Imperator Fish on Labour

May 16th, 2016 at 10:00 am by David Farrar

Imperator Fish blogs:

October 2008

When the voters learn what we know about John Key – or what we will soon know once Mike Williams returns from Melbourne – they will be appalled. We now know what the H in H-Fee stands for. It’s “Hasta la vista, baby!”

July 2009

The honeymoon is finally over. John Key is an empty vessel, a man without any convictions, a rich prick who will say anything to be elected. We are in the midst of a global financial crisis, but let’s focus on issues of character and integrity, and not allow ourselves to be distracted by all that other stuff.

August 2011

The honeymoon is finally over. There is a mood of change in the air. The public are falling out of love with John Key. Everywhere I go people tell me they think John Key is an untrustworthy unprincipled swine. His lies are finally coming back to haunt him. This could be the turning point!

January 2013

The honeymoon is finally, finally over. People are finally seeing John Key for what he is – an entitled member of the 1%. We need to double down on our strategy of relentlessly attacking the Prime Minister at every opportunity. If we absolutely must mention jobs, the economy or housing, let’s do so in a way that frames John Key as being uncaring and in the pay of big business. We can’t afford for our ideas to stand on their own merits.

A pretty good summary of Labour for the first few years.

May 2016

This Panama Papers business is alarming, but it’s also the opportunity we’ve all been waiting for. John Key is super wealthy, and we don’t like him, so it stands to reason that he must be up to his neck in all of this. Quick, type his name into the database! Nothing? No, there must be some mistake. Try again. Again, damn you! Well, not to worry. He must use a different Panamanian law firm. He’s still a smug rich prick, and that’s what counts. That’s the message we need to ensure the voters take out of this.

And a summary of their current strategy.

Imperator Fish looks forward:

September 2021

The economy is in a downwards spiral, the world dairy market has collapsed, and global warming and a series of natural disasters have devastated the country. But politically I feel as if we have turned a corner. People are finally focusing on how out of touch John Key is. We just need to drive the message home. Dig up everything you can on the guy. Do we know anyone who knew him at school? Did he steal anyone’s lunch money? Did he ever get a detention? Could there be some connection between John Key and Bernie Madoff that we haven’t yet uncovered? Let’s leave no stone unturned this time, guys. Let’s give our leader some powerful ammunition. She needs something to throw at Key during Question Time today.

April 2027

Our new leader really got some blows in during Question Time today. I’ve not seen any of our 23 leaders since Helen Clark land so many punches. He had Key floundering when he asked about Key’s association with the guy who knew a guy who knew a guy who got done for tax evasion back in the 1980s. I reckon we might just have picked up a few votes today from all the people who follow Parliamentary proceedings, or at least the three of them who aren’t fiercely partisan in their party loyalties.

Heh. May this prediction come true.

February 2044

If Prime Minister Key has a weak spot, it’s his lack of integrity and his fundamental dishonesty. That’s where we need to focus our attentions.

His father John was just the same.

Double heh.

Imperator Fish on Labour and TPP

October 17th, 2015 at 2:00 pm by David Farrar

Imperator Fish blogs:

People have been telling me that they don’t really understand Labour’s position on the Trans Pacific Partnership. …

Our opposition to the TPP is principled and based on what we think is best for New Zealand. We don’t want New Zealand to sign up to the TPP, but nor would we pull New Zealand out of the deal.

While this is satire, it appears to also be Labour’s actual position,

Labour is not opposed to free trade. We recognise that as an exporting nation we need to honour our international commitments. What kind of example would we be setting as a developed nation if we looked to back out of our international obligations? That’s why a Labour government won’t pull New Zealand out of the TPP. We’ll instead just ignore the bits we don’t like.

Again this appears to be Labour’s actual position.

New Zealand is not a banana republic, and we can’t just tear up the treaties we sign with other countries. That’s why a Labour government will honour all of the international commitments entered into by this government on behalf of New Zealand, even if we don’t like them, unless we change our minds and decide we won’t honour those commitment because we don’t like them.

See, that wasn’t difficult to grasp, was it?

Not at all.

