The 51st state
March 11th, 2010 at 3:42 pm by David FarrarA Paulus Telfer has applied to the Electoral Commission, to register the logo below as the official logo for a 51st state party:
Yes that is 51 stars on there. Six rows, with half having nine stars and half having eight stars. The current US flag has nine rows, with five rows of six, and four rows of five.
Mr Telfer incidentally stood for Mayor of Christchurch and got 289 votes. Bob Parker won with 46,104.
Anyway I thought I would see if I could come up with ten reasons why we should become the 51st state of the United States.
- We would now get to bully Australia
- No more royal tours
- Cheaper gas
- The SAS would get the much cooler name of Delta Force
- We would now be the possessors of the Olympic Gold Medal for Rugby Union
- We instantly have an effective free trade agreement with the US
- The ANZUS Treaty would then become the A’n'US treaty.
- Just as one has African-Americans, Asian-Americans, Arab-Americans, we would be Kiwi-Americans
- No longer would need to fund MFAT
- Someone earning NZ$100,000 (US$70,000) would pay 19.5% federal income tax instead of the average 29.5% currently imposed.
March 11th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
And one reason why Telfer can’t use that as a party logo: it belongs to the US Federal Government. While this means it is free for use within the US, it is still copyrighted outside the US. NZ law prohibits using copyright violations as party logos.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 3:51 pm
11. Keith Locke would explode a a cloud of self-loathing.
Oh, and “SAS” is cool, “Delta Force” is so try-hard
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Really? The Queen’s probably toured the US more than she’s toured here.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
I begin to understand why you supported the “Wellywood” sign!
[DPF: Umm I do not support it. In fact I have mused about calling for volunteers with axes to destroy the monstrosity if it is built]
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 4:10 pm
12. We’d come under the US Constitution.
13. AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
11. the population would enjoy the protections that the constitution affords members of the other 50 states
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
God bless the YANKS.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
15. Right to arm bears
Vote:16. Palin (Sarah not Michael)
17. No Cuban Cigars
March 11th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
19.5% tax for residents is ok perhaps; but under US tax law you’d also be taxed on your global income, so not so good for some of us operating in multiple tax jurisdictions.
Also we’d go from having arguably the world’s safest passport to potentially being pulled off the next bus/plane/train, lined up and shot.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 4:48 pm
18. dad4justice would be executed.
19. No more cricket, so no more Black craps.
20. We could laugh at Sarah “I don’t know what the VP does” Palin at the same time as all the other ‘mercans.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 4:48 pm
pkiwi embargo against Cuba was lifted some time ago.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
It would be worth it just to see the look on the watermelons faces
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
No more handouts for those who wont work.
Vote:Have as many children as you like no welfare for families.
No privileges based on the colour of you skin.
No TPK
No Maori affairs
No Maori TV
No second world health system.
No waiting lists.
March 11th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
Yeah, but the state government of New Zealand could (and would) impose its own taxes.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/State_tax_levels
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
I prefer to live in the knowledge that I need never share my citizenship with Paris Hilton.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 5:01 pm
I think that even though the rules say the design can’t be used, they should let it slide, as it would be an interesting talking point at the next election, prompting us to think seriously about how we see ourselves, our patriotism, and our national identity.
You could do worse than the USA, but now would be a bad time, as taxes are going to have to be raised dramatically in the states to pay for their bailouts and healthcare bill that they will ram through.
I agree about the watermelons, Locke’s and Turei’s heads would explode with rage
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 5:14 pm
46 million americans without health insurance would beg to differ
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
I prefer to live in the knowledge Sarah Palin would sooner be lynched than be my president.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
46 million Americans that choose not to take health insurance.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 5:47 pm
46 million Americans that choose not to take health insurance?
so you have evidence that they can afford insurance but don’t?
they must choose to be poor, even choose where they’re born and pick their parents
from the rules I saw freedom to obey is their greatest freedom and we’re closing in fast on this.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 5:59 pm
11. No more incentive for Mossad to forge our passports.
Vote:12. Could join the GOP, vote against Palin, and have hours of fun taunting Redbaiter.
