Kiwiblog

Danyl has been leaked the proposed changes:

• Alter font of Section 59 amendment from Courier12 to Times New Roman.
• Establish designated ‘coffee houses’ in urban areas where children can be freely smacked without fear of police intimidation.
• Initiate second non-binding referendum to ask voters if they understood question in previous referendum.
• Key to meet with Sheryl Savill, the woman who initiated the referendum, listen to her talk for up to five minutes and look at no less than twenty of her cat pictures.
• Larry Baldock to negotiate law change with Sue Bradford on pre-condition that Bradford be confined within a pentagram and bound in a straitjacket and hockey mask throughout the talks.
• Key to address Families First meeting, stand at podium with shit-eating grin and demand to know who the fuck else they’re going to vote for.

Excellent satire, as usual.

The Green Party today released a further policy on how New Zealand can make a goal of a 40% reduction in carbon emissions by 2020 and 80% by 2050.

“We realised our previous policy of de-stocking dairy herds was not going to be enough. Yes Cows fart and belch more methane than humans, but they don’t travel in cars and use heaters” said the Green Party.

New Zealanders emit 7.4 metric tons of carbon emissions per capita. The more New Zealanders we have, the more emissions we have. Hence the solution is to have less New Zealanders”

We have decided abortion is the best way to reduce the number of New Zealanders, as this is preferable to euthanasia. In 2007 the abortion rate was only 22.2% of pregnancies. If we can triple that to 67%, that will mean 37,000 less New Zealanders every year.

Over 10 years until 2020, that is a massive 370,000 fewer New Zealanders. That will reduce annual emissions by 2.8 million tons of carbon emissions. And by 2050 that will see annual emissions down by 14 million tons.

The Greens wish to make it clear they are not proposing that abortion be compulsory for all New Zealanders.

“We propose a lottery, like the US green card for immigrant visas. Every month all pregnant women will be entered into the lottery, and only two out of three of them will have to abort their pregnancy. One in three women will be allowed to keep their pregnancy viable. Of course they may miscarry, which will be great for the environment, but that is just an added bonus.

We wish to make it very clear, in case our opponents scare-monger, that a woman who has to have an abortion for the sake of reducing our carbon emissions is allowed to get pregnant again. So really it is just a small delay in having children for most women.

Some parties may decry this policy as extreme, but they should remember that unless carbon emissions in New Zealand are reduced to 40% of 1990 levels by 2020, the world is doomed and we will all end up aborted. So this is about saving the planet for the one in three who are allowed to be born.

Satire at its best in the Dim-Post:

Citing the importance of robust opposition to a healthy democracy and the Labour party’s poor performance in holding the government to account, the Governor General Sir Anand Satyanand took the unusual step of directly intervening in the affairs of Parliament, making changes to the house that have shocked some, but drawn praise from many political and legal experts.

Emphasising Labour’s lacklustre record and the importance of an opposition party in scrutinising Ministers actions and speaking truth to power, the Governor General dismissed Mr Goff and the rest of his Labour MPs and on the same day swore in ‘Tiberius’, a four year old domestic Grey Goose who will act as opposition leader and sole opposition MP.

Tiberius is a great name for a goose.

The new MP has already made a strong impression on the government and its coalition partners; when Justice Minister Simon Power rose yesterday to introduce his new Search and Surveillance bill he was met with a tremendous quacking, honking sound, made by former Greens co-leader Jeanette Fitzsimons; the sound awoke Tiberius who rose on his hind legs and rustled his six-foot long wings at Mr Power who then withdrew from the Chamber. The bill was defeated and will not proceed to Select Committee.

Heh

We all had fun using the referendum question generator to create parodies.

Now what people may not be aware is the Electoral Commission Enrolment Centre filed a takedown notice against the site allowing you to create a parody, as Orange Man is their intellectual property.

New Zealand doesn’t have a specific exemption for parody and satire, so if they had proceeded, the site could have been forced to close.

