The anti-Labour conspiracy grows

September 26th, 2011 at 10:00 am by David Farrar

I blogged last week on how Trevor Mallard had joined the birthers and truthers with his bizarre conspiracy theory involving myself, Matthew Hooton, Bill English, the PSA and leftie academic Bryce Edwards.

Well as they say in x-files, Trevor is not alone in thinking the truth is out there. His colleague has weighed in alleging an even larger conspiracy. She tweeted:

@Whaleoil I think the point is that there’s a very cosy relationship between yourself, Farrar, Hooton, young Nats and the non-Labour left.

Clare has rumbled us. The conspiracy is not just Bryce Edwards. It is the entire non-Labour left. The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VRWC) is in fact the Vast Right Wing and non-Labour Left Wing Conspiracy (VRWNLLWC).

We meet monthly in an undisclosed location. I can’t reveal the name of our chairman (think higher than Bill English), but the participants include Russel Norman, myself, Metiria Turei, Matt McCarten, Hone Harawira, Chris Trotter, the Young Nats, Laila Harre, Matthew Hooton, Sue Bradford, Cameron Slater, John Minto, Nicky Hager, Danyl McLauchlan, NZUSA, Bernard Hickey, the PSA, Matt Robson, the Sunday Star-Times and X (a deep cover agent who is posing as a Labour MP).

Imperator Fish also reveals how the conspiracy came to light:

The Dunedin academic community is in shock today, after respected political scientist Dr Bryce Edwards admitted he was on the payroll of a despicable cabal involving National Party ministers and corrupt public service unionists.

The revelation came after Dr Edwards broke down in tears during a Q&A interview with Paul Holmes.

On the show, Dr Edwards admitted that he owed his extravagant lifestyle to the enormous amounts of cash being funneled into his bank accounts from the National Party, via David Farrar and Matthew Hooton and their PSA allies. …

Dr Edwards admitted to Paul Holmes that the money for the arrangement arrived every morning from a PSA courier

“The money would come in these brown paper bags, together with a handwritten note with my instructions for the day. It was more money than I’d ever seen in my life,” a tearful Dr Edwards admitted.

“I would always a cut to James Meager. The deal was that he would do my dirty work, when I didn’t want my name associated with something. In return he got 30% of everything. The rest was my own.

“I spent up bigtime. Fast cars, boats, a chalet in the Swiss Alps, but still I had more money than I knew what to do with.

“I knew I was in over my head, but I couldn’t say no. Here was I, just some nerdy politics lecturer, and suddenly I had cash to spend and all the hottest women in Dunedin wanted to be with me.”

Imperator Fish continues:

Dr Edwards told Paul Holmes that he had tried to escape from the arrangement.

“I tried. I told my PSA minders that I’d had enough, and that I was sick of having to write whatever they told me. That was my biggest mistake. The next day David Farrar turned up on my doorstep. I still have nightmares about what he did to me.

“After than I never questioned my orders.”

Trevor Mallard said he was delighted to have uncovered such a ruthless and cynical assault on democracy in New Zealand.

“I knew I was onto something as soon as Edwards started to say unkind things about the Labour Party. That was his first mistake. I’ve always said that as bad as the National Party may be, the real enemy are the traitors on the left.

“I’ve learned to uncover these conspiracies, having read The Hollow Men back to back at least fifty times. If Bryce Edwards isn’t a secret Don Brash supporter, then I know nothing.”

Again I commend Trevor and Clare for unmasking the great VRWNLLWC.

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49 Responses to “The anti-Labour conspiracy grows”

  1. James Stephenson (2,177 comments) says:

    Just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean they’re not all out to get you, eh Clare?

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  2. Linda Reid (415 comments) says:

    I was watching X-Factor the other night with my husband, and we were having fun guessing which contestants would be good or not based on their attitude prior to their performance. We were 100% right. The arrogance of Labour matches the arrogance of those who thought they were shit-hot but in reality were just plain painful to watch. Try for a little humility Labour – be willing to listen to criticism and learn from it.

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  3. adze (2,126 comments) says:

    But we dare not criticize Curran for her latest brainfart because she’s PASSIONATE! And a woman!!1one!

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  4. Ryan Sproull (7,144 comments) says:

    So cute that Curran thinks of Labour as being left-wing.

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  5. Lee01 (2,171 comments) says:

    “The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VRWC) is in fact the Vast Right Wing and non-Labour Left Wing Conspiracy (VRWNLLWC).”

    Brilliant. :)

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  6. James Stephenson (2,177 comments) says:

    VRWNLLWC

    I think I’ve been there, it’s just outside Swansea, isn’t it?

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  7. Lee01 (2,171 comments) says:

    “So cute that Curran thinks”

    She does? Are you sure?

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  8. Murray (8,847 comments) says:

    My god Mallard is just plain fucking insane now. At the very least anyone with finctioning brain cells would have leanered that throwing out bullshit accusations like secret American bagmen only blows up in your face.

    This idot would be fucked if he didn’t have the excuse of being in the care of that protected workshop we call parliament.

