Taniwhas on Twitter
June 10th, 2011 at 9:43 am by David FarrarMichael Field at Stuff reports:
Horotiu, the taniwha potentially blocking the tracks of Auckland’s multi-billion dollar rail dream, is the latest celebrity to open a Twitter account.
The taniwha has also gone global, with London’s Daily Telegraph headlining: “‘Swamp monster’ threatens Auckland railway project”.
Drawing on a Stuff story, the Telegraph quotes Glenn Wilcox, a member of the Auckland City Council’s Maori Statutory Board, demanding protection for Horotiu.
“As kaitiaki, or guardians, they protect people, but they also get up and bite you if they do not like what you are doing,” Mr Wilcox said.
On Twitter the debate has sparked two new accounts – TaniwhaHorotiu and HorotiuTaniwha.
The first carries an early complaint that taniwha do not make an international list of mythical creatures.
The two twitter accounts have even been chatting to each other Some of the tweets have been:
- @TaniwhaHorotiu Yur a dirty faker, I’m the real Taniwha, go find your own drain bro
- @LIVENewsDesk What about hate crimes against taniwha? Lots of haters out there dissing Horotiu
- @AKcitymission Can i join youse fellas?…i’m about to be made homeless by Len Brown
- Steven Joyce has been bad mouthing my bros the Fiscal Taniwha http://bit.ly/jZcjWG
Steven Joyce’s quote was superb:
Transport Minister Steven Joyce said the project appeared to be plagued by taniwha.
“It does not massively surprise me,” he said. “Treasury found a few fiscal taniwhas as well, so it doesn’t surprise me that another one has turned up.”
I think the term “fiscal taniwha” should be adopted by Treasury for use in all future business case evaluations.
Tags: Steven Joyce, taniwhas, twitter
June 10th, 2011 at 9:50 am
Apparently because Britomart is on reclaimed land….the tunnel doesn’t even cross the historical location of the Horotiu Stream..it goes around it…
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 9:59 am
What is the going rate for a taniwha exorcism these days?
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 10:04 am
I think the taniwha may be accidentally doing Auckland and New Zealand and the world a favour by blocking a bad investment with negative returns. Unfortunately, imaginary koha monsters draw no distinction between projects which add or destroy value. Fortunately, so much investment is being done by the NZ government that average investment returns in NZ are actually negative, so the koha monster is actually making us wealthier with delay. Yay koha!
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 10:06 am
Hubbers, $2000 per hour, apparently. If you want the full box of magic tricks as well its an extra $500.
The rates double if the monster is, you know, real.
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 10:07 am
“As kaitiaki, or guardians, they protect people, but they also get up and bite you if they do not like what you are doing,” Mr Wilcox said.
So, who decides if Horotiu doesn’t like what they’re doing? He may be all for it.
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 10:12 am
New rule: Taniwhas have to pick up their own cheques.
Problem solved.
Update: Well, we could compromise and take the cheque to it’s location and then let it accept the money personally.
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 10:15 am
A number of well catered huis with plenty of fine Lion Red, followed by a seven-figure sum to de divided by the Iwi concerned.
Vote:Cheap.
June 10th, 2011 at 10:28 am
This is not funny, them taniwhas are real. It’s well known that (W)hataitai is named after the taniwha that lives there and just a couple of months ago scared a young fellow enough to send him screaming, naked, onto Moxham Ave in the middle of the night. Be warned.
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 10:32 am
Was it a ginga taniwha?
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 10:36 am
That comment is borderline haircolourist.
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 10:37 am
I believe that the Order of the Boar is willing to send an armed Knight to deal with the taniwha: http://www.jousting.co.nz/
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 11:32 am
“‘Swamp monster’ threatens Auckland railway project”.
Congratulations New Zealand, you are an international joke. We’ll be dreaming of the good old days and sheep rooting jokes before the end of the rugby world cup.
Vibenna that would be the Callum Forbes and Peter Lyon I mentioned yesterday.
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 11:43 am
Given the numbers Treasury were making up I’m not surprised they saw fairytale creatures…
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Got to hand it to those cunning little Horis Always looking for the big chance.
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 6:38 pm
Give the Stone Age mob what they deserve: nothing!
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 7:32 pm
>Congratulations New Zealand, you are an international joke. We’ll be dreaming of the good old days and sheep rooting jokes before the end of the rugby world cup.
Stories that have made headlines all round the world in recent weeks:
1. Massive row over lame, copycat sign on hillside.
2. Famous sheep dies.
3. Swamp monster threatens rail project.
Vote:June 10th, 2011 at 7:53 pm
it saddens me to say I agree with you Mary Rose
Vote:June 11th, 2011 at 9:22 am
Taniwha, a fairy tale myth whose only purpose is to serve the interests to stiff-legged poseurs with pot bellies and half a whale carcass hanging around their necks motivated only by a desire to enrich themselves by extortion at taxpayer’s expense.
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