Most people would agree the Electoral Commission Enrolment Centre should of course be able to take action if a person is using Orange Man to impersonate the Commission Enrolment Centre , or make people think it is a real notice on behalf of the electoral agencies. But most people can work out that a question such as “Should gingas be exterminated by 2011″ is not a real referendum.

Thankfully a compromise has been reached, where in return for explicit reference of the crown copyright, I understand the Electoral Commission Enrolment Centre has withdrawn its objections (which is good of them).

It does highlight though the need for good intellectual property law that both rewards the owner of intellectual property, but also protects fair use and free speech by allowing satire and parody.

Hat Tip: No Right Turn

I am getting confused on which Twitter accounts are parodies and which are not. Take two Green MPs.

The Sue Kedgley twitter account is a parody. The comments seem a bit too extreme, even for Sue, such as:

is off to find schools that sell kiddy killing food made by National Party supporting multinational fast food capitalists!

wants to ban anyone selling children unhealthy food. It should be like tobacco and alcohol. Kids don’t know what’s good for them! I do!

shocked that 84% of schools are still selling hot dogs, sausage rolls, hot bites or pies – no wonder kids are become fat, we need action!

is wondering if she could be elected Mayor of a Wellington supercity

Is sad that so many children were abused over Easter by the multinational chocolate capitalists that seduced their parents.

So I am pretty sure this is a parody account. Mind you Sue does go on about easter eggs a lot.

Then I saw Liberty Scott complaining about Catherine Delahunty’s twitterings. And my first reaction was that he has fallen for a very good parody.

But then I went and looked at Catherine’s twitter account, and I am not so sure it is a parody. Examples:

Gorgeous day in Te tairawhiti unless you want to appeal something to enviro court and dont have five hundred bucks just for filing fee

My mate Grant hawke has it right. Maori have been on the advisory commitee since eighteen forty enough already!

Despite the pretty words and new clothes am hoping new puppy at white house will stop killing afghanis and funding Israel wars on Palestine

Awesome Tairawhiti sunshine a good to start our own banks instead of trusting the white boy club

If it wasnt for almonds and dark chocolate I would go crazy here. As for Michael laws gang Bill who needs It?

Those QPEC people defending public and free education are awesome and palmy north was balmy today

I think it might be genuine.

Lyndon Hood at Scoop has a very funny piece of Judith Collins as The Hulk. Extracts:

Collins ANGRY!

Collins hear car! It loud car!

Collins see boy in car!

Car shiny?

Car shiny!

Him BOY RACER!

Collins fine racer? No! Him not pay fine already!

Collins impound car? No!!

Collins Crush car! Collins CRUSH!

Why Collins impound when Collins can POUND?

Collins Smash! Collins Destroy! COLLINS CRUSH!! Rargh!!

Heh.

Dim-Post blogs:

Speculation on the future career of Labour politician Judith Tizard ended today with an announcement from Helen Clark that she would be taking the ousted Auckland Central MP to the United States with her this August, when she travels to New York to take up her new job as head of the United Nations Development Program.

It had been rumoured that Tizard would stand as a Labour Party candidate in Clark’s Mt Albert electorate, return to Parliament as a list MP or even run for mayor of Auckland’s supercity. Those rumours were quashed today with the news of her departure for New York. Clark advised that she has not yet informed Tizard about her upcoming move, as the prospect of such a long journey would only frighten and confuse her. Tizard will be leaving a month before Clark, as US Department of Agriculture regulations state that Tizard – who was Minister of Auckland, as well as Associate Minister for Arts and Transport – must spend at least a month in quarantine before she can enter the US.

Heh

Sources close to Helen Clark warn that Tizard will no longer have the same care-free lifestyle in New York as she did in Auckland or Wellington.

