Cactus having fun

January 23rd, 2012 at 7:00 am by David Farrar

Cactus Kate has blogged her version of the agenda for the Labour Party Summer School.

Some extracts:

5.45PM Housekeeping
Here Charles Chauvel will show you all how to make your bed properly. So you can tell the staff to do it for you later.
5AM Coping With Loss
David Cunliffe will speak on his time dealing with disappointment. We haven’t told him (or Greg Presland) yet but you will all be away biking with Trevor at the same time except those of you in wheelchairs or who are heavily physically impaired.
8.00AM Breakfast
If you still can stand after the compulsory bike ride our esteemed Deputy Leader Grant Robertson will serve you a Blanketman breakfast in honor of his favorite constituent. Just to get you all going for the day on a high.
Neelam Choudary
Needs no introduction. How to catch sleazy Tories in a honey trap. Neelam did more damage to National in the last term than any Labour MP could manage.
6.00PM Dinner – Sausages on BBQ sponsored by The Mad Butcher

Indepth after dinner conversation on “Traitors in the media” featuring John Pagani and Chris Trotter with comparisons to “Thee Who Can’t be Named” from the pre 1990 era and Mad Dog Prebble. Guest historian Judith Tizard and Michael Bassett.

Prayers to Dear Former Leader Rt Hon Helen Clark and Skype to NYC. Followed by a bit of social media training to explain the phenomenon of Whaleoil and how to combat him. Alcohol will be provided so please bring a plastic cup.

As always, I recommend you read the whole thing and enjoy it all the more.
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25 Responses to “Cactus having fun”

  1. Manolo (13,517 comments) says:

    No satire from Cactus. I believe it’s strictly true.

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  2. Mark (1,469 comments) says:

    Clearly CK has fuck all useful to do. WHo cares what Labour are doing, is it relevent to anything in particular or is CK trying humour to see if she has an alternative career path. Stick to the day job looks like good advice at this point

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  3. Whaleoil (767 comments) says:

    @Mark, hunourless fuck, wake up on the left side of the bed this morning?

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  4. tvb (4,311 comments) says:

    She captures the madness of todays version of the Labour Party rather well. Except the retreat starts on Wednesday.

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  5. Scott Chris (6,013 comments) says:

    Satire? Funny thing about satire when a lawyer attempts it.

    It cancels itself out.

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  6. Wayne91 (143 comments) says:

    Mark an old song popped into my head re CK’s Labour party agenda “Girls just wanna have fu – un” try the fun bit sometime – you might like it. Dont fall into the humourless left side.

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  7. Cactus Kate (549 comments) says:

    Mark you really are a stupid fuck, it’s Chinese NY, 10 days off to poke fun and dullards like yourself and Scott Chris. The modern day dyslexic who gets his name all fused con.
    Tvb that’s the adult one. This was the kiddies one over the weekend.

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  8. Elaycee (4,349 comments) says:

    “The modern day dyslexic who gets his name all fused con.” :D

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  9. flipper (3,923 comments) says:

    On a SERIOUS note…..was not the attack by that Norweigan psycho made on a ” young socialist summer camp”????

    May be he could have found A better way………..

    Anyway, it does raise questions as to how our much beloved media would treat the camp if it were a Young Nationals camp!

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  10. Pete George (23,421 comments) says:

    @Whaleoil: wake up on the left side of the bed this morning?

    Which is the left – as you face it or as you lie on it (on your back)?

    Once you’ve worked that out:

    You CAN get up on the wrong side of the bed: Sleeping on left ‘makes you more cheerful and positive’

    Those who have a tendency to migrate to the left of a double bed are apparently happier than their ‘right’ counterparts.

    The study of 3,000 adults found that that those who sleep on the left are generally more cheerful, but they are also more positive and capable of tackling heavy workloads and a stressful day ahead.

    More than a quarter of people who snooze on the left side of the bed feel they have a really positive outlook on life in general, compared to 18 per cent of right-side sleepers.

    Two-thirds of those who doze on the left reckon they are calmer than their partner in a crisis. They also tend to have more confidence and for this reason are more likely to be in permanent employment.

    In addition, 31 per cent of ‘lefties’ love their job compared with just 18 per cent of ‘righties.’

    Maybe there’s something political in it.

    Those who sleep on the right side of the bed tend to earn more than their left equivalents.

    I’m more comfortable facing West when I sleep so that’s the side I’m on.

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  11. hmmokrightitis (1,579 comments) says:

    Thank you CK, nice to start a Monday with a laugh. Not only at your words, but also the humourless knobs who feel the need to remind us all, as if any reminder was necessary, that to be ‘left’ means having your sense of humour removed, and replaced with extra stupid.

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  12. Mark (1,469 comments) says:

    Kate now thats an intelligent addition to your witless first effort. Keep trying tho.

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  13. ross (1,454 comments) says:

    “I’m more comfortable facing West when I sleep so that’s the side I’m on.”

    That surprises me, Pete. I’d have thought you slept in the middle.

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  14. Pete George (23,421 comments) says:

    Ross – I’m more in the middle when associating with others.

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  15. East Wellington Superhero (1,151 comments) says:

    A gathering of young Leftists greasing themselves up to tell us how to live. Almost makes my skin crawl.

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  16. Put it away (2,888 comments) says:

    Mark – I’ve never seen anything intelligent from someone who spells “though” as “tho”, and you’re doing nothing to break the trend. It’s as reliable a moron-indicator as “thru”.

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  17. Mark (1,469 comments) says:

    Ah a semantic joins the fray, and a connoisseur of intelligence thru it all

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  18. Scott Chris (6,013 comments) says:

    The thing about satire is that in order to be funny, it has to have some semblance of irony or wit.

    Standing in the middle of the cyber-playground and calling people names fails that simple test.

    Mind you, it certainly acts as a clarion call for the partisan drones who can only judge an issue by its colour, not its content.

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  19. Falafulu Fisi (2,178 comments) says:

    Pete George, if you’re confused to which side of the bed that you sleep on, then try an old tongan traditional pillow (kali). You’ll wake up after an hour or more of sleep and definitely know which side of the bed that you were sleeping on.

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  20. Pete George (23,421 comments) says:

    @Falafulu Fisi – that looks more like a fence, I couldn’t sleep on that.

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  21. KevinH (1,192 comments) says:

    Day 1: 9.00am. Media Training 101

    Trainee M.P.’s taught the basics of care and use of the “H” button issued to first termers not acquainted with the house rules in the press gallery. When cornered by a TV3 reporter don’t give a direct reply but instead activate the H button for a quick reaction. H button has a direct line to the UN and can be activated 24/7. Phil Goff had one but apparently never used it, either that or it didn’t work. Chris Carter claimed he didn’t have one but secretly concealed it during caucus meetings. Jacinda Ahern had hers confiscated because of overuse and Nanaia Mahuta complained she couldn’t get the Maori version.

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  22. Sublime (205 comments) says:

    Love it!

    Bring on the next episode.

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  23. RandySavage (209 comments) says:

    what an awful piece of writing

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  24. Pete George (23,421 comments) says:

    I agree Randy, in-depth should be hyphenated, and I HATE capitalised AM and PM. Terrible.

    Are you related to Micky Savage at The Standard? Probably not, that’s just an egregious pseudonym.

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  25. Clint Heine (1,570 comments) says:

    Having seen the agendas for many student union “retreat” and Labour camps, Cactus Kate has quite chillingly managed to fuse fiction and reality.

    And it has pissed off you left-tards enough as you know it’s true.

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