Top lies women tell men

July 11th, 2013 at 4:00 pm by David Farrar

Chacha has the top 15:

  1. I weigh this much
  2. I have had this many sexual partners
  3. I’ll be ready in a minute
  4. That sex was great
  5. I’m not mad at you
  6. I’ve got a headache
  7. It was on sale
  8. This is just what I wanted
  9. I don’t mind if you look at other women
  10. I’m fine
  11. You’re the best I’ve ever had
  12. I’m focusing on my career right now
  13. Fake phone number
  14. I have a boyfriend
  15. It’s not you, it’s me

I am sure there is an equivalent list for men somewhere!

 

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61 Responses to “Top lies women tell men”

  1. Mobile Michael (452 comments) says:

    Mens list starts with:
    What, who’s attractive? I hadn’t really noticed.
    Don’t ask me about fashion, I know nothing about it.
    I’ll just record the test, I don’t mind going to your ex boyfriends wedding

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  2. dime (9,972 comments) says:

    “no Dime, its not too big and it doesnt hurt”

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  3. ross69 (3,652 comments) says:

    I have a book at home called “101 Lies Men tell Women and why women believe them”. It’s non-fiction. :)

    I’ll provide some gems later.

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  4. kowtow (8,487 comments) says:

    Honestly I’m not interested in how much money you have.

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  5. stigie (1,191 comments) says:

    Thats a gem Dime, but hope like hell a woman is saying that and not a man ?

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  6. Colville (2,268 comments) says:

    I wont *** in your mouth!

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  7. KapitiCoast (114 comments) says:

    Men’s list is much shorter…

    1: No, your arse doesn’t look big in that
    2: Just a cpl with the lads
    3: I’ll be home early (in conjunction with #2)
    4: You are the best I’ve ever had
    5: Of course I love you
    6: I hate watching porn
    7: Yes dear (this can be used for #8 to 150)

    That should cover all situations guys….

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  8. Colville (2,268 comments) says:

    Yes Dear, of course I was listening….

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  9. stigie (1,191 comments) says:

    Do you think i need a facial ?

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  10. Psycho Milt (2,412 comments) says:

    9. I don’t mind if you look at other women

    That could be shortened to “I don’t mind if you…” If a woman begins a sentence with those words, you’re in the shit.

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  11. Griff (7,722 comments) says:

    dime (6,660) Says:
    July 11th, 2013 at 4:16 pm

    “no Dime, its not too big and it doesnt hurt”

    They really say: Sorry dime I dont smoke.
    Eh big boy :lol:

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  12. Kea (12,841 comments) says:

    “Do what ever you want” = Don’t you dare, or, I am over you arsehole.

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  13. Judith (8,534 comments) says:

    I am sure there is an equivalent list for men somewhere!

    I doubt it, most men know when they are beat, and tend to have trouble with keeping their stories consistent.

    Women are much better liars – for centuries they’ve agreed 3 inches is 6 inches (and yes, they do know the difference)

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  14. Judith (8,534 comments) says:

    Kea (5,883) Says:
    July 11th, 2013 at 4:46 pm
    “Do what ever you want” = Don’t you dare, or, I am over you arsehole.
    —————————————

    Yep – you got it.

    Similar concept as the word ‘whatever’!

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  15. Right of way is Way of Right (1,122 comments) says:

    How about “I’m going to get in to Parliament on a quota!”

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  16. Monique Angel (291 comments) says:

    My brother says that top lies include:
    “I only had two drinks”.

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  17. KapitiCoast (114 comments) says:

    Ohhh Judith…you compromised for a 6″incher with hubby/b/friend, you poor woman, 8″inches at least is the fun factor or am I wrong and need a penis downgrade? :)….and yes I know…It’s not the size of the wand, it’s the magic within it..blah blah lol, just teasing judith, nothing malicious intended….although possessing 8″ is lovely :)

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  18. Kea (12,841 comments) says:

    Similar concept as the word ‘whatever’!

    Judith, Yes that was what I wanted to say, but could not remember.

