Kiwiblog

I love Saturday Night Live. This spoof music video with Justin Timberlake, Andy Samberg and Lady Gaga is great.

This is superb. Not sure who did it, but well done.

Hat Tip: Brian Edwards

This video will send you into fits of laughter or apolexy as the PM stars in a video skit to promote Napier.

The Dom Post reports:

The prime minister laughs, jokes and pokes fun at himself during a session with Australian comedian Peter Flaherty, whose character Shaun Wayne bears a certain resemblance to celebrity cricketer Shane Warne, in a video clip going online today.

The unscripted seven-minute video was shot during Napier’s Art Deco Weekend last month as part of a $100,000 campaign to market the city to tourists from the east coast of Australia.

“I work for the Government,” Mr Key tells “Shaunie”, during their chat in the back of an art deco car. The Australian does not realise he is talking to the country’s leader.

The subject of the Government’s new BMWs crops up. “They’re nice. They’re good value,” Mr Key says. “I heard that nice prime minister talking and he didn’t have a clue what was going on. He bought 34 of them and he didn’t have a clue what was happening.

“Honestly, the things they try and whip through, sometimes it’s beyond me.

“It would probably be better if they were Holdens. I’ve had Holdens all my life. The Calais.”

Napier Mayor Barbara Arnott and her staff were delighted with the video but worried that, after Mr Key saw it, he would not approve its release.

After he gave the go-ahead, Mrs Arnott said: “It was wonderful that the prime minister understood very well what we were trying to do. He entered the spirit of things wholeheartedly.

I loved it. I am sure some sour pusses will say he should not be doing such things, but really it is 10 minutes out of his schedule, and I love having a PM who can take the piss out of himself.

Go visit http://www.showusyourlongdrop.co.nz/ to see the different long drop designs deployed in Christchurch. Great humour.

Sent in by a friend:

A banker, a National MP and beneficiary are having morning tea with a plate of 12 biscuits.  The banker takes 11 then leans over to the National MP and whispers “Watch out for the beneficiary she’s after your biscuit”.

Heh

A very funny auction on Trade Me. The blurb is:

For sale 1 owner 25 – 30 tonne landscape feature (answers to the name Rocky) …

He is in pristine condition (just a little bit of concrete dust). Suitable for garden feature, or as in our case a magnificent addition to your living area.

Rocky will enhance your “indoor outdoor” flow considerably, especially if you load him in through the garage roof like we did.

Sorry, but we are unable to deliver Rocky but would be happy for you to pick him up and roll him away (please mind our neighbours when you do)

The Q+A is of course great:

Hi Phil, the rock looks awfully shiny are you sure it has not been pre-owned? kincare (64 ) 3:23 pm, Mon 28 Feb

Answer: Nope – just the one owner for the last 65 million(ish) years. 3:56 pm, Mon 28 Feb

What sort of council permits do you need to have?? I’m sure there must be some milo134 (25 ) 4:20 pm, Mon 28 Feb

Answer: Yep – you need a 4017 form filled out in triplicate. This is called an “Application for homing a large rock”. This form must then be taken to at least 6 council offices to be approved by 6 different departments and then into ECAN for environmental approval. Once complete you must apply to the SPCR (society for protection of rocks) for a housing permit. For a small fee I can help you with this :0

All proceeds from the earthquake will go to the earthquake relief fund.

My former flatmate wrote this year in review, which is some nice light relief in these times so I figured it was worth sharing.

2010 HINDSIGHT: ONE-EYED REVIEW OF WEIRD AND WACKY LEGAL AND ILLEGAL EVENTS OF THE YEAR, BASED LOOSELY ON TRUE STORIES, TWITTER AND THE AUTHOR’S IMAGINATION.

By David Thompson

JANUARY

In summer silly-season news, German tourist Hans Kubus is sentenced for attempting to smuggle out 44 geckos and skinks in his underwear. Court rejects Kubus’s defence that he had spent too long around ill-dressed male bathers and had simply mistranslated the term “budgie-smuggler”.

Meanwhile, in what will later be seen as a pre-emptive strike against WikiLeaks, the US Defense Department reveals the whereabouts in Afghanistan of our SAS, including media-shy hero, Colonel Willie Apiata, VC.

FEBRUARY

Telecom XT network crashes yet again in the South Island and lower half of the North Island. CEO Paul Reynolds fronts apology showing why an honest-sounding Scottish accent and silver hair are worth 5 million a year. Questioned about rumours that special forces have been called in, the SAS will confirm only that Willie Apiata is deployed “somewhere south of Taupo”.

In overseas news, the America’s Cup is finally decided by two actual boats sailing a race. Race is criticised as a stunt and a sideshow detracting from the noble sport of litigation.

MARCH

Government replaces elected council Environment Canterbury (ECan) with Dame Margaret Bazley to remove vexatious obstacles to overturning water conservation orders, such as due process and the judiciary. Legal commentators break into cold sweat.

At Academy Awards, Matt Damon misses out for 1995 Rugby World Cup movie Invictus, but Sandra Bullock wins Best Actress for The Blind Side, while Best Picture goes to The Hurt Locker. Martin Snedden and 2011 Rugby World Cup officials read latter title as reference to Ali Williams’ injury woes and praise overdue interest in the centrality of rugby to world cinema, just 18 months before most important sporting tournament of all time. An angry Snedden denies the nation is obsessed with the Cup.

APRIL

Pita Sharples pops up in UN Assembly in a Māori Television exclusive to pledge New Zealand commitment to the Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous People. Clearly singing from

the same hymn book, the Maori Party extols the DRIP to its supporters as the highest form of politics: “pure aspiration”; while the National Party reassures its supporters that the DRIP is toothless and non-binding: “pure aspiration”.

In international news, BP oil well explodes, spewing crude into Gulf of Mexico. Company insists “It’s a small spill on a big table” and activates emergency procedure to plug well with shredded remains of suppressed internal safety warnings.

MAY

Controversial Three Strikes Bill passes into law, to applause of ACT Law and Order spokesman David Garrett and fans of baseball everywhere.

Public march against opening Conservation Estate Schedule IV land to mining. Gerry Brownlee exhorts nation to dig for victory. Nation wins.

JUNE

MPs’ credit card and travel spending announced to taxpayer outrage. Big spender Chris Carter wins some sympathy for showing that at least $74.99 went on sending flowers to his bereaved partner.

At Football World Cup, lowly All Whites hold “Slamdunk” Slovakia, “Paramount” Paraguay, and “Invincible” Italy to draws, earning them the fearsome moniker “Giant-Non-Losers”. Only other undefeated participant is Paul the Oracle Octopus, who correctly predicts results.

In Trans-Tasman news, Kevin Rudd disappears from office overnight. Rudd is last heard asking “What’s that steel thing in my back and where the bloody hell’s Ju—?”

In wider international developments, John Key is revealed to be in secret talks with China to swap kiwis for pandas. Green co-leader Russell Norman, fresh from scuffle with Chinese security guards at Beehive, accuses Key of pandaring to human rights violators.

JULY

Chris Carter sends apparently suicidal tip-off letter warning of Labour leadership coup. Letter is in Carter’s characteristic handwriting and personally delivered to the Beehive messengers’ room across 200 metres of the most video-surveyed floor space in the country. Carter claims he would have said it with flowers but InterFlora had revoked his credit card.

In international news, Kevin Rudd recovers in hospital after surgical removal of the Julia Gillard. Fiji Law Society warns that “interim” regime’s dismissal of magistrates for rejecting regime’s corruption allegations constitutes interference with judiciary. Commodore Frank Bainimarama responds that the only interference is that by neocolonial bullies New Zealand and Australia, and threatens to extend the hectic schedule leading to elections in 2014 because of judiciary’s and public’s unacceptable expressions of opinions other than his own.

BP oil well continues to spew. In PR disaster, BP’s CEO testifies that he deserves his life back. BP’s board draws up dismissal papers and head-hunts Paul Reynolds for future apologies.

AUGUST

Heather Roy, ACT deputy and ex-Territorial, seems to sabotage her leader publicly and then complains of being bullied by him. In tense television appearance Hide and Roy make up but are swift to deny relationship is rosy, apparently fearing rumours of romance. Hide later privately remarks he hasn’t felt this uncomfortable with a woman since Dancing with the Stars.

In sports news, All Blacks sweep Tri Nations. Grim-faced rugby officials fear the team has peaked early just 13 months before the only tournament that matters.

In Chile, 33 trapped miners are contacted through tiny shaft left intact. Necessaries of life lowered to them include 33 mini-bibles, Prozac, and contracts for the film rights. Miners swear solemn oath of brotherhood pledging that if they survive they will share any film proceeds.

SEPTEMBER

In a busy news month, financial collapse of South Canterbury is followed by seismic collapse of whole province. Parliament unanimously rushes into law the Canterbury Earthquake Response and Recovery Bill, making Gerry Brownlee de facto emperor. Agitated legal commentators become delirious and are rushed to hospital.

David Garrett admits stealing the identity of a dead baby but claims it is the kind of youthful indiscretion that all 26-year-old lawyers are prone to. Garrett strikes out.

Overseas, the Commonwealth Games are under threat. India deploys three zillion soldiers to save Games from Pakistani insurgents, many apparently disguised as corrupt tradespeople, King Cobras or food-borne diseases. NZ offers to send three Hercules, Dame Margaret Bazley and Willie Apiata if we can find him. Indians reply that they would be happy with Paul Henry’s head on a plate after perceived anti-Indian comments. Games go ahead but NZ flag-bearer Irene van Dyk leads team right out of stadium at opening ceremony.

Paralysed by indecisiveness, Australia cannot correctly name the winner of either Australia’s Next Top Model or the general election, nor break a tie in the Aussie League finals. Commodore Bainimarama explains this is precisely the trouble with giving the people or independent judges choices, and offers to invade to restore order.

Among loved ones standing vigil at the Chilean mine, the sobbing wife and mistress of miner Yonni Barios discover each other’s existence and find they, too, have been shafted. Tears turn to rage.

OCTOBER

As income tax cuts and GST rise kick in, Labour boldly pledges to remove GST on fruit and vegetables. Although Phil Goff denies that drawing the line would be unworkably complex, he cannot answer whether tomatoes, being arguably both fruit and vegetable, will have the tax removed twice.

Paul the Oracle Octopus dies; world mourns. Paul Henry resigns; nation yawns.

At local body elections, voters lack patience to read to end of long alphabetical lists of names they have never heard of. Landslide victory follows for The Party of Candidates Whose Surnames Begin with A, B or C. In Auckland, Brown funkily raps Banks into defeat, while anti-anti-smacking campaigner Craig marches into a confused third.

Phil Goff opposes selling foreigners our farmland, since if we can no longer afford it they shouldn’t be able to either. Meanwhile, John “The Dealmaker” Key opens new market selling our legislative sovereignty. Warner Bros steal deal on legislation ousting courts from deeming Hobbit contractors to be employees. (Questions will later surface over status of the elf-employed.) Delirious legal commentators deteriorate further. Hospital press release saying they are in a “stable and satisfactory condition” terrifies everyone who understands medical euphemisms, since this clearly means that they are comatose but just not complaining about the food.

At the Commonwealth Games Australia “medals” 177 times but New Zealand medals only 36 times, proving that (a) Australia is bigger than us and (b) in English any noun can be verbed. Silver Ferns medal gold after van Dyk locates stadium.

Media frenzy as all Chilean miners freed, although the disgraced Yonni Barios first insists on a non-molestation order. Miners immediately defect from pact to split film rights, blaming intolerable pressure from human nature and fulfilling iPredict consensus that pact was always a goneburger.

NOVEMBER

Foreshore and Seabed Act returns cunningly disguised as Marine and Coastal Areas Bill. Sacred right of access to the courts is restored, provided iwi can perform poi dance on the head of a pin. Now, instead of everyone owning the foreshore, no-one does. Legal commentators, the only people who could have explained the difference, remain too sick to elucidate. All sides claim victory.

