A helpful taxi driver

May 26th, 2014 at 12:00 pm by David Farrar

I was in a taxi in Wellington this morning and the taxi driver asks me if my kids are grown up.

I tell her that I don;t have any kids, trying not to panic at the the thought that if I did have kids they could possibly be adults.

She asks if my wife didn’t want any. I reply that I don’t have a wife or partner – that I’m single.

She asks why not, and I reply that I’ve yet to meet the right woman.

She then tells me that I need to pray to God and God will deliver the right woman to me.

While I could take this in a negative light, as suggesting my dating life needs divine intervention, I prefer to see it as a suggestion that my next girlfriend will be an angel :-)

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57 Responses to “A helpful taxi driver”

  1. Elaycee (4,377 comments) says:

    DPF: While I could take this in a negative light, as suggesting my dating life needs divine intervention, I prefer to see it as a suggestion that my next girlfriend will be an angel :-)

    Or a saint! :P

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  2. gravedodger (1,552 comments) says:

    Tick Tock Tick Tock David, my Dad was 43 for my birth, keep well away from the Hokianga and there is hope yet.

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  3. wikiriwhis business (3,883 comments) says:

    I take this thread as confirmation as I have met the angel and everything else is falling into place for my long pursued vision

    So why not….indeed.

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  4. Manolo (13,590 comments) says:

    Forget about angels, DPF. Sinners are the best!

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  5. David Garrett (7,112 comments) says:

    Seriously David…pick one and have a couple of kids with her…a millionaire of my acquaintance tells me that HE envies ME because I have “two beautiful children” (His words not mine), and he doesn’t…he only has money…He has been waiting 20 years for “the right one” to come along, rejecting what he now sees as several perfectly good long term partners…

    And you don’t want to leave it too long…I am too old and creaky to do tackle practice properly with my son (aged 9), and that’s not really right…

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  6. Ed Snack (1,851 comments) says:

    Ultimately though, the older you are the harder it is. Your partner will have to be younger by quite a bit although you can have children up to the late 40’s it is rarely recommended and a lot less certain.

    Having children is a personal decision, but all I can say now is that I’m only sorry I didn’t start earlier and have more of the little sods, as difficult (and expensive) as they can be at times.

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  7. fredinthegrass (273 comments) says:

    Put it out to the universe, DPF, and it will happen.
    And remember not to take yourself too seriously.
    You are a fantastic guy – look at what you have achieved
    recently – so relax and take note of David Garrett’s words of wisdom!

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  8. David Garrett (7,112 comments) says:

    Ed: I completely concur…I am sitting here laughing internally at me giving someone advice to have kids asap…for a long time I shuddered at the very thought of it…now it is the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me..

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  9. Viking2 (11,417 comments) says:

    While I could take this in a negative light, as suggesting my dating life needs divine intervention, I prefer to see it as a suggestion that my next girlfriend will be an angel :-)

    Well DPF if its and angeln then there are two problems. First and moist important that would mean you are no longer in the vibrant land of the long white cloud but floating around in Cloud cukkoo Land. Make sure you have good fast Broadband back as we would miss your posts.

    the more worrying feature of being there tho is that the Angel could well be male. You could get a Grant or a Chris.

    If I were you I would plump for a Nun if she has to be holy. Safer Sex. 8O

    :lol: :lol:

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  10. Manolo (13,590 comments) says:

    I can only say that children and family are the best thing that could have happened to me, and the motivation to go through life seeking new challenges.

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  11. wikiriwhis business (3,883 comments) says:

    Two people down tiked me which made me realise National Socialists don’t want me to perpetuate.

    They are gradually turning this society into a nightmare where the innocent have to continually prove their innocence.

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  12. RRM (9,841 comments) says:

    Aww, that’s nice.

