Auctioning the rock

March 2nd, 2011 at 1:50 pm by David Farrar

A very funny auction on Trade Me. The blurb is:

For sale 1 owner 25 – 30 tonne landscape feature (answers to the name Rocky) …

He is in pristine condition (just a little bit of concrete dust). Suitable for garden feature, or as in our case a magnificent addition to your living area.

Rocky will enhance your “indoor outdoor” flow considerably, especially if you load him in through the garage roof like we did.

Sorry, but we are unable to deliver Rocky but would be happy for you to pick him up and roll him away (please mind our neighbours when you do) :-)

The Q+A is of course great:

Hi Phil, the rock looks awfully shiny are you sure it has not been pre-owned? kincare (64 ) 3:23 pm, Mon 28 Feb

Answer: Nope – just the one owner for the last 65 million(ish) years. 3:56 pm, Mon 28 Feb

What sort of council permits do you need to have?? I’m sure there must be some :-) milo134 (25 ) 4:20 pm, Mon 28 Feb

Answer: Yep – you need a 4017 form filled out in triplicate. This is called an “Application for homing a large rock”. This form must then be taken to at least 6 council offices to be approved by 6 different departments and then into ECAN for environmental approval. Once complete you must apply to the SPCR (society for protection of rocks) for a housing permit. For a small fee I can help you with this :0

All proceeds from the will go to the relief fund.

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19 Responses to “Auctioning the rock”

  1. Murray (8,847 comments) says:

    65 million years? Not entirely familiar with NZ’s geology is he.

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  2. Bevan (3,923 comments) says:

    65 million years? Not entirely familiar with NZ’s geology is he.

    Just because NZ may not have been above the water, doesn’t mean the rock didn’t exist.

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  3. Murray (8,847 comments) says:

    Its pretty dammed unlikely given that the bulk of this place came up as a result of volcanic activity Bevan. No explody melted stuff that went hard when it got cold, no New Zealand.

    Banks Peninsular and associated cliff faces are made up of volcanic material. I say hes wound the clock on this import!

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  4. Bevan (3,923 comments) says:

    I say hes wound the clock on this import!

    Good god man! Some one tell him he’s going the wrong way!

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  5. Shunda barunda (2,977 comments) says:

    It is probably about 11 million years old max.
    This is false advertising! :)

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  6. redeye (629 comments) says:

    I am a single woman and would like to know if Rocky is interested in a serious relationship. He has some traits of my ex, e.g no personality, stoned all the time, sits on his arse and does nothing and I guarantee the tv remote is under him somewhere. This makes me believe that him and I could enter into a rock-solid relationship. Also do we have to trim his moss or do you think he could handle been waxed??

    Hahahaha. Anyone we know?

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  7. Murray (8,847 comments) says:

    Phil u

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  8. anonymouse (710 comments) says:

    Shipping details

    * To be arranged
    * Seller allows pick-ups

    Kewl, so they will post it to me :),

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  9. flipper (3,982 comments) says:

    EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Puts ‘crats into perspective.

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  10. side show bob (3,660 comments) says:

    We have many such rocks around the farm and have erected a large fence around the house using some of these boulders. A couple of years ago a flash car with a well dressed couple pulled up, I was out at the letter box. The guy got out and asked where I had got the rocks. Being the smart arse I am I said I had picked them up at the Warehouse, oh he said I have never seen any boulders at the Warehouse. I told him to look in the garden section. Happy with that he got in his car and drove off. I could just see him trying to get a 15 ton boulder onto his car trailer, priceless.

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  11. Tinakori (67 comments) says:

    A geologist mate of mine reckons this beast is chock full of precious metals, silver and platinum were the words he used. Apparently he downloaded the image into his spectorefonograph and the machine printed out much data detailing the $ value.
    Looks like a worthwhile investment to me, the transport ‘out of there cost’ would be mere bagatelle as against the value of the metals

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  12. Put it away (2,878 comments) says:

    If this is from the top of a hill it might be sacred and will need an appropriate koha to dispel the bad hoodoo

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  13. paws (197 comments) says:

    Are those christians having a barbie on top of the sacred boulder??

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  14. Komata (1,178 comments) says:

    PIA

    Not ‘voodoo’ old chap – the angry Taniwha that has shown his displeasure at having Christchurch built on his home. The fact that it has taken over 100 years for him to get up his strength and courage to finally display his displeasure is of course neither here or there. . .

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  15. Shunda barunda (2,977 comments) says:

    Here’s hoping Taniwha Poutini is feeling more benevolent!

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  16. adze (2,105 comments) says:

    It is probably about 11 million years old max.

    Getting older and boulder

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  17. Murray (8,847 comments) says:

    Around the clock even.

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  18. KevinH (1,219 comments) says:

    Rocky is one pet rock that you don’t piss off, he has a habit of smashing everything to pieces when he wants a bit of loving.

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  19. Komata (1,178 comments) says:

    To parody a phrase:

    ‘Rocky’ is proof that you CAN indeed get things that are ‘old’ and ‘bold’ (bould?)

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