In US mid-terms, the Tea Party – the party that is not a party, based on economics that is not economics – successfully pledges to crowd hundreds of its candidates into government in order to reduce the size of government. However, fruits of victory turn to tea leaves in their mouths as they realise that a nuclear arsenal sufficient to bomb Iran back to the Stone Age cannot be financed by grassroots charitable donations, and may instead require actual taxation. Sarah Palin refudiates this.

Non-rugby obsessed Parliament passes World Cup Empowering Act letting Murray McCully non-judicially review his own Rugby World Cup Authority’s decisions, to applause of Liquor Licensing Trusts everywhere. Meanwhile Simon “People” Power announces streamlining of criminal justice system, to applause of Sensible Sentencing Trusts everywhere. Critics of Power’s speed and perceived populism feel provoked to query just how sacred the right of meaningful access to the courts is. Power responds that provocation is no longer a defence, urging critics to exercise right to silence while they still have it. Government claims ECan sacking and Hobbit and earthquake-recovery laws are mere exceptions from which no trend should be inferred.

Perspective is tragically restored by another disaster in the South Island, as the nation grieves for 29 men killed at Pike River mine.

DECEMBER

At Cancun Climate Summit, negotiators begin to sense political downside of oceans boiling, continents drowning and extreme weather mayhem. Surprise guest Gaia provides real-life PowerPoint of instructively horrific 2010/2011 examples: freezing of Europe, submerging of Pakistan and scorching of Russia, and inundation of Queensland, Sri Lanka and Brazil. Sceptics caution that these events, and the relentlessly upward-pointing graph of global mean temperatures, are mere exceptions from which no trend should be inferred.

Whistleblower website WikiLeaks releases more diplomatic cables. Revelations range from the predictable casual shooting of civilians to the outrageous suggestion that NZ Governments may have said one thing to China and another to His Highness the Dalai Lama.

In bizarre burst-condom incident, WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange faces extradition from UK to Sweden over allegations of sex crimes, though Assange terms them “unprotected disclosures”.

 

JANUARY 2011

In the annual season for predictions, Wikipedia turns 10. Typically editorially unbiased and fact-checked entry appears declaring that if Asange [sic] is rendered to US to face death penalty then, as well as exemplifying “shooting the messenger” [q.v.], this will officially leave Jimmy Wales King of the World. Jealous FaceBook founder Mark Zuckerberg takes time off from latest lawsuit to unfriend Wikipedia on his own site, but FaceBook’s target, the market leader Google, responds by “Liking” this prediction.

In NZ, Rugby World Cup pundits mindful of fate of Paul the Oracle Octopus predict only that every side will claim underdog status – despite arguably superior track record of overdog. Revived legal commentators forecast that referendum on MMP will be won by Winston Peters, and that a general election will be held by December, after which Sir Peter Leitch will ask Willie Apiata to form a government. Dame Alison Holst will have to be content to win second MasterChef NZ.

Sent in by a reader.

A classic skit with Ronnie Corbett.

2010onsc65681

I’ve just spent an hour reading this 45 page judgement, and it is hilarious. It comes from Justice Quinn in the Ontario Family Court, in the case of Bruni v Bruni.

The Familylib law blog lists their 15 top quotes:

