Imperator Fish at Epsom

November 21st, 2011 at 3:00 pm by David Farrar

Scott Yorke at has hit gold with this one:

National Party candidate for last night told a business gathering in Newmarket that he was once a mercenary for former Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi.

The revelation came after a television news poll showed Mr Goldsmith is well in front of ACT’s John Banks in the race for Epsom electorate. …

Mr Goldsmith told the Newmarket Business Association gathering last night that he had served with Gaddafi in Libya, but had been dismissed for gross cowardice and theft.

He also confirmed that he has dozens of convictions for fraud, arson, theft and sedition.

In addition, Mr Goldsmith confirmed he thought communism was an excellent political ideology and that, if elected as MP for Epsom, he would seek to confiscate all the finest houses in Epsom and turn much of the electorate into a gigantic collective farm.

He then proceeded to light a joint and smoke it slowly while saying “wow, man! Wooow!”

Heh.

Last night Goldsmith was interviewed by 3 News’ Patrick Gower and asked to explain whether he wanted to become the MP for Epsom.

Mr Goldsmith was unable to answer the question, because the flames of the church he was standing next to and had just set fire to forced him to seek shelter.

When asked to comment this morning on claims he was deliberately trying to lose the Epsom race, Goldsmith said he could not talk because he was late to a meeting with the Mongrel Mob about joining their gang.

Goldsmith later appeared on Broadway Newmarket wearing the Mongrel Mob’s colours and a gang patch, where he spoke to reporters.

When asked whether he was seeking to win the seat, Mr Goldsmith said “I’m too busy planning my next killing spree to focus on the electorate contest. Party vote National!”

Danyl has a challenger.

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9 Responses to “Imperator Fish at Epsom”

  1. Viking2 (11,368 comments) says:

    Well he probably need to come and help Simon and Lofty.
    Simons signs have sprouted a new sticker.
    “your vote is crucial on Sat”

    He, and its on his signs only, not on the party vote signs.

    Ironic really when you look at things now.
    National who have quietly supported various options other than MMP now depend desperately on MMP to remain the Govt.

    So, the Nats. now need to push party vote ACT to keep Winnie the Pooh out of Goffice

    oh dear life has its twist and turns.

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  2. insider (1,028 comments) says:

    “Danyl has a challenger.”

    Not based on this he hasn’t :-P

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  3. Manolo (13,518 comments) says:

    Another self-infliced wound from Labour lite, which from the outset should’ve expressed its support for the ACT candidate and withdrawn Goldsmith.

    It’s now all up to Epsom voters. We’ll know on Saturday night.

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  4. tvb (4,326 comments) says:

    This is the oddest election ever. The labour party and the greens say vote for goldsmith. Of course goldsmith is actually quite a decent candidate, quite electable, quite smart. Worth was useful for one thing and that is one could easily look at an alternative candidate. Also goldsmith has a future. Banks despite the glasses and the dyed hair and even a possible face enhancement is really quite past it now.

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  5. tvb (4,326 comments) says:

    Goldsmith could try the nuclear option and resign as a candidate today, right now.

    [DPF: You can not resign as a candidate]

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  6. KiwiGreg (3,234 comments) says:

    It’s kind of odd – if Act lose Epsom they may well be finished as a party and we will have no credible liberal right wing parties left (soz Libertianz…). If they win, Banks can roll Brash and an Act in Banks’ image won’t be a liberal right wing party either.

    But an electoral system where the left are tactically voting for the National candidate is clearly flawed. Still ti does make us Epsom voters feel important….

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  7. BlairM (2,314 comments) says:

    Hilarious! Well I am looking forward to the demise of ACT, and I think it will be a very positive development for the Right in New Zealand. We have had a bunch of amateurish, egotistical, unprincipled wannabes masquerade as a classical liberal political party for a long time, and it will be great to be well rid of them.

    I don’t know what can be put together for 2014, but anything will be better than ACT squeaking back in with a Trojan Horse like Banks. Some things just deserve to die and be put out of their misery, and ACT is one of them.

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  8. Mary Rose (393 comments) says:

    >But an electoral system where the left are tactically voting for the National candidate is clearly flawed.

    A good reason not to back First Past the Post. Tactical voting happens all the time under that lovely little system. And overall results are decided by a handful of seats.
    Some of the FPP advocates on here might find themselves having to vote Green to keep Labour out, or vice versa.

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  9. rakuraku (162 comments) says:

    ACT will be gone by lunchtime quote Don Brash.

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