Guest Post: Mental Mania
March 12th, 2012 at 3:00 pm by David FarrarA guest post by Peter Freedman:
I suffer from a mental illness.
That probably won’t surprise too many of you.
I am happy to tell about my illness for two reasons. Firstly, there is still a view that having an MI means you are dangerous and mad. I am not either. Next this is an encouragement to men, especially, that you do not need to suffer in silence.
As John Kirwan says, tell someone. And if they don’t get it tell someone else. Keep telling someone till they get it. That’s what I did.
I get panic attacks. Looking back, I now recognize that I have suffered these attacks most of my life. My wife remembers me getting the shakes during our marriage ceremony. I still maintain this was just anticipation of the night to come, but, perhaps not.
The symptoms of panic are varied. Most commonplace is uncontrollable shaking and what is called a “feeling of impending doom” – the fear that something big and nasty is just around the next corner. And it is coming for YOU. You don’t know what it is except that it is coming……
Random and silly fears are also common. Once, while peeling prawns I became convinced that they would poison us unless I removed every single bit of the black membrane. Another time I woke in the middle of the night, shook my wife awake demanding we evacuate immediately because the house was about to catch fire.
“Go back to bed, you silly old fool,” she said lovingly. And when I awoke the house was still standing.
My illness came to a head about two years ago when I suffered all the symptoms of a heart attack. The ambos did an ECG which showed my ticker was fine.
We went to hospital where they conducted test after test. All came back normal. The doctors told me I was suffering from stress.
Three nights later, I thought I was having a stroke. Back to hospital. Even more tests, scans, xrays. All results were normal, normal, normal.
So why was I feeling so crook when there was nothing wrong?
“It’s all in your head, dear,” said the nurse, gently patting my hand.
This time I went to the doctor who gave me some pills. In a couple of days , I felt right. YIPPEE, I WAS CURED!
So I stopped taking the drug. Staunch Kiwi bloke doesn’t need THOSE THINGS.
Bad move. My next panic attack lasted 48 hours. By the end I was almost suicidal.
So I went back to the doctor ,then to a counselor. Finally to a shrink. SHE GOT IT.
Now I am kept under control by a cocktail of drugs. I will never be cured and will pop pills for the rest of my life. Far better than the alternative.
And remember this:
If you THINK you are going mad, that’s the surest sign that you are not. It’s only if you don’t think you are growing mad, but everyone else is going loopy, that you are really going insane.
PS: I have just reread that last sentence five times and still don’t understand it.
Sheet, maybe I AM going loony……..Aghhhhhhh!!!
I admire people who do or have suffered from mental illness to be so upfront about it. I know that it helps a lot of people out there who have been through the same, and see they are not alone.
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March 12th, 2012 at 3:09 pm
I too suffer from panic attacks and anxiety. I’ve always been a worrier but mine was brought about by the Chch earthquakes. I definitely agree that it helps to talk about it, I feel a lot better whenever I talk to someone about what’s going on. Good to see that you’re dealing with it like I am and I wish you the best for the future
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 3:20 pm
You have definitely beaten me in the disability stakes. Not sure about Dad size though, I have never met mine.
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 3:24 pm
“If you THINK you are going mad, that’s the surest sign that you are not. It’s only if you don’t think you are growing mad, but everyone else is going loopy, that you are really going insane.”
Thanks, that is a very interest point. Does not apply to me as many on this blog would say. I have a civil court case going for a substantial amount of money (for me) against someone who fits the bill. He is very intelligent but I am convinced he is bipolar. On reflection he claimed a number of other people who to me seemed normal are mad.
He thinks I am plotting against him with others. The trouble with some of these people is that they convince themselves of there own nonsense and sound credible initially. I think David Bain could fall into this category.
You are very fortunate to have a supportive wife. Good luck.
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 3:43 pm
Good of you to share Peter, I don’t know if it will help you (you seem to be getting it sussed) but it could help others.
I only partially understand – not having had to deal with that level of symptom I can’t know what it’s like.
But I have had glimpses. I regard myself as having a calm unworried nature, even stress usually isn’t too much of a burden. But I have touched on panic attacks in ‘stupid’ situations, one related to me getting married as it happens. Pre wedding I put my ring on my right finger which is a tighter fit and felt a pang of distress when I couldn’t get it off, quite scary. Fortunately I was able to calm myself before it got bad.
The reason I’m relating a piddly example is that perhaps that feeling is lurking in all of us, and possibly some are less fortunate than others about how much and how frequently it afflicts.
I’m not keen on drugs either unless absolutely essential, but when the alternative is crap they are worth using.
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 3:46 pm
Thanks, MK, I sure can understand the effect the earthquakes had on you. I used to live in Napier, then Wellington, enough said……
Talking definitely helps and I find not just talking about your illness. I found when I dialled 111 the moment I spoke to an operator I started to feel the better. By the time the ambos (notice how I slip into Australian here) arrived I felt great and was apologising for bothering them.
“That’s okay,” they said gently – gee, I really admire these guys for their patience and endless good humour – “There is clearly something going on in your head and we need to sort it out.”
I must say Australian hospitals are, in my experience, much better at “sorting out”. I have spent one period in an OZ hospital – not for panic attacks for something else which I will write a piece on later, perhaps. But they found several conditions I knew nothing about or where the NZ treatment wasn’t working. One of these, diabetes, could have left me on dialysis.
In a strange way, although getting attacks is not something I would wish upon anyone, I am not sorry to have gone through the experience and don’t fear any more attacks (odds are they will come on from time to time).
Firstly it has taught me me so much about the marvels of the human brain and how it works. Mine was suffering from a chemical imbalance and needed drugs to help it. But it knew as a male Kiwi I wouldn’t go to the doctor unless I thought I had something serious. So my brain gave me the symptoms of a heart attack.
When that didn’t do the job in obtaining the required chemicals my brain gave me a stroke. It knew giving me another “heart attack” was pointless, I was on to that little trick, so it tried something else. What it would have done next, well, who knows……?
Secondly, it has made a strong marriage even stronger. Carolyn and I have always been close, now we are joined at the hip, and occasionally in other places, but we won’t go there……….
I get what I call my “manic attacks”. These are periods of intense energy, when I just have to be up doing something. One encyclopaedia talked about meaningless activity.
I wouldn’t have thought making a fruit cake is meaningless, even if you are doing it at 3am. Or taking down the Christmas tree, even if you just HAVE to drag a sleepy wife out of bed to do it at 4am on New Years Day.
Once I decided to mow the lawns at 1am on a Sunday using a torch…….fortunately the missus put her foot down that time.
During a panic attack you become very restless. Mine normally occur at night and I just have to get out of bed. So Carolyn joins me and we talk, and talk and talk….during those perios I told her things about myself I had hidden even from the woman I have loved for more than 40 years.
Once when we had talked for several hours, I could see she was very tired and we both went to bed. Ten minutes later I had to get up again. And this glorious wonderful female, dog tired, got up and we talked again for hours. Having an understanding partner or friend is very important, I could never have got through this on my own.
So there are no regrets. The main point is there is help available. Get it. It helps!
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 3:57 pm
As regards drugs, yes, they do help and are sometimes essential. But they do have side effects.
One drug had an effect upon the pistol I keep in a holster just south of the Border……..no, my gun didn’t go all limp, I could get it ready to fire and then found I couldn’t get a shot away, so to speak.
I tried a doctor, then a counsellor, then rang the men’s healthline. All told me there was no alternative treatment and I would just “have to put up with it.”
This dilemma is something probably only a man would understand. To most men the old game of “ready, set, fire!” is what makes us masculine. Without the “fire” bit you feel something less than a man.
So I talked to my psychiatrist.
“Of course there is an alternative pill, without the same side effect. Stop taking the first one, wait a couple of weeks, then BOOM!”
When it did happen just as she predicted I burst into tears. I WAS A MAN AGAIN!
It’s like JK says. Keep telling someone and don’t be afraid of your illness or to talk about it, even to a complete stranger.
I often tell people about in bus queues or on trains……..Carolyn just pretends she isn’t with me. But I’ve found people are really interested and either know someone with similar symptoms or have experienced them themselves.
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Okay, one last post then I’ll stop for a while. Carolyn is making asparagus rolls for lunch, watched attentively by two garbage gutses we call dogs…..