    When you get the “whatever” it is best to just shut up. Anything you say will be used against you. If your nice, it will be greasy and insincere, if your unpleasant, it will be further evidence your an arsehole. All good fun :)

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  19. EmmaChisit (18 comments) says:

    Chacha – yep thats a believable source, NOT!!!!!!!!!

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  20. leftyliberal (651 comments) says:

    @KapitiCoast “although possessing 8″ is lovely”

    You enjoy playing with yourself that much, huh?

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  21. Eisenhower (137 comments) says:

    “I told you it was over between me and her. What’s for dinner?”

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  22. Pauleastbay (5,035 comments) says:

    4, 11 and 15 are not lies, they couldn’t be ,I’ve been told those ones many times – there can’t be that many of you treacherous tarts out there, surely not……………………………………….

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  23. PaulL (5,981 comments) says:

    Dunno, I’ve never had a lady tell me what she weighs. In short, sounds like something written by someone without a girlfriend.

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  24. Kea (12,841 comments) says:

    Pauleastbay, clearly your confused. What women say is not based on reality, but on perception and feeling. Ignore what they say and do what they respond to, is my motto. [Results may vary !]

    Who are the women hating clowns thumbing down Judith ? I am supposed to be the resident misogynist, not you lot. When I rise to power, dime will be my minister of women’s affairs and Judith my minister of men’s affairs :)

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  25. stigie (1,191 comments) says:

    Im sure Johnboy wont have any problems with those 15 !!

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  26. KapitiCoast (114 comments) says:

    I was married for 10yrs, divorced for 10 now…still friendly and had no kids so no animosity, what I found frustrating and I guess (looking back) was the fact if I fucked up in something/anything I got bollocked for it…fair enough, but if she did same I was NOT ALLOWED to bring that up as it’s , according to her ‘raking over old coals’, but she was allowed to with mine and if I objected or pointed to her fuck up it was called petty and indeed childish and bringing it up was a bigger argument, but she brought up mine , years in the past as examples….FFS, is it just me with the ‘Yes Dear’ or is that the way relationships work? lol, guess I shoulda just shut up and used #7! (not my style unfortunately…works well though)…look male/female reading this, i’m not picking faults…just curious and indeed it would have ended at some stage anyhow…so not a male/female animosity post, honestly)

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  27. KapitiCoast (114 comments) says:

    @ Leftyliberal….”You enjoy playing with yourself that much, huh?”

    we all do, males at some times, it’s just lovely that my hand doesn’t slip off the end! :)

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  28. KapitiCoast (114 comments) says:

    @ Monique Angel…is he a traffic cop? :)

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  29. Kea (12,841 comments) says:

    FFS, is it just me with the ‘Yes Dear’ or is that the way relationships work?

    KapitiCoast, “Yes dear” is the best wind up of all for women. Ignore wild claims that you are not “listening” :)

    It is not about what is fair or reasonable with women. Do you want to be right or be happy ? Once they calm down they will usually see if they have been unfair or unreasonable, but they will not thank you for pointing that out at the time. Don’t do it.

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  30. adam2314 (377 comments) says:

    14 pm
    How about “I’m going to get in to Parliament on a quota!”

    That is not a lie.. It is a Tui Ad.

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  31. KapitiCoast (114 comments) says:

    Thanks Kea…you a female then?…Tis why i put ‘yes dear’ at #7and up to 150…it was my way of avoiding an argument and I know enflamed it…as I said, relationship was at an end anyhow, thanks. I’m not a screamer and shouter, I prefer sitting down and working out the facts and to be honest when this is done it always works out one party is confused/wrong and soon sorted out with a ‘ohhh shit ..I thought you meant’..and all good, unfortunately wife was a screamer and shouter which, I admit, ‘Yes dear’ was the ignition to the gunpowder, i’m a more sedate and ‘lets work this out’ guy…but thank you.

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  32. Kea (12,841 comments) says:

    KapitiCoast, all jokes aside, being reasonable will not work when the other person is on an emotional level. That applies to both sexes. Best to save the reasoning until later and just be reasonable… in as few words as possible. Words are targets, in that situation. Shut up is best.

    Women are lovely and I adore them. I was devastated by my marriage break up, and my story is similar to yours. But the fact is people of all sexes fight and bitch, even among themselves. I am not sure how much can be blamed on gender alone. Males and females are drawn to each other to an absurd degree. We should make peace with that and enjoy it.

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  33. KapitiCoast (114 comments) says:

    I do now!!, with new relationships sees you more acommodating…it’s not anger nor ego, it’s age and indeed life! all good.

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  34. Zapper (1,021 comments) says:

    I’m with you KapitiCoast, women are massive hypocrites and I’m happy to stereotype. They want you to open up to them then do the whole:

    “What’s wrong?” “Nothing”.

    I go along with Kea though, if you acknowledge and allow for this childish behaviour, things can work. I have my own double standards which she tolerates so it all works out in the end.

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  35. adam2314 (377 comments) says:

    Aah women… Fuck them all .

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  36. Kea (12,841 comments) says:

    KapitiCoast, yep. I learnt by circumstance and the hard way. That is one advantage men have. They carry emotional baggage in a way that improves them, women do not. Men blame themselves and women blame men. The thing is, that if someone else is to blame you can not control it, but if your the problem you can.

    Most marriages in NZ are ended by women. It is not the guys, it is their stage of life. Starts about mid 30’s and corresponds with fertility, which plummets in the mid 30’s,they get hornier and behave like 18 year old males.

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  37. adam2314 (377 comments) says:

    ” Starts about mid 30′s and corresponds with fertility, which plummets in the mid 30′s. “.

    Short and sharp are you saying ??

    Looking for Custer Last Stand ??

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  38. dime (9,972 comments) says:

    “Aah women… Fuck them all .” lol

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  39. dime (9,972 comments) says:

    “Starts about mid 30′s and corresponds with fertility, which plummets in the mid 30′s,they get hornier and behave like 18 year old males.”

    then after being horsed by randoms for a few years they want a relationship again.. but there is a severe man drought for 40+ women..

    if one was inclined to spend his nights banging cougars its not hard :D

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  40. Manolo (13,777 comments) says:

    Most marriages in NZ are ended by women…

    Be careful. The rabidly anti-male P.G. may sue you for defamation and libel. :-)

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  41. Kea (12,841 comments) says:

    adam2314, it seems like nature does indeed give women one last push at rather a young age. They want to screw around, but instead of just saying “I am horny” they slag off their male partner, make themselves out as victims of some kind of “abuse” and tell the world how much they have given of themselves to their unappreciative man and kids. It is all about saving face.

    The reality is they simply want to play party girl. The only way to do that and save face is to engender sympathy [from suckers] by pretending they are a victim of something.

    But it never works out for women. The more men they screw the more bitter cynical and unpleasant they become. Sex in the city, in real life, is pretty bleak. As they age ( after leaving their partner in their 30’s) they lose their looks and get increasingly desperate. They end up settling for less than their starting point. The whole time they lie like flat fish about finding themselves and how happy they are.

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  42. Kea (12,841 comments) says:

    dime has cred ;)

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  43. KapitiCoast (114 comments) says:

    Ahhh dime, 40+ is good, in reality it’s 50+..the 40+ can ,and do, go lower, the 50+ start going into their sons etc age…i’m happy, have my own home and mortgage is low and meet and laugh with many (I’m 48)…and can cook like a chef :)

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  44. Kea (12,841 comments) says:

    KapitiCoast, we are the same age and I can cook too. Financially I have fallen from grace. A situation I could have improved had I accepted a few offers for partnership with a few women. Some way younger and one a bit older.

    The good looking women our age are fucking boys young enough to be their sons. When my female friends call to confess I laugh and tell them – good on you- your a legend. But the trouble is not fucking youngsters, it is the inability to get on with guys of the same age.

