Mallard v Whale
May 27th, 2011 at 1:00 pm by David FarrarThe Labour Party Campaign Manager has come up with a genius way for Labour to win the election.
Trevor has challenged Whale Oil to a cycle race.
Now Whale does not have a cycle, and isn’t going to buy one just for Trevor, but I understand he does like the idea of a sporting challenge between him and Trevor. He has proposed two sports, and is willing to let Trevor choose his preferred one – shooting or boxing.
May 27th, 2011 at 2:51 pm
I’ll just argue that shooting and boxing aren’t real sports
Vote:Running, swimming, in fact anything that’s a race…..that’s real sport.
May 27th, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Trevor fancies himself as a boxer, he should go a round or two with the Whale.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:04 pm
Trev might have to get Police clearance as he has form.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:07 pm
I’m not interested in wearing gay lycra and going cycling with Trevor, but I am happy to punch him around the ring.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:07 pm
What the hell was Trevor thinking?
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:14 pm
cycle 10kms and then box. Now that would be interesting
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:15 pm
“I bet he is too chicken, and if he accepted he wouldn’t have a chance” .. that’s what Trev said about the proposed bike ride. I wonder if he will say the same about the boxing match.
Vote:Bill English did it.
May 27th, 2011 at 3:20 pm
heh, I like to run marathons. I’m going to prove how awesome I am by challenging someone not into running to a 10km race and then call them a chicken for declining….
Typical behaviour from the gutless wonder
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:26 pm
I never thought I would agree with Clare Curran about anything. But agree with her that this is pathetic macho bullshit.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:30 pm
What the hell was Trevor thinking?
The thug Mallard does not think.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:30 pm
In the state Mallard is in after his bike accident and Whale’s level of athleticism, how about Dungeons & Dragons instead?
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:31 pm
And that was very successful, wasn’t it, there are too many parallels with 2002 as it is for Labour.
I agree with smtcc and Curran. I didn’t think Labour strategy could get much worse, I was wrong.
Vote:WdC might be on to something, maybe Labour have got their strategy and D&D boards mixed up.
May 27th, 2011 at 3:35 pm
it would be better than a SBW v Johnny Nobody. Maybe Clare could be the bikini girl carrying the round number .. na, would only get to use the 1
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:38 pm
If either of Whale’s events were run first, the bike race could be a moot point.
D/H mountain biking might be more acceptable to the whale…
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:41 pm
merge a couple…..
Vote:shooting and running.
Trev goes first…..
Run from one side of a rugby field to the other.
Whale will be at the other end with his new rifle.
Goal is to hit the running target.
If Whale should fail….. swap.
Last one standing wins.
May 27th, 2011 at 3:41 pm
It has to be shooting and they must use dueling pistols.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:47 pm
Trev: I demand satisfaction! (slaps glove across Cam’s face)
Vote:Whale: Poof! (lays trev out with a solid right cross)
May 27th, 2011 at 3:48 pm
Trev’s a reasonable cyclist .. but out-peddeling a bullet? Nah..!
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:50 pm
“It has to be shooting and they must use dueling pistols”
It would only require a pin to prick that festering bag of pus mallard.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:50 pm
Whaleoil (595) Says:
May 27th, 2011 at 3:07 pm
I’m not interested in wearing gay lycra and going cycling with Trevor, but I am happy to punch him around the ring.
Don’t think Trev would like being punched around the ring. However word is that a few of his caucus colleagues have indulged in that activity?
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Duck and Whale – The soft toy collection
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Trevor has a problem, in that he clearly does not understand the rituals of a duel.
Vote:Trevor is the challenger. Therefore Whaleoil has the choice of weapons.
He has proposed boxing or shooting. As the one being challenged that is his perogative.
Trevor must accept one of these or, again according to the hoary old customs of the duel, he is automatically deemed to be a coward and would no longer be accepted in the company of honourable men.
I tried to point this out on Red Alert but the grumpy old duck appears to have banned me for life
May 27th, 2011 at 4:07 pm
well said alwyn .. the 1st of 3 comments has been in moderation since just after 1pm
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 4:16 pm
You do have to question the wisdom of Labour allowing its third longest serving MP and 2011 Campaign Manager to resort to petty name-calling on Labour’s OFFICIAL blog.