1. Justice Quinn commences his Reasons for Judgment with the first paragraph simply stating: “Paging Dr. Freud. Paging Dr. Freud.”
2. “Here, a husband and wife have been marinating in a mutual hatred so intense as to surely amount to a personality disorder requiring treatment.”
3. “The source of the difficulties is hatred: a hardened, harmful, high-octane hatred. Larry and Catherine hate each other, as do Larry and Sam. This hatred has raged unabated since the date of separation. Consequently, the likelihood of an amicable resolution is laughable (hatred devours reason); and, a satisfactory legal solution is impossible (hatred has no legal remedy).”
4. “Catherine and Larry were married on October 7, 1995. If only the wedding guests, who tinkled their wine glasses as encouragement for the traditional bussing of the bride and groom, could see the couple now.” And then later in an endnote “I am prepared to certify a class action for the return of all wedding gifts.”
5. “Some family trees have more barren branches than others.”
6. “As can be seen, Catherine and her relatives are one-dimensional problem solvers.”
7. “I find that Sandra does not exert a positive gravitational pull in this dysfunctional family constellation.”
8. “The legal system does not have the resources to monitor a schedule of counselling (nor should it do so). The function of Family Court is not to change people, but to dispose of their disputes at a given point in time. I preside over a court, not a church.”
9. “I come now to the issue of spousal support, historically the roulette of family law (blindfolds, darts and Ouija boards being optional).”
10. “While Larry’s access-conduct has largely reflected nothing more than inept parenting, Catherine’s parental-alienation behaviour has been evil. Is there a remedy? Dollars cannot replace the father-daughter relationship that Catherine has destroyed. However, in the circumstances of this case, justice has only a Hobson’s choice. Catherine’s alienation of Taylor and Larry must be condemned and, an effective method of expressing that condemnation, is by way of a reduction in spousal support.”
11. “It is likely that, in the period 2004-2006, Larry was having one or more extramarital affairs. Interestingly, Larry’s father was married five times, in addition to going through several relationships. Perhaps there is an infidelity gene. “
12. “When the operator of a motor vehicle yells “jackass” at a pedestrian, the jackassedness of the former has been proved, but, at that point, it is only an allegation as against the latter.”
13. “The New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary defines “dickhead” as “a stupid person.” That would not have been my first guess.”
14. “I do not know why courts find it necessary to alter the meaning of words. One would think that if the legislators had intended “shocking” they would have used “shocking.”
15. “On another occasion in July of 2009, Larry said to Taylor: “You put shit in this hand and shit in this hand, smack it together, what do you get? Taylor.” And the endnote “I gather that this is Larry’s version of the Big Bang Theory.”

The footnotes are the best part. Read them all. We needed a judgement like this in that local case of the evil woman who stole her son (Jayden I think) and tried to brainwash him against his father.

Some other great quotes:

At one point in the trial, I asked Catherine: “If you could push a button and make Larry disappear from the face of the earth, would you push it?” Her I-just-won-a-lottery smile implied the answer that I expected.

And:

“Larry gave evidence that, less than one month later, Catherine, tried to run me over with her van.”, with a footnote that “This is always a telltale sign that a husband and wife are drifting apart.”

Heh. Catherine threatened Larry with the Hells Angels, and the Judge noted:

The courtroom energy level in a custody/access dispute spikes quickly when there is evidence that one of the parents has a Hells Angels branch in her family tree. Certainly, my posture improved. Catherine’s niece is engaged to a member of the Hells Angels. I take judicial notice of the fact that the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club is a criminal organization (and of the fact that the niece has made a poor choice).

But later he notes a niece Donna who three times threatens Larry with a bullet in the head if he doesn’t sign some papers, so the Judge footnotes:

Donna is a devotee of the literary device known as, repetition for emphasis.” I do not know whether Donna is the niece who is engaged to the Hells Angels member. If she is, they may be more compatible than I initially surmised.

Wonderful. The Judge also directs his sarcasm towards himself:

I confess that I sometimes permit a lengthier hiatus than the schedule of the court might otherwise dictate, in order to afford the parties an opportunity to reflect on the trial experience, come to their senses and resolve their difficulties like mature adults. It is touching how a trial judge can retain his naivety even after 15 years on the bench.

Oh how he must have enjoyed writing that. Certainly many thousands have enjoyed reading it.

Matt Richens in The Press reports:

Tess O’Rourke was not a cricket fan before Sunday – and she certainly isn’t now.

But the 18-year-old still has her sense of humour despite being taken to hospital just minutes after arriving at the Canterbury Wizards’ Twenty20 game against the Auckland Aces on Sunday at QEII Park, where she was hit in the face by a Colin de Grandhomme six.

“I wasn’t watching. I had my face turned to the side, then bang.”

Her nose was broken in at least two places and she spent seven hours at Christchurch Hospital. She needed 12 stitches.