    Say some shit without parlimentry privilage Tev, love to see you taken to court.

    AGAIN.

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  9. tvb (4,421 comments) says:

    I just wish this conspiracy were as vast as the Labour Party thinks it is. But it just shows the Labour Party have not learned anything since the election loss in 2008. They STILL think the people will realise they have made this terrible mistake and come back to mamma. But it seems apart from a few die hard unionists the Labour brand is a declining force – UNLESS Labour can find a charismatic leader. That has been how the Labour Party keeps its-self alive with surprising success in Australia. Take away that charismatic Leader and the Party is dead meat. What they need is a telegenic, married with children, Barrister/Lawyer and get him (yes a him) into Parliament asap and the Clare Currens of this world need to realise that.

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  10. Rick Rowling (813 comments) says:

    Adze: “!!1one!”

    You just made my day :-)

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  11. KiwiGreg (3,255 comments) says:

    “The next day David Farrar turned up on my doorstep. I still have nightmares about what he did to me.”

    LMAO

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  12. Pete George (23,560 comments) says:

    Ha, Edwards must have received his instructions early today and pre-empted this with:

    Time for ACT to dissolve – Edwards

    The departure of ACT Party deputy John Boscawen and leader Don Brash’s “farcical” announcement in support of marijuana reform are signs the party needs to dissolve, Otago University political commentator Bryce Edwards says.

    Dr Edwards says Dr Brash’s statements in support of decriminalising cannabis are an attempt to draw attention away from the “amateur and strange” political position the party is in.

    ACT has lost its coherence and sense of direction, Dr Edwards says, and is “launching from one sort of farcical political arrangement to another”.

    “I think their days are over, they need to dissolve, and it’s just becoming a bit of an embarrassment now,” he says.

    “I don’t think there’s a way forward for them out of this.”

    I’m sure that transparent attempt at proving his anti-right commitment won’t fool the brains in Labour.

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  13. homepaddock (408 comments) says:

    Constable Curran of the Thought Police and Major Mallard of Cycling for Socialism deserve an award for exposing this conspiracy.

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  14. davidp (3,581 comments) says:

    >We meet monthly in an undisclosed location.

    Is Dick Cheney at this undisclosed location? Or does he live in a different undisclosed location?

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  15. Murray (8,847 comments) says:

    They deserve committing to a mental institution for the criminally delusional.

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  16. Lee01 (2,171 comments) says:

    “They deserve committing to a mental institution for the criminally delusional.”

    I’m seriously starting to believe that the constant appalling poll results and the fact that Labour are clearly in for a humiliating drubbing at the election is causing severe mental stress for them. How else to explain these bizzare accusations?

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  17. Murray (8,847 comments) says:

    Drugs?

    They hanging out with Don “The Big Spliff” Brash or what?

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  18. Michaels (1,318 comments) says:

    DPF, I thought you were banned from the The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VRWC), so you have now gone set up the Vast Right Wing and non-Labour Left Wing Conspiracy (VRWNLLWC)?

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  19. Rich Prick (1,701 comments) says:

    So, apart from Trevor and Clare, who else is out of the VRWNLLWC? Can’t be many, if any.

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  20. SHG (316 comments) says:

    Haters and wreckers, haters and wreckers….

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  21. Rick Rowling (813 comments) says:

    Clare, joining Labour under Helen was like buying dot-com stocks in the middle of the boom.

    It seemed like a sure winner at the time, but now it’s time to write it up to experience, take the hit and move on.

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  22. Lee01 (2,171 comments) says:

    I mean, its bad enough just believing these conspiracies, but actually posting them in public for all to see, exactly how stupid can you get?

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  23. Hollyfield (69 comments) says:

    The funny thing is, the non-[Vast Right Wing and non-Labour Left Wing Conspiracy] (NVRWNLLWC if you like) will believe everything they read about the Vast Right Wing and non-Labour Left Wing Conspiracy (VRWNLLWC).

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  24. Mary Rose (393 comments) says:

    >But it just shows the Labour Party have not learned anything since the election loss in 2008. They STILL think the people will realise they have made this terrible mistake

    That’s like an old bloke driving the wrong way on the motorway. And thinking all the cars skidding round to avoid him should turn round and go the same way he is.

    I do hope the VRWNLLWC sells T-shirts. Have to be baggy ones, or small lettering, though.

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  25. burt (8,269 comments) says:

    Perhaps life was better when Labour stole as much tax payers money as they needed to run a professional campaign.

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  26. BeaB (2,123 comments) says:

    Poor Trev. Is there no end to his madness?

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  27. Lee01 (2,171 comments) says:

    “Poor Trev. Is there no end to his madness?”

    Can you imagine what he would be like if he was PM and running the country? :(

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  28. SHG (316 comments) says:

    Does Labour have a leader these days? Seriously. Right now Labour looks like a daycare centre but all the adults have gone home.

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  29. lofty (1,310 comments) says:

    One starts to wonder just how far over Labour we can all get…is there no bottom to this pit?

    Most disappointing to have stuff all of a viable opposition.

    The sooner we see some real people with real life skills, taking back the party we all gave away the better.

    The greens must be wondering how come all the planets have suddenly aligned for them.

    @James Stephenson 10;29 post, very droll my boy.

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  30. Lee01 (2,171 comments) says:

    “Right now Labour looks like a daycare centre but all the adults have gone home.”

    Heh, very well said, and damned funny :)

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  31. Phil (127 comments) says:

    a very cosy relationship between yourself, Farrar, Hooton, young Nats and the non-Labour left.

    Shock! Horror!
    People who like talking politics hang out together. Sometimes they even talk to people that hold different views.

    WHO KNEW?!

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  32. Murray (8,847 comments) says:

    Apprently not Trev and Clare.

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  33. Pete George (23,560 comments) says:

    Mary Rose – apt description, an old man in an old dunger.

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  34. Monty (978 comments) says:

    Trev is just a little angry at present because he knows he will never be back in a Government. He is struggling to come to terms with rejection by the electorate. He has taken to banning anyone who says the slightest thing that puts Labour in a bad light – so much that Red Alert is essentially becoming a worthless echo chamber.

    Trev needs to accept this at quickly announce he is quitting parliament to spend more time with his family

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  35. sthn.jeff (101 comments) says:

    Does he still have a family?

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  36. Don the Kiwi (1,754 comments) says:

    Shitodear, DPF,
    Now you’ve exposed them, you’ll have to go to ground – ” Ve vill now have to Keel him.”

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  37. Kimble (4,438 comments) says:

    [50 Demerits DPF, for making fun of the mentally ill.]

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  38. david (2,557 comments) says:

    Oh you’ve done it now DPF! By deleting Kimble’s comment, I naturally assume that he must have been referring to Trevor or Clare.

    @Lee01 11:01 ” How else to explain these bizzare accusations?” Perhaps the recently removed CE of the Auckland Manufacturer’s and Employer’s Association might have a suggestion.

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  39. Murray (8,847 comments) says:

    Actually it looks more like Kimble gave DPF the demerits.

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  40. catwoman (123 comments) says:

    The names “Mallard and Curran” are being mentioned together a lot lately. Is there a non-political reason for this??

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  41. Murray (8,847 comments) says:

    Yeah we don’t do that her catwoman. thats a socialist thing, making shit up for titlating headlines.

    Besides, soem of us haven’t had lunch yet and we REALLY do not need that mental picture thanks.

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  42. kiwi in america (2,449 comments) says:

    Almost all of Labour’s MPs live in a relatively hermatically sealed left wing bubble. They tend to hang out with trade unionist activists, radical (often childless) feminists, are rainbow or rainbow coalition friendly and find middle NZ – white hetero males in particular – boorish, bear drinking, rugby loving oafs. They see John Key’s natural affinity with such a large swarth of middle NZ as a faked political persona. Because astroturfing comes so naturally to them they assume the Nats and Key do the same.

    This tendency to hang out with fellow travellers and to disdain those who aren’t as PC and enlightened has sealed Labour’s activist and campaign brains off from the normal political feedback loop that tells you when you’re way out of tune with the electorate’s thinking. The left dream of the charismatic leader who can so articulate progressive policies as to make the core of Labour activist ideology acceptable to the centre. Obama has shown that this is not possible – because the policies of the left when implimented lead to economic decline and middle class voters recoil from the agenda of the hard left being imposed on them.

    The purists that now have absolute control over Labour can never recant and become true pragmatic centrists (the heresy of Rogernomics still looms large in the memory of the left) so they are left to whine about their new found irrelevance – hence these pathetic blog posts and tweets from Mallard and Curran.

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  43. Matthew Hooton (131 comments) says:

    I first met John Minto in 1990 when I was chair of the Remuera Young Nats and he came and addressed us at my invitation. That’s how old and deep and sinister the conspiracy really is.

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  44. Murray (8,847 comments) says:

    We always suspected.

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  45. Michaels (1,318 comments) says:

    More fool you Matthew.
    One should never ever everhave anything to do with Minto.

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  46. Kimble (4,438 comments) says:

    Actually it looks more like Kimble gave DPF the demerits.

    Heh, quite right.

    Though I wonder how long it will be before that comment gets used as proof that DPF censors comments.

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  47. Jadis (146 comments) says:

    Oh God, I just realised that I am either related or friends with members of the VRWNLLWC

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  48. Rich Prick (1,701 comments) says:

    Hi Jadis, welcome to the bright side ;) The other is just a rather messy enema in a Council flat on an estate set aside for demolition, by all accounts.

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  49. wikiriwhis business (3,998 comments) says:

    Has anyone checked to see if the chalets, overeas trips and various other expensive purchases are indeed real.

    I mean, this guy broadcasted live to the nation in tears admitting his corruptions and everyones treating it like a joke.

    It seems when a conspiracy is is bought out to the light its shoved back into the darkness.

    Why does everyone think politics is squeaky clean ???

    Its a dirty mess.

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