‘Judith was unsupervised a lot of the time,’ said a former staff member in Clark’s department. ‘Although she spent most of the day sleeping on a couch by the window in Helen’s office she would also roam around the beehive, wandering into diplomatic lunches and state dinners where she would delight guests by performing tricks, such as begging for food or rolling over and playing dead.’ …

Clark is understood to have purchased an automatic feeder to prevent Tizard from starving during her absence. At a preset time every morning and evening the device will dispense a serving of Swiss liquer chocolates into a bowl. It also fills her dish with Vueve Cliquot when Tizard presses her nose against a panel on the side of the machine.

Read the whole thing.

A classic Dim-Post:

Rumours, speculation and wild gossip swirl through the gray streets of the nations capital this week, with businessmen, civil servants and fishwives all speculating on the secret identity of the Labour parties noble and courageous new leader; the only man in Wellington brave – or foolish – enough to defy the terrible might of the Key administration.

The National Party has vowed to seek out and destroy the noble yet unknown politician who has captured the hearts of the political left with his quick-witted press releases and bold opposition to suspending superfund payments – but with his identity a mystery the bumbling attempts of the fiendish Nats are doomed to failure.

Deputy Labour leader Annette King has denied knowing the name of the dashing masked hero but has confirmed that under extraordinary circumstances she can contact him, revealing that she alerts him to a crisis either by wearing a red carnation in her corsage when attending balls, placing a vase of the same flowers in her bedroom window at midnight or messaging his facebook page. …

King laughed merrily at suggestions that her old friend and colleague Phil Goff is the shadowy champion of the left. ‘Poor old Phil? Not in a million years. He couldn’t even make it to Andrew’s press conference because he locked himself in his office bathroom. Phil is sweet and trusting and has a good command of trade and defense issues but he could never match the bold flair and derring-do of our mysterious new captain,’ she said sighing and staring out her rain-streaked office window at the stormcast Wellington skies.

But King’s loyalty to her hapless, bumbling friend may yet pose a threat to Labour’s secret hero; sources within National have revealed that the parties senior strategists are setting a trap for the masked Labour leader, forcing King to lure him out of hiding by threatening to attack Goff in the House if King does not co-operate.

‘She knows that Goff is too naive and good natured to defend himself and that the Nat’s will tear him apart, so she’s trapped into sacrificing her leader to save her friend,’ a senior National staffer said, speaking off the record before twirling his mustache and chuckling darkly.

As of press time the evil scheme appears to have been unsuccessful; Deputy Prime Minister Bill English and senior cabinet MP’s Simon Power and Murray McCully thought they had trapped the Labour leader in a Select Committee hearing but when they entered the room they found only Goff, slumbering gently in the corner.

Danyl really should be given a column in a newspaper. And his ending:

The National MP’s dashed their hats to the ground and swore in frustration. Upon awaking Goff insisted to them that he was Labour’s mysterious hero, at which the men laughed uproariously and clapped Goff on the shoulder.

‘But I’m the leader,’ Goff told them. ‘I’m head of the party goddamn it. Why won’t anyone listen to me?’

The real identity of the opposition leader remains a mystery.

They seek him here, they seek him there …

Very good from the Dim-Post:

The New Zealand Herald: Key – the Cold Hard Facts

Freelance journalists Kevin Taylor and Jason Ede ask the difficult questions about the mysterious past and future plans of National leader John Key. The result is a candid unflinching take-no-prisoners account of Key as a husband, leader, dad and the best mate our nation could ever hope for.

The Sunday Star Times: Five Celebrity Sex Scandals the Government Doesn’t Want you to Know About

Anthony Hubbard and Nicky Hager reveal the shocking truth about the New Zealand Intelligence Service and their role in protecting Shortland Street stars from tabloid newspaper journalists.

New Zealand Herald on Sunday: Going down on Lloyd Geering

Caroline Meng-Yee interviews the ninety year old distinguished theologian and member of the New Zealand Zealand Order of Merit about fashion, fab restaurants, clubbing and his favourite sex positions!

The Dominion Post: Are Winston’s Masturbation Fantasies Illegal?

