Slack in Metro
January 17th, 2012 at 1:00 pm by David FarrarEven funner than Plunket in Metro, was the column by David Slack. Again well worth buying a copy to read the full thing, but let me share some extracts from Slack’s Captain Log for David Shearer:
Day One: I have had the privilege of meeting some truly fascinating people in my life. Energetic people. Inspiring people. Imaginative people. People whose work fills you with hope. I look around the caucus room again. I miss those people.
LOL.
Day Two: Quietly kicking myself. I’ve dealt with Somali warlords who got along better than this.
He then decides to take the Labour caucus on a bonding retreat to Somalia.
Day 68: Trevor asking awkward questions about the funding for the trip. Quietly kicking myself for taking up Hooton’s offer. Still can’t believe how fast he and his mates came up with the money …
Walk up and down the plane. They all have their gripes. Parker’s complaining he didn’t get his special meal. Street wants a window seat. King wants the same one. Ross Robertson gets sniffy when I don’t recognise him and ask him for ID.
Heh.
Clare Curran wants to show me what she’s read on a blog about “chemtrails“. Sit down next to her and use up three hours pointing out the window, drawing diagrams, explaining sunlight, temperature, wind shear, humidity levels, aeronautics and conspiracy nutbars. Think we’ve got it all squared away but then she says “Bout of course that’s what Fox News wants people to think isn’t it?”
ROTFLMAO.
Then over in Somalia the bus break downs.
Day 71. Arrive back with replacement bus. Shambles. Laundry hanging out of windows. Trevor has a card school going. Do a head count. One missing.
“Where’s Charles?” I ask. Without looking up from his hand, Trevor says: “Flogged down a Mercedes and pissed off back to Mogadishu to look for a four seasons.”
And the wonderful ending:
Just then there’s a toot of a horn and a cheery “Hi-de-hi” from outsid. Look out the window to see what’s going on. Great. Chris Carter.
I’m going to have to read Metro more often!
Tags: David Shearer, David Slack, Labour
January 17th, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Can some ‘Hip Cool’ type tell this old thirty-something what the hell ‘ROTFLMAO’ means??
Vote:January 17th, 2012 at 2:29 pm
Longknives
Vote:Work it out! I did and I am twice your age.
January 17th, 2012 at 2:47 pm
Nope- No idea Bea!
Vote:Mind you- I still type out my text messages in full written English with correct punctuation (Guess I’ll never be a ‘cool kid’)
January 17th, 2012 at 2:56 pm
‘ROTFLMAO’
Vote:January 17th, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Honestly. How can people be simultaneously on the internet and unable to answer simple questions like “what does ROTFLMAO mean?”
You’re on the INTERNET. Look it up!
FFS.
Vote:January 17th, 2012 at 3:14 pm
Tom B
I suspect my point went slightly over your head-I don’t really care what ROFLMAOF (or whatever) means, I was making a subtle dig at the bastardisation of the English language…
Vote:January 17th, 2012 at 3:27 pm
…. then Chris leans out the door of his battered Peugot complete with AK47 bullet holes and says to David, ” Fancy a ride up to Kabul, I’ve just met these really nice guys and they said to drop in for a cuppa and a smoke”
Vote:David pauses for a moment and then says, “No thanks, take a rain check on that one, but Trev will probably join you”
Chris looks momentarily startled,” Oh no not that prick, hate his guts, and the guys won’t like him”
“All the more reason to take him says David.
January 17th, 2012 at 4:45 pm
Speaking of subtle – does anyone know what a “head-I” is? Some new Apple product?
Vote:January 17th, 2012 at 6:03 pm
You got me! You crazy kids with your ‘text speak’ and your newfangled ‘computers’….
Vote: