22 minutes
November 27th, 2010 at 2:16 pm by David FarrarAmused to read in the Dom Post that John Key has revealed more of his meeting with Russian President Dmitry Medvedev, sitting next to him at the APEC dinner.
Medvedev told the PM it would take 15 minutes for a missile from Moscow to reach Washington DC. The PM couldn’t contain his curiousity and asked how long it would take to reach NZ.
Medvedev consulted the person standing behind him and replied “22 minutes, but I’ll ring you beforehand” 
November 27th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Why would they fire it from Moscow?
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
So we’ve got time to turn the lights out.
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
I think the co-ordinates are entered before it is fired so turning out the lights aren’t going to help?
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Yeah but turning out the lights would make for much better views when it hit.
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
Have you ever wondered what would happen if a nuclear bomb goes off in your city?
http://www.carloslabs.com/node/20
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
Why waste a nuclear weapon on Auckland ? Surely Sydney / Melbourne would provide more bang for their rouble.
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 3:31 pm
Why assume Auckland?
It’s good to hear that they joke like normal people. As long as they keep joking….
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 3:37 pm
Pete George – maximum damage. 1.3 million crispy critters.
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 4:08 pm
Uh duh – John Key should know better than to ask that as due to our anti nuclear legislation the missile would splash into the ocean just outside our economic zone – shesh surely the Russian President would know this?
I mean the US are so dumb spending all their billions on missile defense – all they need to do is pass anti nuclear legislation and the whole of the US would be safe………grrr how dumb are they?
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
What, why waste missiles on Washington DC and Wellington. they can be put to far better use on those sister chasing cantab types.
Vote:I’m joking cantabs, honest
November 27th, 2010 at 4:41 pm
JW
And presumably Wussel will be there at the ‘border’ watching as it drops minto (sorry, into) the ocean – and be waving his (white?) flag in ‘celebration’.
One can but hope, especially as the warheads DO detonate on contact – even with the sea. . .
Of course, it WOULD give a totally new meaning to the phrase ‘Fried Greens’
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
I understand the Russians removed their co-ordinates when we went nuclear free and shut out American warships. 22 minutes gives us enough time to say the lord’s prayer, by the time we are told they are coming. Interestingly there was a false alarm when Lange thought it was all over for us. But I guess the nuclear free legislation convinced the Russians to turn them back.
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
I am waiting for Johnboy’s little jem on this
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 4:57 pm
I don’t think that Russian ICBM’s based near Moscow have the range to target NZ. We will be in range of mid-Pacific SLBM’s – and flight times will be a lot less than 22 mins. Just enough time for the greenies to soylent themselves.
A Soviet era joke: What should you do in the event of a nuclear war? Don’t panic, just wrap yourself in a white sheet and walk slowly to the nearest cemetery. Why slowly? – so as not to cause panic.
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 5:16 pm
“I understand the Russians removed their co-ordinates when we went nuclear free and shut out American warships.”
Yes I understand that also tvb. Crikey isn’t our anti-nucular law-shield thingy just fucking amazing.
At one stroke we eliminate the possibilty of nucular annhilation.
Fucking hell.
You’d think the rest of the world would have caught on by now, wouldn’t you…
Just pass a law, people, just pass a law…
Don’t they realise the penalties if/when they ever violate it? We’ll sue their asses off at the Hague. Fuck em. Hah. So there.
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 5:16 pm
grumpyoldhori
tee hee…nuclear destruction of canterbury is the only way auckland will ever win the s14/15 or the ranfuly shield..
Vote:now that you’ve got the mad marxist brown as mayor..he may just ring medvedev.
November 27th, 2010 at 5:17 pm
Hell Magnanomis, they have to have a few subs left, but could we turn the lights out with only 4 minutes notice. Not counting on getting any great photos in this scenario
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 5:30 pm
Yvette. Pour vous. Écoute soigneusement je dirai ceci seulement une fois.
I suggest that at 21min 59sec after launch we all deeply inhale just to piss off Saint David wherever he is.
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Bonsoir à vous, Johnboy
However I wonder, while nobody else seems to, although president Obama may be curious, but what would have been the question that John Key asked of President Dmitry Medvedev, that the answer was “We can take out Washington in 15 minutes”?
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Perhaps he is concerned that Washington will make public what he had to do for Hillary to become her friend Yvette?
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 6:54 pm
Well, we may find that out just shortly with Wikileaks : )
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 6:58 pm
Царь-бомба
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 7:04 pm
Wikileaks are maybe less damaging than Willileaks.
Vote:
November 27th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
There was the sign, SOCIAL CREDIT IS THE ANSWER !
Vote:under which someone wrote IT MUST HAVE BEEN A BLOODY SILLY QUESTION.
So I wonder still what John Key had asked the Russian President.
November 27th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
“Medvedev consulted the person standing behind him and replied “22 minutes, but I’ll ring you beforehand”
Key’s reponse:
“New Zealand’s retaliation will be swift & mercifulness. We’ll make Helen Clark the ambassador to Moscow.”
Medvedev:
“My god man, that is not a proportional response!”
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 8:54 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZMwKPmsbWE
WTF Mate? ^^
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 9:04 pm
Hmm, this reminds me of a story that Russia once offered Jim Bolger one of their nuclear subs in lieu of overdue payments for butter.
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 9:44 pm
I refuse to believe that intercontinental ballistic missiles are so damned fast. Let us not forget that N.Z. is a long way from anywhere, and even further from Vladisvostok. How fast would a missile have to go to get from Vladisvostok to Auckland in 22 minutes. I think the speed would have to be about ten times as fast as the barrell velocity of a .303 bullet.
Vote:Twenty two minutes! My bullshit detectors have been placed upon alert.
November 27th, 2010 at 9:56 pm
22 minutes ?, Whats the bet the useless rusky bastards miss Dorkland completely. Probably land on some poor cockies cowshed, oh well at least they will get the milking off.
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
Prime Minister Key has a total responsibility to inform me of my opportunity to photography a Russian attack and I need at least 22 minutes
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
Tauhei.
.303 about 2600 FPS muzzle velocity = 1773 mph
Trident ICBM about 13400 mph.
Time to hit target on other side of world approx 20 mins.
Medvedev’s man knew his stuff.
Maybe he was the Russkie equivalent of the Yanks “football” carrier.
Vodka “bottle” carrier perhaps.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100325191228AAnMsJp
Vote:November 27th, 2010 at 10:52 pm
Consider the Topol (NATO codename SS-27 Sickle), Russia’s newest and first post-Soviet land based ICBM. It has a max range of approx 11, 000 km and travels at 7,320 m/s (about 24,000 feet per second) during the boost phase.
However, Topols are only verifiably deployed in European Russia (either in silo’s or on mobile launchers). The direct flight path from launch areas to NZ exceeds 15,000 km.
Topol’s CEP (circular error of probability) is reputed to be 200 m (ie, 50% of missiles are expected to ‘land’ within 200 m of the designated, programmed target.
The Bulava, a new Russian SLBM, is based on the Topol, with a similar max range. However, it has failed several times during testing and has yet to enter service. The Russians are building new submarines for the Bulava and may convert some existing subs to take the Bulava. The Russians have older subs with older, mainly liquid fueled, SLBMS: this means they are more of a threat to the Russians than us.
Meanwhile, the Chinese…..
Vote:November 28th, 2010 at 12:30 am
However the R36M2′s (SS-18 Satan Mod 5) based at Uzhur have a range in the region of 16,000km and it is less than 13,000km by direct route to Auckland and they deliver 10 MIRV’s in the 750KT range.
Flight time is closer to 27 minutes though.
Another option would be Pacific Fleet Delta III’s firing 9,000km range R-29RL missiles (SS-N-18) with single 450KT warheads. Flight time is closer to 20 mins at max range. The launch point would be about 500KM east of the Kamchatka Peninsula
Vote:November 28th, 2010 at 1:02 am
Let’s hope he doesn;t try to warn us by internet, it would take about fifty minutes before the f88n mesage could be successfully downloaded.
Vote:November 28th, 2010 at 10:07 am
I don’t think the Ruskies will tell you exactly where their missiles are housed, could be anywhere . For the US they be close to China, so 22 minutes is not out of the question. For JK to ask they question shows how at ease he is with the power brokers of the World.
Vote:November 28th, 2010 at 10:24 am
My understanding is that nuclear-armed US subs have hidden out in the Southwestern Fiords, which technically does not violate NZ’s nuclear free status. However, I am not sure what sort of range those subs have, or whether they could hit Russia from there.
Vote:November 28th, 2010 at 10:53 am
johnboy,
Vote:Thank you for your information. I did not know that inter continental ballistic missiles were so fast.
21,565 kilometres per hour!
November 28th, 2010 at 11:36 pm
Perhaps when JK was told it would only take 22 minutes, he should have responded “a-ha, good thing NZ is about to sign up to the US missile shield programme then” and watched Dmitry Medvedev’s expression change to a darker shade of red
Vote: