The all powerful DPF

December 24th, 2009 at 11:26 am by David Farrar

IrishBill blogs at The Standard:

David Farrar is largely to blame for the Nats running Melissa Lee in Mt Albert. According to a friend of a friend David decided the demographics meant she could win and convinced the caucus his crazy idea would fly. Note to : learn to count.

I am not sure what is more hilarious – that Irish Bill blogs on an allegation from a friend of a friend (of a friend of a friend ….) or the assertion that I convinced Caucus.

Sadly Caucus don’t invite me to their meetings. It is possible that I did attend Caucus one day, and they surgically removed the memory of it from my brain. Maybe that is what he heard from a friend of a friend.

One could also quibble and point out Caucus doesn’t select the candidate. But hey lets keep facts away from this.

Anyway now that have acknowledged my power of control over Caucus (and by implication the entire Government of New Zealand), may I suggest some sensible strategies for those wishing to buy influence:

  1. Ask me to review new luxury hotels in Queenstown for you
  2. Insist I spend several weeks on a cruise ship in the South Pacific, getting the feel of it
  3. Place me on the mandatory invite list for all games at the Stadium (esp the Sevens)
  4. Take me out to dinner at Logan Brown
  5. Propose funding of Kiwiblog interns to assist me

Now some corporates out there may feel this is not a good return on investment. But remember The Standard’s sources are impeccable – it comes from a friend of a friend!

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32 Responses to “The all powerful DPF”

  1. Grant Michael McKenna (1,160 comments) says:

    For foaf’s sake!

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  2. Dirty Rat (504 comments) says:

    Seems like a good bite for his bait.

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  3. lofty (1,317 comments) says:

    Good God Almighty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (no not you DPF) I never knew the posters at the stranded had a sense of humour.

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  4. Michaels (1,318 comments) says:

    Instead of calling you Baloo, perhaps we could call you “GOD”, or maybe more appropriately, “SANTA”. :-)

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  5. Say Goodbye to Hollywood (563 comments) says:

    I think the term Grand Poobah has a more dignified ring to it.

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  6. big bruv (14,135 comments) says:

    DPF

    “Propose funding of Kiwiblog interns to assist me”

    I think there might be one going spare over at the ACT offices, from what I hear he is shit scared of MP’s at the moment and will take a job with anybody who does not have red hair.

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  7. lofty (1,317 comments) says:

    DPF = kaiwhakaheri

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  8. Pete George (23,681 comments) says:

    Please DPF, can you use all your powers to run a blog next year that allows open discussion and debate, is informative, interesting, provocative (thought-wise), and is sometimes a bit crazy. I don’t for a minute think we could all help you run caucus, but it’s fun trying.

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  9. Bevan (3,924 comments) says:

    Seems like a good bite for his bait.

    Ahhh the old I was caught out so I’ll pull the “I was just fishing” routine….

    Although running defense on behalf of the standard? Good god man! Are you that desperate for friends?

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  10. Ericthetinman (5 comments) says:

    Who ever was behind the decision to run Lee, needs stuffing with the wrong end of a pineapple

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  11. Brian Smaller (4,024 comments) says:

    I think there might be one going spare over at the ACT offices, from what I hear he is shit scared of MP’s at the moment and will take a job with anybody who does not have red hair.

    He is safe from DPF then – I have seen him – bald as a coot. I qualify that by stating that I have no knowledge of whether DPF is a natural ginga. Mind you…all his attacks on Gingas. Perhaps a bit of a ‘protesteth too much’ thing going on you think?

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  12. tvb (4,497 comments) says:

    This is deeply flattering to you and the power of your blog. Except the Labour Party and their tax payer funded blog simply do not count.

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  13. RightNow (6,995 comments) says:

    My theory of ‘never believe anything you read at the standard’ has been upheld yet again (with the disclaimer that I actually never read anything at the standard).
    While Red Alert is slightly open to the possibility that some commenters/readers at their blog could be swing voters, the standard prefer to circle their wagons and viciously repel anyone who might not completely agree with them. It is true irony, they do their side more harm than good.
    Merry Christmas Standardistas! Keep up the good work next year!

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  14. Dirty Rat (504 comments) says:

    Bevan
    Take one step back

    Read it for what it is. Its a wind up.

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  15. Bevan (3,924 comments) says:

    Bevan
    Take one step back

    Read it for what it is. Its a wind up.

    Aint my first day on the Internet buddy, I’ve seen your tactic on every forum I’ve ever been on.

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  16. burt (8,309 comments) says:

    Didn’t you also get a job offer from Owen Glenn, he was going to nominate you as Transport minister or something… Well that is what a friend told me.

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  17. burt (8,309 comments) says:

    DPF

    Back to reality, IrishBill thinks socialism works as well. The guy is clearly deranged beyond redemption.

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  18. Bob (497 comments) says:

    Next time Labour take the reins they will make sure you don’t get near government. They might even ban all political comment for 3 years before an election to shut you up. That won’t apply to the Standard as it will be seen as a public interest blog.

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  19. Angus (536 comments) says:

    “Who ever was behind the decision to run Lee, needs stuffing with the wrong end of a pineapple”

    Moreover, whoever was supposed to be responsible for running her campaign. . . made worse by the fact that the Smirking Suit buggered off on holiday when the vote was on. That wasn’t a good look either.

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  20. Brian Smaller (4,024 comments) says:

    “Who ever was behind the decision to run Lee, needs stuffing with the wrong end of a pineapple”

    Are you trying to tell me there is the right end of pineapple when considering stuffing? That is frightening.

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  21. Rex Widerstrom (5,354 comments) says:

    Bloody hell, it’s not hard you Standardistas.

    Q: Has DPF had a lobotomy?

    If answer = “no” then he’s not the person who thought Melissa Lee would be a good bet. Look elsewhere.

    Hint: People who’ve been lobotomised often sit round doing nothing with a vacant grin on their face.

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  22. Dirty Rat (504 comments) says:

    Bevan

    Do you meticulously read forums for such behaviour ?

    How many forums do you read every day ?

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  23. Elijah Lineberry (306 comments) says:

    This chap is clearly under a great misapprehension but you know what the Irish are like (I have always felt all Irish chaps are rather ‘suspicious’ characters).

    If you have such control over the Caucus what about a tax cut? (a proper one – down to 15 cents in the dollar)

    I must say the cruise ship idea sounds splendid! hahaha!

    http://www.nightcitytrader.blogspot.com

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  24. toad (3,674 comments) says:

    FFS, can’t quite tell who here is taking Irish Bill’s post seriously and who isn’t, but the whole thing is a piss-take – apart from the Paula Bennett leak to Colin Espiner re Harris, which is probably true, but IB wouldn’t know any more than I would about that.

    @Elijah Lineberry 2:16 pm

    This chap is clearly under a great misapprehension but you know what the Irish are like (I have always felt all Irish chaps are rather ’suspicious’ characters).

    You obviously know too many Orangemen.

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  25. kowtow (8,738 comments) says:

    I’d rather a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

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  26. burt (8,309 comments) says:

    kowtow

    Or this old favorite: If anyone tries to give me a frontal lobotomy I’ll give them a piece of my mind.

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  27. pq (728 comments) says:

    thats right dude,
    running the country from a blog site is not easy,
    and thats why we gave you the Medallion Quixote,
    recommendation at the time was I think
    influence beyond belief

    peterquixote

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  28. OECD rank 22 kiwi (2,753 comments) says:

    Federated Farmers should pop around to David’s house with a pallet or two of cheese. They’d get the ETS scrapped in no time.

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  29. OECD rank 22 kiwi (2,753 comments) says:

    A few petrol vouchers in a brown paper bag courtesy of Big Oil and Bob’s your uncle, no need for the transport sector to worry aboout the ETS ever again.

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  30. burt (8,309 comments) says:

    A few hundred thousand and a free helicopter to use for getting to race meetings and DPF might organise a tax cut for the racing industry at a time when the finance minister is saying “read my lips – no tax cuts”

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  31. big bruv (14,135 comments) says:

    “Hint: People who’ve been lobotomised often sit round doing nothing with a vacant grin on their face”

    And vote Labour.

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  32. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    Toad,

    With IB’s frothing Leftie form it’s isn’t a given that his post is a piss take although he must have been on the piss if he thought it was witty.

    HTH’s clarify my position.

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