Ouch, ouch, ouch. A cricket ball to the face is just simply nasty.

She would go back to another cricket game only if she was in a corporate box. The Press contacted the Canterbury Cricket Association, which will invite O’Rourke to this Sunday’s game as its guest – in a corporate box.

They should give her a reasons pass for the box!

Asked if she had a message for de Grandhomme, O’Rourke cheekily said her younger brother Matt was keen on a cricket helmet for Christmas if he had a spare.

“I can only laugh now, but it hurt like a bitch at the time,” she said.

“My friends said if it was to happen to anyone, it would happen to me. I think it’s because I’m small and ginger.”

Now that’s a great sense of humour uder fire.

The Pigeon blogs:

John Key returned to New Zealand from a diplomatic conference last night, to find the country was a complete shambles. Sources claim the Prime Minister was extremely disappointed and very angry at the nation for not cleaning up the mess we made while he was away, because even though we don’t mind living in a pigsty, he doesn’t expect to come home from a hard day at work to find the country in utter chaos.

“I work and I work and I work so that we can live in a nice country and have good food everyday and when I come home, I just want to put my feet up and watch my programme for once,” Key said, clearly frustrated, “but I guess that’s just too much to fucking ask.” …

The Prime Minister’s emotions reached boiling point however, after spotting Hamilton out of the corner of his eye.

“OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!” he bellowed suddenly, adding “Who did this?” while pointing at the city. “I want to know NOW, who did this?”

“I’m not kidding around here, who is responsible for this atrocious pile of crap?” the Prime Minister raged on as he grabbed the nearest Air New Zealand shares and dashed them to pieces on the floor.

“Now look what you made me do. Are you happy now?”

At press time John Key had reportedly locked himself in his room, leaving the clearly shaken remainder of the country to sombrely reflect what a disappointment we all were to him.

Not bad.

A new satirical website, The Pigeon.

An example from a week or so ago:

At its recent party conference, the Labour party promised “bold, new” policies before the next election. “Our old policies were printed in rather bland fonts” said Phil Goff, “the citizens of New Zealand deserve better”.

Mr Goff went on to outline a plan to break away from the “Times” font that has characterised Labour policy documents since the 1980s reforms under Lange, to replace it with bold, Times New Roman in all Labour party policy documentation. “We are always looking for new ways to promote diversity, so we might even add in some Courier New, or Comic Sans, just to mix things up a bit,” continued Goff.

Critics of the new font argue that the move is not enough to differentiate Labour and position it as the party of the future. “If you look at Len Brown’s recent campaign, one of the things that set him apart from Banks was his willingness to push the envelope into sans serif fonts, and edgier colour schemes,” said one of the party faithful who asked to remain anonymous. Although others outside the conference building were more optimistic, pointing out that Times New Romans was websafe, bold made its policies look more confident, and that in addition to the font change, Phil Goff had hinted that he might be looking to further update the party’s image among voters by getting a makeover and updating his tie collection.

I’ve added them to my blogroll.

If you want some laughs go to TV3 and watch Tim Shadbolt on 7 Days. He comes on at 9:30 (you can move the indicator to it). Shadbolt’s replies are so funny he has the comedians in stitches.

Hat Tip: Lindsay Mitchell

I enjoy all the US comedy shows, but I do wish they were so not predictable with the targets of their jokes.

Two years after he has left office, and I’d say David Letterman is doing 20 times as many references to George W Bush as to Obama.

And Sarah Palin gets targeted more than I’d say anyone else.

Now don’t get me wrong – I enjoy the jokes at their expense. Humour is humour.

But where are the Obama and Biden jokes?It’s not like there is a shortage of material – esp with Biden.

This is very enjoyable. It’s pro-Obama, but done in the style of Gilbert and Sullivan.

Two Jews are walking down the road when a stunningly attractive woman walks past them. They both turn their heads to look at her walking away from then and the first Jew says to the other Jew “Man, I’d love to lend her one”

Fleggaard is a retailer in Germany that sells cheap stuff to Danes. Their commercials have become legendary amongst Danes and the one above has been subbed by some the best commercial ever made!

NSFW but very amusing.

And just to be even handed, this one may appeal more to female readers.

A young guy manages to hack the teleprompter of a TV station, editing what they are saying live on air to around one million viewers. He speed the speed up at one stage and then had them announce he had won a nobel prize for engineering but was unable to pick it up as he had a date with the female presenter!

What a great prank. Someone should hire him!

UPDATE: Damn – it is fake – see comments. What a pity.

Both the Daily Show and the Colbert Report are no longer available on Sky, on the NZ Comedy Central channel.

Aaaaarrrrgh.

I don’t know who made the decision, but I’d like to shoot them. Both those shows were on my daily record series.

If you want to help push for their return, you can join the Facebook Group asking for that.

And people wonder why people use bit torrent? I pay almost $100/month to Sky so I can legally view overseas content such as the Daily Show. Take away my only legal way of viewing it, and well what a great incentive you give me.

The HoS headlne:

Paul Henry talks his way into trouble

The issue is:

TVNZ is investigating four complaints after its controversial Breakfast frontman repeatedly mispronounced the name of Delhi’s Chief Minister, Sheila Dikshit. Newsreader Peter Williams interjected, saying her name was pronounced “Dixit”. But Henry was undeterred and continued, with rollicking laughter.

Paul Henry is being unfairly picked on here. I’d say every radio channel in New Zealand has also done the same thing – with said laughter also.

New Zealand Indian Central Association president Paul Singh Bains said it was a cheap shot. “It wasn’t in good taste, making that kind of comment,” he said. “Sometimes he makes lighthearted comments but when you do it at the expense of other nations it’s not so respectful. The media should be cautious when making cheap shots.”

Oh don’t be so precious. It certainly is a cheap shot, but not at the expense of a nation.

If a New Zealand Minister had a surname, which had s spelling that resembled a rude word in another language, we would not feel insulted as a nation. We’d probably find it hilarious also.

The Daily Telegraph reports that a London borough is warning against mother-in-law jokes as they are “offensively sexist” and ageist.

Sigh. They should watch Southpark, if they really want to see offensive humour.

and back home, the Dom Post reports:

Islamic community leaders have written to Prime Minister John Key demanding Building Minister Maurice Williamson apologise for jokes he made about Muslims.

The Federation of Islamic Associations New Zealand sent the letter more than a week ago but has yet to receive a response. At the time Mr Key played down the jokes, saying Mr Williamson was known for his humour.

President Anwar Ghani said New Zealand Muslims were “very upset” about the intolerant remarks and were happy the federation was raising it officially.

I’ve often praised the Federation, for their moderate leadership. I think they play a constructive role in NZ society.

But on this issue, I think they are being rather too precious. Let us look at the two jokes Maurice told.

The first was a weather joke about how it was sunni in the morning, and shiite in the afternoon.  Now the joke is very lame, but it certainly can’t be offensive. It is merely a play on how two well known sub-sets of Islam sound.

The second was a joke aimed at both Kiwis and Muslims, saying Kiwis get stoned and committ adultery and Muslims commit adultery and then get stoned.

Now I well accept that many Muslims may have found that joke distasteful. But why? Because, there is a degree of truth to it. In Iran, a woman is facing death by stoning for adultery – underIslamic sharia law.

What is truly offensive is that Iran is planning to do this. Not that on the other side of the world, a joke was made about it.  Should not the anger be directed at Iran for bring Islam into disrespute by such barbaric practices?

Has the NZ Federation of Islamic Associations written to the Iranian Government urging them not to stone the woman to death? Wouldn’t that be far more productive than shooting the messenger?

There is one mildly unfortunate part of the joke – it suggests Kiwis and Muslims are two seperate groups, and of course they are not. There are many proud Kiwi Muslims. But it was a joke, not a speech. Like billboards, you can’t always be precise in a limited space, and the wording is sort of necessary for the joke.Maybe it would have been better as a joke about Australians and Iranians?

But please let us not turn our MPs into drones who are too scared to have a sense of humour.

It is good to be able to laugh at yourself. Compare these two responses to cartoons.

The response to the Danish cartoons featuring Mohammod, was death threats, violent protests, burnings etc.

Th Iranian President then decided to launch a cartoon competition about the Holocaust. He hoped it would show the West is hypocritical. But he was disappointed. Rather than try to stop his cartoon competition, scores and scores of Israeli and Jewish cartoonists entered it. A brilliant response, which totally undermined what the Iranian President tried to do.

Started by the fake Paul Holmes twitter account, no less.

http://twitter.com/#search?q=%23surnamegenitalia

• Frodo’s Baggins
• Alan’s bollard.
• John’s Key
• Elizabeth’s Windsor
• Phil’s goff
• Mel’s gibson
• Charlotte’s dawson
• Ann’s coulter
• Cameron’s slater
• Russell’s brand
• Vladimir’s Putin
• Simon’s power
• Halle’s berry
• Nelly’s furtado
• Farrah’s fawcett
• Nicole’s whippy
• Paul’s henry
• Pippa’s wetzell

More are coming at at the rate of several a minute. Oh I do love Twitter.

Stuff reports:

Building Minister Maurice Williamson cracked jokes about Muslims at an awards ceremony – just days before he accused Kiwis of racism over foreign ownership.

So what. First of all learn the difference between a religion and a race. Secondly cracking a joke about a race does not mean you are a racist.

I hate this desire some people seem to have, to turn MPs into bland robots that never show any personality or sense of humour.

Mr Williamson climbed on stage to present two awards and asked MC Oscar Kightley, the Samoan star of Sione’s Wedding, if his “papers were in order”.

Heh.

He went on to tell jokes making fun of Islam. One asked: “What is the difference between Muslims and Kiwis? Muslims get to commit adultery and get stoned, Kiwis get stoned and commit adultery.”

Some jokes can be hateful, or nasty. This was not one of them.

Mr Williamson also quipped about the weather being “Shi’ite in the morning and Sunni in the afternoon,” a reference to the two main denominations of the religion.

Heh. Personally I regard it as a good thing when one can tell jokes about a religion.

I once told a joke about how in heaven you get a better car, if you have never committed adultery, and the punchline was about Father McDonald rolling along on a skateboard. Does that denigate Catholics – of course not.

Kightley, a member of the comedy group Naked Samoans who write the animated series bro’Town, said he thought the remark directed at him was “a bit fresh”.

“I guess me, as an MC, was a natural target. He said it on stage. It didn’t really offend me. The last person you’d expect it from is the minister.”

Kightley said Mr Williamson’s performance seemed to go down well with the crowd. “As I recall he was very funny and the crowd liked it. I doubt he would have made those jokes in another setting.”

Of course, you choose your setting. In celebrity debates, almost anything goes. If you are an MC at function, you get to push the limit a bit. If you are the graduation speaker at a capping ceremony, then lave most of your jokes at home.

At the time, he didn’t think Mr Williamson had been drinking. “Someone told me later he’d had a few, but I didn’t think he was stumbling or slurring or anything. He was in fine fettle. But he was definitely in a nice and relaxed and jovial mood.”

I wasn’t at that event, but have been at many debates and the like with Maurice, and I can testify he does not need a drop of alcohol to let loose with a barrage of jokes.

Mr Williamson refused to comment last night. “I’m in a meeting about the Christchurch earthquake with a whole lot of people and can’t actually talk to you,” he said.

When approached later by a reporter and asked repeatedly about the remarks he walked away.

As he should. MPs should front up and answer questions on policy, on issues of substance. But why give any credibility to such a nonsense story.

Other guests said they believed Mr Williamson was drinking at the ceremony.

One said he thought the remarks were “not appropriate”.

“To be honest he was trying to be a bit of a lad.

“I couldn’t tell you he offended anyone. It was a load of builders. It was right at the end of the night and there was quite a lot of alcohol.”

So, no one actually claims they were offended. The worst quote they can find from someone is Maurice was a bit of a lad, at a conference of builders.

The problem with stories like this, is they turn MPs into dull automatons, who never say or do anything.