    I had a taxi driver once who sat so low in his seat, it was a wonder he could see over his array of little dashboard shrines. I think the almighty was probably in control of that car at least 40% of the time…

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  13. Judith (8,534 comments) says:

    I don’t know about being an angel – but she would have to be a very patient person if she was to compete with the Kiwiblog family!

    P.S. did I mention I have an absolutely drop dead gorgeous and single 31 year old daughter! (nothing like her mother! ;-) )

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  14. Sir Cullen's Sidekick (876 comments) says:

    You will fit right into the Labour list under the “Singles Only” category Mr Farrar…..

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  15. RRM (9,841 comments) says:

    BTW I have a couple of children for sale if you feel like you’re missing out DPF.

    One, female, 8 months, her teeth are coming through but she only cries for about 20 hours in the day.

    Another, male, 2 years, likes to wake up the female one on those rare occasions she actually sleeps.

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  16. Lance (2,635 comments) says:

    In 1980 (showing my age), I took a taxi ride down Parramatta Rd in Sydney. The driver had one foot up on the dash (I shit you not) and was talking to us directly almost never looking straight ahead and travelling at 130kmh weaving in and out of the traffic
    Definitely thought my number was up.

    So a bit of simple potential marital advice seems a nice calm way to travel.

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  17. Judith (8,534 comments) says:

    @ RRM (9,129 comments) says:
    May 26th, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    Oh, you have a two year old in the house!

    I forgive you for anything you write that I don’t agree with! Anyone that survives life with a two year old deserves respect and tender caring!

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  18. redqueen (556 comments) says:

    Definitely recommend having the kids earlier, rather than later. Also, the ‘right woman’ is a falasy. Not to sound mean, but I think HL Menken said it best, ‘Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.’

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  19. Phil (126 comments) says:

    Forget about angels, DPF. Sinners are the best!

    Catholic girls are the worst, so get them first.

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  20. Lance (2,635 comments) says:

    @Judith
    We bought a dishwasher that had a child proof key in system to stop unwanted activation.
    Our 2 year old cracked it in a few minutes.
    Picking up the phone your toddler has off the hook to hear “hello what emergency services do you require?” was another beaut.
    Things didn’t improve after that for a while :-)

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  21. wikiriwhis business (3,883 comments) says:

    HL Menken said it best, ‘Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.’

    Conversation proves whether the dessert is sugar coated or salt coated.

    I should really be famous. Even Churchill didn’t say that.

    My best verbal doodle for a while.

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  22. meow (19 comments) says:

    Given that god doesn’t exist and religion is an industry and lifestyle crutch, praying to god will not get you a girlfriend, not unless she is as nutty and delusional as yourself (for praying).

    That taxi driver needs to stop hanging out with her religious friends. Believing that praying for a girlfriend will work is as nutty as believing that you get 49 virgins in heaven when you blow yourself to smithereens in a crowded marketplace.

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  23. David Garrett (7,112 comments) says:

    …And on a more serious note DPF…while it has long been known that the eggs from an older woman become more defect prone after about age 35, it now appears that sperm also suffers the same fate, albeit to a much lesser degree…i.e. while men over 60 (or even 70) can begat children, they are more likely to suffer genetic defects…

    So, the prescription is very clear DPF: Pick a nice fecund lass about 10 years younger than you from among your many female acolytes…and get practising!!

    Redqueen: Apparently HL Mencken didn’t get out much…I have experienced many women from several different cultures….and they differed all right…And I wasn’t even in love with most of them…

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  24. unaha-closp (1,158 comments) says:

    Being in a similar situation, I’ve been told a couple of times that religious institutions are the tinder of the middle aged.

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  25. dime (9,869 comments) says:

    “So, the prescription is very clear DPF: Pick a nice fecund lass about 10 years younger than you from among your many female acolytes…and get practising!!”

    pretty much. Dime went even younger but Dime is a dirtbag :)

    soon to be 38 with a 24 year old :D

    probably about 2-3 years away from mini-Dimes!

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  26. redqueen (556 comments) says:

    @ David Garrett

    Mencken was very happily married (and grief stricken at his wife’s death), the point was meant to be more comic.

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  27. Chuck Bird (4,848 comments) says:

    David, would you still love your son if he joined a fundamentalist church a became a homophobe? :-)

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  28. freemark (569 comments) says:

    Go for it DPF..there are a lot of great times and great women in modern dating land (or couples, or groups, or guys – don’t want to get all non inclusive here).
    Tinder is interesting..very rewarding to see the number of women who have a mutual “like” of JK on their FB :)
    I am extremely fortunate to have two daughters (9 & 7) who I get to spend some wonderful time with, and be partly responsible for growing into great citizens and fulfilling their potential – still working on getting them off the Toxic Watermelon Island of Waiheke however.
    Seek your Soul Mate and work hard on a great r/ship. Don’t settle for convenience, lust, ego… life can get very messy if things go badly wrong.
    Now Judith, about your daughter..:)

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  29. David Garrett (7,112 comments) says:

    Chuck: Yes, of course I would…and I would have to try to keep loving him if he turned out to be a homo, without the “phobe”..In that regard my problem is that – like you – I know far too much about how they live…

    freemark: I disagree…that’s what my millionaire friend has been doing for 20 years, ignoring lust convenience and those other things, and holding out for “the one”…he’s now at an age where, if he wants to reproduce, he is essentially going to have to buy a bride from a culture that doesn’t worry too much about age..

    And if you have plenty of dough – enough to hire the best divorce lawyer and best trust lawyer and have them agree on how to neutralise the former – things cant go too far wrong…

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  30. Chuck Bird (4,848 comments) says:

    David, sorry I should have said DPF.

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  31. scrubone (3,095 comments) says:

    Given that god doesn’t exist and religion is an industry and lifestyle crutch, praying to god will not get you a girlfriend, not unless she is as nutty and delusional as yourself (for praying).

    Not saying it’ll convince you, but there’s some rather solid buildings in a nice place called Bristol that suggest otherwise.
    http://www.christianmanhood.net/reformers/George_Mueller.html

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  32. freemark (569 comments) says:

    Inequality at it’s greatest, a single woman can find a donor, have a baby. Single guy?? Nope.
    I demand the labour/greens/whoever do something about it.

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  33. Ed Snack (1,851 comments) says:

    RRM, I agree that there are times when you wonder why the hell you had children and don’t know how you will get through it. I know I spend a number of days at my work when I would sort of come to suddenly, realize I was at work, and wonder how long I’d been sitting there in a daze and if anyone else had noticed. That comes with getting about 2 hours sleep a night for days on end. These times pass however and you tend to gloss over them when remembering fondly.

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  34. David Garrett (7,112 comments) says:

    freemark: Quite so! Someone should do something!!

    Ed: I honestly cant remember such nights with mine…Mind you they are both half Tongan, and the one thing Tongans can do to an Olympic standard is sleep!! I’m bloody serious…have you ever tried to wake a sleeping Tongan? They can lie down on the concrete and be fast asleep in 10 minutes…so fast asleep you have to almost whack them with something to wake them up!!

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  35. Harriet (4,857 comments) says:

    “……have you ever tried to wake a sleeping Tongan? They can lie down on the concrete and be fast asleep in 10 minutes…so fast asleep you have to almost whack them with something to wake them up!!…..”

    A couple of constables once couldn’t get a huge sleeping Islander out from the backseat of a taxi. So the sargent was eventually called, and pissed that they couldn’t do something so simple he then whacked him in the guts with his torch!

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  36. David Garrett (7,112 comments) says:

    Harriet: Getting off topic but true…I once left my mother-in-law’s house where I had been speaking to my sister in law…less than 15 minutes later I was back at the house as I had forgotten something…Sister in law had fallen so deeply asleep in 15 minutes I had to throw my shoe at her to wake her up! So perhaps as well as the strapping genes my giant 9 year old picked up, he and his sister also picked up the “Olympic Sleeping” gene…Lucky me…

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  37. Raphael (86 comments) says:

    I married youngish (I had just turned 23, my wife was a month shy of 20), and now 10 years later we have 4 girls (youngest 2, oldest nearly 8). It’s been really tough at times financially (and still is) but there is nothing I would change.

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  38. mandk (968 comments) says:

    @ scrubone

    Yes, George Mueller was an extraordinary man (and reformed ne’er do well).

    For those who don’t have time to follow the link, in the C19th Mueller raised the present day equivalent of around GBP100 million without asking anyone (except God) for a penny. He provided a home and education for many thousands of street kids in and around Bristol at a time when secular society regarded them as being little more than vermin.

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  39. nasska (11,277 comments) says:

    ….”Mueller raised the present day equivalent of around GBP100 million without asking anyone (except God) for a penny.”…..

    Does history record what God’s contribution was? (to the nearest hundred guineas will do) :)

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  40. Monique Angel (288 comments) says:

    I’m an Angel and my husband and I have Five kids. Be careful what you wish for!

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  41. mandk (968 comments) says:

    @ nasska,

    Yes, around GBP100 million more than secular society’s contribution (to the nearest hundred guineas). ;-)

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  42. G152 (305 comments) says:

    Ed said
    Ultimately though, the older you are the harder it is.

    Theres so just much wrong with that statement :)

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  43. mandk (968 comments) says:

    @ G152

    I partly agree with Ed. My first was born when I was 28, and my last was born when I was 48. When I was 28 I had lots more energy and needed a lot less sleep.

    However, when I was 48 I had a lot more patience, and I wasn’t trying so hard to build my career. Consequently, I’ve enjoyed much more time with my last.

    I’m pushing 60 now and I wouldn’t mind another kid, if only I could remember how to make one :-)

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  44. Akaroa (552 comments) says:

    I wasn’t going to post, but having read Raphael at 2.39 i had to comment on the ‘Marry-young-vs-marry-old’ issue.

    I am all for marrying as young as you can manage, and i’ll tell you why.

    When you are a young – or, better still, a very young – parent you can empathise with your children as they grow up and they experience aspects of life’s passage that you can still remember very clearly from your own relatively recent experience. You can really see their point of view and help them. Empathy rules!!

    Then, when, by your early 40s, the family have grown up, left home and become independent, you are just about entering the 20 or so years of your maximum earning ability and are still young enough to do energetic, exciting, traveling or other-type things that still having a young family around might otherwise have inhibited or prevented. (New car this year anyone?)

    Also your children, who are only 20 or so years younger than you, are your contemporaries rather than dependents.

    (To quote the song: “I did it my way”)

    We married even younger than Raphael. I was 18 my partner was – just -19. Three children made their inevitable appearance, left home and are all independent/married.

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  45. David Garrett (7,112 comments) says:

    Akaroa: That’s all very well…but I am quite certain \I would have been a much poorer father at 25 than I was at 45…and my saintly first wife would have ended up doing all the work…Swings and roundabouts I guess…

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  46. Judith (8,534 comments) says:

    @ Akaroa (499 comments) says:
    May 26th, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    I agree. I married at 20 and by time I was 28 had four children. I had my 5th child (an oppsie) at 39. The first four are well off my hands, living and loving life, providing me with grandchildren and if it was not for the 18 year old, I would be sleeping well at nights! The later in life child, whilst loved by all and spoiled by his brothers and sisters, means we don’t have the freedom to do all the things we would have been able to at this stage. One good part is however, that there are no tricks left for him to pull, as the first four well and truly taught us by experience, and there is nothing we haven’t seen before!!

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  47. Akaroa (552 comments) says:

    Hi David (Garrett!!)

    Sure! We were broke, like church mice, on the bones of our b—side and all that, but it didn’t seem to matter.

    But we had the energy and sense of humour of 20-somethings, and all our friends seemed to be in the same boat, so it was no major downer.

    Its the old ‘there’ll-be-a-brighter-day-tomorrow’ syndrome!!

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  48. Psycho Milt (2,411 comments) says:

    …pray to God and God will deliver the right woman…

    God will do that? Why the fuck didn’t anyone tell me!? Question for those who’ve tried it: will He deliver women in such a way that your wife doesn’t find out, or is that not how God rolls?

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  49. Left Right and Centre (2,971 comments) says:

    I’m 56

    I had my 5th child (an oppsie) at 39. The first four are well off my hands, living and loving life, providing me with grandchildren and if it was not for the 18 year old, I would be sleeping well at nights!

    39 plus 18 equals 57. Not 56. Early onset dementia ?

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  50. Left Right and Centre (2,971 comments) says:

    I really feel DPF’s pain. I really do. It’s just another one of life’s gormless morons – and just like a bit of food that’s worked its way deep into a tight space between your teeth – impossible to get rid of easily. You’re desperately trying to shake them off without playing twenty fuckwit questions – not a chance in the world. They just keep on blundering onwards – cluelessly unaware – bumcrawling with both feet bolted orally – like an apocalyptic zombie nightmare. Their head might as well turn around 360 degrees frothing at the mouth rasping menacingly where’s ya childrens, where’s ya childrens – why don’t ya have yous any childrens – margh margh maaaaAAARGGGHHH !!!!!

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  51. David Garrett (7,112 comments) says:

    \Jesus…I don’t know DPF well, but I very much doubt he minds us sharing the great blessings that fall upon those who reproduce….Take a chill pill man…

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  52. Colville (2,261 comments) says:

    I look at two couples I know well.
    One got married the day she turned 16, already had one kid and another well on the way. When they had their 25th anniversary Son was 25. Awesome couple 4 kids total married 40 years and still going…
    Another couple got married in early 20s and had Kid later, they are now near 60 and are still pulling their hair out.
    I got married at 21 and had kid at 23, would have had more if all my tadpoles were blind deaf and dumb!

    Horses for courses me reckons…

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  53. Harriet (4,857 comments) says:

    “……..I agree. I married at 20 and by time I was 28 had four children. I had my 5th child (an oppsie) at 39………….The later in life child, whilst loved by all and spoiled by his brothers and sisters, means we don’t have the freedom to do all the things we would have been able to at this stage. One good part is however, that there are no tricks left for him to pull, as the first four well and truly taught us by experience, and there is nothing we haven’t seen before!!

    So why are you such an ardent pro-abortionist Judith if you had children so far apart, and for the most part have no issues with that?

    The oldest was 19 when we had our youngest and we haven’t had any problems at all with that – other than when the youngest wanted to learn to count to 10 – and the older 2 decided to teach them. “Dad I can count to 10……….10,9,8,7…….”.

    It was bloody funny but we put a stop to that sort of behaviour.

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  54. lolitasbrother (669 comments) says:

    Yes I have it sorted already Farrar here are you new wives, I thought I would send you two
    http://paulscottstories.blogspot.co.nz/

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  55. timmydevo (52 comments) says:

    My word. Reading this thread is like Christmas in the trenches… when hardened enemies come out to sing carols and share a bit of cheer, before resuming hostilities the next day. Merry Christmas everyone.

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  56. SGA (998 comments) says:

    dime at 12:45 pm

    soon to be 38 with a 24 year old :D
    probably about 2-3 years away from mini-Dimes!

    There you go – just name all the girls Penny

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  57. SGA (998 comments) says:

    David Garrett at 12:11 pm

    And you don’t want to leave it too long…I am too old and creaky to do tackle practice properly with my son (aged 9), and that’s not really right…

    Perhaps David, but maybe in other ways you’re a far better dad than you would have been 25 years ago – swings and roundabouts :-)

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