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  45. adam2314 (377 comments) says:

    Kea (5,893) Says:
    July 11th, 2013 at 7:08 pm

    Speaking from bitter experience one thinks :-))

    As I said… Fuck them all..

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  46. KapitiCoast (114 comments) says:

    Ahh Kia, all my male friends, including family…all all ‘blissfully’ happy I have been told by male mates, not family, that i’m ‘bad news’, for no other reason that I’m single…sad but true! I am not a gigilo but seems mates wifes seem to think…I feel it’s their insecurity with my mate as a hubby needs to be analysed as i’m the only one single and free and as such will draw him into an orgy and/or loose women…fuck!

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  47. KevinH (1,227 comments) says:

    More for the men’s list:

    1. Sure we can afford it
    2. She meant nothing to me
    3. Your mum is welcome to stay as long as she likes
    4. My boss is a wanker
    5. I’ll do it tomorrow.

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  48. Kea (12,841 comments) says:

    i’m ‘bad news’, for no other reason that I’m single

    Your not singled out. That is normal. It is also a major point of interest for available women :)

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  49. Kea (12,841 comments) says:

    Speaking from bitter experience one thinks )

    As I said… Fuck them all..

    1. Yes I am.

    2. Your very ambitious.

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  50. huckleberryfinsbrother (25 comments) says:

    thanks Kea immediately above, you are probably right,
    but as they say in Mr Farrar 1.
    I weigh this much,
    I say ok I am not so sure so take off all your clothes so I can see, and you might not think thats a good line but it works with skinny girls, who wear black under clothes

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  51. ross69 (3,652 comments) says:

    Some of the 101 lies that men tell women (courtesy of Dory Hollander):

    You’re the only one.

    You’re wonderful; you deserve someone better than me.

    I’ll call you.

    I’m going to leave my wife.

    You’re the only one who understands me.

    You know I still love you.

    I love to write poetry, and I enjoy walks along the beach.

    I’m tired of one night stands.

    I work for the SIS.

    Don’t worry, I’ve had a vasectomy.

    I love you just the way you are.

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  52. adam2314 (377 comments) says:

    2. Your very ambitious.

    The world loves a trier :-))

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  53. adam2314 (377 comments) says:

    How about..

    Of course I love you !!.. I fuck you don’t I ??

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  54. ross69 (3,652 comments) says:

    I’ve got to work late at the office tonight.

    Sorry, I must have left my wallet at home or misplaced it.

    Except for the odd beer, I never drink.

    My wife and I sleep in different beds.

    How could you think I’d fancy her? She’s your sister.

    It doesn’t bother me that you make more money than me.

    My wife and I have an understanding.

    The differences between us will bring us closer together.

    It wouldn’t be you and me anymore if I used a condom.

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  55. ross69 (3,652 comments) says:

    I find you just as attractive as the first day I met you.

    If I wasn’t so busy at work, you know I love to go with you and the kids to your mum’s.

    Of course I’m listening to what you’re saying.

    Honestly, honey, it’s just for the guys – none of the wives go to the conference.

    I’d like you even if you were a man.

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  56. adam2314 (377 comments) says:

    ross69 (2,621) Says:
    July 11th, 2013 at 8:57 pm

    Hmmmm.. Almost sleazily the best.. But not quite good enough..

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  57. adam2314 (377 comments) says:

    ” I’d like you even if you were a man..”

    A bridge to far.. For me anyway.. Don’t know about you :-)

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  58. ross69 (3,652 comments) says:

    A bridge to far.. For me anyway.. Don’t know about you :-)

    Yep, that is totally beyond the pale. :)

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  59. Dazzaman (1,140 comments) says:

    @KapitiCoast

    Should’ve just ignored her…works for me.

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  60. adam2314 (377 comments) says:

    beyond the pale

    Correct spelling.. Correct usage.. :-))

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  61. Rich Prick (1,705 comments) says:

    The best classified advertisement for a (barely) used motorbike:

    “Turns out “do whatever the fuck you want”, didn’t mean what I thought it meant”.

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