The story that brought the government to its knees. Phil Kitchen’s explosive scoop revealed the Foreign Ministers inner erotic life and asked if it broke electoral law.

A classic from the Dim-Post:

SIG Detective-Inspector Sean Gibson-Whyte is understood to be leading the investigation into Tino-rangatiratanga People’s Global Jihad for Social and Environmental Justice Now! and admits that the loss of Gilchrist as an informer has dealt a blow to the ongoing surveillance operation.

‘We have been reduced to reading Mr Fletcher’s blog, watching his web-cam, listening to his telephone calls with Mr Singh and installing listening devices in their homes and cars,’ Gibson-Whyte admitted ruefully.

Detective Gibson-Whyte is no stranger to set-backs: an experienced officer with a Masters Degree in criminal law, he spent nine years investigating gangs and organised crime in New Zealand and Asia Pacific and headed up a multi-country task-force to investigate the smuggling of amphetamine precursors from South East Asia before being pulled from the case to head up the inquiry into the Tino-rangatiratanga People’s Global Jihad for Social and Environmental Justice Now! task-force.

Other activists informed on by Gilchrist have expressed surprise and relief about the selective nature of his informing.

‘Rob sent the stasi pigs cell-phone pictures he took of my ‘PanArchy’ performance art installation but he hasn’t told them anything about the time I got wasted, broke into my ex-girlfriends flat and trashed the whole house,’ said Project for Total Human Genocide co-founder and environmental activist Jenny McCormak. The anonymous, Hawera based spokesperson for Sendero Luminoso Aotearoa has expressed gratitude that Gilchrist did not reveal details of her activities manufacturing and distributing the class A drug Ecstasy, although his information about the group has prompted the SIG to draft eleven more detectives into the task-force to adequately monitor the upcoming anti-patriarchy rave scheduled for new years eve.

One of the best.

The Dim-Post:

Danyl has been busy, I do not know where to start.

We have Maori Party split over Coalition Deal

The Maori Party have been offered entrenchment of the Maori seats and a review of the Foreshore and Seabed Act in exchange for fifty of their young every month for three years. …

It is understood that Sharples is deeply opposed to the proposed scheme while Tariana Turia is a strong advocate for Key’s right to hunt, kill and mount unemployed Maori youths, describing it as enhancing his rangatiratanga and sending a strong message to young Maori that if they study and work hard they will not be cut down in their prime by Key’s poison-tipped crossbow bolts or torn apart by his pack of savage dogs.

A resolution to the impasse was reached late last night, when the Maori party co-leaders met for a cup of tea to confront the problem. After a short, congenial discussion Dr Sharples drained his mug of Earl Grey and then slumped to the floor unconscious.

And Tizard dismisses ‘rogue election result’:

Outgoing Auckland Central electorate MP Judith Tizard has assured staff and family that she will not be stepping down as an MP in spite of her loss to National Party candidate Nicky Kaye in last weekends General Election.

‘I certainly never heard anything about any election,’ Tizard told the Dim-Post this morning. ‘And if there was something like that going on I like to think I’d be one of the first to know.’

Upon being informed of the results Tizard was quick to dismiss their significance.

‘I don’t think this represents the true wishes of the people of New Zealand or the people of Auckland Central,’ Tizard said. ‘This is clearly a rogue election result with no real impact that the media is beating up in order to sell more papers.’ …

Tizard has also confirmed that she will be maintaining her full contingent of staff and offices, rejecting the suggestion that she would now have to make her own dinner reservations and purchase her own plane tickets as ‘the worst kind of hate speech’.

Incoming National MP Nicky Kaye has advised she is negotiating a solution with Paliamentary Services, Tizard’s private secretary and an Armed Offenders unit.

Oh that was priceless.