Imperator Fish on Shane Jones

March 14th, 2014 at 1:00 pm by David Farrar

Some very biting satire from Imperator Fish:

I’ve been drawing a bit of flak for my criticism in recent days of the Green Party. I’ve now had time to reflect on my comments, and I’ve also spoken to my leader. David has reminded me that we can’t afford to take our eyes off the prize. When we fight with our political allies the only winners are National. …

I was probably out of line when I called Green Party MP Gareth Hughes a “mollyhawk”. And not just because the correct name for the bird is “mollymawk”.  I don’t have time to concern myself with matters of avian etymology, because, unlike some political parties I could name, I’m more interested in jobs and growth than in saving some stupid bird. But I accept that the analogy was an inaccurate one. The Greens have always struck me more as ostriches with their heads in the sand.

Still, I was wrong to attack a Green MP so publicly, because we all want the same thing: to get rid of John Key. That’s why I have promised David Cunliffe that there will be no more attacks on the Greens. I won’t have a bad word said about that unwashed anti-growth lentil-eating pack of luddites.

It’s too soon to tell whether a Labour-led government would include the Greens, though that’s certainly a possibility. We will have to wait and see until after the election. We may have options of forming a government with my good friend Winston, or we may decide to opt to go with a dangerous and radical party full of ideologues with lunatic ideas.  I personally don’t have a preference.


I have nothing against either of the Green Party co-leaders, and I have worked with them in the past without difficulty. Russel Norman is almost tolerable for an Australian, and I am starting to warm to his annoying and irritating accent. Metiria seems pleasant enough as a person, even if the way she goes on about the environment fills me with rage. I would have no problem being in Cabinet with either of those idiots.

So let’s put to rest any suggestion that I have an axe to grind against the Green Party. I will work with anyone who shares my goal of kicking John Key’s government out, even if those people turn out to be economic vandals intent on destroying jobs and growth for the sake of a few dolphins. That’s why I want to assure the Green Party leadership that I’m committed to making our relationship work.

There’s part of me that almost wishes for a Labour/Greens/Winston/Hone Government, just for the sheer pleasure of seeing the fighting!

Imperator Fish on media bias

March 8th, 2014 at 12:03 pm by David Farrar

Imperator Fish blogs:

Dear 3 News,

I wish to express my dismay and disgust at the tone of your political coverage.

I find it astounding that your political reporters continue to find fault with Labour Party politicians, while almost completely ignoring all of the terrible things being done by National. What exactly has Labour done wrong to justify this negative coverage, apart from make a number of terrible blunders? …

How dare Patrick Gower raise questions about the Labour Party! Who does he think he is? Some sort of investigative journalist or something? This has to stop! If 3 News wishes to avoid allegations of bias, then it needs to stop running anti-Labour stories. Please just focus on the facts, which will be the ones we send to you. On that subject, I am sending to you by post a package containing a number of recent Labour Party press releases. Please republish these word for word. Actually, just hold fire on that request. I seem to have mistakenly sent the package to a National Party cabinet minister.


I’ve decided to never piss off an intellectual property lawyer!

November 17th, 2012 at 4:00 pm by David Farrar

Scott Yorke blogs at Imperator Fish:

A Day In The Life Of Sherwin T. McFadden, Broadcaster And Blogger

7:29 am
Was that the door? Oh my God, they’re here! I knew that one day the fascists in their jackboots and brown shirts would smash down my door and take me away. Didn’t I warn everyone that this was where it was all going to lead? This is all the mainstream media’s fault. They wouldn’t have dared to come here if only TVNZ had given me my own show.

Why didn’t the fools listen to me? Damn you, mainstream media!

7:35 am

So it turns out that the knock on the door was a courier, here to deliver the John Pilger book I ordered online.

“Can I get your signature?” he asked me as he handed me the parcel.

I don’t often get asked for an autograph, but I’m always happy to make a fan’s day. It’s hard to believe that when I pitched my hard-hitting current affairs show to TV3 they told me I didn’t have enough of a public profile. Ha!

“Do you watch my show, or are you a follower of my blog?” I asked the courier.

“I don’t know who the f**k you are, mister,” he replied. “Just sign for the parcel, so I can get going.”

I could tell he was a Nazi the moment he pulled up in his van.

9:42 am

The ratings are due out today for my hard-hitting current affairs show, Sherwin Says. It’s on every week on Freeview channel 418, and I provide commentary on the issues of the day, asking the questions everyone in the mainstream media is afraid to ask.

Last week I eviscerated John Key’s government, labelling its members “a band of crazies sucking at the neoliberal crack pipe”. I would love to have seen the look on John Key’s face when his advisers ran to his office to report what I’d said. 

11:16 am

The TV ratings are rigged! It’s just another scam engineered by a corrupt elite to shut down dissent. As soon as anyone challenges the existing power structures they get squashed.

 There’s no way my show had only four viewers last month. They won’t stop my crusade! 

1:21 pm

I can’t believe Nate Silver is getting all the credit for predicting an Obama victory. In an exclusive piece on my blog way back in October I picked Obama to win, not that most people would know. Of course the elites in power are determined to ignore me, because they know the mayhem I would cause. One day the public will awaken from their slumbers and realise that their country has been taken from them by the rich, the powerful and the greedy. And I shall be there to help them take it back, reporting every moment of the action on my blog for posterity.

1:34 pm

Bryce Edwards has again failed to include any of my blogposts in his daily politics round-up.

His decision to ignore my powerful post John Key is evil and kills children was obviously deliberate. He’s part of the problem, not the solution, now that he works for the Herald.

4:08 pm

Spent most of the afternoon blocking people on Twitter, defriending people of Facebook, banning people from my blog, and writing a blogpost attacking various other bloggers and commentators on the left. The only thing worse than a right wing stooge is a leftie who has a different shade of opinion to mine.

I once offered to combine blog forces with The Standard, but they turned me down. Well it’s their loss. They’re just a bunch of tired Labour party hacks too scared to speak truth to power. Their politics disgust me, and I suspect them of being class enemies, one and all.

Why won’t they let me do a guest post? 

5:51 pm

That loathsome Whaleoil needs to be stopped. That obnoxious fascist clown and his National Party shill David Farrar represent everything that’s wrong with the world.

And have you seen their blog traffic? It’s so unfair!

This is so funny, it is actually cruel.

David v David

October 21st, 2012 at 10:00 am by David Farrar

Imperator Fish blogs:

 David#1:  Great news, David! I have irrefutable evidence that John Key’s been lying to the nation over what he knew about Kim Dotcom!

David#2: That is indeed great news, David. Tell me more.

David#1:  He’s gone and spoken to GCSB staff about the guy, that’s what. Apparently he cracked a joke in front of them. And he was filmed!

David#2: I don’t see the problem.

David#1:  Don’t you see? It happened in February, at a time when Key supposedly didn’t even know the GCSB were monitoring Dotcom. If it turns out that Key was joking about Dotcom to GCSB staff then it will prove Key knew about the monitoring.

David#2:  Yes, that’s pretty powerful stuff, David.

David#1:  Thank you, David. I finally think we’ve got the bastard this time.

David#2:  I can’t wait to see Key’s face when you show the film.

David#1:  I know. It’ll be gold. There’s just a minor problem, though.

David#2:  Oh?

David#1:  Look… it’s just a minor detail, and I expect we’ll have it sorted out quickly. It’s about the tape.

David#2:  The tape of John Key joking about Kim Dotcom?

David#1:  The very same. You see, I don’t actually have a copy of it.

David#2:  I see. I presume one of your staff has it.

David#1:  Ah… no.

David#2:  Right. Your informant then, whoever that is. It’s not Fran’s bloke, is it?

David#1:  I can’t divulge my sources, David.

And the fictional conversation continues:

David#2:  So, basically, you have no tape, and your informant won’t come forward to verify your claim.

David#1:  When you put it that way it sounds like a stupid thing to do. But here’s the genius of the plan: when we demand the release of the tape and they can’t produce it, everyone will see the cynical cover-up.

David#2:  You know, David, I find this whole thing extraordinary. You are going to demand the release of a tape you aren’t certain even exists in order to prove something that you have no evidence of. I can hardly believe I am hearing this from the leader of my party. And do you know why? Because IT’S A GENIUS PLAN! Do it, man!

David#1:  This will destroy John Key.

David#2:  It will certainly be very destructive.

David#1:  And it might even precipitate a change of leadership.

David#2:  I’m certainly hoping so.

Heh, heh. One has to give Scott full credit – he mocks all parties well.

Imperator Fish on Labour Strategist

August 14th, 2012 at 12:00 pm by David Farrar

Scott Yorke blogs the diary of a unnamed Labour Party strategist and time traveller:

3 January 49 B.C:  My latest assignment is proving to be a real delight. Rome’s a fascinating town, and I have been deeply impressed with the way the governing classes in this Roman Republic conduct themselves. The men of the Senate are vexed by Caesar’s demands, but I have assured them they have nothing to worry about. Caesar will not dare cross the Rubicon into Italy, because if he does so he will be at war with the Roman state. His men will desert him, rather than be crushed by Pompey’s armies. Caesar may be a useful general, but he has neither the courage nor the tactical nous of his opponent.

1 January 43 B.C: That Cicero fellow’s a genius. He’s not just a great orator and writer, but a perceptive and clever politician. He’s got that foolish upstart boy Octavian wrapped around his finger, and Mark Antony is running scared. I predict a long and glorious future for the Roman Republic, under the wise stewardship of Marcus Tullius Cicero. …

1 June 1876: Just appointed to the staff of Lieutenant Colonel George Custer. I have already drawn up a battle plan, and I’m confident of a swift victory. …

29 September 1938:  I told Neville just to sign the damn piece of paper. Nobody wants to go to war over a small central European country with a name nobody can spell, least of all the Germans. It will keep them quiet, and we can be assured of gloriously ruling the waves for another fifty years. Neville demurs, and worries that the Germans may simply demand more territory; but where would they go? The Polish cavalry will overrun them if they move east, and if they attack France they’ll be broken on the Maginot Line. I had to remind Neville that our staunch allies, the French, have the most powerful army in the world.

12 August 2012: Those were some times, I tell you! Now it’s time to get back to work. I’ve got some great ideas to share with David and the team.

Heh, very good.

Imperator Fish on TPPA

June 16th, 2012 at 2:00 pm by David Farrar

Scott at Imperator Fish blogs on the TPPA:

The Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement has a lot of people talking, particularly over the fear many people have that New Zealand will agree to an investor-state dispute provision that would allow foreign companies to take legal action in some circumstances, if our government passed legislation those companies didn’t like. Environmental and health groups worry that the provisions could be used by tobacco companies to challenge anti-smoking regulations, or by multinationals to toss out environmental protections they don’t like.

Critics have claimed the measures would amount to our handing over our sovereignty. Legally this is a nonsense. What right, if any, we give to multinationals we will give because our Parliament adopted legislation ratifying the agreement. Parliament could theoretically the very next day repeal that legislation, rendering the agreement provisions unenforceable. People, we don’t lose our sovereignty.*

It is also worth pointing out that investor-state provisions work two ways. They protect NZ companies from (for example) having their assets nationalised in another country, purely because they are NZ owned.

For me the issue is not the existence of investor-state provisions, but how they are crafted. You want them crafted in a way which does protect your country’s right to make laws and policies in the public interest.

That’s not to say the deal’s a good one, and there is plenty to be deeply concerned about. However, the nature of free trade negotiations is you win some battles and lose others. If we ratified the thing it wouldn’t be all bad. It might be more bad than good, and that might be enough reason to say no to the deal, but it’s not true to say that the TPPA offers New Zealand nothing.

I am a supporter of free trade agreements, but the chapter proposed by the US on intellectual property is deeply flawed and its inclusion in any deal would be a bad thing.

Most people following the TPPA negotiations would agree there should be more transparency in the deal-making process. But we cannot expect officials to disclose everything to the public, because if our officials did that no country on Earth would want to enter into discussions with us. Clearly there has been too much secrecy, but it isn’t realistic to expect no secrecy. However, the broad condemnation across the board suggests officials haven’t got the balance right.

