Labour politician: I’ve fathered a love-child with my ALIEN mistress

June 20th, 2013 at 10:38 am by David Farrar

The Sun reports:

A LABOUR politician has revealed his marriage is on the ropes – because he’s cheating on his wife with an ALIEN.

Simon Parkes, who sits on Whitby Town Council, claims he meets his extra-terrestrial lover four times a year for sex sessions on a spaceship that’s orbiting the Earth.

The 53-year-old driving instructor even alleges he has fathered a love-child called Zarka with his mistresses – who he calls the Cat Queen.

Simon, a married father-of-three (human kids) from North Yorkshire, described his encounters with his other-worldly other woman in Channel 4 documentary Confessions Of An Alien Abductee.

He revealed: “What will happen is that we will hold hands and I will say ‘I’m ready’ and then the technology I don’t understand will take us up to a craft orbiting the Earth.”

The councillor claims his wife was furious when she found out about the affair – but he insists he’s doing wrong, because his lover is from another planet.

He explained: “My wife found out about it and was very unhappy, clearly. That caused a few problems, but it is not on a human level, so I don’t see it as wrong.”

Simon told the documentary team extra-terrestrials have been reaching out to him since he was a baby, because his “real mother” is a 9ft tall green alien with eight fingers.

I don’t think I need to comment.

Tags:

20 Responses to “Labour politician: I’ve fathered a love-child with my ALIEN mistress”

  1. s.russell (1,580 comments) says:

    Are you sure the politician’s name wasn’t Russel Norman?

    Vote: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  2. Rick Rowling (823 comments) says:

    Mr Parkes felt he needed to come clean about the extraterrestrial affair when the emails that he was forced to supply to the Henry report were leaked to Winston Peters.

    Vote: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  3. Rich Prick (1,630 comments) says:

    I recall Delahunty confessing to having shagged a mountain or some-such.

    Vote: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  4. simonway (375 comments) says:

    There are a million councillors for bumfuck little towns in the UK, surely. Doubt it would be remotely difficult to find dozens of nutsos among them if you cared to.

    Vote: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  5. Christopher Thomson (376 comments) says:

    If you know Whitby you will know that this guy fits right in.

    Vote: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  6. jcuk (635 comments) says:

    A fun publicity stunt :)

    Vote: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1 You need to be logged in to vote
  7. Ultima (29 comments) says:

    I am pretty sure the alien mistress was Helen Clark.

    Vote: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  8. radvad (696 comments) says:

    Aaahhhh, so that explains what happened to me just last week. I hope he is not the jealous kind, after all it would be devastating to learn your alien lover was not faithful.

    Vote: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  9. BlairM (2,304 comments) says:

    This just confirms what David Icke has been telling us all along…

    Vote: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  10. Peter (1,663 comments) says:

    Sounds legit.

    Vote: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  11. RRM (9,638 comments) says:

    Imagine coming all the way to earth and finding the best you can pull is a local body politician…. :-(

    And people usually love a traveller.

    Vote: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  12. bhudson (4,736 comments) says:

    Imagine him proposing printing money as a solution for the economic ills of the working man and woman.

    Now that would be truly weird.

    [s.russell - snap]

    Vote: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  13. Ashley Schaeffer (441 comments) says:

    If my wife caught me out having an affair, I’d probably claim the extraterrestrial defence too.

    Vote: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  14. bhudson (4,736 comments) says:

    ^^ Ashley, I suggest that if you are caught out having an affair, the worst possible thing you could tell your wife is that “the sex was out of this world”

    Vote: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  15. Dennis Horne (2,188 comments) says:

    The Earth moved – I saw it.

    Vote: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  16. lastmanstanding (1,240 comments) says:

    I knew a girl called Zarka when I was around 16. She was 24 and English and I lusted after her with her long legs and shapely figure. Alas she chose to go out with a Pom called Derek who was a big older than her and drove a then new MGB roadster in British Racing Green.

    Ohh how I hated that prat Derek for taking my Zarka away from me.

    Vote: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  17. ciaron (1,387 comments) says:

    @lastmanstanding; He’s a Derek, and Derek’s don’t run.

    Vote: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  18. lastmanstanding (1,240 comments) says:

    ciaron

    He was still a prat!!!!!!

    Vote: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  19. Slipster (92 comments) says:

    Lastmanstanding: “her long legs”.

    Yeah, but were they 8ft long with eight toes on each foot? And I’m almost afraid to ask how many legs did she have?

    Vote: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote
  20. ChardonnayGuy (1,183 comments) says:

    Why do I have the distinct sinking feeling that a couple of centuries from now, the descendants of the current crop of annoying godbots will be having cheap theatrics about real human-alien relationships and marriages?

    Vote: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0 You need to be logged in to vote

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.