Key and Goff do the bloke test!
November 4th, 2011 at 7:52 pm by David FarrarI can’t embed it, but go to Stuff and look at the video of Key and Goff doing the bloke test. Parts are very amusing. A summary of parts of it:
Running late and out of clean underwear
Key – don’t wear any, who can tell under the suit
Goff – on occasion has washed his own in a basin
Thrown a punch or been hit
Key – yes and names the kid at intermediate school who punched him and says still not forgiven him.
Goff – at a punching bag but admits yes in younger days
Who drives and navigates – you or wife
Key – I drive, Bronagh navigates and is always too late telling me to change lanes
Goff – A Navman has kept his marriage going
Ever done a yardglass
Key – yes, and offers the extra info that he spewed
Goff – no, protested strongly at son’s 21st when he did one.Not in favour of drinking to get drunk
Song you sing in the bath
Key – opponents claim “Oh lord, it’s hard to be humble” but actually Singing in the Rain
Goff – no song at all if anyone is at home
Ever shot a living creature
Key – yes as a youngster shot some rabbits on a farm
Goff – yes as a small farmer. Shoots rabbits to stop them over-running
Best SAS wilderness survival tip
Key – If caught in snow, you have to clear a bit out and get down to the grass as it is warmer there
Goff – Never try to keep up with the SAS!
BBQ secret
Key – don’t turn the steak until the juices of the blood move up and only turn once
Goff – enjoy steak on bbq, marinating it
Can you change a tyre
Key – yes
Goff – Not done in last couple of decades as easier for shop, but done in past
Do you tell wife if she cuts her hair short and you hate it
Key – no
Goff – no
Tui or Otago Pinot Noir
Key – Tuis (a claim met with some scepticism by the journos)
Goff – Tuis when hay making, Otago PN when at social functions
Very amusing. Good on them for taking part. Some will get sniffy but it is only five minutes out of a day.
Incidentally my answers would be:
Running late and out of clean underwear – turn them inside out
Thrown a punch or been hit – thrown a punch at university and been in a fight when I got mugged
Who drives and navigates – I drive, Noelle (my TomTom) navigates
Ever done a yardglass – yes, at university. No spew.
Song you sing in the bath – In the Navy
Ever shot a living creature – no
Best SAS wilderness survival tip – dribble if caught in snow avalanche, to work out what way is up and down
BBQ secret – pipis are great to bbq
Can you change a tyre – yes, but easier to call AA
Do you tell girlfriend if she cuts her hair short and you hate it – I am not suicidal
Tui or Otago Pinot Noir – definitely the Pinot
Tags: John Key, Phil Goff
November 4th, 2011 at 8:13 pm
If you look in the comments, there’s someone apparently claiming to be the guy who bullied Key in his Intermediate days:
Could easily be a fake but if he’s the real article and does get in touch I bet Campbell Live will be all over it.
I could have done without the image of inside out undies though DPF…
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 8:15 pm
>Can you change a tyre – yes, but easier to call AA
Good grief! Women over the age of 75 are permitted to call the AA. For everyone else this should be a 10 minute job.
I helped a driver change a tyre on a Greyhound bus in Australia a few years ago. That took about an hour, you had about 30 nuts to manage, and you had to use tools to lever the tyre in to place since it was too heavy to lift. It was about 40 degrees, the flat was on the sunny side of the bus, and we were both stuffed by the time we finished.
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 8:23 pm
I’ve never understood the whole turning underwear inside-out thing. Doesn’t that turn the previous days smelly side against your pants or jeans? And isn’t the whole point of wearing underwear to protect your pants from that?
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 8:30 pm
I assume you so-called “blokes” are referring to changing a WHEEL for question 9.
Vote:There is a huge difference between that and changing a TYRE.
November 4th, 2011 at 8:35 pm
I thought for a start it was comparing Goff’s testes, but he seems to have gone off that line.
If some candidates from somewhere up north have done it and get media maybe I should… my Bloke test
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 8:44 pm
Key is the clear winner…
A man is not a man unless he has gone commando at least once in his life.
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 8:48 pm
In the undoubtedly mistaken belief that anyone cares, my answers would be:
Vote:Underwear: don’t wear anything and don’t get the curly hairs caught in the zip;
Punch: both, but not for a long time;
Drive & Navigate: Me, women can’t navigate (much). But I never get lost, people are always telling me where to go…
Yardglass: Only a half;
Song: Bless ‘em all (non bowdlerised version) (and don’t the family wish i wouldn’t);
Shot: Possums & rabbits, rats, basically pest shooting;
SAS tip: none;
BBQ: Children like cheap sausages at least as much as expensive ones;
Tyre: Of course, but these very rarely have to (can’t actually remember the last one);
Hair: I LIKE short hair;
Tui or Otago PN: Neither, Wairarapa PN is superior to both (Ata Rangi or Dry River for choice, when you can get them).
November 4th, 2011 at 8:50 pm
I wonder how Hulun would have gone in this sort of thing?
Heather would have probably had to hover in the background, her very hand on the critical extension cord junction box, ready to cut the instant masculine things were ever said on national telly.
That’s probably why we never saw the one they made last election.
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 8:55 pm
>Running late and out of clean underwear – turn them inside out
Eugh.
You might want to amend that one.
Maybe lots of blokes do it on the quiet. But I wouldn’t advise anyone to admit to it when women could be reading/listening.
Unless you want them to think:”Yuk”.
[DPF: In case anyone think I was serious, I was kidding]
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 9:02 pm
Poor Phil Goff. He does not seem to be a Kiwi Bloke no matter how hard he trys. Always PC in the comments.
John Key does not carry years of Political baggage to keep his job. Phil Goff does, and will say or do anything to sucker up to the voter.
Charisma has a lot to do with Karma. Dig that hole Phil
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 9:25 pm
Metrosexual questions, what about these?
Have you ever
(1) driven a formula 1 race car?
Vote:(2) shot a tiger?
(3) harpooned a whale?
(4) threatened an impertinent journalist with radical circumcision?
(5) threatened to hang another head of state by his balls?
November 4th, 2011 at 9:41 pm
Oh please Steve, Phil’s answers were perfectly reasonable, as we’re Johns for that matter. They both came across as human.
The kiwi bloke meme can fuck off, if such a creature does exist at all
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 9:45 pm
Go tell your mum sook.
Vote:People like you will turn the humans into a non gender race
November 4th, 2011 at 9:51 pm
Here we go,
Vote:Bringing up a child that will not be told if it is a he/she. Some Canadian nutbars – I have no link, you Google thoughtful one.
Oh yeah, don’t say ‘please’ to me
Fuck off coqsucker
November 4th, 2011 at 9:57 pm
Your Satnav is called Noelle – beat it is an Irish accent and not a coincidence that there is a Irish journalist of the same name?
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 9:58 pm
Poor Phil Goff. He does not seem to be a Kiwi Bloke no matter how hard he tries.
I think Phil did OK Steve but not brilliantly.
Which by comparison Key did.
Not that he was.
Although I think he probably thinks he was.
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 10:08 pm
As leader of the Labour Party and opposition I think he did not do well at all.
Vote:Phil Goff has been diligent, intelligent, progressive, understanding, kind.
That is his school report, the NZ Public want his balls. If he has big balls he will win, if he has small balls he will lose. It is that simple, ask Helen
November 4th, 2011 at 10:35 pm
Ask them what the firing order is for an 1275 A Series block.
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 10:43 pm
Yeah, like we need more guns in this country.
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 11:12 pm
Go to bed steve, you’re pissed.
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 11:22 pm
Neither are real men if the largest animal they’ve shot is a rabbit
Vote:November 4th, 2011 at 11:31 pm
protested strongly at son’s 21st
March down Queen St with placards, was it Phil? Christ I bet you were tallying the political cost with each gulp.
Vote:November 5th, 2011 at 12:57 am
The 1275 A series block doesn’t have a firing order.
Vote:November 5th, 2011 at 3:51 am
Fascinating interviews – great idea. Key wins hands down IMO. Answers were succinct and pretty much 100% in line with kiwi blokedom. Goff demonstrates that his true inner bloke has been emasculated somewhat as we all suspected by decades inside the feminist PC cabal that is the Labour Party – plus he couldn’t resist the temptation to lecture about excess drinking, a result of years of nanny state thinking. Excess drinking isn’t good but that was not what was being asked. Key was honest about his drinking and the yard glass supplementary just locked up those last few remaining male university student votes!!
Vote:November 5th, 2011 at 6:25 am
Are there many NZ male university students in America?
Somebody in New Zealand drinks Central Otago Pinot? I thought it was all exported… for a great price.
Vote:November 5th, 2011 at 8:09 am
Key desperate to impress ,blurts out his answer before the question has been asked , Tui ,yeah right. Cringey try hard.
Vote:November 5th, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Any credibility Mr Goff had fled when I wittered on aboutt aking the tyre (?on a flat – or in the security squad boot) to the ‘tyre shop’, I think he called it.
I’m an old bag and even I’ve got too much self respect to call the AA if I have a flat tyre. Even if I’m dressed up, just put the emergency parka on the ground and spend 5 minutes changing it. Even a lifetime politician should be able to manage it.
Vote:November 6th, 2011 at 11:05 am
Dog Eat Dog @November 4th, 2011 at 10:35 pm
I assume you mean the engine and not the block.
Is that the Alloy or Cast Iron head long block in that case ?
Vote: