The Apocalypse

December 14th, 2012 at 3:00 pm by David Farrar

Michael Dickison at the Herald has a great article on the Apocalypse.

The top 5 scenarios for the end of the world as we know it

1) Aliens

Remember Independence Day? Astrophysicist Craig Kasnov recently announced that three very large, fast-moving objects were approaching Earth. Though largely discounted by others, the SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) researcher Kasnov said the “flying saucers” were tens of kilometres long and would arrive mid-December.

How to prepare: Some say you should head to the French Pyrenees, from where you may be beamed up and rescued.

2) Natural disaster

Supervolcanoes cause mass extinction. The most recent occurred in New Zealand about 26,000 years ago, while a likely site for the next eruption is Yellowstone National Park, in the United States.

How to prepare: Leave the Pacific’s Ring of Fire, preferably for equatorial Africa, where humans survived the last volcanic winter.

3) Nuclear attack

Surviving the initial horror of thermonuclear war is just the beginning. A nuclear winter will follow as debris, smoke and soot block sunlight for weeks or even years, and then there’s radiation sickness, lawlessness and the breakdown of civilisation to worry about.

How to prepare: For a quick end, stand outside as the bombs fall. Otherwise, build an underground bunker with enough supplies, guns, clothing, etc, to survive in the Mad Max-style post-apocalyptic wasteland.

4) The god of war cometh

Bolon Yokte, a Mayan deity, is prophesied to return to Earth in 2012, although key passages on a stone tablet containing the prophesy have eroded away.

The god may cause huge chaos and upheaval – or bestow upon people the energy to take an evolutionary step.

How to prepare: Only human sacrifice can save us now.

5) Salvation

Biblical messianic prophesies suggest a Second Coming of Jesus, possibly including resurrection of the dead. Armageddon is often associated with such an event.

How to prepare: Watch Supernatural from series three onwards. And pray a lot.

The entire article is hilarious.

Tags: ,

Apocalypse delayed

May 25th, 2011 at 1:00 pm by David Farrar

Stuff reports:

California preacher Harold Camping said his prophecy that the world would end was off by five months because Judgment Day actually will come on October 21.

Camping, who predicted that 200 million Christians would be taken to heaven Saturday before the Earth was destroyed, said he felt so terrible when his doomsday prediction did not come true that he left home and took refuge in a motel with his wife.

Took refuge in a motel – how awful.

His independent ministry, Family Radio International, spent millions – some of it from donations made by followers – on more than 5000 billboards and 20 RVs plastered with the Judgment Day message.

But Camping said that he’s now realised the apocalypse will come five months after May 21, the original date he predicted. He had earlier said October 21 was when the globe would be consumed by a fireball.

It’s not the first time the independent Christian radio host has been forced to explain when his prediction didn’t come to pass. He also predicted the Apocalypse would come in 1994, but said it didn’t happen then because of a mathematical error.

If anyone believes him third time around, it should be deemed sufficient grounds for them to go to a psychiatric hospital for compulsory treatment.

Tags:

Headline of the Day

May 23rd, 2011 at 9:03 am by David Farrar

Headline at Stuff:

Apocalypse followers shocked as nothing happens

Says it all really.

Robert Fitzpatrick spent more than $140,000 of his savings on posters and advertisements warning of the May 21 Judgement Day.

As he stood in Times Square in New York, surrounded by onlookers, Fitzpatrick, 60, carried a bible and handed out leaflets as he waited for Judgement Day to begin.

When the hour, 6pm New Zealand time, came and went, he said: “I do not understand why …,” as his speech broke off and he looked at his watch.

I wonder if he is smart enough to even feel stupid?

Camping previously made a failed prediction Jesus Christ would return to Earth in 1994.

So why give him the time of day again?

Tags: