The secret diary of David Cunliffe

February 2nd, 2014 at 9:00 am by David Farrar

writes:

MONDAY

That’s why I’m announcing that a Labour government will give every new-born baby 60 hot meals of nutritious baked beans every week until they’re old enough to operate a can opener.

TUESDAY

I slightly misspoke yesterday. I meant to say new-born babies will receive 60 hot meals of nutritious baked beans every week until their parents are old enough to operate a can opener.

WEDNESDAY

I slightly miscalculated on Monday. I meant to say new-born babies will receive 60 nutritious baked beans every week, as in 60 individual beans, not 60 cans of beans.

THURSDAY

I slightly miscommunicated on Monday. I was absolutely frank and absolutely clear when I declared my love for Genesis.

But there’s a distinction between liking early Genesis, and liking mid-career Genesis, when Phil Collins’s presence became more apparent. You can’t like both. At no point have I ever said that you could like both.

FRIDAY

I slightly mispronounced on Monday. I meant to say that under a Labour government, new-born babies will receive exactly 60 nutritious baked beans every year.

Heh.

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20 Responses to “The secret diary of David Cunliffe”

  1. duggledog (1,484 comments) says:

    Braunias is getting tired. This is lazy from him

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  2. Pete George (23,417 comments) says:

    He wrote more than what DPF quoted, he’s not that lazy.

    I thought it was very funny. It would have been more believable if he changed one word though.

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  3. Keeping Stock (10,249 comments) says:

    @Pete – they change one word between the print and online publications, then Braunias could make a song and dance and blame Fairfax staff; just to amplify the point!

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  4. tvb (4,307 comments) says:

    A star of light appears in our economy and the Labour Party’s response is to expand welfarism to over 90% of families with new born babies. This munificence even extends to a solo mother on a solo parent benefit who gets pregnant after a casual sex encounter.

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  5. peterwn (3,233 comments) says:

    Did David Cunliffe do an environment impact assessment on the policy? Many years ago a group wanted to mount a protest in Rochester, NY. They filled up on baked beans and went to a Eastman-Rochester orchestral concert and then lat nature do its work. The ‘high society’ women there were disgusted and demanded that something be done about it.

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  6. Than (446 comments) says:

    You’d expect parody like this in the blogosphere. But if it’s appearing in the MSM that implies Cunliffe’s flexibility with facts is starting to dawn on mainstream voters. Not good news for Labour.

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  7. noskire (837 comments) says:

    He’s right about Genesis though.

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  8. lazza (379 comments) says:

    Dave (Call me “Slightly”) Cunners …

    Ooops … I slightly … slightly … might have …. Err, what was I saying? … lost my train of thought there a bit … Now where was I? … Oh Yes … I slightly slightly etc etc… (Geez gimme a break!)

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  9. Pauleastbay (5,035 comments) says:

    If Braunias is taking the piss like this the knives will be out inside the”party’ for the prat.

    Tubby Robertson has been way to quiet , Walter Mitty will shoot himself in the other foot this week and then it will be on.

    And has Walter figured it out yet that the “mistake” in the speech that he so graciously blamed on a staffer ( what a prick you are David) may be deliberate.

    Left parties are only happy when they are killing off each other, their vanity is boundless and individuals within will destroy the whole for their own ends.

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  10. nasska (11,065 comments) says:

    Agree with Paul…..give it another two or three months & the rats who make up the Labour representation will start to gnaw each other to death.

    It’s only ten months to the election & they can’t keep their shit together. What hope has a country governed by the rabble?

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  11. igm (1,413 comments) says:

    “Tojo” Cunliffe has not said anything more about apologising to the Japanese because some prisoners were shot trying to escape. “Tojo” has not yet repeated his wanting to disestablish the RSA movement, in keeping with family tradition. “Tojo” keeps ignoring his statement, published in The Dom a couple of years ago, saying how he would have preferred to sacrifice thousands of American and Allied servicemen in preference to dropping the bombs. “Tojo” has not apologised to US servicemen for attending Harvard (which is heavily funded by survivors of the Pacific War), for his feelings towards them, yet his lust to bludge their education.

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  12. Joanne (177 comments) says:

    Does Labour know what it stands for? The policies make no sense at all.

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  13. wat dabney (3,748 comments) says:

    Like any other special-interest group, Labour stands for its owners; in this case the rent-seeking members of the state-sector unions. It is corruption incarnate.

    Cunliffe is simply calculating how many non-members he needs to bribe with workers’ money to get them over the line. Of course, there are also plenty of idiots who believe that Labour is not a parasitical, corrupt special-interest group leeching off the workers; and for these he throws out a few sound-bites about class-warfare.

    Truly, I have more respect for the bludgers taking the bribes than I do for the idiots thinking they are voting for something noble.

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  14. OneTrack (2,959 comments) says:

    “What hope has a country governed by the rabble?”

    No hope. And these guys might be in power in 9 months time.

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  15. coge (185 comments) says:

    These days Cunliffe enjoys full support of Caucus. Just not the Labour Caucus.

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  16. Tauhei Notts (1,672 comments) says:

    Than at 9.51.
    Spot On!!!

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  17. thedavincimode (6,606 comments) says:

    Braunias is absolutely not in the least bit funny. But amusing all the same to see another pinko hack putting the boot in.

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  18. OneTrack (2,959 comments) says:

    “another pinko hack putting the boot in.”

    But, Cunliffe is the great messiah of the hard-left and is going to lead the proletariat to the promised land. Didn’t Braunias get the memo?

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  19. igm (1,413 comments) says:

    Braunias is best suited to Listener. He once edited a little giveaway in Wellington, “Capital Times”, he was a disaster. When a hack tries satirical writing he needs brains, intelligence, and a sense of humour, the late Warren Mayne (NBR) being an expert. Soper tries it frequently, another incompetent disaster.

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  20. s.russell (1,587 comments) says:

    You can fool all of the people some of the time
    You can fool some of the people all of the time.
    But David Cunliffe thinks he is so clever that he can fool most of the people most of the time.
    I think (hope) he is discovering that he can’t.

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