There’s plenty not to like about the TPPA and the secrecy surrounding the negotiation process. The opposition parties should continue to put pressure on the Government, to ensure that if the deal proceeds it provides more opportunities than costs for New Zealand. But we can’t do a deal without any trade-offs. The challenge is to find concessions we can live with, a challenge that is looking increasingly difficult.

The reality with negotiations is you need all parties to agree to do anything – including made draft texts public. NZ can push for this, but it can not dictate to the other parties.

Scott is right that there are always trade-offs. But these need to be from all countries – including the US. It’s IP chapter is basically opposed by every other negotiating country. If they want a deal, they need to come up with a chapter that won’t make Internet caching illegal, won’t ban parallel importing, won’t stifle software innovation with patent wars, won’t extend copyright terms for decades more, and won’t force on countries laws where people lose Internet access upon unproved accusations.


January 20th, 2012 at 3:15 pm by David Farrar

Imperator Fish blogs:

The Labour Party has admitted receiving a donation to its coffers from the National Party.

National Party President Peter Goodfellow confirmed the donation yesterday. He said it was a contribution towards the costs of running Labour’s blogsite Red Alert.

“They are doing great work, and we want that to continue,” said Mr Goodfellow.


Mr Mallard said he was looking forward to getting heavily into blogging this year.

“We’ve all had some time off and are refreshed, and we’re ready to take the battle to David Farrar.

“We want to focus on the issues that are important to ordinary New Zealanders. Jobs, the economy, and David Farrar.”

I’ve never been an issue before! I have to say I did almost piss myself laughing at it. The irony is that by falsely claiming I was one of those trying to “censor” Red Alert, the end result has been more fuel for those who claim it should be shut down.

Imperator Fish at Epsom

November 21st, 2011 at 3:00 pm by David Farrar

Scott Yorke at Imperator Fish has hit gold with this one:

National Party candidate for Epsom Paul Goldsmith last night told a business gathering in Newmarket that he was once a mercenary for former Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi.

The revelation came after a television news poll showed Mr Goldsmith is well in front of ACT’s John Banks in the race for Epsom electorate. …

Mr Goldsmith told the Newmarket Business Association gathering last night that he had served with Gaddafi in Libya, but had been dismissed for gross cowardice and theft.

He also confirmed that he has dozens of convictions for fraud, arson, theft and sedition.

In addition, Mr Goldsmith confirmed he thought communism was an excellent political ideology and that, if elected as MP for Epsom, he would seek to confiscate all the finest houses in Epsom and turn much of the electorate into a gigantic collective farm.

He then proceeded to light a joint and smoke it slowly while saying “wow, man! Wooow!”


Last night Goldsmith was interviewed by 3 News’ Patrick Gower and asked to explain whether he wanted to become the MP for Epsom.

Mr Goldsmith was unable to answer the question, because the flames of the church he was standing next to and had just set fire to forced him to seek shelter.

When asked to comment this morning on claims he was deliberately trying to lose the Epsom race, Goldsmith said he could not talk because he was late to a meeting with the Mongrel Mob about joining their gang.

Goldsmith later appeared on Broadway Newmarket wearing the Mongrel Mob’s colours and a gang patch, where he spoke to reporters.

When asked whether he was seeking to win the seat, Mr Goldsmith said “I’m too busy planning my next killing spree to focus on the electorate contest. Party vote National!”

Danyl has a challenger.

Imperator Fish on Goff

March 15th, 2011 at 2:00 pm by David Farrar

In the video above you can see Phil Goff talking about ruling Hone out.

Left wing blogger Imperator Fish comments on Goff’s words:

I’m willing to cut the new leader of a political party a bit of slack. Even if they have been around the political scene for years.

But I can barely listen to or read a thing Phil Goff says without groaning. He really needs to be taken aside and given the hard word about gun safety. How can anyone shoot themselves in the foot so many times?

He specifically quotes Goff saying:

“I don’t believe you could form a stable government on a relationship with Hone Harawira.”

And comments:

But Goff’s happy to work with Winston Peters, despite Peters being at least as widely reviled as Harawira. The main difference between the two is that Harawira speaks from the heart. He may be unreliable and unstable, but you know where you stand with Hone.

Does anyone remember how Goff reacted when John Key ruled out working with Winston Peters? I recall accusations of hubris and arrogance. Goff in turn said that he was prepared to work with anyone.

To me this demonstrates a crisis in confidence within the leadership of Labour. There is no consistency in the messages they are sending to the electorate, because they are floundering and bereft of ideas. Nothing they do seems to impress the voters. So they keep trying new things. Goff’s “me too” approach to politicking just shows him to be weak and lacking a firm vision for the country. His comments about Liz Hurley, and suggestions that extrajudicial means should be used to deal with looters, all indicate Goff may be more reactionary than visionary. They also piss off a lot of people who should be falling over to vote Labour.

He concludes:

… if someone like me, who should be a natural Labour voter, is seriously wondering why he should bother voting for them, how many others are there in the same situation?

I don’t think Imperator Fish is alone in asking.

Imperator Fish on South Canterbury Finance

September 10th, 2010 at 2:27 pm by David Farrar

Imperator Fish is a lawyer. He leans to the left, but has always been a fair critic.

He has gone through all legal deeds about South Canterbury Finance, which were posted on Red Alert. Trevor Mallard has shown his legal skills are as excellent as his diplomatic skills and concluded it is all Bill English’s fault, and Bill has cost the taxpayer $300 million.

If you wish to take your legal advice from Trevor, then can I suggest you hire him to negotiate your purchase of the Auckland Harbour Bridge, which I have exclusive sale rights to.

Here is what Imperator Fish has found and concluded:

The Crown unquestionably had a legal obligation to pay out New Zealand depositors. This is unarguable. When SCF went into receivership, Bill English had no choice but to write out a cheque. Had he not done so the Crown would have been sued en masse by investors, and would have lost and been ordered to pay costs. The same business commentators now savaging Bill English for paying out investors would then be calling him a fool.

Including Trevor no doubt.

Some in the media and blogosphere have suggested the terms of the guarantee deeds may have been breached, and that this meant payment didn’t need to be made. Some go on to say that the fact payment was made proves this is just National looking after its mates. Wrong. It’s quite possible that breaches of the deeds occurred and should have been detected, and that the detection of such breaches may have enabled action to be taken to limit the Crown’s liability. But prior breaches do not affect the Crown’s liability to pay.

Important to note.

There was no obligation to pay overseas investors, as Bill English has himself admitted. He has said paying them out enables the Crown to take control of the receivership. It may seem unfair that some people are getting the benefit of a guarantee not designed for them, but the alternative is to risk getting much less during the receivership. English’s position on this matter is at least defensible, and may in fact be financially prudent.

One may have ended up with years of litigation, if some investors were excluded. An extra $20 million, to gain full control seemed worth doing.

SCF had a number of obligations under the deeds, including the obligation to conduct its business and operations in a proper, businesslike, efficient and prudent manner, and the obligation not to engage in related-party transactions. Any breach by SCF of those obligations would give the Crown the right to withdraw the guarantee in relation to future deposits only.

This is what many people do not realise. Once the guarantee is in place, you can’t punish the investors for the sins of the company.

IF does want an inquiry though:

I stand by the move to pay New Zealand depositors, because legally any other position would have been utterly indefensible. The decision to pay overseas depositors can at least be debated, though I understand the reasoning behind the move.

But questions remain about the role of Treasury and others in this. Could SCF’s troubles have been detected earlier? Could the Government have avoided paying out some of this money?

This needs a public enquiry. A huge amount of money has been paid out, and the decisions of those involved should be scrutinised. If it turns out they have acted entirely properly, then they will have nothing to fear.
I am not against an inquiry, but I think it is too early for it now. The SFO is still investigating Aoraki, and the Statutory Managers are also sorting through things. Possibly once both those entities have concluded their inquiries, then one can look at whether we would benefit from an inquiry into everything.