13. Kerry Prendergast could run for Mayor of Hollywood, thus sating her desire to live in a town dominated by a ridiculous sign plus she’d have photo ops with real celebrities, and leave the rest of us alone.
14. John Key gets to ask to be called “the Gubbinadder”.
15. Appalachian dwellers get someone to make jokes about: South Islanders!
16. If Presidential qualifications get made retrospective, imagine Helen Clark’s campaign!
17. The impossible happens – Phil Goff becomes even less relevant.
18. Solve balance of payments problems by selling citizenship to Mexicans and exchanging worthless NZ dollars for bright shiny pesos.
19. Finally a productive use for the Beehive: missile silo.
20. The obesity issue becomes a boon – we fit in with our new fellow citizens immediately.
21. At last, a national anthem that doesn’t sound like it should be sung at a funeral.
March 11th, 2010 at 6:15 pm
“I prefer to live in the knowledge that I need never share my citizenship with Paris Hilton.”
In your dreams Chthoniid! I will see if I can get her number for you next time she calls (number withheld)
Vote:You like animals don’t you?
March 11th, 2010 at 6:20 pm
If it wasn’t for the USA military the Japs would have invaded NZ in the 1940′s. Seriously fucking up the place and murdering the bulk of the population.
Vote:So I guess if there was anyone to be dominated by, the US would be the logical choice.
Plus the fact I like Americans in general.
March 11th, 2010 at 6:21 pm
Rex,
We gotta get those Civil Defence wankers out of the Beehive bunker first.
Vote:Also the Star Spangled Banner sound fine to me.
March 11th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Do we, Steve, do we really?
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 6:30 pm
Kiki so youre suggesting that because 46 million Americans cant afford health care the other 244 million should be made to pay for it. I dont need any evidence that they can afford insurance but dont take it ,If they dont have health insurance then they struggle to get treated, its called a “consequence”.
Vote:That some one is poor or didnt get to choose where they were born or who their parents were should be of no consequence to the taxpayer, its the way it goes, unfair yes but lifes not fair.
Could you post a link for the rules you saw, it would seem they are different to anything that I am able to find.
http://www.america.gov/constitution.html?gclid=CJidy833r6ACFYMwpAodHDRTTQ.
You might like to have a look here.
The USA is a meritocracy, its citizens are relatively free to do as they wish, they may have as many children as they want,drink as much alcohol as they wish, eat as much junk food as they want, celebrate their culture, ride a motorcycle with out a helmet, drive a car and not wear a seat belt etc etc etc.and their fellow taxpayers are safe in the knowledge that they will not be expected to to pay for their fellow citizens poor lifestyle choices.
Unlike here.
March 11th, 2010 at 6:31 pm
Americans without health insurance still get emergency health care, usually for free, as a matter of law. That’s ALL FORMS of emergency health care, no restrictions. And that’s part of why health insurance costs are so high there – the indigent are subsidised by hospitals. What you don’t get without health insurance is cheap visits to the doctor when you have a cold.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 6:36 pm
“If Presidential qualifications get made retrospective”
Not being born in the US has not bothered Obama. Or the mainstream media, a collection of cowardly lying Democrat operatives who forged documents in an attempt to embarrass Bush, and actually subpoened his dental records, sent hordes of reporters to Alaska to sift through Sarah Palin’s garbage, and hounded Nixon out of office for lying. NZ “journalists”, equally as partisan, will be welcomed with open arms by this corrupt gang of fakes.
Except for Paul Holmes, who would be excluded by means of the nose wart. When it comes to appearances, even US TV stations have some standards.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 6:40 pm
11. I could legitimately wear my “I didn’t vote for Obama” t-shirt.
Vote:12. Because our youth would actually be American, perhaps they wouldn’t try so hard to be quasi American – as is the case now.
13. We too would be able to identify ourselves as ‘Septic Tanks’.
14. We wouldn’t have to put up with our PM Governor making guest appearances on Letterman.
15. We would be the first American state to see the new day.
16. Our eagle was BIGGER than the actual American eagle.
17. No Maori grievance industry.
18. It would be harder to get ‘bad’ laws passed through parliament as is the case now in NZ.
March 11th, 2010 at 6:57 pm
Why join the US.. when history suggests its better to declare war on American then surrender. Look at all the US aid Japan and Germany got after their surrender.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 7:11 pm
[DPF: Umm I do not support it. In fact I have mused about calling for volunteers with axes to destroy the monstrosity if it is built]
David, you are right. I withdraw and apologize.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 7:34 pm
51fst state, no thanks, they seem to be on the path to socialism and totalitarian government. After a decade of our own lunatic left, their half baked ideals and deep desire for totalitarian government, we can do better then importing more of these fruitcakes.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
[DPF: Umm I do not support it. In fact I have mused about calling for volunteers with axes to destroy the monstrosity if it is built]
Incitment to destroy private property David?
That’s an interesting thing to muse over, given your reaction when someone does protest by destroying private property.
Supporter of the Ploughshares, are you?
[DPF: There is a difference between musing about something, and actually doing it]
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 8:00 pm
I would much prefer New Zealand’s membership to the European Union which currently sits in a healthier position to that of the United States.
The most recent “Forbes rich list” has already revealed the continued decline of American wealth, to the growth and expansion of Asian billionaires.
I say, get out while you still can for the American states contemplating independence (please note that this is political humour and should not be considered as a “factual” assertion) and as for New Zealand: stay out while we still can.
The US Titanic hasn’t sunk yet, lets board the star liner to Europe instead.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 8:03 pm
@Steve
…I had no idea you possessed this cruel streak
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 8:22 pm
[DPF: There is a difference between musing about something, and actually doing it]
So … you’re feeling sympathetic for the Urewera ‘terrorists’ now?
You’re a very forgiving man!
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 8:27 pm
And guess where we’d rank for GDP per capita if we were the 51st state?
http://johnansell.wordpress.com/2010/03/09/nz-77th-out-of-80-anglo-states/
Oh to be as wealthy as Mississippi, Idaho, North Dakota or Alabama.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 8:31 pm
11. Puke, Phool, Bonkers, eszett, Delirium and most of the Labour Party would flee to North Korea, the home of peace, justice and brotherhood.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 8:55 pm
I have to say, I like a lot of Kris’s ones.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 8:58 pm
As for the Delta Force … since the New Zealand Special Air Service is vastly superior to the American Deltas, I would suggest that the SAS take in the Delta ‘operators’ that can pass the intelligence test.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
The very same way I choose not to drive a Ferrari
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 9:46 pm
Sideoiler wrote;
“…ride a motorcycle with out a helmet, drive a car and not wear a seat belt …”
No.
Helmets
http://www.bikersrights.com/states/50state.html
Seatbelts
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seat_belt_legislation#United_States
Given our current law, as the 51st state I don’t think there’s any chance we’d enact anything different.
Vote:March 11th, 2010 at 10:37 pm
15. The Left would be overcome with such self-loathing and anti-New Zealand sentiment they would bugger off. Zimbabwae, North Korea or Nigeria. Perhaps we need a one-way visa waiver programme! And make extradition compulsory!
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 1:11 am
1. Cultural cringe will now be no worse than Alabama’s.
2. Americans get to judge how psychotic we are by sending Barack Obama and Sarah Palin here on a joint good-will tour.
3. We stop being pikers, borrowing $250million per week, and start borrowing $200billion a month.
4. Americans get the phrase they need – “no worries”.
5. No. 4 and No. 75 squadrons reborn – with F22′s. Eat your hearts out Aussie!
6. Peter Jackson pays for Hollywood & Beverly Hills to be scooped up and dumped in Wainuomata.
7. We scuttle the Steinlager adverts by introducing William Defoe to the beer we’re drinking here – by drowning him in Croucher Pale Ale.
8. Beehive removed and used to replace the Capitol Dome.
9. New tradition established – February clash between All Blacks and Superbowl Champions (sans pads)
10. We finally get to know what uranium smells like.
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 7:40 am
Rich only in irony. Calling the left anti-New Zealand while promoting the assimilation of NZ in the US.
Vote:Can’t get greater anti-NZ than that, richy.
March 12th, 2010 at 8:57 am
Oh eszett, you just don’t get it. If NZ was a US state the left would have to be anti it, its the left’s default setting.
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 9:27 am
According to this federal tax calculator you’d pay $16,718 on $70,000, just under 24%.
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 9:51 am
I agree with Ryan –Kris K has the best ones. If I could give him karma I would.
And as to Jeff 83 — what is it about Sarah Palin that turns you psychotic? As a member of the New Zealand branch of the Sarah Palin appreciation Society I must protest. I think she was a great governor of Alaska before being derailed by the mainstream media. And she is very pretty — possibly not a rational consideration when it comes to electing people to high office — but maybe I just got sick of having to look at Helen Clark on the news every night? The Americans could do way worse by electing her to Pres. In fact they have done worse. They elected a guy who has never held down a real job and never governed anything.
Can’t agree with whoever said we should join the European Union. A team of unelected elite European bureaucrats making the rules for ordinary New Zealanders to live by? I don’t think so. They would make our previous Labour government look positively laisser faire by comparison.
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 9:55 am
The death penalty would be reinstated immediately.
We might even get chain gangs.
There would also be no student funding.
If we did get cheaper gas, as David surmised, all the petrol companies and Gull would probably corner the market.
And very deservedly so
So a mixture of good and bad as in any system. Except America is a failed experiment, So we would become failures immediately. Even with a crime free society.
A fascinating nightmare.
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 10:00 am
Ouch on MFAT. Bit harsh, wot about NZDF, TradeNZ, Customs, TVNZ, Air NZ, and a few others….
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 11:09 am
So good she quit mid term to become a fox news commentator. So good she authorised a bridge to nowhere. So good she thought Africa was a country (broke on Fox news – for those who want to slur that with a MSM bs slur), and whose entire policy is slogans rather than anythign actually certain. Someone who calls for ‘news reporting the facts , you know the who what where how’ and how opinion is destroying that whilst working as a commentator on fox news. Yip there a million reasons, but the key thing is Redbaiter is right on this, nothing scares me more than her taking power, nothing.
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 11:42 am
Jeff, Palin cancelled the bridge to nowhere, that was the main point of her campaign against the incumbent when she became Governator. Her entire policy is slogans, is it? I “hope” she can “change” that.
Sarah Palin is not a newsreader, she is a commentator, so the ‘fair and balanced’ rules you demand do not apply.
She has also spent the last year learning about stuff, so she doesn’t screw up with Africa gaffes and that.
What about Joe Biden? Obama hardly ever lets him talk in case he says something stupid.
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 11:49 am
Dark and unbalanced then?
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
[DPF]: Mr Telfer incidentally stood for Mayor of Christchurch and got 289 votes. Bob Parker won with 46,104.
Says it all. Failed political crank.
And the rationality of DPF enthusiasm for this escapes me.
Somehow it is unbearable to have some theoretical, in-name-only subservience to the Queen of England, so hey let’s cede ACTUAL sovereignty to the Gummint of the USA, in return for a tiny and non-controlling set of votes in their system. WTF?
[DPF: Did you miss the humour tag?]
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
“Dark and unbalanced then?”