The Dim-Post hits a new high with its party profile on NZ First. Read the whole thing but here are some extracts:

Founded In: Now there has been a great deal of lies, falsehood and innuendo spread about the founding of New Zealand First. This profile will deal with the plain cold facts and not the sterile, feeble minded nonsense spread about by the media in this country who are a bunch of smart-alec green tea-sipping ghouls, liars and pumpkin faced charlatans and that is the honest truth.

I can almost hear the voice.

Slogan: Now let me be very clear about this. First of all, that was not human brain tissue on the carpet of my electoral office. It was sheep brain tissue. You know that, I know that and the people of New Zealand knows that. We all know that because that’s the truth. Now it’s not my fault that the police forensics scientists can’t tell the difference between human brain tissue and sheep brain tissue but they can’t and that’s nothing to do with me. You’ll have to take that up with them and I encourage you to do so.

Second – and we need to deal with the facts here; not the spin, not the tall tales spread by the jackals and hyena’s in the New Zealand media and their ACT party paymasters in the World Health Organisation. The facts. Now the New Zealand Herald has claimed that when my plane violated Russian air space we were flying low over the waves to avoid radar detection. That is just an out and out lie! I’ve explained why we flew in low at night with our lights out – explained it time and time again – and the Russian East Air Command in Vladivostok has accepted my version of events!

Just wonderful.

A blog that has absolutely no conection to the Labour Party has revealed John Key’s role in the prostitution industry and how he plans to become NZ’s biggest pimp. Their story (now deleted) is:

This week Slippery John Key announced that if he deludes enough people into voting for him, he will appoint himself Minister of Tourism.

This appears on the surface to be innocent, but documents obtained by the Sydney Morning Herald quote Prince Philip (married to NZ’s Head of State) as saying:

“tourism is just national prostitution”

This means that Slippery John wants to become Slippery Minister of Tourism so that he can control New Zealand’s prostitution industry. Slippery John (have we mentioned how slippery he is) wants to be New Zealand’s biggest pimp.

This blog would like to reassure readers that if this story doesn’t hold up, it is not being handled by the Prime Minister at all.

That John Key – both NZ’s biggest ever fraud mastermind and NZ’s biggest pimp. When does he get the time to sleep?

The best comedy and satire about the election is online. Danyl has some gems today:

• While speaking to a small group of army medics in Waiouru John Key announced that Dr Lockwood Smith’s plane has been shot down over the sea of Japan
• The Green Party held a photo opportunity at Pauatahanui estuary in Mana electorate at which co-leaders Russel Norman and Jeannette Fitzsimmons pitched Green fiscal policy to a thick film of marine algea.
• New Zealand First leader Winston Peters met with police detectives and the Reserve Bank to discuss his plans to stimulate the New Zealand economy by printing more money; the detectives have confiscated a Macintosh computer and two color printers from New Zealand First offices.
• Maori Party co-leader Tariana Turia announced that the removal of Tin from the periodic table of elements would be a bottom line for any coalition deal with a major party.

The sad thing is that Winston’s monetary policy is not very different to the above!

The Dim-Post announces National’s real tax policies:

1. $50 per week tax cut for every worker in New Zealand – will be accompanied by $50 per week ‘negative salary rebate’ for all workers, adding to a total transfer of wealth of over $5000 per year!
2. ‘KiwiSlaver’, a new employers rights package aimed to stimulate the economy by protecting business owners from nuisance law-suits over trivial charges such as kidnapping and aggrivated assault.
3. Flat tax of 18% to the really hot little red-head who participated in Crosby/Textor market research focus group #5.
4. 5% GST rebate on Playstation 3 consoles; cost to be offset by privitisation of Stewart Island, population of which become legal property of Dow Industrial Chemicals.
5. Free small soda at the movies for all working mothers on middle incomes aged between 25 and 45 living in the Otaki and Hamilton West electorates.
6. Low income earners will be allowed to look behind the couch cushions of John Key’s sofa and keep whatever they find.

Heh I like No 1 and No 3 especially.

The Dim-Post announces new topics for the Leaders Debates to increase theri ratings:

TV3 is defending its controversial move to restrict the topics of their upcoming leaders debate to focus on 80’s popular culture after the decision was met with a storm of criticism.

Mark Jennings is the director of TV3’s News and Current Affairs. He insists that the network was forced into its current position by the two main parties, Labour and National.

‘The leaders have made a political choice,’ Mr Jennings said. ‘They have agreed that the majority of viewers are not likely to watch a debate about domestic and foreign policy so we intend to concentrate on where the party leaders stand on the early career of Madonna and whether Ghostbusters is funnier than The Lost Boys.‘

Ghost Busters is funnier – a classic.

Mr Jennings said today that he stood by the decision.

‘Our market research shows that less than 5% of viewers are interested in watching politicians debate education, taxation or health care but more than 60% will tune in to watch Key and Clark singing Bohemiam Rhapsody together.‘

Helen Clark announced that she looked forward to the debate in which she intended to show that John Key was unprepared to be Prime Minister and that Stevie Nicks was better than Cyndi Lauper. Key responded by challenging Clark to name four songs off the Motley Crue album Girls, Girls, Girls.

‘She cannot because she doesn’t have the facts and because she does not care about the Crue,’ Key told reporters. ‘She doesn’t care about Def Leopard, she doesn’t care about Bon Jovi and quite frankly New Zealanders are sick and tired of it.’

The scary thing is I could almost hear John Key’s voice in my head saying just that, as I read it.

The bulk of the debate will focus on 80’s films. Initial reports sugggest the two leaders are united in their support of The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and The Goonies but bitterly divided on key issues such as whether Labyrinth was better than The Dark Crystal.

They will also square off over the question of ‘Best 80’s Movie of All Time’. While Prime Minister Helen Clark has announced that she will endorse either Tootsie or The Princess Bride, National Leader John Key has indicated that he will argue vigorously for the movie Aliens which he describes as kickass totally awesome.

Labyrinth was better. Alien was better than Aliens and and The Princess Bride rocks.

Economists Warn Anti-Bush Merchandise Market Close To Collapse

Enjoy this goodie from The Onion

Readers are aware than Helen keeps insisting that Winston Peters is an honest man, and that there is an “innocent explanation” to the fact Owen Glenn has said the opposite to Peters. Today’s Dom Post provides that innocent explanation:

There is a very simple explanation for the disparity between Mr Peters’ and Mr Glenn’s version of events. Mr Peters is the victim of an inter-galactic practical joke.

Elvis is not dead. His death was faked by aliens who held him captive for more than 30 years before returning him to Earth to impersonate New Zealand’s former foreign affairs and racing minister.

In this guise he has gone about offering honorary consulships to people he bumps into at international sporting events, soliciting funds from wealthy expatriate businessmen and plying wealthy locals with alcohol before hitting them up for donations.

Meanwhile, the real Mr Peters, who has stumped the country, telling supporters NZ First does not accept political donations from big business, has been made to look like a hypocrite and a charlatan because of the wayward activities of his malevolent doppelganger.

Brillant!

The editorial predicts Clark will accept thsi explanation due to what the alternative is:

The only alternative would be that either the man on whom her party relies for its parliamentary majority, or the man who underwrote her party’s 2005 election campaign, is telling lies.

Indeed.

Sent in by an offshore reader. Note that to avoid confusion, this is not a real advertisement for Labour or NZ First, and has not been authorised by them!

The Daily Show does have a liberal bias (like most US media) but fuck it is still so very very funny. And their show tonight satirises the Obama obsession very nicely. They do a parody of the Obama biographical video that preceded his speech in their video called Barack Obama:He completes us. Highlights are:

• Obama as the cub in the Lion King
• How his story began 180 million years ago when the continents broke apart
• “The earthly son of a ….”
• God (as a spiritual goat) telling him to run in District 13
• A scene from Rocky!
• How every time Obama speaks, an angel has an orgasm!

It really is funny. Only five minutes long.

In my mind, I have been imagining what the response to the secret taped conversation would have been if Bill English had been Winston. I guess something like:

1. Deny the tape exists
2. Deny it is you on the tape
3. Claim that tape is a forgery
4. Angrily call on Duncan Garner to apologise and be sacked from his job for broadcasting it
5. Hold a press conference, and call everyone morons and scumbags
6. Suggest Duncan personally fabricated the tape
7. When proof comes out your voice is on it, claim that your lawyer never told you what the question was
8. Demand Duncan be sacked again
9. Upon questioning, deny you have a policy on Working for Families
10. Then later on claim you do have a policy, and it is the same policy as written in 1993 and only lying wankers would claim otherwise
11. Then as focus turns to comments on Kiwibank, deny all knowledge of Kiwibank. Say you have never even been inside a branch, and if you have never been inside Kiwibank how could you possibly have a policy on whether to sell it. Stress anyone who is not a moron could work that out.
12. Go into the House and attack press gallery as rodents
13. The following day claim you have proof that 15 years ago an MP from another party did the same thing. Produce no proof of this.
14. Demand Duncan be sacked again

Simon Pound does an excellent satirical guest post at Public Address:

John Key has announced the adoption of yet another flagship Labour policy – having a female leader. In a one-page policy briefing released today he stated that under a National government he would undergo gender realignment to have what it takes to lead the Country.

Heh. Excellent.

ACT leader Rodney Hide could not be reached for comment having lost his cellphone while attempting to jump a shark on a jetski.

Ouch. That is so biting for those who remember Happy Days.

Green Party co-leader Russell Norman welcomed the move:

“In our party we have for a long time believed that a person’s sex was an important consideration when selecting an able leader. Our constitution requires it. We are glad that National are starting to adopt our sound policies also.”

This is true. Because Sue Bradford does not have a penis, she was ineligible to replace Rod Donald as a co-leader.

AUSA has retracted its $5,000 reward for anyone who makes a citizen’s arrest of Condoleezza Rice. I suspect someone pointed out to them their liability if a student trying to “win” the $5,000 got seriously injured doing so.

The AUSA President, David Do, who offered the reward is an active Labour Party member and a former Princes Street Branch Chair. Maybe a journalist can ask Helen her view of her party members trying to get the US Secretary of State arrested? [UPDATE: David Do tells me he resigned his Labour Party membership last year]

I’ve been told that the even bigger dicks in VUWSA has gone and offered a $10,000 reward – if true this would be from compulsory student fees.

The Canterbury student politicians seem more sensible, quoting the UCSA Blog:

As a student association, is this really their core business? Does arresting Condi help students in any way?

It’s crazy shit like this, which casts doubt on the credibility of Student representatives/politicians, and really hampers the effectiveness of our core responsibility, which is to represent students at our respective Universities.

Meanwhile Whale Oil offers his own $5,000 reward for a citizen’s arrest:

Popular and competent blogger Whaleoil has followed the lead of the Auckland University Students Association in offering a $5000 reward for the arrest of a well known criminal who has recently entered New Zealand: Winston Peters.

Cameron notes:

“And just before Peter Low gets on the phone, the competition is not open to triad gangs,” adds Slater.

Heh. For the avoidance of doubt I will point out the post is satire, not a literal accusation of criminal behaviour!

A very funny take-off of Kevin Rudd tying to explain the Australian Emissions Trading Scheme can be viewed as video here, or a transcript here.

Also I am sure Frog Blog will love the latest contest between two Australian PR agencies. Last week it was selling the invasion of New Zealand. This week it is selling the benefits of global warming.

The Loud agency goes for the emotions with the plight of a poor bird struggling to survive winter but there is hope if enough fossil fuels are burnt to warm the planet and rejuvenate plant life. Ursa however pushes the plight of the 100,000 homeless and how every mle you drive will help warm up the winter for homeless people.

I voted for Loud.