Vance translates

July 13th, 2014 at 10:00 am by David Farrar

provides some translations. Extracts:

“I’m relatively relaxed about this . . .”

Because my chief of staff is working like billy-o to find an official we can pin the blame on.

“I have been very clear.”

Beep beep beep, look out voters – I’m backing into a U-turn.

“The real question here . . . “

I don’t like your question, so I’ll waffle on about something I do want to talk about.

“What I’m hearing from hard-working Kiwis as I travel up and down the country . . .”

Actually, it’s what the data from our extensive polling and focus groups says.

“That’s a matter for the party. That’s an operational matter.”

I might be in charge but someone else can take the fall for this mess.

“Talking about rising levels of immigration is not racist.”

But I’m happy for all the racists to vote for me.

“After a hard day campaigning there’s nothing I like more than a cold beer/fish and chips with the family.”

Until the cameras are off and I can crack open that $175 bottle of Central Otago pinot noir.

“I’m here to talk about our new policy.”

Please stop asking me questions about whether I have the support of my party.

“There are questions the Government must answer/We are calling for an independent inquiry.”

We can’t quite prove what we are insinuating but it looks dodgy and we needed to put out a press release.

“My caucus is united . . .”

. . . By the fact they’d rather have someone else in charge.

“The only poll that matters is on September 20.”

We’re screwed.

Andrea is very cynical, but not unjustifiably so :-)

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18 Responses to “Vance translates”

  1. Liam Hehir (148 comments) says:

    Very funny.

    Do you think she’ll do one on journalist-speak?

    Here are some for starters.

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  2. Redbaiter (9,654 comments) says:

    Is she talking about John Key or David Cunliffe?

    I can’t tell.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 17 You need to be logged in to vote
  3. Jack5 (5,167 comments) says:

    Careful, DPF. Remember how Possum Pete Dunne was bewitched!

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  4. stever (26 comments) says:

    Haha that’s exactly what I think Silant T says every time he talks. I can’t wait for the leaders debates , the moment he goes off the cuff he’s done for.

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  5. Redbaiter (9,654 comments) says:

    Hey thanks for the link Lehir.

    A very good article.

    “Colin Craig …” means “Get ready to snicker with me about what a rube this guy is.”

    Ha ha.. excellent.

    Capturing so well the smug vacuous falsity that encapsulates the “journalist’s” self image.

    Vance is just another hard left progressive, and her writing can never present from any other viewpoint, no matter how hard she tries.

    Its the same mindset that identifies most of NZ’s journalists, and its like they have a rule that says, if you’re not a sappy up yourself preaching condescending liberal fuckwit, don’t apply for a job in this profession.

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  6. Liam Hehir (148 comments) says:

    I don’t know if it’s a division between progressives and conservatives. It’s just human nature.

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  7. duggledog (1,589 comments) says:

    Never ever trust a journalist

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  8. adze (2,129 comments) says:

    Nice one Liam Hehir. I think ““Community groups say…” means “This person a Labour or Green MP put me in touch with says…”” was my favourite. Even the lefties get defensive about that one on this blog. :)

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  9. s.russell (1,646 comments) says:

    Good translation! But people should think critically rather than just embrace cynicism: sometimes (maybe by accident) politicians do actually tell the truth – even with phrases like those above.

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  10. Manolo (14,080 comments) says:

    Forget Vance. We need to ask the leaky fantasist Dunne about her translations.

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  11. hj (7,067 comments) says:

    Andrea Vance knows all about the mischievous use of language

    An April paper from its wonks said monetary policy should be better tailored to the economy’s ability to respond to population increase.
    This set the Opposition off, banging the drums on housing affordability and migration.

    .
    http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/politics/opinion/10187254/Immi-what-Hysteria-over-immigration-falls-flat

    Wonk
    ” a person preoccupied with arcane details or procedures in a specialized field; broadly : nerd”

    In this context that is a pejorative use of the term as policy always has to see the big picture.
    When combined with “set the opposition off”implies over reaction.

    Tony Alexander (also representing threatened interests) uses the same dismissive approach:

    The Savings Working Group two weeks ago released their report on New Zealand’s savings problem warning that we stand on the edge of an abyss. That terminology is somewhat sensationalist and hopefully hasn’t panicked anyone into leaving the country in case we go the same way as Greece and Ireland.

    http://tonyalexander.co.nz/regular-publications/newspaper-column/impact-of-migration-flows-on-nz-house-price-inflation/

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  12. tvb (4,518 comments) says:

    This is obviously Cunliffe. She gives the game away in one or two places. Cunliffe is not real. Even his wife stays well clear of the fiction that Cunliffe is doing. She looks be be authentic. Cunliffe is not. Cunliffe is even ashamed to be a man. He would have a go at gender reassignment if that would help but I guess that is a step too far even for Cunliffe.

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  13. DisgruntledOne (20 comments) says:

    ““There are questions the Government must answer/We are calling for an independent inquiry.”
    We can’t quite prove what we are insinuating but it looks dodgy and we needed to put out a press release.”

    To be fair about this one, there are plenty of things that you wouldn’t expect them to be able to prove, but which an official inquiry could. They presumably have a few more powers of investigation.

    ““The real question here . . . “
    I don’t like your question, so I’ll waffle on about something I do want to talk about.”

    This one is often abused, but bear in mind that journalists often do ask very stupid questions.

    As to the rest, I’m afraid I have to agree.

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  14. Sir Cullen's Sidekick (895 comments) says:

    Hmmmm……”Andrea is very cynical, but not unjustifiably so” – I hope uncle DPF is not becoming Peter Done Deal Dunne V2.0…..Just sayin fellows…

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  15. Yogibear (372 comments) says:

    Liam’s list ignores this gem:

    “X did not immediately respond to a request for comment”

    Translated as: My deadline and comrades waiting for me in the pub are far more important than whatever X is doing right now. Journalistic Jackpot! I write what I was always going to write but also get to imply that X is evading my questions thereby making me appear even more important.

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  16. Paulus (2,672 comments) says:

    Didn’t understand her comments – all Irish to me.

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  17. Jack5 (5,167 comments) says:

    For those sceptical about journo’s….

    Lord Kitchener, fighting his way up the Nile to avenge the murder of General Gordon at Khartoum, was besieged by journalists as he stepped out of his tent.

    “Out of my way, you drunken swabs!” he roared as he pushed through them.

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  18. Sir Cullen's Sidekick (895 comments) says:

    The only thing that is good about aunty Vance is her Northern Irish accent. Everything else is so boring…..Here is a DPF translation.

    Actually this is good policy (Labour policy) – Damn, how come National doesn’t come up with something like this….

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