Dim Post on Hodgson
June 16th, 2010 at 1:00 pm by David FarrarDanyl is dangerous when bored:
Labour Party MP Pete Hodgson will be leaving Parliament to travel back in time and attack the reputation of Prime Minister John Key as a young boy, senior Labour sources announced today.
The Dunedin North MP plans to establish a new identity in the past where he can be close to the future Prime Minister – possibly as a teacher or friend of the Key family – and accumulate enough evidence to permanently damage Key’s reputation and preclude him from entering politics and becoming leader of the National Party.
‘We believe that as a ten year old child Key was involved in illegal currency speculation that badly damaged the New Zealand economy,’ Hodgson said. ‘We also have information suggesting that at about this time Key and his friend Derek shoplifted a pornographic magazine from a local dairy.’
‘I believe these crimes are related,’ Hodgson added. ‘My goal back in 1971 will be to piece together the evidence and present them to the New Zealand public. They will know that slippery John Key is not to be trusted even if the people of today will not. If I am successful the voters of 2008 will never even know Key’s name! How will you spin that Crosby/Textor?’
The Prime Minister refused to comment on Labour’s plan, saying only that he would be sad to see Mr Hodgson leave Parliament and adding that the Dunedin MP reminded him of an elderly man who lived next door to him as a child. ‘I don’t remember his name though,’ Key said.
Court records indicate a P Hidgson lived across the road from the Key family in Burnside during the early 1970s. He was later arrested in the United States attempting to blow up the headquarters of Merril Lynch in New York in 1981.
‘I often wondered what happened to that crafty old guy,’ Key chuckled. ‘He really had it in for me, always hatching some scheme to get me into trouble. When I think about it I wouldn’t be here today if I wasn’t for that sense of cunning and strategy he cultivated in me as a boy.’
I almost hurt myself from the laughter reading this one.
Related posts:
- Hodgson to retire
- NZPA on Hodgson
- A case for Pete Hodgson
- Hodgson admits pledge cards were electioneering
June 16th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
Hay… don’t put it past Hodgson not to try.
Lov it.
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 1:28 pm
I think I have seen this movie.
In the sequel doesn’t Pete Hodgson go back in time to help the young John Key in order to put right the alternative future he created in the first movie where the Act party, under Rodger Douglas, have been in power for 15 years.
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 1:34 pm
so..that’s dim-post ..and farrar..that find it ‘funny’…
that key made large wedges of money..as a money-trader..
on betting the nz economy wd collapse..
..and then helping that happen….
..anyone else…?
phil(whoar.co.nz)
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Fuck off Phil you humourless twat
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Phil has a hard enough time with his own reality let alone anyone elses.
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 1:46 pm
ROFLMleftieFAO
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 1:46 pm
yeah phlu, George Soros. The guy who became a billionaire betting against the pound, remember?
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 1:48 pm
I recommend you all read the comments on the post as well. Russell Brown mentions he went to school with key and then danyl comes in with a comment that cost me a keyboard after a cup of coffee pelicaned out through my nostrils.
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 1:52 pm
Strangely, this makes more sense than Labour’s actual strategy.
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 2:00 pm
I almost hurt myself with laughter when I read that you almost hurt yourself with laughter. . .
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 2:02 pm
LGF: I agree! Gee, some people always see the dark side.
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 2:42 pm
“Strangely, this makes more sense than Labour’s actual strategy.”
Labour has a STRATEGY!!!??!?
(great post BTW)
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 2:45 pm
The Dim-Post is mandatory daily reading. And even though Danyl leans to the left, he’s sufficiently objective to take the piss out of lefties when they deserve it, unlike some we could mention.
As for Philip Ure; he probably hasn’t yet worked out that most of Danyl’s work is satirical. It must be the growing paranoia as he waits for the phone call, the letter and the knock on the door, because we all know it’s imminent!
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
‘Barnsley Bill’ you old scamp. Posting as ‘andy (the other one)’ as well as ‘Barnsley Bill’.
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 3:10 pm
Christopher Finlayson is giving Hodgson heaps in the General Debate at the moment …
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
I thought he would be fleeing back into the deep caves of middle earth to live on a diet of raw fish.
The sooner he is chucked into the volcano of Mt Doom the better.
Nasty little peice of work – he will not be missed having acheived nothing during his tenure in parliament.
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
Pete Dodgson used to be a vet. God knows what he did to little furry animals.
Ask Crusader-Rabbit!
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 5:27 pm
This is so true. This complete weirdo has been plotting and scheming to GET Key. So off he goes on his little witch-hunts. A nasty nasty man which looks weird and is weird.
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 5:38 pm
different senses of humour..eh..?
farrar ‘hurts himself’ laughing…
i read it ..and think..the premise is mildly amusing…
..the execution somewhat laboured and uninspiring…
..and a fucken long way from causing laugh-pain….
farrars’ joyful-linking would have nothing to do with it defending where perhaps key is the most vulnerable…?
d’yareckon…?
phil(whoar.co.nz)
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 5:46 pm
namely:..how he conspired to bring down the new zealand economy…
..’cos he had bet bigtime on that happening..
..and he did all he cd do to help make that come about…
..and made huge amounts of money when he succeeded in those aims..
..(at the time..we..here..weren’t that happy..)
and..y’know…no matter what angle i look at that sequence of events from..
..i find no ‘funny’..
with the only one laughing (all the way to the bank)..being key…
..but…farrar finds it funny…eh..?
maybe he will explain…just ‘how’..?
eh..?
phil(whoar.co.nz)
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 6:09 pm
Danyl stay bored nuf said.
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 6:13 pm
What is funny is that Key is an utter non entity who came out of nowhere. No substance typical Nat carpet bagger who if he wasn’t the PM would pack his bags and head off to Hawaii. Cycle way, jobs summit, 19 th century train set & now ETS. The man is utterly lame and still a non entity like his mickey mouse ideas.
Key would say and do anything to get elected and so the Feds have papered over the cracks for 18 months giving Key a free ride for a wee while. When it all comes crashing down and the Feds don’t have the resources to bail out our banking system like last time John Boy wont have the character to make the right calls and his glib bullshit is not gonna cut it when interest rates and unemployment are spiraling out of control.
Vote:June 16th, 2010 at 8:05 pm
Simon – I think you’ll find that the “19th Century train set” that we’ve all been lumbered with was Hulun’s legacy.
Vote:June 17th, 2010 at 7:12 am
I think you will find that the fuckwit Nats are going to spend one billion on an Auckland CBD subway. Can you find any spending programs that the Nats have canceled? No Key going to run with 19 th century technology because it is the path of least resistance.
Dear Leader was tax and spend the Nats are borrow and spend which makes them more fucked up than Labor.
Vote:June 17th, 2010 at 7:54 am
Ah an angry young Auckland University ACT member spleining.
Vote:June 17th, 2010 at 8:08 am
Can you find any spending programs that the Nats have canceled?
You can’t?
Vote: