Kiwiblog

The Sun reports:

A LABOUR politician has revealed his marriage is on the ropes – because he’s cheating on his wife with an ALIEN.

Simon Parkes, who sits on Whitby Town Council, claims he meets his extra-terrestrial lover four times a year for sex sessions on a spaceship that’s orbiting the Earth.

The 53-year-old driving instructor even alleges he has fathered a love-child called Zarka with his mistresses – who he calls the Cat Queen.

Simon, a married father-of-three (human kids) from North Yorkshire, described his encounters with his other-worldly other woman in Channel 4 documentary Confessions Of An Alien Abductee.

He revealed: “What will happen is that we will hold hands and I will say ‘I’m ready’ and then the technology I don’t understand will take us up to a craft orbiting the Earth.”

The councillor claims his wife was furious when she found out about the affair – but he insists he’s doing wrong, because his lover is from another planet.

He explained: “My wife found out about it and was very unhappy, clearly. That caused a few problems, but it is not on a human level, so I don’t see it as wrong.”

Simon told the documentary team extra-terrestrials have been reaching out to him since he was a baby, because his “real mother” is a 9ft tall green alien with eight fingers.

I don’t think I need to comment.

I blogged yesterday about the book Dirty Money: The Economics of Sex and Love.

I complained it was only available on UK Amazon. But the author has kindly e-mailed me to say:

Hello David,

I see that you have started a conversation about my book on your blog. I just wanted to let you know the book is available in NZ, it’s called Dollars and Sex, which is the original title. It was changed for the UK edition.

Thanks for the mention!

Marina

Very useful to know. And under that name I managed to order it for my Kindle from Amazon. Yay.

Stuff reports on some Superman trivia:

The Nazi High Command hated Superman, so much so it took the trouble to write an almost ludicrous rebuttal of one of the hero’s adventures. In February 1940, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster wrote a patriotic Superman story for Look magazine titled How Would Superman End the War? In it Superman disables the Nazi war machine, arrests a gobsmacked Hitler and Stalin and hands them over to the League of Nations for some good old-fashioned Western justice. According to historian Randall Bytwerk, the Nazis took issue with the story two months later in the official newspaper of the SS, Das Schwarze Korps. Here a few highlights of the article, as translated by Bytwerk:

“Jerry Siegel, an intellectually and physically circumcised chap who has his headquarters in New York, is the inventor of a colourful figure with an impressive appearance, a powerful body, and a red swim suit who enjoys the ability to fly through the ether.

“The inventive Israelite named this pleasant guy with an overdeveloped body and underdeveloped mind Superman. He advertised widely Superman’s sense of justice, well-suited for imitation by the American youth. As you can see, there is nothing the Sadducees won’t do for money!

“… A triumphant final frame [of the story] shows Superman dropping in at the headquarters of the chatterboxes at the League of Nations in Geneva. Although the rules of the establishment probably prohibit people in bathing suits from participating in their deliberations, Superman ignores them as well as the other laws of physics, logic, and life in general.

I’m not sure what is funnier. The fact that Nazis felt threatened by a comic book, or the fact they thought the way to respond to it is to say it was unrealistic that Superman would get to address the League of Nations because he didn’t meet their dress code!

The Herald reports:

In fact, Adshade argues that almost every option, every decision and every outcome in matters of sex and love is better understood by thinking within an economic framework; the supply and demand of our intimate needs, if you will. Adshade proves, through a number of global studies, that our decisions in matters of sexual relationships are made with a firm grasp of economics, whether we realise it or not. Now she has compiled all the research into a new book, Dirty Money: The Economics of Sex and Love.

Sounds a good book. Annoying not available at Amazon, only Amazon UK which won’t sell to my Kindle.

The number of women going to university has gradually increased so there are now 130 women for every 100 men. “Although you might think that fewer men means that women are having fewer relationships because there’s a shortage of men, when we look at the evidence, the shortage of men on college campuses is actually increasing promiscuity,” notes Adshade.

Because women are competing for scarce numbers of men, the men are getting to determine what kind of relationships they are having. “In the past if a man wanted a woman to sleep with him he would have to at least take her on a date or something like that,” says Adshade. “Now that it’s so much more competitive, they don’t even need to do that, they just need to send a text message.

Or a snapchat!

It’s an interesting story because the increase in female education is in part fuelling the hook-up culture.”

Interesting.

There is a vintage expo in Wellington this Saturday, for those interested. Only $2 door entry.

Finally a major vintage event to the capital city and bring all aspects of the vintage loving community together, everyone is welcome!

Vendors from all over the country will be bringing you fabulous, genuine and reproduction, vintage clothing, accessories, home-wares and much more

As well as shopping there will be first class photographers, The Pamper Parlour, workshops and dance classes along with high tea, refreshments and on-stage performances to keep you entertained during the day

Attendees are encouraged to dress to the nines in vintage threads and enter the best dressed competition and to catch the eye of leading fashion bloggers

More info is on their Facebook page:

News.com.au reports:

According to a study, men take until age 43 to finally grow up.

Damn. This means I am now grown up – just.

Research revealed that men agree with women that they stay ‘immature’ into their late 30s and 40s. Eight out of ten women even believe men ‘never stop being childish’.

I hope not!

They day I stop enjoying Southpark, involves a coffin!

Women, however, typically mature more than a decade earlier – at 32.

Growing up is very over-rated.

This ad has been banned in the United Kingdom! That will help it go viral.

We All Want to be Young infographic

I especially like how my generation is about living in search of guiltless pleasures.

The Herald reports:

You meet someone, there’s chemistry, and then come the introductory questions: What’s your name? Come here often? Are you my cousin?

In Iceland, a country with a population of 320,000 where most everyone is distantly related, inadvertently kissing cousins is a real risk.

A new smartphone app is on hand to help Icelanders avoid accidental incest. The app lets users “bump” phones, and emits a warning alarm if they are closely related. “Bump the app before you bump in bed,” says the catchy slogan.

Some are hailing it as a welcome solution to a very Icelandic form of social embarrassment.

“Everyone has heard the story of going to a family event and running into a girl you hooked up with some time ago,” said Einar Magnusson, a graphic designer in Iceland’s capital, Reykjavik.

Iceland sounds a fun place!

It reminds me of the town in Tasmania, where the local community directory only had five different surnames in it!

Voting is open in the 2013 Freeview Awards.

Categories include favourite channel and best TV show, along with questions on viewing habits.

My favourite free to air channel is TV2. Favourite free to air show is Modern Family.

Boing Boing has done this table showing the level of belief in various conspiracy theories in the US.

I’m unsure if 4% of Americans just have a wacky sense of humour or are seriously deranged!

The actual lizard people question was:

Do you believe that shape-shifting reptilian people control our world by taking on human form and gaining political power to manipulate our societies, or not?

Only 88% were sure this is not true. 4% said true and 7% unsure. Now I guess you can’t be absolutely certain it is untrue but …

The level of belief in the vaccines conspiracy theory is alarming. By chance I am off to Parliament tonight for the launch of a public health report on vaccinations in New Zealand by Pfizer, that Curia did some of the research for.

In NZ we found that only 5% of parents think vaccines are unsafe, which is a relatively low number.

~ John Stringer, www.CoNZervative.wordpress.com

“you have the satisfying sense of a five-course meal with a great dessert at the end.”
I went and saw this on opening night last night. I have to say, this is Tom Cruise’s best movie since A Few Good Men (1992) and Vanilla Sky (2001). But I’m a huge fan of intelligent sci-fi. so may be biased. First the synopsis…

A veteran US tech. (Cruise, Jack/”Tech 49″) and his female British station assistant (‘Victor’), United Nations/Earth Fed. 2077, are assigned to the devastated Earth after “the war.” Humans won but were forced to leave for Titan, a moon of Saturn. They protect several huge nuclear extractors, processing sea water as energy for humanity on Titan under the NASA control of The Tet circling above them in the atmosphere, like an orbiting moon (destroyed by aliens). Comm.s link and Control is “Sally,” evoking “HAL” of 2001, “Data” or “Computer” of Star Trek). Jack and Vic. maintain really cool drones that are mopping up enemy ‘alien’ Scavs (scavengers) on Earth. But memories torment Tech 49.

Ok, that’s all I’m going to say, as the real star of this film is the story, and that is why this film is so good. The story rocks first. Now to the stars…

Tom Cruise (Jack Harper/Tech 49) is brilliant as lead. He doesn’t over act, is less intrusive, and – like Vanilla Sky – moves beyond clichéd handsome sex-hunk saving the world single-handed and getting the girl (hooray, hate that rubbish). Oblivion has restored my interest in Cruise as an actor after several recent flops (Rock of Ages 2012). His acting is a good balance. Perhaps three divorces has grounded him. Morgan Freeman (Breech) plays his usual wise-head sage role, but is under-cooked in this movie (I would have liked more screen time). One of two leading ladies is Olga Kurylenko (Julia) a Ukranian actress whom we’ve seen as a recent Bond girl (Quantum of Solace). She looks Maori and plays the juxtaposed black-haired First Lady to red-head surrogate Andrea Riseborough (Victoria ‘Victor’), a British actress in her first A-list role, Cruise’s mission side-kick.

This is a movie of a graphic novel (like Walking Dead, Constantine, et al) by Joseph Kosinski (who also directs, brilliantly). The novel is as yet unpublished by Radical but was given out at a 2009 comics con. delayed by art development for the film. The concept made it to film first after initial conception in the graphic novel genre, a form of backwards development.
“Oblivion” is Prometheus meets Star Wars (Ewoks and Sandmen) meets Red Planet. There is also some time travel interplay. It has a great kick at the end.

We begin in 2077 after the Earth has been devastated after the arrival of aliens. Humanity fights back with nukes, wins, but in the process devastates the earth. Earthquakes and tsunamis finish off civilisation and humanity flees to Titan, a moon of Saturn. Our heroes are on Earth as “An Efficient Team” in a sky station 3000 feet up, maintaining war drones and protecting the massive sea water nuclear processors. Scavs (scavengers) are still about, remnants of the defeated ‘alien’ army who interfere with drones and the processing plants, like the Ewoks and Sandmen of Star Wars.

The design of this film is immaculate (Cruise calls it “elegant”). The space craft are stunning, on a par with the predatory cat droid of Red Planet (‘AMEE’). Delicious. Cruises’ space and ground transports are awesome.

Sci fi frequently adopts Classical or Biblical allusions. The names of space craft often feature (Zion, Nebuchadnezzar, Prometheus, Icarus, etc.) and in Oblivion, Jack’s mission craft is called “Odyssey,” an obvious message there. Latin prose from Roman poet Horatius’ The Lay (stanza XXVII) also features strongly in this film, but no spoiler.

Another high point are the sweeping devastated vistas (ala Planet of the Apes): Washington DC as a flooded delta, the tip of the Empire State Building, the tops of the Brooklyn Bridge etc, you get the picture. At times it feels like New Zealand but was shot in Iceland.

There’s a Modernist-feel to the sky station that ’49′ and ‘Victor’ inhabit, coupled with a 1960s Mad Men chic that flavours the high-tech Star Wars/Red Planet-esque sci-fi aesthetic.

The gadgets and armoury are gorgeous, restrained but highly designed. This is not the grunge of Alien or the pop culture of Star Wars, something satistfyingly in-between. The comm.s link from NASA control in The Tet is crinkly black and white (like the 1969 moon landings). Nice.

The story grips you immediately, and has twists and turns. Good movies move through several plot-altering episodes, and Oblivion does this in spades. So you have the satisfying sense of a five-course meal with a great dessert at the end.

Tech 49 has a huge secret that he has kept from Victor, who plays the Company game and is a rigid stickler for protocol. Recurring memories, deja vu and bad dreams are a key to this movie, but no more on that.

This held me all the way. Oblivion is luscious in its cinematography, the CGI Special FX are dazzling unobtrusive supporting actors serving the story, which is deep, satisfying, moving, exciting, and resolves brilliantly. I empathised with the characters, came to hate the enemy, and enjoyed the ride at several levels.

9/10 (one point behind The Avengers, a perfect move, because I wanted more development of Freeman).

~ John Stringer, www.coNZervative.wordpress.com

Freemantle Media report:

 FremantleMedia International today launches the eagerly anticipated remake of the cult drama Blake’s 7 to international buyers at MIPTV. In development with US cable network Syfy, the 13 x 1 hour series will be produced by Georgeville TV, the independent studio co-founded by Leon Clarance of Motion Picture Capital, the financing arm of Reliance Entertainment, and producer Marc Rosen. The science fiction classic will be written by Joe Pokaski (Heroes, CSI) and directed by Martin Campbell (Casino Royale, GoldenEye).

Yes, yes, yes.

I loved the original Blake’s 7, especially the ending.

Of course Blake was a bit of a pussy. I preferred Avon.

A fascinating article on Alter Net by Alyssa Goldstein:

In the 1600s, a man named James Mattock was expelled from the First Church of Boston. His crime? It wasn’t using lewd language or smiling on the sabbath or anything else that we might think the Puritans had disapproved of. Rather, James Mattock had refused to have sex with his wife for two years. Though Mattock’s community clearly saw his self-deprivation as improper, it is quite possible that they had his wife’s suffering in mind when they decided to shun him. The Puritans believed that sexual desire was a normal and natural part of human life for both men and women (as long as it was heterosexual and confined to marriage), but that women wanted and needed sex more than men. A man could choose to give up sex with relatively little trouble, but for a woman to be so deprived would be much more difficult for her. …

The idea that men are naturally more interested in sex than women is ubiquitous that it’s difficult to imagine that people ever believed differently. And yet for most of Western history, from ancient Greece to beginning of the nineteenth century, women were assumed to be the sex-crazed porn fiends of their day. In one ancient Greek myth, Zeus and Hera argue about whether men or women enjoy sex more. They ask the prophet Tiresias, whom Hera had once transformed into a woman, to settle the debate. He answers, “if sexual pleasure were divided into ten parts, only one part would go to the man, and and nine parts to the woman.”

Very amusing.

Hat Tip: Whale

Stuff has a story on the former singing career of Gerry Brownlee.

Gerry is still a good singer. I’ve heard him at various karaoke parties over the years. My favourite is when he does the Helen Reddy song “I am woman, hear me roar”

Wayne Thompson at NZ Herald reports:

Parents have been stopped from “tandem” riding with their young children down hydroslides at Auckland aquatic centres.

One bemused parent, Michael Pleciak, was told by Mt Albert Aquatic Centre lifeguards on Saturday that his daughter Eva, 6, could not use the slide because it was too dangerous for anyone under 8, even if they are sliding with an adult.

“It is ridiculous,” he said.

“Eva has been on that slide for a month.

“She had a nervous start and I was accompanying her down as all parents do and she got her courage up.

“She has gone down at least half a dozen times with her 8-year-old sister or me.

Bureaucratic rules defy common sense.

Pool manager Paul Kite said Eva missed her treat because of confusion between a no-tandem rule from Auckland Council health and safety and the aquatic industry standard of requiring children under 5 to be within arm’s reach at all times.

He said 5- to 8-year-olds were allowed on the slide providing their parents or caregiver were at the bottom of the slide supervising them.

“It means, unfortunately, that mums and dads cannot go down the slide with their kids between their legs. Under 5-year-olds won’t be allowed to go down on their own.

What nonsense.

The council said the rule was recommended by the Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment.

However, a ministry spokesman could not confirm the reason.

Paging Steven Joyce, paging Steven Joyce. Please apply some boot somewhere.

Talking of hydroslides though, it does remind me of an unfortunate incident when I was 18 and we were using the water slide at Moana Pool. It is or was a totally enclosed slide.

There were half a dozen of us there and the game we developed is one of us would go down first, stop halfway and then turn around and stand up. Then the rest of would shoot down through their legs. We did this several times and all good fun.

But then on one of the times it was my turn to go first, something went wrong. Someone else got in front of my friends. I had stopped and was standing in the tunnel waiting for my friends to power down. I then heard a noise, sounding like crashing thunder. Then the tunnel got darker and darker as all the light from the top got blocked out.  Then crashing around the corner came a huge Samoan woman who was literally taking up the entire tunnel. No way could I turn around and start sliding down in time. With just a few moments of terror I then got smashed into by said woman, and spent the next 30 seconds semi-conscious stuck under her hurtling down the slide as she (rightfully) yelled at me in Samoan. Finally we shot out the end and my friends pulled me out of the pool, in-between fits of laughter. I felt like I had lost a wrestling match with a steam roller.

So my only advice for water slide safety is never stop!

Al Williams at Stuff reports:

The beer belly getting you down? Still parked on the couch and wanting to shed some kilos?

Stop for a minute and forget about it – new research suggests it’s healthy.

While it is widely believed that beer is fattening, new scientific evidence from the United Kingdom suggests it has “nutritional and wellbeing benefits” which are at least similar to wine.

A report was commissioned by the British Beer and Pub Association to see whether beer was responsible for more weight gain than other alcoholic drinks, including wine.

It found that there was growing scientific support that moderate consumption of beer could be associated with health benefits.

It also found that 100ml of a 5 per cent lager contained 43 calories, compared to the 84 calories of the same quantity of a 12 per cent white wine. The rule of thumb was, the higher the alcohol content, the higher the calories.

Moderation, as with most things, is the key. Few things (except poisons) are totally bad for you.

But I would point out one flaw in the advocacy that beer is less fattening than wine. It is true on a per ml measure – but this ignores the nature of both drinks. You inevitably drink more beer and faster, than you do wine (although I may have disproved that theory last night!). If you drink more than a litre of wine you will be highly unlikely to carry on drinking. But one can drink a litre of beer fairly easily without too many noticeable effects.

A standard beer glass tends to be 330 mls or more and wine up to 150 mls only. So yes beer per ml is less fattening  but a glass of beer is more fattening than a glass of wine I’d say.

Having said that, I generally drink a lot less wine than I used to – mainly because of the calories in it.

AP reports:

The scandal has uncovered the labyrinthine workings of the global food industry, where meat from a Romanian slaughterhouse can end up in British lasagna by way of companies in Luxembourg and France. …

The trail of illicit horsemeat stretching across Europe spread still further Thursday when Rangeland Foods, a processing factory in Ireland, said it had withdrawn some batches of burger products which contained beef supplied from Poland after it tested positive for up to 30 per cent horse meat.

Food Safety Authority of Ireland said the products had been sold to the catering and wholesale sectors and distributed to Ireland, Britain, Spain, France, Germany and the Netherlands.

Processed food containing horsemeat has also surfaced in Germany, where two national supermarkets have pulled frozen lasagna from their shelves.

I think there is a marketing opportunity here.

Hundreds of thousands of people have been eating horse meat and liking it. They should turn necessity into a virtue and do a campaign for horseburgers. They could use slogans such as “Tastier than you thought” and “An equine surprise”.

Do a traceroute to 216.81.59.173

Very cool.

H/T: Simon Allard

The Dom Post reports:

An estimated 4000 Kiwi revellers have marked Waitangi Day in London with the annual pub crawl around the city’s Circle underground line – and won police praise for it.

The event, marked in London for decades, began with a minute’s silence for Jacob Marx, 27, a Kiwi lawyer killed in London last week. He suffered fatal injuries when a sign outside a shop in North London’s Camden Rd fell on his head.

Young men then bared their chests in a chilly London for the traditional haka while others caroused in Kiwi-themed costumes, dressing as sheep, Marmite jars, Fred Dagg, EQC inspectors or Kim Dotcom.

Confronted with the spectacle, bemused Londoners took to Twitter. Alex Johnson wrote: “Kensington is overrun with thousands of Kiwis in sheep outfits. Apparently it’s the Waitangi Day Pub Crawl. Weird, but go #newzealand!”

Police looked forward to the annual celebrations, Inspector Bruce Middlemiss told 3news.

“The crowd have been fantastic, absolutely fantastic. There aren’t too many nations who can have 5000 people on a pub crawl and result in no arrests. It’s been extremely good-natured and New Zealand should be very proud of them, I think.”

Excellent. Kiwis do know how to have lots of fun but not be pillocks.

This is in marked contrast to last year when a Kiwi complained to the New Zealand high commission of being ashamed by the display of debauchery.

Actually it isn’t in contrast at all. The Police said almost the same thing last year. The only contrast was last year one lone person e-mailed in an inaccurate description of the pub crawl. It was later shown that he had said on Facebook that he intended to complain about the pub crawl before it had even occurred!

I recall this story because the Dom Post ran a massive front page story on the basis of this one inaccurate unsubstantiated complaint, and how by the end of the day their online version of the story had basically backed down on it as hundreds came forward to say it was well behaved – including the Police.

Sophie Speer at Stuff reports:

Seven bespoke puppets of the “most influential” politicians in the Beehive will join old favourites when The Backbencher reopens in Wellington this month.

But owner Alistair Boyce is not saying who the MPs are – and each puppet will be unveiled by the politician it was modelled on, to give them “a right of reply”.

Spontaneously combusting tea towels caused a fire which gutted the Molesworth St pub and restaurant – a favoured haunt of political types – last June.

Work is on track to reopen the bar with a private function on February 12, followed by a soft public opening by the end of that week.

Yay.

Not only is the Backbencher my local, I am by definition its oldest patron as I went for a drink there on the day it first opened in the early 90s, as it was 100 metres from Red Cross House on Hill Street where I was then working. And one of their displays even features some of my more mischievous work of the mid 1990s!

So will be great to have it back again, and to see what changes have been made to it.

Political panel show Back Benches would again be filmed in the bar, with Prime screening 20 episodes, hosted by Wallace Chapman, from April.

Also a welcome return.

A fun video which stars Melanie Lynskey, Valerie Adams, Dai Henwood, Steve Wrigley, Colin Meads, Denise L’Estrange-Corbet, Beauden Barrett and Kane Barrett.