The Dim Post

[This was posted as a comment, and has also been going around by e-mail. Worthy of a front page post]

Clark Lash’s Out at ‘Cannibal Bill’ Critics.
Monday November 26, 2007

Prime Minister Helen Clark has delivered a stinging attack on opponents of the Electoral Voter Consumption Bill. The controversial legislation that would allow Cabinet Members to kill and eat members of the public has been opposed by opposition parties and human rights organisations.

‘The critics of this bill are the usual hollow men that want big business and religious creeps to be able to buy and sell our democracy to the highest bidder,’ Clark announced at her post-cabinet press conference. ‘We intend to address the shocking corruption and anti-democratic practices showed by some groups and parties by devouring our enemies alive. This will act as a strong deterrent to future election buying attempts and it will also endow us with the strength and power of those we kill.’

The Labour Party introduced the legislation in response to a police investigation into the activities of senior Labour MP’s Trevor Mallard and Parekura Horomia. Both politicians have eaten numerous members of the public over recent months, but despite police raids on their offices and homes that uncovered human skeletons, frozen meat and rotting offal the police have refused to press charges, citing legal uncertainties and insisting that bringing charges would not be in the public interest.

‘The law around whether cabinet members can smash peoples skulls open and feast open the contents is unclear,’ Clark announced today. ‘All that this bill does is clarify the confusion surrounding this issue.’

National leader John Key has announced his attention to repeal the bill should National come to power in the next election. But in a rare display of disunity, former National Deputy leader Gerry Brownlee will be crossing the floor to vote in favour of the bill.
Mr Brownlee is currently under investigation by the police for his suspected involvement in the disappearance of political journalist Barry Soper.

The Dim-Post

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