David#1: Great news, David! I have irrefutable evidence that John Key’s been lying to the nation over what he knew about Kim Dotcom!
David#2: That is indeed great news, David. Tell me more.
David#1: He’s gone and spoken to GCSB staff about the guy, that’s what. Apparently he cracked a joke in front of them. And he was filmed!
David#2: I don’t see the problem.
David#1: Don’t you see? It happened in February, at a time when Key supposedly didn’t even know the GCSB were monitoring Dotcom. If it turns out that Key was joking about Dotcom to GCSB staff then it will prove Key knew about the monitoring.
David#2: Yes, that’s pretty powerful stuff, David.
David#1: Thank you, David. I finally think we’ve got the bastard this time.
David#2: I can’t wait to see Key’s face when you show the film.
David#1: I know. It’ll be gold. There’s just a minor problem, though.
David#1: Look… it’s just a minor detail, and I expect we’ll have it sorted out quickly. It’s about the tape.
David#2: The tape of John Key joking about Kim Dotcom?
David#1: The very same. You see, I don’t actually have a copy of it.
David#2: I see. I presume one of your staff has it.
David#1: Ah… no.
David#2: Right. Your informant then, whoever that is. It’s not Fran’s bloke, is it?
David#1: I can’t divulge my sources, David.
And the fictional conversation continues:
David#2: So, basically, you have no tape, and your informant won’t come forward to verify your claim.
David#1: When you put it that way it sounds like a stupid thing to do. But here’s the genius of the plan: when we demand the release of the tape and they can’t produce it, everyone will see the cynical cover-up.
David#2: You know, David, I find this whole thing extraordinary. You are going to demand the release of a tape you aren’t certain even exists in order to prove something that you have no evidence of. I can hardly believe I am hearing this from the leader of my party. And do you know why? Because IT’S A GENIUS PLAN! Do it, man!
David#1: This will destroy John Key.
David#2: It will certainly be very destructive.
David#1: And it might even precipitate a change of leadership.
David#2: I’m certainly hoping so.
Heh, heh. One has to give Scott full credit – he mocks all parties well.Tags: David Cunliffe, David Shearer, GCSB, Imperator Fish, Labour, Labour Leadership, Satire