Dim Post on Hodgson

June 16th, 2010 at 1:00 pm by David Farrar

Danyl is dangerous when bored:

Labour Party MP will be leaving Parliament to travel back in time and attack the reputation of Prime Minister as a young boy, senior Labour sources announced today.

The Dunedin North MP plans to establish a new identity in the past where he can be close to the future Prime Minister – possibly as a teacher or friend of the Key family – and accumulate enough evidence to permanently damage Key’s reputation and preclude him from entering politics and becoming leader of the National Party.

‘We believe that as a ten year old child Key was involved in illegal currency speculation that badly damaged the New Zealand economy,’ Hodgson said. ‘We also have information suggesting that at about this time Key and his friend Derek shoplifted a pornographic magazine from a local dairy.’

‘I believe these crimes are related,’ Hodgson added. ‘My goal back in 1971 will be to piece together the evidence and present them to the New Zealand public. They will know that slippery John Key is not to be trusted even if the people of today will not. If I am successful the voters of 2008 will never even know Key’s name! How will you spin that Crosby/Textor?’

The Prime Minister refused to comment on Labour’s plan, saying only that he would be sad to see Mr Hodgson leave Parliament and adding that the Dunedin MP reminded him of an elderly man who lived next door to him as a child. ‘I don’t remember his name though,’ Key said.

Court records indicate a P Hidgson lived across the road from the Key family in Burnside during the early 1970s. He was later arrested in the United States attempting to blow up the headquarters of Merril Lynch in New York in 1981.

‘I often wondered what happened to that crafty old guy,’ Key chuckled. ‘He really had it in for me, always hatching some scheme to get me into trouble. When I think about it I wouldn’t be here today if I wasn’t for that sense of cunning and strategy he cultivated in me as a boy.’

I almost hurt myself from the laughter reading this one.

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26 Responses to “Dim Post on Hodgson”

  1. RKBee (1,344 comments) says:

    Hay… don’t put it past Hodgson not to try.

    Lov it.

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  2. Le Grande Fromage (145 comments) says:

    I think I have seen this movie.

    In the sequel doesn’t Pete Hodgson go back in time to help the young John Key in order to put right the alternative future he created in the first movie where the Act party, under Rodger Douglas, have been in power for 15 years.

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  3. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    so..that’s dim-post ..and farrar..that find it ‘funny’…

    that key made large wedges of money..as a money-trader..

    on betting the nz economy wd collapse..

    ..and then helping that happen….

    ..anyone else…?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  4. Le Grande Fromage (145 comments) says:

    Fuck off Phil you humourless twat

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  5. slightlyrighty (2,471 comments) says:

    Phil has a hard enough time with his own reality let alone anyone elses. ;)

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  6. RRM (9,826 comments) says:

    ROFLMleftieFAO :-D

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  7. RightNow (6,986 comments) says:

    yeah phlu, George Soros. The guy who became a billionaire betting against the pound, remember?

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  8. Barnsley Bill (983 comments) says:

    I recommend you all read the comments on the post as well. Russell Brown mentions he went to school with key and then danyl comes in with a comment that cost me a keyboard after a cup of coffee pelicaned out through my nostrils.

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  9. davidp (3,580 comments) says:

    Strangely, this makes more sense than Labour’s actual strategy.

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  10. Lee C (4,516 comments) says:

    I almost hurt myself with laughter when I read that you almost hurt yourself with laughter. . .

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  11. David in Chch (516 comments) says:

    LGF: I agree! Gee, some people always see the dark side. :-P

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  12. Sam Buchanan (501 comments) says:

    “Strangely, this makes more sense than Labour’s actual strategy.”

    Labour has a STRATEGY!!!??!?

    (great post BTW)

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  13. Inventory2 (10,297 comments) says:

    The Dim-Post is mandatory daily reading. And even though Danyl leans to the left, he’s sufficiently objective to take the piss out of lefties when they deserve it, unlike some we could mention.

    As for Philip Ure; he probably hasn’t yet worked out that most of Danyl’s work is satirical. It must be the growing paranoia as he waits for the phone call, the letter and the knock on the door, because we all know it’s imminent!

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  14. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    ‘Barnsley Bill’ you old scamp. Posting as ‘andy (the other one)’ as well as ‘Barnsley Bill’.

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  15. Inventory2 (10,297 comments) says:

    Christopher Finlayson is giving Hodgson heaps in the General Debate at the moment …

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  16. Monty (976 comments) says:

    I thought he would be fleeing back into the deep caves of middle earth to live on a diet of raw fish.

    The sooner he is chucked into the volcano of Mt Doom the better.

    Nasty little peice of work – he will not be missed having acheived nothing during his tenure in parliament.

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  17. Swiftman the infidel (329 comments) says:

    Pete Dodgson used to be a vet. God knows what he did to little furry animals.

    Ask Crusader-Rabbit!

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  18. tvb (4,360 comments) says:

    This is so true. This complete weirdo has been plotting and scheming to GET Key. So off he goes on his little witch-hunts. A nasty nasty man which looks weird and is weird.

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  19. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    different senses of humour..eh..?

    farrar ‘hurts himself’ laughing…

    i read it ..and think..the premise is mildly amusing…

    ..the execution somewhat laboured and uninspiring…

    ..and a fucken long way from causing laugh-pain….

    farrars’ joyful-linking would have nothing to do with it defending where perhaps key is the most vulnerable…?

    d’yareckon…?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  20. philu (13,393 comments) says:

    namely:..how he conspired to bring down the new zealand economy…

    ..’cos he had bet bigtime on that happening..

    ..and he did all he cd do to help make that come about…

    ..and made huge amounts of money when he succeeded in those aims..

    ..(at the time..we..here..weren’t that happy..)

    and..y’know…no matter what angle i look at that sequence of events from..

    ..i find no ‘funny’..

    with the only one laughing (all the way to the bank)..being key…

    ..but…farrar finds it funny…eh..?

    maybe he will explain…just ‘how’..?

    eh..?

    phil(whoar.co.nz)

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  21. IHStewart (388 comments) says:

    Danyl stay bored nuf said.

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  22. Simon (697 comments) says:

    What is funny is that Key is an utter non entity who came out of nowhere. No substance typical Nat carpet bagger who if he wasn’t the PM would pack his bags and head off to Hawaii. Cycle way, jobs summit, 19 th century train set & now ETS. The man is utterly lame and still a non entity like his mickey mouse ideas.

    Key would say and do anything to get elected and so the Feds have papered over the cracks for 18 months giving Key a free ride for a wee while. When it all comes crashing down and the Feds don’t have the resources to bail out our banking system like last time John Boy wont have the character to make the right calls and his glib bullshit is not gonna cut it when interest rates and unemployment are spiraling out of control.

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  23. 3-coil (1,215 comments) says:

    Simon – I think you’ll find that the “19th Century train set” that we’ve all been lumbered with was Hulun’s legacy.

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  24. Simon (697 comments) says:

    I think you will find that the fuckwit Nats are going to spend one billion on an Auckland CBD subway. Can you find any spending programs that the Nats have canceled? No Key going to run with 19 th century technology because it is the path of least resistance.

    Dear Leader was tax and spend the Nats are borrow and spend which makes them more fucked up than Labor.

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  25. expat (4,050 comments) says:

    Ah an angry young Auckland University ACT member spleining.

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  26. stephen (4,063 comments) says:

    Can you find any spending programs that the Nats have canceled?

    You can’t?

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