The causes of p/as are many. Possibilities are:
1) Genetic. I well remember my mother having fits of hysterics.
2) Background. Being in stressful jobs can bring them on. I had a stressful job as a journo, then moved to an even more stressful one as a union advocate. Right at the time when DPF’s mates passed the ECA.
3) Sometimes there is no obvious cause. They just happen.
And you can pass them on. My mother certainly did and so have I.
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 4:55 pm
Anxiety and panic attacks are curable. I have earned my living by helping people cure these problems for 17 years.
Vote:In a nutshell
Anxiety is caused by sympathetic overactivity. You can learn rapid parasympathetic overactivity.
Sympathetic overactivity is triggered by unwanted emotions, thoughts, feelings or images. You can learn how to rapidly displace and replace them with wanted emotions, thoughts, feelings and images.
The triggers are caused by pessimistic thinking – you can learn how to think like an optimist.
You think like a pessimist because you learned this before the age of 5 from copying a caregiver. (It is not genetic).
I do not want to put out my contact details on such a prominent place. I will send my details to DPF back channel if you are interested.
March 12th, 2012 at 6:06 pm
I suffer from panic/anxiety attacks as well. They are not very nice. I havent yet grown the balls to seek help. Maybe one day I will. For now, I will just deal with them the best way I can. Fisiani, your comments are interesting and helpful , thank you.
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 6:07 pm
One out of four people in this country is mentally imbalanced.
Think of your 3 closest friends, if they seem ok then you’re the one
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 7:46 pm
labours a joke (161) Says:
March 12th, 2012 at 6:06 pm
I suffer from panic/anxiety attacks as well. They are not very nice. I havent yet grown the balls to seek help. Maybe one day I will. For now, I will just deal with them the best way I can. Fisiani, your comments are interesting and helpful , thank you.
Could you just be panicking at the thought of the next Labour government?
Seriously, I found Fisiani’s suggestion a little hard to follow. I got to “rapid parasympathetic overactivity” and my mind switched off. But if it works for some then great!
I work on more simple approaches. When I am feeling “twitchy”, ie not in an attack just getting uneasy and well, twitchy, I go into my cave. That can be anywhere were there is peace and you feel comfortable. My cave is my bedroom. I shut the door, put on classical music – Mozart is superb, Clair de Lune works brilliantly, but the 1812 is not a good idea – lie on the bed, close my eyes and think happy thoughts. Sometimes I drift off to sleep, others I just relax for half an hour or so. It works for me.
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 7:53 pm
Why do you have to be on drugs for the rest of your life?
I have watched on while anti depressants destroyed members of my extended family, I do not believe the prevalence of “a pill for every problem” attitude is doing our society any good at all.
Surely it is better for people to get better than to stay sick for the rest of their lives?.
I am sure some people need some sort of medication, perhaps you are one of them, but I think the way these powerful drugs are handed out like bloody jelly beans is appalling.
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 8:08 pm
On the subjects of drugs: Don’t be afraid of them, but do give them respect. Recognise everyone is different and the cocktail they need will not be the same.
As well as my problem with my gun, I took a pill to help me sleep. I took one a night and when that didn’t seem to work sought help from my psychiatrist. She said I could take one every half hour, up to a total of five.
Five in two hours seemed excessive so I was cautious. I took one, then about an hour later another one. Then my legs turned to jelly, I couldn’t walk without assistance and my heart wouldn’t stop palpitating. So I stopped taking them. Turns out the pills were designed to lower blood pressure. And they sure did.
Don’t be afraid to experiment with your drug dosage (but only with the consent of an experienced doctor or psychiatrist). The drugs you are given for p/a are antidepressants, though I have seldom felt depressed.
One drug I take is fluoxetine (Prozac). It works but leaves you feeling very sleepy. I am slowly cutting down on my dosage, started with four a day, then two, then one. Now I am cutting them out altogether. The drug stays in your system about a fortnight, so it is too soon to tell\ what will happen.
I am kicking Prozac not just because it leaves me like a zombie but also gives me heartburn. I am replacing it with ampitryptyline, I take one at night and sleep like a baby. That means I sleep two hours, cry two hours, then poop the bed.
And there is always mother’s little helper, valium. NZ doctors don’t like giving valium as it is highly addictive. Aussie doctors seem to trust their patients to be sensible with them. I take them only if feeling REALLY twitchy. They certainly work.
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 8:11 pm
Shunda, I don’t know about the rest of my life. My shrink said some people can be cured others have to continue medicating till death. She believes I am one of the latter.
If antidepressants are “destroying” people than there is something very wrong. Care to share a bit more detail?
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 9:19 pm
I see it like this Peter.
Some people clearly have some sort of short circuit, I guess a ‘physiological’ reason for mental illness through no fault of their own and something that needs to be managed with whatever means that work, including the appropriate drugs.
Then there are other people that have no ‘physiological’ issue but suffer from depression etc for various reasons, I think these people need quite a different approach.
In my opinion the medical profession is often guilty of taking the quick fix approach and simply throwing drugs at people and yelling “next”, I have seen the damage that this causes people and I think it is appalling.
Depression is often a warning sign as real as physical pain is to touching a hot element, it is a signal to stop, reassess and find a solution.
If people are living in an unsustainable situation (which could involve a lot of things) then depression is likely, giving someone drugs and enabling them to continue in an unsustainable situation without dealing with the root cause is cruel in my opinion.
I have seen this happen to several family and friends and I feel very strongly about it, happy pills are often a cruel enablement of the very thing that caused the depression in the first place.
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Peter, ever heard of going ‘mad’ by yourself?
Vote:March 12th, 2012 at 9:23 pm
harden up
Vote:March 13th, 2012 at 2:21 am
Thanks Shanda, that’s pretty clear.
I’m not sure what causes mental illness, I have concluded the number of things that can trigger such a condition is endless. I don’t even know for sure what caused mine.
My experience of my doctor was that he didn’t object to giving out pills, till I asked for valium. I don’t know why he saw this drug differently, presumably because it can be addictive. I now get valium from my Australian doctor, am allowed to use up to two 2mg tablets a day, but in reality would use it once a week on average. I often go weeks without using it at all.
I have one family member whose life was badly effected by a drug, but not one he got from a doctor. The drug was marijuana.
Vote:March 13th, 2012 at 2:23 am
RandySavage (75) Says:
March 12th, 2012 at 9:23 pm
harden up
If this is addressed to me, Randy, then you haven’t read my previous previous posts. Hardening up has never been a problem.
Vote:March 13th, 2012 at 7:10 am
I hope you keep the writing up Peter, that ‘character’ in your first blog had a classic style, a good pace without any apparent self-analysis. As for the other Peter, I’m sure he’s doing just fine.
Vote:March 13th, 2012 at 9:32 am
Bit late, but Peter, if you’re checking back on this thread:
>My experience of my doctor was that he didn’t object to giving out pills, till I asked for valium. I don’t know why he saw this drug differently, presumably because it can be addictive.
Valium may help your symptoms, but not the cause. And once you stop taking it, the withdrawal effects are as bad or worse than the original cause.
Couldn’t find the recent article I read on this (all over the media not so long ago, as I recall), but found this:
‘Diazepam withdrawal symptoms may include, but not limited to the following. Changes in personality, dizziness, sensitivity to light or sound, tingling or numbness, nausea, diarrhea, or vomiting, tachycardia (rapid heartbeat), heart palpitations, memory loss, hallucinations, panic attacks, fever, seizures, headaches, tension, anxiety, depression, confusion, insomnia, sweating, irritability, and restlessness.’
Also an article on a US news site:
Vote:http://www.cleveland.com/healthfit/index.ssf/2012/02/the_upsides_and_downsides_of_a.html
March 17th, 2012 at 6:57 pm
This is a post I have a lot of respect for. Despite the fact that a lot of the population suffers from mental illness, there is still a lot of stigma on it. Stigma that can be really difficult to get past, particularly if you’re suffering from a mental illness yourself.
I have suffered from depression and anxiety in the past, and it has come to my attention that everyone needs different things to help get it under control. It depends on your personality type, how you react to drugs, and the nature of the illness. For me, talking about it didn’t help at all, but just going on with it did.
In relation to drugs, I think it’s far too subjective to be able to say “This is what you should do” and tends to require some experimentation — With the help of your doctor, of course.
Vote: