David Thorne strikes again

October 14th, 2012 at 8:50 pm by David Farrar

I bet you many others have wanted to do this. David Thorne in response to HR asking him to complete a self-evaluation form:

Yes, I looked at it. Then I flipped it over and used the blank pages to draw pictures of Simon performing oral sex on a whale. Please find attached.

There seemed little point going through the embarrassing and transparent process of writing down what an exceptional employee I am in the hope of receiving some form of monetary based pat on the head. It might be suggested that someone working in the HR department of an agency with a total of eight other employees would have a vague working knowledge of who those employees are and how exceptional, average or piss-poor they are at their job. Especially if she has sat in on every weekly production meeting for the last year and her only other role is to design forms and make people fill out forms.

 As such, accepting that you already know how dreadful I am to have around, the fact that I haven’t been fired yet must speak volumes for the quality of my work and a big raise is probably in order.

HR insisted he fill it in, and so he did to great comic effect as you’ll see at the link.

More David Thorne

August 19th, 2011 at 9:00 am by David Farrar

David Thorne is the very funny guy who became famous when he tried to pay a bill with a drawing of a spider. The e-mail correspondence showed his wind up style.

You can spend days reading his website, and laughing out loud. One of his more recent ones was this unsolicited e-mail from an American:

I have read your website and it is obviously that your a foggot.

Thorne replies:

Dear George,

Thank you for your email. While I have no idea what a foggot is, I will assume it is a term of endearment and appreciate you taking time out from calculating launch trajectories or removing temporal lobe tumors to contact me with such. I have attached a signed photo as per your request.

Regards, David.

George responds:

I didnt ask for a photo fag. and I meant faggot you homo. im not a fan so you can shove your signed photo up your ass. You would probably enjoy that. LOL!!!! Go suck your boyfriends dick in a gay club.

Such wit. Thorn replies:

While I do not have a boyfriend, I do have a friend who is homosexual and I once asked him “Do you ever think about having sex with me because you are gay?” to which he replied “Do you ever think about having sex with Rosie O’Donnell because you are straight? Same thing.” If I was inclined to have a boyfriend, I would select one my height and weight to save having to readjust the driver’s seat position. I am not interested in doubling my wardrobe as I wear the same outfit everyday to facilitate speedy identification should I ever be in a boating accident.

Anyway several more e-mails go back and forward, such as:

If you livd close by gaycunt I would be over your place with five friends tonight.

And the response:

I knew we would get along well. We have only known each other for one day and already you are organising a party. I am not sure where Gaycunt is but if I did “livd close by” to it, I would definitely be up for that.

Poor George responds:

no fag I live in Charleston west virginia the best country in the world. I wasnt sying it would be a party. we would smash your fucking skull in and if you are calling me a fag you can get fucked becasue I have a girlfriend.

And Thorne does some research:

Is she also your sister? I checked out her photos on your Facebook page and while she is not exactly my type, I accept that other people have different preferences. Even when those preferences include facial tattoos and stretch pants constructed from sufficient material to shelter a small village. And their livestock. Some men enjoy dancing with other men without their tops on while others prefer the company of a woman two KFC family buckets away from upsetting the planet’s rotational axis.

I read somewhere that Eskimos prefer women of girth as it provides warmth at night. I have seen the size of those igloos though and there is no way your girlfriend would make it through the opening. You could probably just construct one around her and despite the hassle of having to trudge out into the snow every day to catch and prepare the eighty seals required to maintain her mass, it would be like a kiln in there.

Guaranteed to get a response, which followed:

She isnt fat you fag. and that she got that tattoo is a teardrop becasue her family is dead.

And the wonderful response (remember George started this abuse):

Did she eat them?

This is the point at which I lost it. You can just imagine the impotent rage coming from Virginia.

But I just love the last three e-mails:

i hope you die of aids fag. Dont bothering emailing me again becasue I wont read it.

And Thorne e-mails back:

Yes you will.

And one can only piss yourself laughing as you read:

No I fucking wont fag

A battle of wits with an unarmed opponent indeed.