Who pays?

March 30th, 2011 at 10:00 am by David Farrar

Reuters reports:

More than half of British women pay for themselves on a first date, even though men still want to pay, according to a survey.

A poll of 1924 adults for online bank first direct found that 58 per cent of women expect to split the bill on a first date, double the proportion of men (29 per cent).

Additionally, 14 per cent of women think it should be whoever suggested the date.

Only a quarter of women said that they thought men should pay for a first date, while three per cent said they themselves should foot the bill, suggesting that women feel they should not be beholden to men, but that men should also pay their way.

Male respondents, on the other hand, believed that chivalry isn’t dead, with 55 per cent expecting to pay the full bill on a first date, and men spending, on average, more than women.

I follow the offer twice rule. I always offer to pay the bill. If the date offers to pay, I say that it isn’t necessary. If they offer again, then you split it.

Sometimes, the date has insisted on paying the full bill, and I can’t say I have a problem with that. Generally this happens when they earn considerably more than me!

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29 Responses to “Who pays?”

  1. Monty (978 comments) says:

    Has Cactus ever paid for you – have you gone on a date with her? She seems have done plenty on posts on this exact subject.

    [DPF: When Cactus and I go out, it is not a date. And off memory we have always split the bill 50/50. Of course a night out with Cactus costs around fives time as much as a night out with someone else - but it is worth it!]

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  2. barry (1,317 comments) says:

    Come on – lets forget this Passé stuff and get back to Goff & hughes. Women wanted liberation (mostly from themselves) They got it, now lets move on to stuff thats far more interesting. Nothing like watching a politician dig his own grave………

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  3. mjwilknz (605 comments) says:

    I like your approach, DPF. In the NZ dating scene, I reckon chivalrous behaviour is a difficult thing for males to engage in. Too many NZ blokes are bad at offering it, which means too many females are suspicious when it is offered to them. Your approach is something of a middle path, it offers it, but it doesn’t go overboard. Well played!

    barry, aren’t you getting bored of Hughes and Goff, yet. Surely there are more important things in life and females must be amongst them. ;-)

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  4. Bobbie black (507 comments) says:

    Chinese gals are the total opposite of going Dutch.

    Poor Chinese guys must pay for everything.

    Even foreigners if wanting to impress.

    But then again Chinese girls do have some pretty good attributes post dinner.

    They call it the yellow fever, haha.

    I certainly succumbed to it.

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  5. RRM (9,933 comments) says:

    Gentleman invites, so gentleman pays. Simple.

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  6. Bobbie black (507 comments) says:

    That certainly is the Chinese way, you invite you pay.

    None of this sharing the bill crap, with ten other business colleagues, that would be seen as losing face.

    You have a birthday party, you invite me, you pay.

    It’s OK, I got used to it over time.

    With girls even simpler. you wanna, you know, OK, pay for the first date lavish me, next date I will put out.

    Not so bad.

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  7. mjwilknz (605 comments) says:

    RRM and Bobbie black, aren’t you forgetting that NZ blokes are useless at chivalrous behaviour? If NZ girls see a bloke who, unusually, is absolutely insisting on paying, won’t they become suspicious?

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  8. tankyman (116 comments) says:

    My dates always make me pick up the dinner tab.

    Really annoys me – especially since I’m paying for them by the hour!

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  9. gravedodger (1,566 comments) says:

    RRM @ 10 29, What about the thieving, conniving, duplicitious bloody socialists and the Gentleman of Labour, you know the generous twat that just keeps on giving and giving and….

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  10. mjwilknz (605 comments) says:

    Like your work, tankyman! :-D

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  11. Bevan (3,924 comments) says:

    Gentleman invites, so gentleman pays. Simple.

    What if the gentleman is under hire?

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  12. Bevan (3,924 comments) says:

    Really annoys me – especially since I’m paying for them by the hour!

    You feed them first????

    I always give them a meal at the end…

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  13. RRM (9,933 comments) says:

    mjwilknz – speak for yourself. Bishes love a bit of class for a change :-P

    gravedodger – drop the anger and you’ll do heaps better bro!

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  14. dime (9,980 comments) says:

    I was dating a chick last year who insisted on paying half. I didnt really like it at the time to be honest.

    Although a month later when i flicked her, i realised I had saved a good 500 bucks :P

    But yeah, Dime prefers to pay.

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  15. Ryan Sproull (7,205 comments) says:

    A poll of 1924 adults for online bank first direct

    I’m surprised that adults in 1924 even used online banking.

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  16. Bobbie black (507 comments) says:

    I think if a Kiwi girl get’s a date she is all feet in after a few bottles of cheap booze and a few legal party pills.

    Of course that’s the Kiwi girls under ?

    A mate of mine and I got chased down the road by a group of drunk Kiwi gals whose ages ranged from about 13 to 18 in Hamner.

    I kid you not.

    They were drunk as fuck and all they yelled was, “How old are yous!?”

    My mate being a cheeky bugger replied 18!

    They then proceeded to chase us down the road.

    Fortunately, we were both stoned off our heads so we managed to escape and no charges ensued.

    God knows what would have happened if they had caught us.

    At least one divorce.

    The only problem with Kiwi girls is they are not as easy as Canadian girls.

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  17. slightlyrighty (2,475 comments) says:

    Simple.

    If you ask to take someone out to dinner, then you should pay.

    If they insist on paying half, then if you want a second date, intimate that they can pay for the next dinner.

    However, letting the other party pay for drinks and dinner in no way constitutes an unspoken acceptance of an unspoken offer.

    Did ya get that Dazza?

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  18. mjwilknz (605 comments) says:

    RRM, perhaps class needs to be the whole act. Would you suggest I’d do better on the whole chivalry front if I dressed, acted and spoke with class? I’m not sure I’m up to it, chap. ;-)

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  19. Mary Rose (393 comments) says:

    Split the bill on a first date for sure.
    That way, if it turns out he (or she, not being sexist) doesn’t float your boat, they can’t feel or act like you owe them anything in kind in return when you just want to get your coat at the end and run for the hills.

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  20. adze (2,126 comments) says:

    I thought I had stumbled onto a Stuff blog by mistake ..

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  21. XavierG (34 comments) says:

    Whoever asks for the date pays for the date (in gay world anyway)

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  22. annie (539 comments) says:

    My daughters have always gone on dates on the understanding that if they go, they will pay half.

    Works well, avoids getting yourself in a position where some guy feels you are obliged to him and gets any relationship off on an equal footing.

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  23. pq (728 comments) says:

    Farrarr says, and he is very tidy here about the equity rules:

    ” I follow the offer twice rule. I always offer to pay the bill. If the date offers to pay, I say that it isn’t necessary. If they offer again, then you split it.
    Sometimes, the date has insisted on paying the full bill, and I can’t say I have a problem with that. Generally this happens when they earn considerably more than me!”

    this is good Farrar, tidy farrar but what you do with a poor woman farrar, what you want to love

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  24. Scott (1,805 comments) says:

    Isn’t it time you got married David? Or are you waiting till it is the last thing on earth that you do?

    It all seems way too complicated for me. I’ve been married for nearly 25 years and thank goodness for that. These ever-changing dating rules and customs are just too difficult to follow for a simple fellow like me.

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  25. Kimble (4,440 comments) says:

    Who pays? The slowest runner!

    So… me.

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  26. Short Shriveled and Slightly to the Left (786 comments) says:

    “Who pays? The slowest runner!”
    Heh, very good.

    Ive always wanted to know what it was like to do a runner on a restuarant bill, but I didnt actually want to steal.
    So New Years eve three years ago I paid for everyones meal when they werent paying attention and told the staff I wanted to pretend to do a runner to see what everyone else would do. Half of them ran outside with me. The next few rounds of beers were on them.

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  27. Lee C (4,516 comments) says:

    Reminds me of the Monty Python quote:

    Excuse me. If it’s not too personal. Are you a virgin?’

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  28. GMDI (70 comments) says:

    It is always the person who proposed the date who pays. They want to go out, thy should spring.

    BTW, David, how may dates do you go on? I go on heaps, and i never seem to find a girl who offers to split the bill after you have just asked them out

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  29. stephen (4,063 comments) says:

    Half of them ran outside with me. The next few rounds of beers were on them.

    Brilliance.

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