Desirable Times

June 26th, 2010 at 7:41 pm by David Farrar

The Daily Telegraph reports the latest essential research:

A survey of 50 members of the Society for Threapy and Research, who counsel and treat couples with sexual problems, suggested the time range for adequate, too short and too long copulation.

Oh yay an official guide. And the times are:

  1. Too short: 1 -2 minutes (no kidding!)
  2. Acceptable: 3 – 7 minutes
  3. Desirable: 7 – 13 minutes
  4. Too long: Over 13 minutes

I wonder how much taxpayer funding in the UK went towards this research.

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47 Responses to “Desirable Times”

  1. Lee C (4,516 comments) says:

    I hope the guy with the stop-watch had adequate training . .

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  2. davidp (3,581 comments) says:

    Do the times include foreplay and post-coital cuddling?

    What about the film or restaurant meal beforehand?

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  3. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    Did the survey include Mr Jones?

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  4. Rex Widerstrom (5,354 comments) says:

    Surely it’d depend on the position? If you’re standing up, supporting your partner’s weight with your hands, it’s about 20 seconds before your back goes out. With her on top it can be indefinite (unless she twigs to the fact I’ve nodded off).

    [Incidentally, I consulted Wikipedia to see if that position had a recognised name (always keen to educate my fellow Kiwibloggers). Apparently it doesn’t. But what did catch my eye was this part of the description of “doggy style”:

    The penetrating partner’s hands usually have to be placed on the receiving partner’s back to keep from falling forward.[citation needed]

    Only on the internets would some nerd demand a citation for a statement like that. Presumably some lad in his mother’s basement who thinks that if he ever got to do it with a real girl, he wouldn’t ever get tired :-D ]

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  5. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    sometimes it’s been too short….

    sometimes it’s been too long…

    (what can you do…?..)

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  6. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    and while we are on this subject…

    have any of you had the privilege of all the skittles being lined up in a row…

    ..and being with a woman who climaxes to such a degree that she ejaculates from her vagina..?

    as in spurting out…

    like a golden shower…?…but not a golden shower..?

    whoar…!

    the first time that happened i thought i was being pissed on…

    but really…awe-inspiring to behold..i gotta tell ya..

    and..um..!

    that usually takes more than 13 mins…

    ..eh..?

    ‘desirable times’..indeed..!

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  7. David Farrar (1,895 comments) says:

    Yes I have known a “squirter”. She was like the Victoria Falls!

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  8. JiveKitty (778 comments) says:

    @davidp: I assume not, but what is this “foreplay” you mention?

    @Rex: Surely, there’s a good technique for it that means your back is relatively protected. As in weightlifting. Straight back, bended knees or something?

    @Philu: Can’t say I’ve seen female ejaculation outside of pornography, no.

    And where the hell is Dime to comment on this thread?

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  9. JiveKitty (778 comments) says:

    @David: Was that her pornstar name?

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  10. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    “..@Philu: Can’t say I’ve seen female ejaculation outside of pornography, no…”

    my condolances…

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  11. Pete George (23,567 comments) says:

    Society for Sex Threapy and Research, who counsel and treat couples with sexual problems

    Surely they’re not suggesting threesomes as treatment?

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  12. davidp (3,581 comments) says:

    JiveKitty>but what is this “foreplay” you mention?

    It’s a technical word for nudging a woman and asking her to roll over.

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  13. JiveKitty (778 comments) says:

    @Philu: Odds are, I’ll get there one day

    @Pete George: Threesomes, meh. Don’t see the attraction, myself. Not interested in males and two women to please, no thanks.

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  14. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    “..Surely they’re not suggesting threesomes as treatment?..”

    depends what ails ya…

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  15. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    i think there should be more gusher-pride…

    maybe ..’i’m a gusher!’ badges..?

    ..could be a start..?

    ‘say it proud..and squirt it loud!’..

    by their puddles shall ye know them…

    (i wonder what the christian-fascist p.o.v. is on gushers…?

    ..i reckon gushing would have them running for the hills..

    declaiming it as work of ‘the devil’..

    ..or maybe even ‘the whore of babylon’..?

    whoar…!

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  16. Luc Hansen (4,573 comments) says:

    Well, since it’s late, I can tell you guys and gals that threesomes, foursomes and moresomes, in which I indulged in a previous life, are all life enhancing.

    And it’s not time that enables a women to squirt. It’s the combination of passion and technique! I’ve experience the squirt, that lovely warm flood, as early as two minutes into copulation.

    As they say, different strokes…

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  17. JiveKitty (778 comments) says:

    @davidp: ahh, I’ll have to work on that.

    @philu:Maybe they’d see it as the spilling of seed? Fucked if I know. I try to believe in logical constructs. I did notice that apparently some Christians may consider the Catholic Church the whore of Babylon (see today’s general debate). You reckon she’s a “gusher”?

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  18. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    “..@Philu: Odds are, I’ll get there one day..”

    i recommend a few warm-up cumnnilingual-o’s..

    and then congress positions that emphasise clitoral/genital contact/stimulation..

    ..that the female directs/controls..

    (the male must accept his role as just a pole-prop..)

    not necessarily ‘ride em’ cowboy!’…

    ..more ‘ride-him-cowgirl!

    good luck with that..!..eh..?

    from my observations…

    ..the destination is well worth the journey…

    ..and even almost getting there..

    ..can be a lot of fun…

    ..eh..?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  19. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    cant believe over 13 minutes is considered too long,………….(suppose im a marathon man) like the average threesome is over an hour – suppose each girl gets 30 minutes…………. (umm – DPF did they say if it was per hole?)

