More Pigeon

December 7th, 2010 at 9:00 am by David Farrar

The Pigeon blogs:

returned to New Zealand from a diplomatic conference last night, to find the country was a complete shambles. Sources claim the Prime Minister was extremely disappointed and very angry at the nation for not cleaning up the mess we made while he was away, because even though we don’t mind living in a pigsty, he doesn’t expect to come home from a hard day at work to find the country in utter chaos.

“I work and I work and I work so that we can live in a nice country and have good food everyday and when I come home, I just want to put my feet up and watch my programme for once,” Key said, clearly frustrated, “but I guess that’s just too much to fucking ask.” …

The Prime Minister’s emotions reached boiling point however, after spotting Hamilton out of the corner of his eye.

“OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!” he bellowed suddenly, adding “Who did this?” while pointing at the city. “I want to know NOW, who did this?”

“I’m not kidding around here, who is responsible for this atrocious pile of crap?” the Prime Minister raged on as he grabbed the nearest Air New Zealand shares and dashed them to pieces on the floor.

“Now look what you made me do. Are you happy now?”

At press time John Key had reportedly locked himself in his room, leaving the clearly shaken remainder of the country to sombrely reflect what a disappointment we all were to him.

Not bad.

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19 Responses to “More Pigeon”

  1. John Gibson (295 comments) says:

    “Hamilton – an atrocious pile of crap” :-) Why does Hamilton attract such ridicule ? Perhaps the inevitable conservatism of a town of farmers, money and whores. Being flat and far from the cleansing power of the ocean doesn’t help.

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  2. RRM (9,475 comments) says:

    The humour’s a bit surreal.

    We’ve had NZ versions of Big Brother & The Apprentice, this seems kinda like it wants to be a homebaked The Onion.

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  3. Manolo (13,390 comments) says:

    It might be odd, but I cannot find the humour in the article.
    Not funny in the slightest.

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  4. gandalf (3 comments) says:

    404 Error: Funny not found

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  5. John Gibson (295 comments) says:

    Manolo – you have never been to Hamilton ? The flatness is oppressive enough but the zombies shuffling around the streets at night are terrifying.

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  6. Viking2 (11,146 comments) says:

    Many a true word spoken in Jest. Hamilton main street is like a ghost town. 25% of shops empty and here’ why.

    Chinese imports put local nail maker at risk
    PAUL MCBETH – BusinessDesk
    Last updated 17:15 06/12/2010

    Chinese nail manufacturers are undercutting a New Zealand producer who has called in the Ministry of Economic Development to probe the sector’s pricing.

    Wireplus, one of two domestic producers of wire nails in New Zealand, has successfully appealed to the MED over the price of imported Chinese nails, claiming the rival goods are being dumped on the local market, according to an official’s report lodged on the ministry’s website.

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/business/industries/4428706/Chinese-imports-put-local-nail-maker-at-risk

    Harvey Norman to launch direct sales service from website
    CHRIS ZAPPONE AND ELI GREENBLAT – BusinessDay
    Last updated 05:00 07/12/2010
    Share
    Print
    Text Size
    Relevant offers
    Industries
    Qinghua’s decision on briquettes near Harvey Norman to launch direct sales service from website Harsh penalty ‘sends message’ Chinese imports put local nail maker at risk Trans-Pacific Partnership talks underway Jasons profit slips as advertising falls ‘Substantial’ penalty sought from Telecom SmartPay to seek ASX listing New car registrations flat on previous month Tax shortfall pushes out Govt deficit

    Electronics retailer Harvey Norman plans to launch a website to ship goods directly from China to consumers in Australia, days after Myer revealed a similar move.

    Harvey Norman chief Gerry Harvey said his company’s site would be in place possibly before Myer’s, as traditional retailers struggle to compete against a tide of inexpensive merchandise bought online and imported directly by consumers.

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/business/industries/4429236/Harvey-Norman-to-launch-direct-sales-service-from-website

    Timely to refelct upon this and the efforts of politicians to increase our citizens welfare payments at the expense of jobs and to the benefit of Chinese jobs. Time for some counter vailing duties so we just don’t all go broke. And remember the Chinese will do it with every industry and occupation so you are not immune even if you think so.

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  7. BeaB (2,060 comments) says:

    This is humour?

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  8. Monty (964 comments) says:

    that is bloody funny.

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  9. John Gibson (295 comments) says:

    Hamilton has got a very nice zoo, the gardens are lovely, the art museum has some excellent shows and the riverside attractive but it still has the feel of a pioneer outpost with cowboys, scoundrels and hookers on every corner.

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  10. Short Shriveled and Slightly to the Left (762 comments) says:

    Risky due to the abusive husband overtones……. but I think they pulled it off. Very funny! I just love the “Who did this?” part… great line

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  11. niggly (799 comments) says:

    Very lame, more like an in-joke between the authors (who don’t like Hamilton. Oh whoopee, big news, not).

    Even substituting “Helen Clark” with “John Key” still doesn’t make it funny. One reason being that this isn’t JK (or HC’s) nature to be that angry all the time. Even passed off as satire doesn’t cut the mustard.

    Now if one could think of someone who was always angry, then the satire argument might hold some sway, if they were inserted in instead etc. A family member one knows? A school teacher one knows? See an in-joke then, totally irrelevant to the wider population.

    The rest of the website isn’t too bad though, some other funny ideas and stories, but need more content to stay fresh otherwise after any initial laughs there’s no point in revisiting the site.

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  12. All_on_Red (1,388 comments) says:

    This guy is funnier
    http://www.27bslash6.com/

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  13. Right of way is Way of Right (1,129 comments) says:

    Bloody hell, that’s almost exactly what I did when I got home last night.

    The Pigeon must be one of my kids. I’ll be checking my son’s laptop when I get home!

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  14. KevinH (1,132 comments) says:

    Phil Goff got home from a hard night socialising with the party faithful to be suddenly struck by a profound thought.
    I’ve lost my Mojo he thought or was it really a case of his Mojo having lost him. Never mind thought Phil I’ll win over the electorate with a reprint of the 2001 manifesto, they won’t notice.
    Later that night on Sainsbury Goff still troubled with his lost mojo jumped to his feet in a rare moment of passion and declared that ” I am” therefore ‘I am”. Sainsbury said “you are what Phil”
    Phil looks Sainsbury in the eye and says, “I am Labour, I am Labour” Mark, do you want me to slap my face to prove it because it worked for Len.
    Whatever mate says Sainsbury, my mate Winston has a word for you, …

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  15. Thrash Cardiom (298 comments) says:

    Hamilton

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  16. Johnboy (14,998 comments) says:

    The Mormon Temple looks very beautiful when silhouetted by the sun setting on civilisation as we know it Jim.

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  17. AndyC (28 comments) says:

    I went to Hamilton once. It was shut.

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  18. GAZMAN (21 comments) says:

    A very funny site – DPF:competition for you and WO on the humour side. Another of my must-reads.

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  19. John Gibson (295 comments) says:

    Why does Whale Oil always talk about himself in the third person ?

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