The anti-Labour conspiracy grows

I blogged last week on how Trevor Mallard had joined the birthers and truthers with his bizarre conspiracy theory involving myself, Matthew Hooton, Bill English, the PSA and leftie academic Bryce Edwards.

Well as they say in x-files, Trevor is not alone in thinking the truth is out there. His colleague has weighed in alleging an even larger conspiracy. She tweeted:

@Whaleoil I think the point is that there’s a very cosy relationship between yourself, Farrar, Hooton, young Nats and the non-Labour left.

Clare has rumbled us. The conspiracy is not just Bryce Edwards. It is the entire non-Labour left. The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VRWC) is in fact the Vast Right Wing and non-Labour Left Wing Conspiracy (VRWNLLWC).

We meet monthly in an undisclosed location. I can’t reveal the name of our chairman (think higher than Bill English), but the participants include Russel Norman, myself, Metiria Turei, Matt McCarten, Hone Harawira, Chris Trotter, the Young Nats, Laila Harre, Matthew Hooton, Sue Bradford, Cameron Slater, John Minto, Nicky Hager, Danyl McLauchlan, NZUSA, Bernard Hickey, the PSA, Matt Robson, the Sunday Star-Times and X (a deep cover agent who is posing as a Labour MP).

Imperator Fish also reveals how the conspiracy came to light:

The Dunedin academic community is in shock today, after respected political scientist Dr Bryce Edwards admitted he was on the payroll of a despicable cabal involving National Party ministers and corrupt public service unionists.

The revelation came after Dr Edwards broke down in tears during a Q&A interview with Paul Holmes.

On the show, Dr Edwards admitted that he owed his extravagant lifestyle to the enormous amounts of cash being funneled into his bank accounts from the National Party, via David Farrar and Matthew Hooton and their PSA allies. …

Dr Edwards admitted to Paul Holmes that the money for the arrangement arrived every morning from a PSA courier

“The money would come in these brown paper bags, together with a handwritten note with my instructions for the day. It was more money than I’d ever seen in my life,” a tearful Dr Edwards admitted.

“I would always a cut to James Meager. The deal was that he would do my dirty work, when I didn’t want my name associated with something. In return he got 30% of everything. The rest was my own.

“I spent up bigtime. Fast cars, boats, a chalet in the Swiss Alps, but still I had more money than I knew what to do with.

“I knew I was in over my head, but I couldn’t say no. Here was I, just some nerdy politics lecturer, and suddenly I had cash to spend and all the hottest women in Dunedin wanted to be with me.”

Imperator Fish continues:

Dr Edwards told Paul Holmes that he had tried to escape from the arrangement.

“I tried. I told my PSA minders that I’d had enough, and that I was sick of having to write whatever they told me. That was my biggest mistake. The next day David Farrar turned up on my doorstep. I still have nightmares about what he did to me.

“After than I never questioned my orders.”

Trevor Mallard said he was delighted to have uncovered such a ruthless and cynical assault on democracy in New Zealand.

“I knew I was onto something as soon as Edwards started to say unkind things about the Labour Party. That was his first mistake. I’ve always said that as bad as the National Party may be, the real enemy are the traitors on the left.

“I’ve learned to uncover these conspiracies, having read The Hollow Men back to back at least fifty times. If Bryce Edwards isn’t a secret Don Brash supporter, then I know nothing.”

Again I commend Trevor and Clare for unmasking the great VRWNLLWC.

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