    (and yes phool – gushers are nothing new)

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  20. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    ok..luc wins the pissing-contest..

    2 minutes..?..

    whoar..?

    got a tasteful-vid..?

    any tips..?

    whoar..!

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  21. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    “..moresomes, ..”

    how disgusting..!

    i’ll get the christian-fascist kk’s onto you..!

    they’ll ‘whore of babylon’ you right out of the room..!

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  22. starboard (2,537 comments) says:

    Ive had a gusher…thought I was getting pissed on as well…she also liked her nipples being bitten… and I mean bitten…hard…

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  23. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    “..It’s the combination of passion and technique!..”

    can we call you ‘mr technique’…?

    can i suggest a calling-card..?

    “mr technique’..

    (i can get you gushing .. in just two minutes)…

    it could act as a good shortcut for you..eh..?

    cut straight to the chase ..as it were..?

    or..in yr case..

    cut straight to the gush…

    ..eh..?

    whoar…!

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  24. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    can we build on this gusher-meme…?

    see if we can get a henry-mention on breakafast-telly…?

    i’m sure he’d have a few words to say on gushing/about gushers/gushers he has/hasn’t had…

    ..he’d lap it up…

    ..eh..?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  25. JiveKitty (778 comments) says:

    Not a huge sample size for this survey.

    Been with a person who liked to be choked. She was an odd one. Probably still is.

    @Philu: Maybe you should start a group. :D

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  26. Luc Hansen (4,573 comments) says:

    My favourite party game in those days was naked musical chairs. The ladies danced in front of the men until the music stopped, then sat on the nearest lap, if you get my drift.

    No safe sex inhibitions in those days – share and share alike.

    And if the music went for more than two minutes, it would get boring!

    As they say, different strokes…

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  27. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    a gushers-support group..!

    now..there’s a thought…

    it’s not an affliction..!

    ..it’s a gift..!

    ‘we put the gush in orgasms..!’

    (gummint-funding..?..d’yareckon..?..)

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  28. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    “..The ladies danced in front of the men until the music stopped, then sat on the nearest lap, if you get my drift…”

    an earlier version of pole-dancing..?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  29. Luc Hansen (4,573 comments) says:

    Let’s not get too explicit, Phil.

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  30. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    i;m sorry ‘starr’..

    but anyone who chooses the moniker ‘starr’…

    ..just can’t be believed…

    ..eh..?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  31. JiveKitty (778 comments) says:

    @philu: With reference to Patrick Starr, look up “Spongebob Squarepants”.

    A pole is a pole is a pole. :O

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  32. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    i’m just trying to paper over your ‘too much information’…eh…?

    we don’t need any pale imitations of penthouse letters…

    ..eh..?

    this is a celebration of a gift not all women have..

    ..it isn’t about you/your (sad?) historical attempts/fumbles at organised group-sex…eh..?

    i mean..who really gives a fuck..?

    what ‘you did..

    way back then..

    ..ehh.?

    i repeat..!..

    this is a celebration of gifted-women..

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  33. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    maybe those lucky men ..who have encountered one of ‘the sisters of the gush’ …

    …cd be qualified to wear ‘i’ve been gushed!’ buttons/badges…?

    just a thought…

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  34. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    whew..!..all this talk of ‘gushing’…

    ..it makes me feel like having a cup of tea…

    ..and a wee lie-down…

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  35. Grizz (605 comments) says:

    On the subject of 13 minutes being too long..

    No one has ever complained to me that I went overtime and took too long. I have never received any emails to that sell products that will make me last shorter or shown any reports from women about men taking too long to finish. Agreed that there is a too short limit, but hell, if it last longer then why not I say.

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  36. JiveKitty (778 comments) says:

    @Grizz: While this appears to be very unscientific research and I don’t know that 13 minutes would be too long for the average person, there are reasons it could be: in the male to female equation, for example, stereotypically, the male gets his end off and the female does not reach climax, so boredom could be one reason and in line with that, another could be dryness down there – if it’s not so wet, it could get painful for the female. Those would be the immediate potential reasons that come to mind. Note that I state potential, because this won’t happen in every case, but in the average case, the probability is possibly relatively high – with better research, one could probably be more certain.

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  37. davidp (3,581 comments) says:

    16 of 36 comments here are by philu…

    …It’s like a streaming webcam located in Shane Jones’ hotel room.

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  38. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    “..with better research, one could probably be more certain…”

    i agree..!

    where do ya volunteer for that sorta ‘research’…?

    is it paid-work..?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  39. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    ‘i;m sorry ’starr’..
    but anyone who chooses the moniker ’starr’…
    ..just can’t be believed”

    likewise phool
    …anyone who was a smack addict, commited armed robbery and served time in the pokie (probably puttin on lipstick)….well whadda thunk?

    (your threesums werent in a cell were they?)

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  40. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    “..16 of 36 comments here are by philu…..”

    but what comments…!

    pearls..!..all of them…!

    (‘pearls’.now..that’s a whole other subject/topic..!..)

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  41. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    did i ‘hurt’ starr…?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  42. Patrick Starr (3,674 comments) says:

    were you allowed your cosmo phool?

    (get some makeup tips perhaps?)

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  43. pq (728 comments) says:

    soon as I get to 13 minutes i go straight to sleep dude,
    new girls all the time

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  44. Manolo (13,780 comments) says:

    Anything less than desirable is undesirable!

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  45. Viking2 (11,471 comments) says:

    Thank the Lord that DPF et al cannot post their past glory pictures here.
    You will just have to put them on facebook and provide the links.

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  46. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    wipe yr mouth..!…viking..!

    you are drooling..and we can see it from here…

    you are hanging out for some ‘jones-ing’…eh…?.

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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