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July 10, 2008 2:47pm by David Farrar

Labour’s new pledge card

No Minister has a copy of the 2008 Labour Pledge Card, taken from Hitting Metal With A Hammer.

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Humour
NZ Politics
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pledge card

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Comments (96)

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calendar girl

At least the photo’s honest.
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July 10, 2008 2:54pm
philu

keys’ is .

.”..just keep smiling..!..say nothing..!..”

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 3:10pm
Ross Miller

Only thing wrong is that the flag is flying right way up.

Upside down = distress = big trouble = caught lying (again) = in need of ‘professional’ help = 29% in the polls.
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July 10, 2008 3:11pm
philu

hides’ is..

“..i used to be..now i just drink tea..”

peters’ is..

“..i pirouette..therefore i am..”

normans’ is..

“..i am green..!..i must be seen..!..”

dunne is..

“..i am a pompadoured prick..!..”

anderton is..

“..i have a safe seat..so you can all get fucked..!..”

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 3:16pm
Murray

Nothing to stop you linking to the source David.

[DPF: Oh didn’t notice that No Minister had taken it from you. Just saw it and liked it! Will add on a second HT]
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July 10, 2008 3:25pm
roger nome

nah Phil,

John Key’s is:

“I promise to be ambitious for my CV … and the Aussie insurance industry …. oh is that a coldplay song i hear on the radio? Gotta go!
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July 10, 2008 3:28pm
roger nome

..
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July 10, 2008 3:29pm
Murray

Once again the tag team of stupidity talks without resorting to fact. He did link to No Misiter and they are not source. Thats not bad, you got two wrong answers out of one line.

Here wodga this big silce of “fuck off loser” pie is yours. Big bite now.
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July 10, 2008 3:32pm
3-coil

Roger Gnome (3:28pm): 3 errors in that 1-line try-hard attempt at humour. NZ’s educational standards are obviously tanking like Cullen’s economy.

Edit: Sorry, 4 (no closing quotation marks). 🙂
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July 10, 2008 3:33pm
Murray

Ooo just sneaked in in time to delete your bullshit wank wodga.

Never mind there’s 99.9% propability that’ll be just as big a fuckwit on the next one.

… is the smartest thing to come out f you without using porcelain yet.
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July 10, 2008 3:39pm
samv

Yet another diversion post! How ironic that this picture/post is just as ad-hominum (nay, more so) than the actions it is protesting.
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July 10, 2008 3:43pm
getstaffed

That is a truly horrible photo of Dear Leader! At least it’s authentic.
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July 10, 2008 3:45pm
Murray

The truth is horrible getstaffed.
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July 10, 2008 3:47pm
philu

how about a brash-key doll..?

with interchangable rip-off heads..?

or..have the head with brash-face on one side..

..and key-face on the other..

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 3:54pm
Murray

How about rehab?
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July 10, 2008 3:55pm
roger nome

muzza, how about some ablutions for that fetid mouth of yours? Oh, and from what I’ve heard, some liposuction wouldn’t hurt either 😉
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July 10, 2008 3:59pm
Murray

Umm… no.

Get fucked.
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July 10, 2008 4:02pm
philu

more key-slogans:..

“meet the new boss..!..same as the old boss..!’

“take me as i am..!”

“now you see me..now you don’t..”

“..did i say that..?..”

“private-partnership is not privatisation..!..will you swallow that..?..”

“the boys are back in town..!..”

(and one for norman:..

“is this the ghost of nandor i see before me..?”

phil(whoar.co.nz)

(maybe we should give norman the moniker..

..russell ‘macbeth’ norman..)
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July 10, 2008 4:03pm
Murray

So thats a no to rehab then?
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July 10, 2008 4:05pm
philu

gee muzza..!..

how long did it take you to think that up..?

not the fastest/edgiest creative-process you’ve got there..eh..?

some would say your offering is a tad ‘laboured’..

eh darling..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 4:10pm
philu

that’s a no to the abflex-pro then..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 4:11pm
Murray

It evidently took me a LOT less time than you inspite of the thought having so many more cells to get though.
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July 10, 2008 4:13pm
Patrick Starr

“more key-slogans:..”

….drug testing for benefit bludgers

philu says “now you see me..now you don’t..”
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July 10, 2008 4:21pm
Murray

If they drained the drugs out of phool he’d look like a wet plastic bag.
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July 10, 2008 4:22pm
roger nome

“Get fucked” – is that really it muz? Boy, you’ve got me there. What a mind. No coming back from that one. Poor muz … corpulent and cerebrally challenged … You must be real popular with the gals hey bro?
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July 10, 2008 4:22pm
Murray

Its all you’re worth.

I did take the trouble to point out your gross errors but you 1984’d them. So, yep. get fucked is all yours.
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July 10, 2008 4:23pm
Patrick Starr

dont be so hard on wet plastic bags
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July 10, 2008 4:25pm
philu

patrick numb-nuts starr..

have you met mad-muzza yet..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 4:26pm
Murray

Gog point, they at least have their uses.

A used condom perhaps.
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July 10, 2008 4:27pm
philu

cutting-wit there..from numb-nuts and muzza..

eh..?

sorta like an antipodean alonquin..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 4:28pm
Murray

The lefts own shining wit ladies and gentlemen.

Brought to you by spoonerisms-r-us.
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July 10, 2008 4:30pm
roger nome

Speaking of “gross”, how about that ab-flex muz? I think phil was on to something there.

Or maybe you could enforce some “regulations” on yourself? Only one pie per week? Or maybe if you’re too week we could get nanny state to do that for you? You know, some pie ration tokens for the grossly corpulent, or something like that? Just bouncing a few ideas around, what do you think?
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July 10, 2008 4:31pm
Murray

Ooo good one wodga, call me fat! phool was stoking himself about how clever you guys are.

You call me fat, I’ll call you and idiot.

I’m happy being fat and you are evidently happy being a total dickhead.

I could diet, you’ll always be a dickhead.
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July 10, 2008 4:33pm
philu

corpo-welfare..?

not corporate..!….corpulent..

roll up..!..roll up..!

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 4:34pm
philu

would you like my pot-based dieting ‘recipie’ there..?..muzza..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 4:36pm
roger nome

“I could diet”

But diets don’t work, don’t you know muz? And you’ll always be a little slow upstairs as well. You may be able to do something about that anger management problem though. Count to ten … breath etc, you know? I think I’ve told you before, obesity and anger problems, put together, don’t bode well for your coronary future. Just some friendly advice. Don’t thank me for it though, my reward is helping you out muz.
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July 10, 2008 4:36pm
Inventory2

I don’t know why the leftie trolls are so keen to put a John Key spin on this. The pledge card was Labour’s innovation in 1999, continued in 2002 then again in 2005, funded illegally by Labour with the assistance of the taxpayer. The photograph was a fraud in 1999 and in all subsequent uses, portraying an airbrushed, “ageless” Helen Clark. The pledge card photograph symbolises what Labour has become – deceitful, dishonest, and a triumph of style over substance; ironic, given that Labour has frequently criticised John Key for that exact trait!
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July 10, 2008 4:38pm
Murray

And I believe at this point we have diluted the lefts debating skills down to “yeah well you’re a fatty”.

So we do a quick karma count and its an ass kicking to goose egg. I shall leave the playpen twins of interlectual discourse to themselves.

Bored now.
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July 10, 2008 4:38pm
big bruv

Troll alert!

Guess this post is really pissing off the pinko’s, well done DPF.
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July 10, 2008 4:40pm
philu

yeah..fat/angry man..

it’s a toxic recipie..

doyareallyluv your animal fats..?..do ya muzza..

nothing better that a greasy burp..and a wipe across the mouth with the back of the hand..eh..?

are you at the elasti-waist stage yet..?

up for a reality tv show..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 4:40pm
big bruv

Philu

How on earth do you find time to blog during the school holidays given that is your piss poor excuse for not getting a job?
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July 10, 2008 4:43pm
philu

oh look..!..

muzza’s off for a munch..!

retreating/hiding to/in food..

you fancy yourself at being able to ‘hand it out’.?

..doncha muzza..?

you will throw the vilest insults you can drag out of your fetid offal-pit of a mind..

it get’s pointed out to you that you are a greedy bastard..with a waistline to match..

and you boo hoo..!..run away..

feckin’ pansywaisted wimp..!

go and oil-up/stroke your gun barrel..

you sad man..

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 4:46pm
big bruv

Jesus Philu, I can just imagine how popular you will be at the next bloggers drinks.
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July 10, 2008 4:47pm
Patrick Starr

and here I was led to believe that these lefties invented PC?
guess they’ve learned a lot from Helen over the last 9 years huh?

yeah Bruv, I’m looking forward to meeting him
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July 10, 2008 4:48pm
roger nome

“So we do a quick karma count”

heh – yeah, I think I’ve seen dad4justice on about 30 positive karma before. Don’t think I’ve seen legal academic Graeme Edgler get much more than 5 though. So according to kiwiblog D4J is a genius and Edgler is a sub-normal. Must be true.
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July 10, 2008 4:48pm
philu

ooohhh..!!!..

that felt good..!

(a burger in one hand..and your dick in the other..eh..?..)

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 4:48pm
PhilBest

On the subject of Our Dear Leader’s airbrushed/photoshopped portrait, is it TRUE that THIS is what is hanging in the Parliamentary Gallery of NZ’s Prime Ministers? If so, this is pushing it a bit far, isn’t it?
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July 10, 2008 4:51pm
Patrick Starr

Philu – stop sharing with us what we cant see you doing
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July 10, 2008 4:51pm
big bruv

Patrick Starr

It would be interesting to say the least, I can just imagine the converstaion….

Philu “Why does everybody take an instant dislike to me Patrick?”

Patrick ” It saves time Philu”
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July 10, 2008 4:51pm
PhilBest

Isn’t it funny how the Left is quite happy to appoint itself policeman about what food we eat, but it is “hate speech” if anyone wants to suggest that self-control is better than being gay and being proud of it?
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July 10, 2008 4:54pm
philu

aww..!..did someone say something ‘nasty’ to/about mad-muzza..?

why oh why would they do that..?

he is such a delicate flower..

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 4:56pm
philu

and here we all are at kiwiblog..

a/the ‘hate-speech-free zone’..eh..?

how dare i..!

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 4:58pm
roger nome

“self-control is better than being gay”

How do you know that it’s bad to be gay Mr Best? Are you saying that you’ve tried it?

“big bruv” If you’re at the bloggers’ drinks I hope they’ve got security. That’s a pretty “interesting” mind you’ve got there. I’d hate to see what happens after a few beers. Scary thoughts…

And imagine what would happen if muzza, barnsley, et al came along? Jesus, i’m wondering why any lefty would go along.
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July 10, 2008 4:58pm
Patrick Starr

Philu had gone all quiet, I was thinking maybe he confused which hand the burger was in?

Roger, Are you saying you dont know if you could control yourself after a few drinks and therefore hope security is present?
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July 10, 2008 4:58pm
philu

wow..!..phil-the-inferior is a ‘self-control’ sorta guy..

kinda ‘fits’..

eh..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 5:03pm
philu

i took on eight or nine of them last time..

very liberating to ‘hand it out’..face to face..

made me yearn for the old-school town-hall political meetings/debates..

it got red-faced/fiery at times..

..but no ‘security’ issues..

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 5:09pm
Tauhei Notts

Here’s something from left field, but;
The Aussie bookmakers give the Warriors a better chance of beating North Queensland than they give Key of winning the election.
Those bookies; if they get it wrong they pay. I thought that Key would have been much shorter in the market.
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July 10, 2008 5:20pm
gd

She really has become a cartoon character All but her most fervent supporters like the dimbulbs that post here are now seeing her for what she always was Ahh well better late than never but it has been frustrating over the many years watching so many citizens being conned by her and her hangers on.
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July 10, 2008 5:21pm
Fisiani

Question for some serious answer.
Could such a pledge card be delivered to households and would it breach the EFA? ( assuming a promoters name and address is added to it)
It does not promote any party nor does it attack any party or person. You might infer that it does but that is only an intrerpretation. It is actually very clever.
If it does breach then how does it breach?
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July 10, 2008 5:51pm
Barnsley Bill

Well…. eger moron. I will be at the next bloggers drinks in auckland.. You should come along. I am sure we will be able to find a wheely bin for you to go home in.

Oh, and an earlier commenter mentioned labour’s first use of the pledge card.. They actually borrowed the idea from the mass murderer Tony Blair in England.
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July 10, 2008 6:47pm
the deity formerly known as nigel6888

good point bill. In fact most of labour’s policies were written for them in the UK. But when the socialists do it, apparently its ok.
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July 10, 2008 7:08pm
expat

According to the conspiracy theorists (aka fruit loops) at the substandard, John Key and Cameron Bagrie and the ANZ are plotting a subversive coup against Hulun and Mikhael by daring to suggest that investment in gummint services has been somewhat haphazard.

Obviously the productivity growth in NZ gummint workers has been degraded substantially by all the blogging and latte sipping they do while supposedly helping union members and contributing to the development of NZ. Yeah Right.
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July 10, 2008 7:08pm
expat

labour ministers havent had an original policy thought between the lot of them, its all been nicked from nu labour and the ockers.
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July 10, 2008 7:11pm
the deity formerly known as nigel6888

yeah, funny how Cullen claims that Cam Bagrie has no idea how government really works – wonder where Cam worked before he went to the National Bank?

Oh thats right, Treasury.

Hmm, so who do you trust on the economic implications of loose fiscal management – a respected economist – who puts his employers money where his mouth is, and happens to have a solid Treasury background, or, a history teacher?

big call that. Give the man a DB.
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July 10, 2008 7:12pm
expat

Do you reckon if we had a whip around we could get Hulun and Mikhael one way tickets to Norway?
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July 10, 2008 7:19pm
philu

is that that same treasury that has a track record of always wrong predictions..on most things..?

(just wondering..eh..?..)

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 10, 2008 7:41pm
the deity formerly known as nigel6888

no phul, that would be the Treasury that led the country into a modern economy, and fixed up all the muldoonist rubbish. Cam was well out of there by the late 1990s before it was turned into a safe little helper guaranteed never to offend its master.

Latest I heard, the rest of government departments are so embarrassed at how much money they are swimming in, they were planning a whipround to fund a bid for Treasury to start doing expenditure control again – if it can remember how.

Or do you think a web site really does cost $5m?
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July 10, 2008 8:24pm
Fisiani

3 hours since I put up the request as to whether the pledge card above with name and address of promoter in any way breaches the EFA. Surely there is someone glancing at this thread who can give a definitive answer. Remember that Labour seriously claimed that their pledge cards were not electioneering. This is a pseudo-pledge card.
Surely this is just ironic commentary and does not in amy way solicit votes or seek to impugn other parties.
Could humour be the horse and cart that drives through the EFA and thus enables Bob Jones and others to have serious fun over the next few months.
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July 10, 2008 8:35pm
burt

roger nome

How do you know that it’s bad to be gay Mr Best? Are you saying that you’ve tried it?

I don’t think that question is appropriate roger, it’s rather personal and really it’s asking a lot for somebody to expose their sexuality on a blog where people have preconceived ideas about what is good and what is bad. I think you should, being a vegan and all, understand this ‘pigeon hole’ people put people in is not a nice experience for people who are struggling with it themselves.

Please roger, don’t be so insensitive.
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July 10, 2008 10:27pm
Patrick Starr

Nome and Philu would be two of the most insensitive green voting lefties I’ve ever seen. They shed an entire new light on the green left PC movement
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July 10, 2008 10:31pm
burt

Patrick Starr

One of the biggest shockers from roger was him crowing that milk and dairy price rises didn’t effect him so he didn’t worry about it.

He almost said… Stuff the rest of you – I’m OK!

That’s a true lefty for ya – me me me!
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July 10, 2008 10:36pm
OECD rank 22 kiwi

Well that certainly is the most accurate Labour pledge card ever.

The best result however is that it didn’t cost the ordinary hard working taxpayers of New Zealand $800,000, unlike the last one.
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July 10, 2008 10:55pm
burt

OECD

This one probably has a higher chance of having charges laid because of it as well…..
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July 10, 2008 10:59pm
RRM

Ooh look; in the bottom RH corner they’ve turned the seal of the House into someone giving the Fingers!
What’s really funny about that pledge card, is that that’s probably the most imaginative part of the whole thing!

haw haw haw…
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July 11, 2008 12:35am
expat

og look the MED has spent x million on a website that no-one uses! How creative!
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July 11, 2008 1:49am
capills_enema

Everyone seems a bit tetchy tonight. Whatever happened to the high-minded discourse, the speaking of truth to power without rancour or potty words, for which Kiwiblog is renowned?
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July 11, 2008 2:08am
expat

go and flush your colon capill.
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July 11, 2008 2:15am
OECD rank 22 kiwi

capills_enema:

Diddums! 😀
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July 11, 2008 2:28am
capills_enema

See this is what I’m talking about. It’s very disappointing.
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July 11, 2008 2:34am
expat

Don’t worry it hurts you more than it hurts me.
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July 11, 2008 2:41am
OECD rank 22 kiwi

Judging by the photo on the pledge card I’d say, once Hels is unceremoniously removed from office later this year, she will be making a television appearance on “Ten years younger”.
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July 11, 2008 2:45am
expat

I still think Hels must be a candidate for rolling very soon. Her and Mikhael must be on shakey ground, will anyone inside the current senior labour mp’s be a) prepared to be the night watchman, b) have enough balls.

a) dunno b) not likely
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July 11, 2008 2:49am
OECD rank 22 kiwi

We all know Labour is going to self destruct. The only question is how many players will be on the field. Do a change before the election and they have a full team making the decision. This is unlikely because Hels is a control freak and the one area she has been putting all her energies into over the last nine years is maintaining power, hence an economy in deep recession. After the election Labour’s ranks will be decimated and Hels powerbase crushed. All Goff has to do is kick Hels front door in and the whole rotten edifice will come crashing down. Good times.
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July 11, 2008 3:01am
expat

Yeah but I’d like to see her humiliated before the election. But thats just my selfish side.
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July 11, 2008 4:09am
OECD rank 22 kiwi

I like to see Hels humiliated all the time too. There’ll be a plethora of opportunity to watch her being humiliated after she’s pushed from office. Her past dealings in political life involve literally copious amounts of “Bad Blood”.
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July 11, 2008 4:43am
expat

Stop talking dirty OECD.
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July 11, 2008 4:48am
the deity formerly known as nigel6888

yeah OECD, expat is getting all hot and bothered

🙂
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July 11, 2008 7:42am
philu

“..self-control is better than being gay..”

the above is (in his own words) phil-the-inferiors’ pledge card..

whoar..!

eh..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 11, 2008 8:12am
expat

what? that makes little sense phil.
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July 11, 2008 8:21am
PhilBest

Look, I think fatties should start a “fat pride” movement. Eating burgers feels good, no-one’s going to take away our rights to do it, it’s our bodies, and it is hate speech to criticise us for our lack of self control.

Sauce for the goose…………..
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July 11, 2008 8:48am
PhilBest

And just a TAD of HYPOCRISY from the gay-pride-supporting, anti-obesity crowd on the ninth floor, don’t you think?
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July 11, 2008 8:50am
expat

The cadre of soon to be UNEMPLOYED weasels you mean?
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July 11, 2008 8:55am
philu

eapat..ask phil-the-inferior to explain it to you..

(after all..he is the one ‘wrestling with it’..eh..?…)

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 11, 2008 8:58am
expat

you and phil need to get a room.
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July 11, 2008 9:06am
Falafulu Fisi

Phil U, just curious, did you use to be a Lisp computer programmer in the past? Certainly, I’ve seen job ad for Lisp programmer being advertised online, recently. You’re in hot demand Phil. The reason I asked, is because your writing style is definitely a Lisp-grammar. Here is a sample Lisp code found on this page :

——————————————————————-
;; Declare the correct package for this application;
;; for this example, use the “user” package.
(in-package “USER”)

;; Define a default size for the queue. (defconstant default-queue-size 100 “Default size of a queue”)

;;; The following structure encapsulates a queue. It contains a ;;; simple vector to hold the elements and a pair of pointers to ;;; index into the vector. One is a “put pointer” that indicates ;;; where the next element is stored into the queue. The other is ;;; a “get pointer” that indicates the place from which the next ;;; element is retrieved. ;;; ;;; When put-ptr = get-ptr, the queue is empty. ;;; When put-ptr + 1 = get-ptr, the queue is full. (defstruct (queue (:constructor create-queue) (:print-function queue-print-function)) (elements #() :type simple-vector) ; simple vector of elements (put-ptr 0 :type fixnum) ; next place to put an element (get-ptr 0 :type fixnum) ; next place to take an element )

;; To make QUEUE-NEXT efficient, give the Compiler some hints. (eval-when (compile eval) (proclaim ‘(inline queue-next)) (proclaim ‘(function queue-next (queue fixnum) fixnum)) )

(defun queue-next (queue ptr) “Increment a queue pointer by 1 and wrap around if needed.” (let ((length (length (queue-elements queue))) (try (the fixnum (1+ ptr)))) (if (= try length) 0 try)))

(defun queue-get (queue &optional (default nil)) ; return DEFAULT if the queue is empty.” “Get an element from QUEUE (check-type queue queue) (let ((get (queue-get-ptr queue)) (put (queue-put-ptr queue))) (if (= get put) ;; Queue is empty. default ;; Get the element and update the get-ptr. (prog1 (svref (queue-elements queue) get) (setf (queue-get-ptr queue) (queue-next queue get))))))

;; Define a function to put an element into the queue. If the ;; queue is already full, QUEUE-PUT returns NIL. If the queue ;; isn’t full, QUEUE-PUT stores the element and returns T. (defun queue-put (queue element) “Store ELEMENT in the QUEUE and return T on success or NIL on failure.” (check-type queue queue) (let* ((get (queue-get-ptr queue)) (put (queue-put-ptr queue)) (next (queue-next queue put))) (unless (= get next) ;; store element (setf (svref (queue-elements queue) put) element) (setf (queue-put-ptr queue) next) ; update put-ptr t))) ; indicate success

;; Define a SETF method. (defsetf queue-get queue-put)

(defun queue-print-function (queue stream depth) “This is the function used to print queue structures.” (declare (ignore depth)) (multiple-value-bind (current-size max-size) (queue-length queue) (format stream “#” current-size max-size (liquid::%pointer queue))))

(defun queue-length (queue) “Returns as two values the number of elements in the queue and the maximum number of elements the queue can hold.” (check-type queue queue) (let ((length (length (queue-elements queue))) (delta (the fixnum (- (queue-put-ptr queue) (queue-get-ptr queue))))) (declare (fixnum length delta)) ;; The maximum number of elements the queue can hold is ;; (1- LENGTH) because a queue is empty when put-ptr = ;; get-ptr. (values (mod delta length) (the fixnum (1- length)))))

(defun queue-empty-p (queue) “Return T if QUEUE is empty.” (check-type queue queue) (= (queue-put-ptr queue) (queue-get-ptr queue)))

(defun queue-full-p (queue) “Return T if QUEUE is full.” (check-type queue queue) (= (queue-get-ptr queue) (queue-next queue (queue-put-ptr queue))))

;; Create a queue. The :ELEMENTS keyword specifies a simple ;; vector to hold the elements of the queue. Note that the ;; maximum number of elements the queue can hold is one less than ;; the length of the vector. (defun make-queue (&key (elements (make-array (1+ default-queue-size)))) “Create a queue.” (check-type elements simple-vector) (create-queue :elements elements))
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July 11, 2008 9:22am
philu

aren’t you a ‘strange little man/woman expat..?

..every morning..new evidence/proof of this..

..and fisi..

..i couldn’t program a clock-radio..

oh..!..it’s a joke..?

is it..?

why isn’t it funny..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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July 12, 2008 9:16am

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