But the NBR now has the story as well, including a VERY interesting quote from Clare Curran suggesting that she and Mr Mallard aren’t seeing eye to eye at the moment; fascinating stuff!
http://keepingstock.blogspot.com/2011/05/blog-wars.html
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Oh what a big man Trevor is, challenging someone in a sport they are proficient in but the other isnt.
Would be like David Tua challenging David Farrar to a boxing match.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 4:16 pm
You must learn the rules of redablurt alwyn.
Vote:I was banned for life with my very first comment because I disagreed with mallard.
The rule is simple.
Don’t pick on them, be nasty about National and you’re a winner.
May 27th, 2011 at 4:25 pm
Paul shooting is a sport when both parties are armed and shooting at eachother.
I’d support such an event of this type on this occasion.
As to who would win… I think society is most likely to come out ahead.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 4:33 pm
How about wrestling, with the winner replacing Randy Savage in the WWE? Oooooo yeah!
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 4:33 pm
When Whale wins hell yeah.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 4:34 pm
Greek wrestling… oh crap there goes my lunch.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 4:37 pm
I proposed this on Red Alert but I think I’m still banned.
I propose a tri-athalon
1) 30km bike ride.
2) Three 3-minute rounds in the boxing ring
3) First to finish 3 jugs of Lion Red
Strategy:
Vote:1) Knock Trev off his bike in the first km. The state of his injuries mean he’ll probably shatter
2) Research where the injuries are: target those
3) Forget the beer, just smash the jug over his head
May 27th, 2011 at 4:41 pm
I2 – that’s mind boggling stuff for a campaign manager. Seriously, hasn’t he weaned off the morphine yet?
The best Clare can do is either keep her head down or show there could be an inkling of common sense in the caucus until the dust settles after the election.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Hopefully this will start a new trend with MP’s with the next event being Jacinda Arden vs Nikki Kaye at naked jelly wrestling?
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 4:46 pm
Oh god thats just so wrong… sort of.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 4:47 pm
I am all up for a challenge, but I am not sure how it will help the Duck win an election. Bill English learnt this harsh lesson in 2002. Now, 2 opposing politicians, now thats a different story.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Quite so Pete; someone in Labour needs to take the Campaign Manager aside and tell him to behave like the MP he is paid as, not like a shock-blogger. Doing that on about 25 November should do fine!
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 5:05 pm
He doesn’t seem to have worked out the difference between shock blog and shocking blogging.
Vote:Someone in his positions shouldn’t be trying either anyway.
May 27th, 2011 at 5:19 pm
Greek wrestling… oh crap there goes my lunch.
Next time you have thoughts like that, do us a favour and keep them to yourself.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 5:49 pm
I don’t see shooting Trevor as much of a challenge , I see it as a top plan
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 5:49 pm
“would no longer be accepted in the company of honorable men.”
You mean that he is at the present time?
No wonder Parliament is fucked. Well where else would he mingle with such types.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 5:50 pm
Hopefully this will start a new trend with MP’s with the next event being Jacinda Arden vs Nikki Kaye at naked jelly wrestling?
Yes please. 8)
When does it start. Funds to ChCh.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 6:22 pm
It will be straight after the curtain raiser of Nania V Annette V2.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 6:26 pm
“would no longer be accepted in the company of honorable men.”
You mean that he is at the present time?
I think he is and he should be, V2. Seriously for me he’s one of about a dozen I’m happy to pay Parliamentary pensions for, in the current crop.
Mallard, not Goff should be the leader cause the key for Labour is labour: i.e. workers, and Hulun’s reign lost em. And no fucking wonder, really. But she did.
As a result, evewyone is these days so sensitive that even when a mild and clearly obvious comment such as ‘gaggle of gays’ is made, all the Liarbore people rend their clothes and bare their breasts in anguish at the humanity, while Liarbore’s core, just smile quietly and get back to what they were doing.
This is where Goff doesn’t connect and neither does Little nor Kelly. Trev’s the only one, which really really shows you what Liarbore 2011 has become, comprised largely of pasty-faced panty-waisted academics, urban liberals, venal self-serving unionists – the kind that prefer promotion over helping their members and assorted other misfit representatives of various minority groups, et al.
No wonder its languishing in the polls, despite these current times being so congenial to the opportunity to generate vigorous action within its historical base which is now increasingly a merely quaint memory, apparently, for all they care. The best thing that could happen to Labour, is that a really mental racist commie party looks like capturing their ex-core voters. If that doesn’t wake them up, nothing will.
Meanwhile, while as a humanitarian I support Labour’s worker base in their rebellion against Hulun’s execrable nay diabolical design, I intend shortly to buy a case of Laphroaig and slowly sip through it between now and November, as I watch the appalling yet amusing circus grind through its terminal hours, leading up to total and utter defeat.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 6:28 pm
Jelly wrestling if left to labour though will probably start with Parekura Horomia vs Tariana Turia.
Vote:Certainly won’t include Darren Hughes as I suspect he’s probably an expert at naked jelly wrestling…
May 27th, 2011 at 6:37 pm
Certainly won’t include Darren Hughes as I suspect he’s probably an expert at naked jelly wrestling…
Amongst other things as well, one imagines…
Shudder.
I wonder, amongst the Liarbore caucus, just who is the most experienced naked jelly-wrestler. I suspect the winner left a short while ago, after he penned a rather unfortunate little missive…
It’s a good point Manolo? keeps raising though. Where the fuck is the police case at, with this guy. Normally, with a “civilian” it’s a matter of weeks. On the face of it, this doesn’t seem a complicated case. Why is it taking so very very long to announce the current state? I thought criminal matters, were supposed to be separated from the state.
Sorry for the brief diversion, anyone wishes to follow up, suggest GD…
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 6:38 pm
“Seriously for me he’s one of about a dozen I’m happy to pay Parliamentary pensions for, in the current crop.”
reid
Sorry old thing, but I think its your time. Your brain appears to have removed by aliens. Or maybe its fused as a consequence of trying to reason with Mrs Dim. Whatever, you seem to have lost the capacity to reason or respond to external stimuli. Better get mummy to pop out and get the incontinence pads just in case its affected your responses to internal stimuli as well.
Dear oh deary me. Always sad to see this happen.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 6:44 pm
Reid
Seriously, 7420 mostly reasonable comments and then you go and fuck it up with………I think he is and he should be, V2. seriously for me he’s one of about a dozen ……………………..
No he’ not and shouldn’t be, he is one of the nastiest pricks running around, he was hatcet man for dear leader, and watch this space the labour election campaign ahead is going to be absolutely vile, firstly because Mallard is vile and secondly they know no other way
Like I commented the other night, a man so lacking in self control he assaults another member in OUR house of elected representatives. For that act alone he should have been thrown out on the fucking street- where the toe rag belongs
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 6:50 pm
What’s wrong with him, DVM?
People complain he’s aggressive. So what? I give him no discredit for that. Politics is like law, it is designed to be adversarial. A lawyer is a hired gun, so is a politician. Trevor is a good hired gun, just like Prebble was, in his day.
His portfolios as a Minister were more competently handled than most of the others in the 5th Larbour govt.
I also think he is a straight shooter, in that he spins like all of them, but while he is clever he isn’t devious in his planning and spinning. If I didn’t think that, I would not place him into my Dirty Dozen or so of current heroic politicians, but IMO he is, so I do.
If you think he’s not any of the things I’ve said, give me a counter-example.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 6:54 pm
What really pisses me off is that the piece of shit pretends he is a Wainuiomartian when he never came near the bloody place till mad old Sonia got shuttled off to the happy farm and he took over her safe seat.
Just another low life carpet bagging socialist shit bag.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trevor_Mallard
Fuckwit lefties from over here keep on repeating the bloody lie that he is Wainui born and bred.
Shows you how dumb the thick bastards are.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 7:11 pm
No he’ not and shouldn’t be, he is one of the nastiest pricks running around, he was hatcet man for dear leader, and watch this space the labour election campaign ahead is going to be absolutely vile, firstly because Mallard is vile and secondly they know no other way
Like I commented the other night, a man so lacking in self control he assaults another member in OUR house of elected representatives. For that act alone he should have been thrown out on the fucking street- where the toe rag belongs
Paul I’m almost certain you know him better than I and I could be wrong here and am fully prepared to admit it if I am. I’d like however for the campaign to wind itself out before we make that assessment but if you’re right and I’m wrong I’m happy to admit that.
As far as the assault goes, as I see it, Tau is someone who can take it and while it should not have happened, it’s not as if it got into a bully situation against someone weaker, it was a loss of control situation, which is a different issue.
I of course recognise in the professional arena of the Parliamentary complex violence has no place whatsoever and therefore, WTF was he thinking? My suspicion is Tau and he have some history which Tau exploited in the House, but I don’t know that I suspect that.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Reid,
There is no excuse full stop – no matter what Tau or anyone said
To the nth degree of lose of control situation;;
” Sorry you 2 million Kurds, I got a bit wound up”
Saddam.
Sorry Reid, you are trying to defend the indefensible,- fucked if I know why, unless you are related to him or trying to nail his daughter.
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 7:25 pm
Now you’re just getting emotional Paul.
Won’t someone think of the children?
Vote:May 27th, 2011 at 9:06 pm
Mr Mallard probably is too young to remember Keely Smith and Lois Prima with that wonderful song ‘That Old Black Magic.’
Mallard has none of the magic but these lines fit pretty well and sum him up:-
“….down and down I go, round and round I go
Vote:In a spin, loving the spin I’m in……..”
May 28th, 2011 at 7:28 am
@ reid:
*Chinless scarf wearers
*American bagman
*Tinkerbell
*”Speaking of affairs” and “How’s Diane”
Just a few gems from Trevor Mallard’s record. He is Labour’s go-to man when nastiness is needed.
Vote:May 28th, 2011 at 7:43 am
And people wonder why politicians and political bloggers who fancy themselves as a J. Edgar Hoover type have low ratings?
Seriously, what the hell is this crap?
Two convicts vying for attention on the internet – wow, way to go in solving stuff!
Although I guess you could argue Mallard just wants 10k of time with Slater to discuss his latest News of The World muck raking, gutter gossip due out in around August.
Vote:May 28th, 2011 at 10:43 am
reid
“His portfolios as a Minister were more competently handled than most of the others in the 5th Larbour govt.”
Like education? Were you happy with Labour’s education system, the one size fits all, no winners losers philosophy that was a central plank to their social engineering program and meant that parents had no idea how well their kids were doing in a meaningful way?
“I also think he is a straight shooter”
He is a bare-faced liar and muck spinner. Recent examples to add to his form sheet? The BMWs – MacMillans donation lie. Went on with it when it had not only already been disproven point blank, but in fact was a legacy of his own government’s deal with BMW. Latest – the Paul Quinn slur – his low rent troll here when Red Russ, who had been sitting next to him at the time, had already corroborated Quinn’s explanation.
“He isn’t devious in his planning and spinning.”
No, because his first instinct is to head straight for the gutter. He isn’t clever enough to come up with any sort of strategy that will actually make inroads on National. He’s just a sewer rat. Its all he knows. He doesn’t sit in parliament to “test” the government and keep it honest. He sits there to throw muck because its all he’s capable of.
You might have noticed that I don’t have a very high opinion of him. I genuinely think he is a particularly unpleasant and repugnant piece of work. Having said that, in all honesty I applaud his behaviour as a constant reminder of why Labour was voted out. Voters have just had enough of this which is one of the big reasons Key got in and has increased his support to a phenomonal level.
Its the same reason that the melons have started to look presentable now that they’ve got rid of the green gargoyle and the fellow with the birds nest on his head. When the melons go into this next election they won’t have those two or the two-faced commie Locke. Labour will be exactly the same as the last time as they wallow in the mud and will suffer badly by comparison with the melons. Mallard, as one of the longest servers, ought to be seeing this and counselling Goff accordingly because Goff also, is too stupid to see what’s happening. Red Russ has done a terrific job of doing what Goff should have done. He’s actually been smart enough to copy what Key did. They don’t stray off the page, they stick to the script and don’t involve themselves in the kind of shit that Mallard revels in. He’s pulled Delahunty and Turia into line. Their only problem is that Red Russ himself appears to have stumbled across a box of unsaleable suits and ties that Hallensteins stashed out the back of the store in the mid 70s. But the voters don’t seem to care about, sadly.
Vote:May 28th, 2011 at 11:03 am
If Whale had any balls he would be down the gym this morning engaging a personal trainer. He would be working his ass off (literally) for the next 12 weeks so he could humiliate Mallard at his own sport.
I don’t have much time for Mallard, he’s a bully, a thug and he’s pretty dim – but the Whale was asking for this by calling him a cripple.
Edit: I acknowledge my judgement is clouded on this issue as I’ve seen Mallard out on his bike and that is the one aspect of the dim-bulb’s life that I have some respect for.
Vote: