refuge/fortress for my fellow uber-richers…when everything turns to custard..

    ..is all going according to schedule..

    lord ashworth pops by on a regular basis..to tell me what’s what..and to check on progress..”

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  12. jabba (280 comments) says:

    “the NZ Labour Party has the answer to the worlds problems of over crowding and pollution .. FREE condoms for all, ribbed and flavoured not included”.

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  13. francis (712 comments) says:

    Anything that starts with “Imma let chu finish but” really catches my ear. Imma let chu finish, Dave, but let’s be real here, Johnny Carson was the Late Night MAN.

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  14. XChequer (298 comments) says:

    Phil, you are a dick.

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  15. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    Danyl should stick to his satire knitting

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