General Debate 25 November 2012

November 25th, 2012 at 8:00 am by Kokila Patel
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69 Responses to “General Debate 25 November 2012”

  1. Michael (910 comments) says:

    Andrew Hore looks like he wants a nice long holiday.

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  2. hj (7,033 comments) says:

    Christchurch set for ethnic diversity in quake rebuild
    Christchurch could rival Auckland in ethnic diversity as it attracts high numbers of migrants needed for the post-quake rebuild, says Massey University sociologist Professor Paul Spoonley.

    He says up to 40,000 migrants are predicted to arrive in Christchurch in the next 18 months based on estimates from Canterbury Employment and Skills. This could prompt a “sea change” in the way immigrants are perceived by the city, which is one of the country’s least ethnically diverse areas.

    Dubbed the “earthquake effect” by the Asia New Zealand Foundation, people in Christchurch are said to feel more positive about migrants as a result of local immigrant communities playing a major role in helping with recovery after the February 2011 quake. [?]

    One thing he is clear about is that the demographic changes set to occur in Christchurch could transform the city infamous for its white supremacist National Front movement. While Christchurch does have small ethnic enclaves, hosting lantern festivals for Chinese New Year and Diwali festivals for the Indian community, the scale of the anticipated migrant influx is unparalleled in its history.
    http://www.massey.ac.nz/massey/about-massey/news/article.cfm?mnarticle_uuid=86EB3C7F-B375-B8DF-A111-53B3788C75E5

    I don’t recall a lot being wrong with Christchurch prior to the 1980’s; it had it’s massive park laid out by the Church of England settlers, beautiful buildings, gardens, spaciousness …. but apparently it smelt..?

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  3. hj (7,033 comments) says:

    Hard slog for Chinese seeking good life in NZ

     
    Lantern festivals, fireworks displays and dragon boat races may evoke the fun side of life for Asian migrants, but long working hours and little time for leisure or family is the reality for many Chinese immigrants to New Zealand, a new study has found.

    The research by three of the University’s sociologists and one from Auckland University reports on the experiences of recent migrants working in Auckland’s food and retail sector as either employers or employees.

    Their report, Bamboo Networks: Chinese employers and employees in Auckland, reveals a distinct gap between expectation and reality, according to two of its authors, Professor Paul Spoonley and Dr Carina Meares, both from the College of Humanities and Social Sciences at Albany.

    They say the research participants chose to live in New Zealand for reasons including the lifestyle, the cleaner, less-crowded environment “and the possibility of a better future for their children”, but many are finding life tougher than what they left in China.

    “Pre-migration, participants describe daily lives characterised by regular work hours and full social lives,” the report says. “Post-migration, hard work, long hours and quiet social lives are the common themes of interviewees’ daily lives.”

    A former company manager in China who now runs a food business is quoted: “My life in New Zealand is much more stressful than in China,” he says. “I have to do both manual work and management work in my business. I do everything. I have no personal life at all, only work.”
    http://www.massey.ac.nz/massey/about-massey/news/article.cfm?mnarticle_uuid=8CD2534B-96BF-57FE-A1F0-5ED0349FA

    “needed skills” and all that..

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  4. hj (7,033 comments) says:

    Exciting news for engineers, industrial designers, jewelry makers, sculptors, toy collectors, scientific types, and general geeks everywhere (I think we just described most of downtown New York): MakerBot Industries, creators of 3D printers for the masses, just opened a retail store at 298 Mulberry Street.

    http://www.boweryboogie.com/2012/10/makerbot-store-opens-at-298-mulberry-street/

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  5. mikenmild (11,247 comments) says:

    Michael
    Only the very top All Blacks are allowed holidays from the game. The rest must middle on a best they can.

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  6. Pauleastbay (5,035 comments) says:

    Christchurch set for ethnic diversity in quake rebuild…
    …Dubbed the “earthquake effect” by the Asia New Zealand Foundation, people in Christchurch are said to feel more positive about migrants

    LOL, nice to get Sunday off with a good laugh.

    This will happen when hell has climate change.

    It was only a fortnight ago on here when a commentator was bitching about there being too many cigarette butts on the footpath in Christchurch’s “Chinatown” and that this didn’t happen in other parts of the town, comedy gold

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  7. Manolo (13,840 comments) says:

    Always a Greenie (from a position of extreme luxury): http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2237776/World-committing-suicide-grand-scale-Prince-Charles-warns-doomed-planet-unless-solve-green-issues.html

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  8. hj (7,033 comments) says:

    Alternative Asian media alive in Aotearoa

    His research indicated that Asian communities were not consuming New Zealand mainstream media, but accessing their own media across a variety of languages – both from their country of birth and in New Zealand. The development of digital technology enabled communities to connect and reflect their own voices, but the downside was the lack of quality.

    Ms Samant said ‘some are run like patriarchal feudal empires, have no critical discussion, and are inward-looking’.
    http://www.massey.ac.nz/massey/about-massey/news/article.cfm?mnarticle_uuid=53327BA3-E67D-0703-4C7A-E6B5210A6
    …..

    …it’s just that David Farrar says when you move to Aotearoa you’re a “Kiwi”

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  9. hj (7,033 comments) says:

    That’s the issue. many of us once thought as we drive down a brilliant blue Lake Pukaki that we were New Zealanders and New Zealand was ours , but thank’s to John Key’s apartment in Hawaii and leftists of an internationalist tradition … that’s not so.

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  10. Fletch (6,410 comments) says:

    Oh, this is just too good.

    Apparently, in the UK, calling a Kiwi “Australian” is considered a racial slur and punishable by fine, and a woman was convicted in court for doing just so.

    According to Fairfax Australia –

    Hurling abuse wasn’t the problem for Petra Mills. But a court ruled that calling her New Zealand neighbour an Australian was racist and against the law.

    Czech-born Mills, 31, has been found guilty of racially aggravated public disorder after a rant at her New Zealand-born neighbour in Macclesfield, south of Manchester.

    Chelsea O’Reilly, who has dual British and New Zealand citizenship, said: “She called me a stupid fat Australian b****. Because of my accent there can be some confusion over my nationality. She knew I was from New Zealand.

    “She was trying to be offensive. I was really insulted. She said she would kill my dog. Bizarrely she then blew raspberries at me like a child.”

    Advertisement
    The incident happened when O’Reilly was giving a statement to police about a domestic incident between Mills and Mills’ husband in early September, the Daily Mail reported.

    Mills, who had called the police after running from her house, had stormed over to O’Reilly’s house and began screaming at her.

    Two police constables told the court they had heard Mills use the word “Australian” during her drunken rant.

    At Macclesfield magistrates’ court Mills agreed she had shouted but denied she was being racist.

    “I did not use the word ‘Australian’. I used to live with an Australian person. She was very nice.”

    But chairman of the bench Brian Donohue said: “You were in an emotional and inebriated state. The word ‘Australian’ was used. It was racially aggravated and the main reason it was used was in hostility.”

    Mills denied the charge of racially aggravated public disorder but was found guilty and fined £110. She admitted assaulting a police constable by kicking him in the shin and knee and was fined £200 on that charge. She was also ordered to pay both victims £50 compensation, and £500 court costs.

    Mills and her husband moved to Scotland after the incident.

    http://www.smh.com.au/world/dont-call-me-an-australian-women-guilty-of-racism-over-verbal-attack-on-kiwi-neighbour-20121122-29r2z.html

    Welcome to more of the Repressive Tolerance.

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  11. Pauleastbay (5,035 comments) says:

    hj

    tell someone who cares, there are still enclaves in Christchurch that will take you back where there will only be dumb white faces looking back at you talking solely about rugby and how all New Zealands problems are caused by Auckland and the hori’s -FFS

    And do tell with your startling intellect how the Prime Minister’s owning an apartment in Hawaii has any bearing on anything other than he doesn’t have to book a hotel for a holiday? you dolt

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  12. Elaycee (4,393 comments) says:

    That’s the issue. many of us once thought as we drive down a brilliant blue Lake Pukaki that we were New Zealanders and New Zealand was ours , but thank’s to John Key’s apartment in Hawaii and leftists of an internationalist tradition … that’s not so.

    Oh dear… the politics of envy are alive and well on KB this Sunday morning.

    PEB describes you perfectly, hj:

    you dolt

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  13. Peter (1,714 comments) says:

    “His research indicated that Asian communities were not consuming New Zealand mainstream media, but accessing their own media across a variety of languages – both from their country of birth and in New Zealand. The development of digital technology enabled communities to connect and reflect their own voices, but the downside was the lack of quality.”

    I do that, and I’m a kiwi.

    The local MSM is mostly useless. Doubly so for immigrants, I imagine.

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  14. Keeping Stock (10,342 comments) says:

    And once again, Matt McCarten reads the tea-leaves completely wrongly. It must be Sunday :D

    http://keepingstock.blogspot.co.nz/2012/11/matt-gets-it-wrong.html

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  15. thedavincimode (6,803 comments) says:

    Comedy gold from the dreadful little prick Peters: “I deal in facts”.

    What is it about NZ First that attracts people who attract attention around dealings with money?

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  16. Elaycee (4,393 comments) says:

    @thedavincimode: Your mention of Peters reminds me…. Was the $158,000 of taxpayer money ever repaid?

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  17. bhudson (4,740 comments) says:

    KS,

    It is amusing how the Shearer Fan Club tries to spin last Tuesday’s non-vote as the death knell for Cunliffe’s challenge. I can only presume that, having deluded themselves with that line, they think that repeating it over and over will have the same effect on the public

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  18. thedavincimode (6,803 comments) says:

    LAC

    Do you really need to ask?

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  19. Pete George (23,602 comments) says:

    In the closing comments on The Nation Brian Edwards and Bill Ralston dismissed blog comments as crap. So there you go, you might as well all give up, you’re a waste of time.

    The Nation comments on blogs

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  20. liarbors a joke (1,069 comments) says:

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/7994728/Gay-Labour-has-lost-its-way-says-Field

    Go Taito !

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  21. Viking2 (11,491 comments) says:

    For you trout fishermen. Monster trout there for the catching.

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/fishing/7995521/The-South-Islands-real-river-monsters

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  22. Pete George (23,602 comments) says:

    Why is Helen Kelly allowed to use Q&A as a political party and political career promotion? She doesn’t even attempt insight or reasoned comment.

    All she offers is more practised slogans than Shearer.

    She pointed out the contrast between the Shearer and Key interviews and tried to attach that to her ambitions. There was a stark contrast between the two -already noted at The Standard which points to one of their biggest worries with Shearer.

    But it was nothing like the contrast Kelly was trying to spin.

    Watching Shearer and Key interviewed back-to-back is quite revealing. It’s no contest.

    In a battle of bullshit, Key will tear Shearer apart. Confident crap beats hesitant crap. All Labour can hope for is that National are so loathed by 2014 that the voters won’t care.

    http://thestandard.org.nz/open-mike-25112012/comment-page-1/#comment-554267

    At least what Key talks about is well cultivated, consumed and digested.

    Shearer makes crap out of very little.

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  23. dime (9,980 comments) says:

    lol @ the prospect of 40,000 migrant workers settling in christchurch. they will fuckin love that.

    chch is the most racist, intolerant part of the country.

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  24. Fletch (6,410 comments) says:

    So it looks like, thanks to the U.S, Egypt is back under a dictatorship again – only a worse one. So much for the so-called ‘Arab spring’. Obama’s foreign policies are terrible…

    Protests continued in Cairo a second day, with thousands of Egyptians filling the streets in reaction to Mohamed Morsi’s assertion of “temporary” dictatorial powers. Morsi attempted to explain that the decrees that removed legislative and judicial oversight over his actions were aimed at the “weevils” of the Mubarak regime, an odd declaration as Morsi and the Muslim Brotherhood had already succeeded in driving them out of at least the legislature. CBS News reports that Egyptians feel “betrayed” as Morsi’s reforms have turned into something that looks a lot like another Nasser/Sadat/Mubarak regime in the making

    “What position has the US been put in?” “The same position as it has for decades in the Midde East.” Yes, which is just another way of saying, “Meet the new boss, same as the old boss,” with the exception that this boss is a lot less friendly to US actions while still leaving the US on the hook for supporting him.  Smart power.

    http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50135762n

    I mean, this is what a lot of us on here said after the Arab Spring – that the Muslim brotherhood would end up taking over, but noooo – we were told that couldn’t happen; that Democracy had flowered and justice flourished.

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  25. James Stephenson (2,191 comments) says:

    In the closing comments on The Nation Brian Edwards dismissed blog comments as crap. So there you go, you might as well all give up, you’re a waste of time.

    …and the reason we should take notice of someone who looked like he got dressed in the dark is….?

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  26. Manolo (13,840 comments) says:

    A sore loser whinges: http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2012/nov/24/wales-new-zealand-butler

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  27. bhudson (4,740 comments) says:

    In the closing comments on The Nation Brian Edwards and Bill Ralston dismissed blog comments as crap.

    Given Edwards pens a blog and invites others to comment, and Ralston, on occasions, comments on this blog [unless it is an impersonator of course], what does that make them?

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  28. Viking2 (11,491 comments) says:

    How to dissappear.

    BEACH IN PATAGONIA , ARGENTINIA

    Read this before you watch.

    Turn up your sound. Time: Only 23 seconds.

    HOW TO DISAPPEAR IN A REALLY BIG HURRY!!

    This guy was walking into the water, not even ankle deep yet, and two killer whales just snatched him.

    No blood. No guts. No mess. Just GONE!!

    He happened to be waving at a friend who was taking a video of him, but it became his last wave EVER!

    Just suppose that his friend had not been filming at that moment, or had not been looking in that direction.

    The young man was totally gone in just a matter of a few seconds.

    Except for this incredible video, he would have been gone without even a trace, never to be found by family or friends.

    His first clue should have been the seal pup that was coming to shore.

    This is a classic case of a person being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

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  29. Manolo (13,840 comments) says:

    Edwards is an old and tired socialist who misses Helen Clark terribly (“those were the good times he repeats). The comrade is well past his use-by-date.
    Ralston is an accommodating fella ready to change colours (and opinion) depending on the weather.

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  30. Manolo (13,840 comments) says:

    On the beauty of multiculturalism: http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Peace/2012/11/22/Belgium-On-Its-Way-To-Becoming-An-Islamic-State?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitte

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  31. wat dabney (3,778 comments) says:

    It’s fake, v2.

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  32. liarbors a joke (1,069 comments) says:

    yep, fake as hulun klark.

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  33. Viking2 (11,491 comments) says:

    Fun watch.

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  34. nasska (11,589 comments) says:

    Reid

    The Mayan’s Long Count calendar ends on Dec. 21, 2012. Do you attach any significance to the date?

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  35. Reid (16,523 comments) says:

    This is great.

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  36. hj (7,033 comments) says:

    Pauleastbay (2,905) Says:

    And do tell with your startling intellect how the Prime Minister’s owning an apartment in Hawaii has any bearing on anything other than he doesn’t have to book a hotel for a holiday? you dolt
    ………
    it demonstrates how globalisation serves an elite as it doesn’t matter if we have a globalised property market to people of Key’s wealth. I trust the findings of the Savings Working Group not the Kiwiblog rent seeking fraternity.

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  37. Nookin (3,361 comments) says:

    Time for a shower after a bike ride. My only concern is that I will miss NZ’s first innings.

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  38. Pauleastbay (5,035 comments) says:

    hj

    what the fuck are you on about. ?

    many of us once thought as we drive down a brilliant blue Lake Pukaki that we were New Zealanders and New Zealand was ours ,

    you started the day with racist and envy ranting and then you come back after some sun with goobledegook.

    My earlier observation stands, your’e a dolt

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  39. Longknives (4,767 comments) says:

    Isn’t it remarkable that gutless officials always seem to be looking the other way when the All Blacks take one of their opponents out! As my South African friend puts it they truly are a “Protected species”..
    Prepare for another week of Hansen stoutly defending his boy- the NZ media will jump on board bleating on about Hore’s ‘outstanding character’ and before too long this disgraceful incident will quickly be turned into another ‘Pommy conspiracy’ against the Saintly All Blacks.
    Wouldn’t mind putting a wager on Hore running out against England next week.

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  40. hj (7,033 comments) says:

    Pauleastbay (2,905) Says:
    November 25th, 2012 at 8:49 am

    hj

    tell someone who cares, there are still enclaves in Christchurch that will take you back where there will only be dumb white faces looking back at you talking solely about rugby and how all New Zealands problems are caused by Auckland and the hori’s -FFS
    ………
    Kenneth Cumberland described Christchurch as “a city of culture and refinement”
    http://www.stuff.co.nz/the-press/christchurch-life/mainlander/293579

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  41. Reid (16,523 comments) says:

    The Mayan’s Long Count calendar ends on Dec. 21, 2012. Do you attach any significance to the date?

    Yes I do nasska. We’re at the beginning of a new epoch in civilisation, partially explicated here:
    http://www.starseedastrology.com/apps/blog/the-total-solar-eclipse-in-scorpio-november

    One 21/12/12 hypothesis is it coincides with Niburu which was hypothesised to be the cause of great tidal movement and gravitational disruption. However if you have a look at this NASA orbital projection, Niburu actually crossed Earth’s orbit on 25/7/12 at 12:00 and nothing in particular happened. Wasn’t that a shame. Perhaps the Mayan’s slightly misaligned their pyramid, or maybe they just forgot to carry the one.

    This shift in consciousness is illustrated in conceptual terms by this vid.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVUU3p5iHMA&feature=related

    The essential thing to this is recognising as a fact, that we are spiritual beings having a temporary physical experience. Not the other way round. This is what the Mayans knew.

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  42. Pauleastbay (5,035 comments) says:

    …Christchurch as “a city of culture and refinement”

    with the highest IV drug use in the country.

    home of Kyle Chapman the tolerant racist

    where they tend to murder their hookers rather than pay.

    etc etc etc. all of which is old news

    I have lived / worked in most places in New Zealand. Christchurch is without a doubt the most racist intolerant place have ever been. They dislike everybody and everything that’s not from Christchurch.

    The only beacon of sanity in the entire pit was Smiths Bookstore, which I hope is again trading from bricks and mortar .

    To think that 40 000 immigrants would be welcomed in Chch is high comedy, they wouldn’t welcome 40 000 white protestant Aucklanders there let alone the “yellow horde”.

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  43. hj (7,033 comments) says:

    Pauleastbay (2,906) Says:
    November 25th, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    hj

    what the fuck are you on about. ?
    ……….
    diversity and multiculturalism are a left-wing thing, but self interested people such as property investors and developers and those wanting cheap labour give support to these policies, especially when they are wealthy enough to live the high life in the seaside suburbs and leafy neighbourhoods.
    http://www.stuff.co.nz/…/Government-policies-blamed-for-house-prices

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  44. Reid (16,523 comments) says:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIepflaKSEE

    Link omitted from my above, NASA simulation of Niburu orbit.

    Yes, it’s true.

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  45. hj (7,033 comments) says:

    Elaycee (3,004) Says:
    November 25th, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Oh dear… the politics of envy are alive and well on KB this Sunday morning.
    …………
    I’m going for … the politics of self interest.

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  46. nasska (11,589 comments) says:

    Reid

    Thanks……I think.

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  47. Reid (16,523 comments) says:

    I don’t know much about 21/12/12 nasska apart from it’s a significant planetary alignment. All the planets align, apparently, as I recall. I watched a great vid that well explained it in ancient astronomical alignment but couldn’t find it. But be aware I might be unintentionally garden-pathing you if you really want to know what it’s about. And I’m joking about Niburu. Of course.

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  48. Pauleastbay (5,035 comments) says:

    ..diversity and multiculturalism are a left-wing thing, but self interested people such as property investors and developers

    congratulations hj very rarely am I speechless but you’ve managed it, but your stupidity does bring back a memory of when we lived in Farlie and the old man would drive us up to Mt Cook and as we drove beside a ” brilliant blue Lake Pukaki ” he would quite often point out the window and say “one day son that’ll be yours and a little bit for your sister as well”.

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  49. Pete George (23,602 comments) says:

    How did the world survive before civilizations had calendars?

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  50. Longknives (4,767 comments) says:

    “How did the world survive before civilizations had calendars?”

    Stone Age drawings and cave paintings of girls with big knockers….

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  51. Viking2 (11,491 comments) says:

    How did the world survive before civilizations had calendars?
    Longknives (1,804) Says:
    November 25th, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    “How did the world survive before civilizations had calendars?”

    Stone Age drawings and cave paintings of girls with big knockers
    —————————————————————————
    Ah, that sounds like a certain group of Kiwi survivors. :lol:

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  52. bereal (3,137 comments) says:

    Who is to blame for Ewen Macdonald not being convicted for murdering Scott Guy ?

    Would it be Police Inspector Sue Schwalger ?

    Would it be whoever promoted Ms Schwalger to a rank far above her level of competence ?

    Would it be whoever in Crown Law that OKed a prosecution to proceed without sufficient evidence ?

    Also,

    Given Macdonalds proclivity for killing deer and and leaving their carcasses to rot, beating calves to
    death with a hammer, exacting revenge upon anyone who he held a grudge against,
    i wonder what could have happened to the missing chocolate labrador puppies that Ms Schwalger used to
    believe were the key to solving the case ?

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  53. nasska (11,589 comments) says:

    Perhaps ‘Harriet” was right after all!

    Ref: http://imgur.com/gallery/J7Z2T

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  54. Elaycee (4,393 comments) says:

    hj:

    I’m going for … the politics of self interest….
    but self interested people …..
    support these policies
    especially when they are wealthy enough to live in the seaside suburbs and leafy neighbourhoods.

    Stop being a total moron. You’re the one who bleated because the PM has a home in Hawaii. So here’s a tip: If you want one too, get off your arse / do something smart / save some cash / go and buy one.

    Or maybe you just prefer to suck off the efforts of others and keep on bleating because others have worked hard and can now enjoy the rewards of their efforts.

    Sheesh….

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  55. Pete George (23,602 comments) says:

    David Shearer has ‘Like’d a Facebook page promoting a party wide leadership election in February, and it is being promoted on in a comment on a Grant Robertson post at Red Alert.

    Is Shearer supporting February leadership vote?

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  56. nasska (11,589 comments) says:

    Rolf Harris was walking through town the other day when a stranger stopped him & said said, “I can remember you doing “Two Little Boys’ back in 1970″…

    “Piss off”, said Rolf, “that was Jimmy Savile”.

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  57. Pauleastbay (5,035 comments) says:

    At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands’ marriage seminars.
    At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
    Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands
    , ‘Wella, I’va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!’
    The priest responded, ‘Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?’
    Giuseppe proudly replied, ” I gonna go picka her up.”

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  58. nasska (11,589 comments) says:

    God created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the cease and desist order for the earthly part.

    Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative. Then God said, “Let there be light”, and immediately the officials demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution?

    God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire: that he would obtain RMA consent; and to conserve energy, would have the light out half the time. God agreed and said he would call the light “Day” and the darkness “Night”. Officials replied that they were not interested in semantics.

    God said, “Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed”. DOC agreed so long as native seed was used. Then God said, “Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over the earth”.

    Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Conservation coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Forest & Bird Society.

    Everything was fine until God said he wanted to complete the project in Six days. Officials said it would take at least 200 days to review the application and impact statement. After that there would be a public hearing. Then there would be 10-12 months before the granting…

    At this point God created Hell.

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  59. Pauleastbay (5,035 comments) says:

    A man walks in a bar with his pet monkey. He sits down and orders a drink, meanwhile the monkey is running around all over the place and jumps up on a pool table. He grabs the 8 ball, shoves it into his mouth and swallows it hole.
    “Holy crap!” says the bartender, completely livid. He says to the man, “Did you see what your stupid monkey just did?”
    “Nope. What did he do this time?” says the man.
    “He just swallowed one of the balls off the pool table, whole!” says the bartender.
    “Yeah, well I hope it kills him ’cause he’s been driving me nuts” says the man.
    After finishing his drink, the man leaves.
    A few weeks later the man returns to the bar with his monkey. After ordering a drink, the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. Up on the bar, he monkey finds some peanuts. He grabs one out of the bowl, sticks it up his butt, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.
    “Did you see what your stupid monkey did this time?” he asks.
    “What now?” responds the man.
    “He stuck a peanut up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the bartender.
    “Well, what do you expect?” replied the man. “Ever since he ate that pool ball he measures everything first

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  60. nasska (11,589 comments) says:

    Here’s a tip: If you’re in a job interview and get asked if you smoke,

    Don’t respond with: “Depends what it is.”

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  61. Viking2 (11,491 comments) says:

    Fifty Sheds of Grey

    The novel “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has seduced women – and baffled blokes.
    Now a spoof, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for the men.
    The book has author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom
    of the Garden.
    Here are some extracts…

    Fifty Sheds Of Grey

    We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a
    wall…
    But in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the
    only place for a good shed.

    She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then
    harder until finally it came.
    I moaned with pleasure.
    Now for the other boot.

    Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains
    and shackles.
    She still manages to get into the shed, though.

    “Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly.
    “Mmmm, kinky!” she purred.
    “Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed
    roof.”

    “I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip.
    “I need to be punished.”
    So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

    “Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly.
    “Harder!”
    “Okay,” I said.
    “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”

    “Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
    “I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the
    receipt.

    “Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!”
    “Very well,” I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

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  62. Viking2 (11,491 comments) says:

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  63. nasska (11,589 comments) says:

    Got home from work, was stinking hot and shouted through to the kitchen, “I’m going to grab a shower babe. Join me if you like!”

    Three things I’ve learned from this.

    1. Remember when you’ve booked a plumber.
    2. Remember the days your wife works late.
    3. Not all plumbers are straight.

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  64. Viking2 (11,491 comments) says:

    Driving in style

    http://screencast.com/t/SnooqGgXz3

    Times ago
    http://screencast.com/t/Frb0a3s2VQ

    Good question
    http://screencast.com/t/IVPW4Df0sR

    when you wake up in the morning!
    http://screencast.com/t/TKlaT1V6gl

    NZ Political Parties.
    http://screencast.com/t/rcEl6JuGUW

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  65. Luc Hansen (4,573 comments) says:

    Pete George (15,340) Says:
    November 25th, 2012 at 6:36 pm
    How did the world survive before civilizations had calendars?

    I think Pete refers to the Gregorian calendar but plenty of civilisations had a form of calendar well before Pope Gregory.

    Even Cain. Although one could argue whether Cain was civil.

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  66. Viking2 (11,491 comments) says:

    http://screencast.com/t/NaqLawOlEg

    This one is watching you.
    http://screencast.com/t/bqkIyb7RZvQU

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  67. Pete George (23,602 comments) says:

    My Win8 calendar stops in 2099 – will the world end again then?

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  68. kowtow (8,524 comments) says:

    The killer whale video is fake.

    Anyone who buys that one would believe Kim Dotcom ,the Fat Sour Kraut is a goodie.

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  69. Manolo (13,840 comments) says:

    Politics for you: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2237651/Romney-aides-blast-hypocrites-asked-cabinet-jobs-just-election-trashing-him.html?ICO=most_read_module

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