Guest Post: An Australian menage a trois

March 6th, 2012 at 12:00 pm by David Farrar

This is a guest post by commenter Peter Freedman, who has offered to do a semi-regular guest post on Australian politics.

This is a tale of a menage a trois among three people – Kevin, Julia and Tony.

Kevin hates Julia and Julia hates Kevin. Tony detests both of them.

Kevin used to be Prime Minister of and wants to be again. Julia IS PM, but probably not for long. Tony wants so desperately to be PM he’d probably kill Kervin and Julia to get there.

Let’s start with Kevin. Known inevitably as Krudd, he is the candidate from heaven, a chubby cheeked cherub with skin of milk who sends matrons aquiver. All they want is to clasp him to their ample bosom.  But underneath the angelic appearance is a foul-mouthed, temper tantrummed tyrant who has been described as a sociopath and a psychopath ( by his friends!).

People love him because he is so adorable and swearing is compulsory here, even from committed Christians.

Kevin was an awful PM who couldn’t find his phone because of the mess on his desk. But he could speak Mandarin, which made him a perfect Foreign Minister. Now he isn’t either, and Australia is both richer and poorer as a result.

Now to Julia. She is a Helen Clark clone without the political savvy. A lawyer, she once pronounced “hyperbole” as “hyperbowl”. Even Australians, who talk about “chance” and “dance”, instead of “charnce” and “darnce” knew “hyperbowl” right.

Julia, variously known as “Joolya” or “Juliar” knows less about political tactics than your average earthworm. Her fuck ups are legendary – her latest was to drag in former NSW Premier Bob Carr as Foreign Minister without bothering to consult Defence Minister Stephen Smith who really, really, really wanted the job. PS: Watch Smith, he is a future Australian Prime Minister.

Julia has courage, deliberately breaking her promise on a carbon tax was as brave as anything I’ve seen in a long time.

So Labor has Kevin, popular but hopeless, and Juliia, unpopular but highly capable. United the two would make a bloody good PM, but given they won’t even talk to each other, any sort of conjoining is unlikely.

And now we come to Tony, known as Jug Ears or Budgie Smuggler, due to his wearing “sweemers” (that’s togs to you) which so configurate his genitals as to resemble a helpless bird

Tony is the only thing Labor has going for it. Imagine Trevor Mallard heading Labour in NZ…………the rottweiller turned into pack leader. Find out what Abbott did to Pauline Hanson, it definitely wasn’t consensual.

And I thought Australian politics were boring………

Peter lives in Queensland, Australia.

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15 Responses to “Guest Post: An Australian menage a trois”

  1. krazykiwi (9,188 comments) says:

    Love it :)

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  2. RRM (8,994 comments) says:

    Australian politics sounds about as attractive as NZ politics.

    This guy is awesome. You should get rid of those lame-arse ‘Blunt’ cartoons to make more room for Peter Freedman.

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  3. Ed Snack (1,539 comments) says:

    Rather follows the Labor talking point line about how terrible Tony Abbott is doesn’t he. Has he ever met or spoken to Tony, or just following the usual ignorant leftist media crowd of bashing “the Tory” when ever he can ?

    Supposed to be funny I suppose, and wants to add “balance”…

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  4. Scott Chris (5,682 comments) says:

    This is a tale of a menage a trois among three people

    As opposed ‘to among 4 people’?

    Perhaps un dysfunctionnement du trois might be more apt.

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  5. KevinH (1,129 comments) says:

    Tony Abbott must be loving all the vitriole oozing out of the Labor camp, he knows it’s terminal to Labor’s re election chances next year and will be wondering how big his majority may become.

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  6. s.russell (1,486 comments) says:

    It would be interesting to see the performance of Julia Gillard while NOT being constantly undermined by Kevin Rudd. It might be rather better than some people think.

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  7. tvb (3,945 comments) says:

    Julia has bought Bob Carr into the mix, who is not only a very skillful politician but is also a deep thinker. I have been reading his Blog. I could vote for Carr but for the dreadful Labour party activist caravanserai he brings with him.

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  8. tvb (3,945 comments) says:

    No S Russell. A skillful politician would not be undermined by K.rudd. Julia makes her own mistakes because of the tangled webs she weaves.

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  9. krazykiwi (9,188 comments) says:

    One of Julia’s mistakes is outlined here. Extract:

    Julia Gillard had criminal allegations made against her in 1995 when she was accused of helping her boyfriend steal over $1,000,000 from the Australian Workers Union (AWU) and helping him spend the money on such things as her personal home renovations and dresses.

    Julia Gillard has never denied helping him rip off the $1,000,000 plus dollars, what she has done is denied doing it knowingly. Her part was helping set up an account called the “AWU Members Welfare Association No 1 Account” and possibly other accounts that the money was laundered through when she was a lawyer working for Slater and Gordon who were the solicitors representing the Australian Workers Union.

    The allegations against Julia Gillard were initially raised in the Victorian Parliament in 1995.

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  10. kowtow (6,720 comments) says:

    If you want to follow australian politics without having to put up with silly shite like this just go over to Andrew Bolts’ blog.

    At least there you won’t have read that sort of adolescent anti Tony Abbot rubbish.

    I reckon he’s the only man who can save Australia from the left wing.ecowackery that’s going on there under a disfunctional green led Labor minority government.

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  11. boredboy (246 comments) says:

    This guy has no idea what he is talking about.

    The Bob Carr signing is being considered a masterstroke in Australia. Stephen Smith said he was happy before and after the appointment.

    Oh yes and Andrew Bolt eh? You mean the one who featured on Melbourne Talk Radio 3MTR? 3MTR was shut down last week because of falling advertising revenue. It had 8,000 listeners in a city of 4.5 million. If you think he is going to save Australia you are dreaming.

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  12. Viking2 (10,736 comments) says:

    tvb (2,397) Says:
    March 6th, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Julia has bought Bob Carr into the mix, who is not only a very skillful politician but is also a deep thinker. I have been reading his Blog. I could vote for Carr but for the dreadful Labour party activist caravanserai he brings with him.

    You should gen up on carr Stuffed NSW big time.

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  13. boredboy (246 comments) says:

    During Carr’s 10 years as Premier net debt was reduced from 7.4 percent of gross state product to zero.

    He argued that in 10 Carr budgets he allocated $61 billion to new infrastructure and $10 billion to debt retirement.

    The Carr-led Opposition had backed a motion by independent John Hatton in May 1994 to establish a Royal Commission into corruption in the NSW Police. As a result, Carr inherited the work of the Royal Commission and its reports.

    The Carr Government pioneered private public partnerships to fund additional infrastructure, creating a model followed in other states. Five new projects delivered Sydney a ring road system inclusive of the M5 Extension, the Eastern Distributor, the M2 Hills Motorway, the Westlink M7, the Lane Cove Tunnel, and the Cross City Tunnel. As a result up to an hour’s travel time was reduced on a north-south journey in Sydney’s west using the 42 kilometres (26 mi) of Westlink M7.

    He was premier for 10 year before he resigned in 2005. His successor continued, indeed Labor continued until last year.

    Oh yes, he also did the 2000 Olympics, considered the best ever.

    How exactly did he ‘stuff’ New South Wales, Viking?

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  14. Peter Freedman (127 comments) says:

    KK and RRM, Thanks, you are both good for my already overinflated ego.

    Ed, show me one person with “balanced” opinions.

    Agree that bringing in Bob Carr was a very smart move. But the way it was done was dumb. First Gillard said Carr was the man, then denied having approached him. The reason: Stephen Smith, a very talented Minister, wanted his old job back. Gillard must have known that but approached Carr without talking to Smith first!

    But in the end she got her way, and stuck it up the media, who had already proclaimed Carr was a dead duck.

    Once again, Gillard did the right thing, but did it very badly. You can only wonder who she gets to provide political advice.

    Scott, spot on, mate. My bad.

    For the record, the only Australian polly I have met is the Silver Bodgie (Bob Hawke). It was during his drinking days. Great fun, but not a pretty sight the next day.

    I would argue that NOT meeting the politicians I comment upon is a plus not a minus. That way I can look at them from the point of the vast majority of Aussie voters, who haven’t met them, either. Press Gallery members inevitably get far too close to politicians.

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  15. Peter Freedman (127 comments) says:

    Boredboy, you are obviously in the know about NSW politics. Thanks for your contributions, keep them coming.

    BTW, what do you think about Christina Keneally? She’s far too talented to stay in the background much longer, surely.

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