No, that’s Obama
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Jeff 83 — I think you have a case of the disease — Palin derangement syndrome (PDS). It is a variation or mutation of the Bush Derangement Syndrome which has inflicted the whole mainstream media.
Seriously — Sarah Palin was a very competent governor of the State of Alaska. Hounded out of office by well-financed Democrat operatives, aided and abetted by the mainstream media, all of whom were suffering from PDS, as well as BDS, itself a variant of BS.
If she were Pres she would not spend trillions of dollars on new entitlements, she would make strong defence a priority, she would stop sucking up to every totalitarian dictator, and generally provide reasonable commonsense governance. That was what Sarah Palin provided in Alaska and what she would provide to the United States.
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 2:04 pm
It is fantasy to think Palin could become President and slash spending. And to liken governing Alaska with dealing with many world leaders is quaint.
I think that any President, no matter how well intentioned, would have a damned hard job reducing much spending. Too many jobs and investments (of elected representatives) are at stake.
Fundraising and lobbying seem to drive most things, there are huge vested interests. Palin supporters are naive to think that she could change the whole modus operandi there without a lot of established support – which she doesn’t seem to have.
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
New Zealand would get 2 senators and probably 6 congressmen if it were the 51st state. It’s that alone which would probably stop us ever being able to join the union.
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 4:01 pm
“Jeff, Palin cancelled the bridge to nowhere,”
You might want to look into it a bit further. Yes she cancelled it, but she had already previously approved it. She just canceleld it after the media caught onto it.
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
And Scott no offense mate but the fact that you mentioned MSM twice in your defense I would suspect you read your news through a rose tinted lense.
As for “sucking up to every totalitarian dictator,” I think you would replace that with “sucking up to every totalitarian dictator, that we disagree with”. Otherwise the US might have to ‘rethink’ their policies to such countries as Saudi Arabia (which ironically nealy all of Sep 9 / 11 bombers came from).
But anyway whatever
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
1. We would now get to bully Australia – no we would get to hold up our end of things for a bloody change.
Vote:2. No more royal tours – incorrect the Royals tour the US and there’s nothing funnier than watching the Americans getting all giggly over Royals.
3. Cheaper gas – if you by it THERE yes but shipping it here can add a bit.
4. The SAS would get the much cooler name of Delta Force – wtf are you smoking? SAS kicks some.
5. We would now be the possessors of the Olympic Gold Medal for Rugby Union – wot????
6. We instantly have an effective free trade agreement with the US – you are not familiar with state politics are you.
7. The ANZUS Treaty would then become the A’n’US treaty. – We’ve already made an arse of it thanks.
8. Just as one has African-Americans, Asian-Americans, Arab-Americans, we would be Kiwi-Americans – and the usual suspects would be claiming half of Arizona by lunch time.
9. No longer would need to fund MFAT – Because the US is our only trading partner?
10. Someone earning NZ$100,000 (US$70,000) would pay 19.5% federal income tax instead of the average 29.5% currently imposed. – Approved, action this day.
March 12th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
[DPF: Did you miss the humour tag?]
Not at all. Bit dry though is all…
Vote:March 12th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
The only thing it lacked as humor was being funny.
Vote:March 13th, 2010 at 8:22 pm
After reading Eszett and RRM, I’ve thought of another one:
15. The humourless NZ left can team up with the humourless US left and create a political force with all the power of a ready salted peanut.
Vote:May 20th, 2010 at 1:18 am
Channelling the ghost of Norman Mailer?
http://skepticalcommunity.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?p=534807#534807
Vote:September 19th, 2010 at 6:56 pm
Application refused. I wonder why?
http://www.elections.org.nz/study/news/application-to-register-political-party-logo.html
Telfer is still around though, he is standing again for the Christchurch Mayoralty.
Vote:September 21st, 2010 at 11:03 pm
Here’s his website:
http://51st-state.com/
Vote: