This is very funny.
UPDATE: As expected David Cunliffe has been sacked from the shadow cabinet, being removed from the front bench and his portfolios. David Shearer was unanimously backed in caucus and optimistically claims Labour is now totally united behind him. Never mind so many of his colleagues are keeping their position reserved for the real vote in February.
In tribute to the wonderful pre-election Cats that look like David Cunliffe page, here is the updated cat that looks like David Cunliffe following today’s caucus meeting.
We also have these photos taken just before the caucus meeting.
And the final photo was taken during the caucus meeting!
Scott Yorke blogs at Imperator Fish:
A Day In The Life Of Sherwin T. McFadden, Broadcaster And Blogger7:29 amWas that the door? Oh my God, they’re here! I knew that one day the fascists in their jackboots and brown shirts would smash down my door and take me away. Didn’t I warn everyone that this was where it was all going to lead? This is all the mainstream media’s fault. They wouldn’t have dared to come here if only TVNZ had given me my own show.
Why didn’t the fools listen to me? Damn you, mainstream media!
So it turns out that the knock on the door was a courier, here to deliver the John Pilger book I ordered online.
“Can I get your signature?” he asked me as he handed me the parcel.
I don’t often get asked for an autograph, but I’m always happy to make a fan’s day. It’s hard to believe that when I pitched my hard-hitting current affairs show to TV3 they told me I didn’t have enough of a public profile. Ha!
“Do you watch my show, or are you a follower of my blog?” I asked the courier.
“I don’t know who the f**k you are, mister,” he replied. “Just sign for the parcel, so I can get going.”
I could tell he was a Nazi the moment he pulled up in his van.
The ratings are due out today for my hard-hitting current affairs show, Sherwin Says. It’s on every week on Freeview channel 418, and I provide commentary on the issues of the day, asking the questions everyone in the mainstream media is afraid to ask.
Last week I eviscerated John Key’s government, labelling its members “a band of crazies sucking at the neoliberal crack pipe”. I would love to have seen the look on John Key’s face when his advisers ran to his office to report what I’d said.
The TV ratings are rigged! It’s just another scam engineered by a corrupt elite to shut down dissent. As soon as anyone challenges the existing power structures they get squashed.
There’s no way my show had only four viewers last month. They won’t stop my crusade!
I can’t believe Nate Silver is getting all the credit for predicting an Obama victory. In an exclusive piece on my blog way back in October I picked Obama to win, not that most people would know. Of course the elites in power are determined to ignore me, because they know the mayhem I would cause. One day the public will awaken from their slumbers and realise that their country has been taken from them by the rich, the powerful and the greedy. And I shall be there to help them take it back, reporting every moment of the action on my blog for posterity.
Bryce Edwards has again failed to include any of my blogposts in his daily politics round-up.
His decision to ignore my powerful post John Key is evil and kills children was obviously deliberate. He’s part of the problem, not the solution, now that he works for the Herald.
Spent most of the afternoon blocking people on Twitter, defriending people of Facebook, banning people from my blog, and writing a blogpost attacking various other bloggers and commentators on the left. The only thing worse than a right wing stooge is a leftie who has a different shade of opinion to mine.
I once offered to combine blog forces with The Standard, but they turned me down. Well it’s their loss. They’re just a bunch of tired Labour party hacks too scared to speak truth to power. Their politics disgust me, and I suspect them of being class enemies, one and all.
Why won’t they let me do a guest post?
That loathsome Whaleoil needs to be stopped. That obnoxious fascist clown and his National Party shill David Farrar represent everything that’s wrong with the world.
And have you seen their blog traffic? It’s so unfair!
The Manawatu Standard headline:
Shearer worked while claiming sickness benefit
Alas about a shearer, not Shearer
Mountain Scene reports:
Prime Minister uncut in Queenstown
On Kim Dotcom: “That bloke might have Megaupload.com but I’ve got Megaballsup.com. Anyway, it’s great to be here at The Hills. Frankly, after the week I’ve had it’s great to be anywhere other than Wellington.”
Heh. The domain is available for registration.
On the Labour Party: “We’re here to do the opening of the sculpture, The Wolves are Coming. It sounds like the Labour Party.”
On Sir Michael Hill giving him a red ribbon to cut: “I didn’t give [you] a knighthood to be voting Labour, Michael.”
On Deputy Prime Minister Bill English: “He is the shareholding Minister of Air New Zealand which is the airline that failed to get me here.” [Key’s plane was diverted to Dunedin.]
That’s taking ministerial responsibility to a new level!
I bet you many others have wanted to do this. David Thorne in response to HR asking him to complete a self-evaluation form:
Yes, I looked at it. Then I flipped it over and used the blank pages to draw pictures of Simon performing oral sex on a whale. Please find attached.
There seemed little point going through the embarrassing and transparent process of writing down what an exceptional employee I am in the hope of receiving some form of monetary based pat on the head. It might be suggested that someone working in the HR department of an agency with a total of eight other employees would have a vague working knowledge of who those employees are and how exceptional, average or piss-poor they are at their job. Especially if she has sat in on every weekly production meeting for the last year and her only other role is to design forms and make people fill out forms.As such, accepting that you already know how dreadful I am to have around, the fact that I haven’t been fired yet must speak volumes for the quality of my work and a big raise is probably in order.
HR insisted he fill it in, and so he did to great comic effect as you’ll see at the link.
A mysterious low-pitched humming sound has been troubling some Wellington residents for the last few days and it seems no-one has any idea what it might be.
The Wellington City Council has had several calls over the past few days with the most recent being about 5am today.
Spokesman Richard MacLean said the complaints had been coming in from Mt Victoria, Newtown and Mt Cook residents. “We are interested to hear if this starts to become a constant thing. We are keeping our ear to the ground.”
It’s just feedback from the underground surveillance system, as they change frequencies to go digital!
3 January 49 B.C: My latest assignment is proving to be a real delight. Rome’s a fascinating town, and I have been deeply impressed with the way the governing classes in this Roman Republic conduct themselves. The men of the Senate are vexed by Caesar’s demands, but I have assured them they have nothing to worry about. Caesar will not dare cross the Rubicon into Italy, because if he does so he will be at war with the Roman state. His men will desert him, rather than be crushed by Pompey’s armies. Caesar may be a useful general, but he has neither the courage nor the tactical nous of his opponent.
1 January 43 B.C: That Cicero fellow’s a genius. He’s not just a great orator and writer, but a perceptive and clever politician. He’s got that foolish upstart boy Octavian wrapped around his finger, and Mark Antony is running scared. I predict a long and glorious future for the Roman Republic, under the wise stewardship of Marcus Tullius Cicero. …
1 June 1876: Just appointed to the staff of Lieutenant Colonel George Custer. I have already drawn up a battle plan, and I’m confident of a swift victory. …
29 September 1938: I told Neville just to sign the damn piece of paper. Nobody wants to go to war over a small central European country with a name nobody can spell, least of all the Germans. It will keep them quiet, and we can be assured of gloriously ruling the waves for another fifty years. Neville demurs, and worries that the Germans may simply demand more territory; but where would they go? The Polish cavalry will overrun them if they move east, and if they attack France they’ll be broken on the Maginot Line. I had to remind Neville that our staunch allies, the French, have the most powerful army in the world.
12 August 2012: Those were some times, I tell you! Now it’s time to get back to work. I’ve got some great ideas to share with David and the team.
Heh, very good.
Building and Construction Minister Maurice Williamson says having identical homes could bring down the costs of building new houses but he told the social services select committee that New Zealanders might not be ready for such a culture change.
Labour MP Jacinda Ardern said the concept already existed in New Zealand. “It’s called Hamilton.”
Heh. Sort of true.
Meeting a couple of friends at Circa to see the Beat Girls. My mate texted me to see where I was, as I was a bit late. His exact words were “Where are you, cunt?”.
The only problem is he didn’t send it to me but by mistake to his ex-wife!
This is very funny. Hat Tip: Dim Post
A very funny video on what is the ideal class size.
Got e-mailed this, which is sort of funny.
And no I do not condone “theft” when the victim is rich. In fact I have always said that people should pay for copyrighted material when that avenue is open to them.
But there is a useful point that the current business models are very much geared towards the studios, and making their owners rich. It is the studios, rather than the artists, which are resisting moving to business models that are fit for today.
Luckily we are slowly moving towards studios using the Internet as a sales channel, rather than as the enemy.
John Key likes to find different ways to end his post-cabinet press conference so he doesn’t always have to say “that’s it then” and he was inspired recently when the final question was about fracking, the oil exploration technique which upsets the Greens so much. After answering it he collected his papers and departed with the quip “time to frack off, then”
Heh, he must be a closest Battlestar Galactica fan. I actually giggle everytime an MP gets up in the House and talks about fracking.
For those interested, the use of the term “frack” was not unique to the reimagined BSG series, but was used in the original series, as you can see above.
Heh, someone has set up an auction of Trevor Mallard’s credibility. The proceeds will go to Christchurch Earthquake recovery.
The Q+A, as always, is amusing:
Q: Is there any actual evidence you can provide to show that this item has ever existed
Q; Doesn’t Trademe rules state that the item must be in your possession? I don’t think anyone anywhere has Trevor Mallard’s credibility in their possession. In fact, research is ongoing to find proof it ever existed, as far as I am informed.
Q: While at face value this looks like a bargain, do you have any way of verifying that the product actually exists? I am somewhat dubious, as I have not seen any recent evidence of the existence of “Trevor Mallard’s credibility.”
Q: How damaged is this item? Will there be a refund available if it doesn’t pass muster?
Q: Is there a buy now? or will you let the auction take it’s course?
Heh, now that last one is very funny.
Cactus Kate has an exclusive sampling of the hacked e-mails to and from Murray McCully.