Three weeks running!

Not even minor political incidents like the PM’s state of the nation address, Mr Bush’s one, the fallout from Orewa II has been enough to fill up the NBR, so for a third week in a row, yours truly has been lampooned.

If I was paranoid, I would suspect David Cohen is in fact “The Troll” 🙂

I hope NBR will allow me as the subject to bend the copyright laws slightly and include below their latest piss-take at my expense. Laughter is the best medicine they say, even though personally I would rather not be the cough syrup.

david’s email
The National Business Review – 4 February 2005 : 16-02

Subject: Catch-Up

Dear Supporters,
Welcome to the first of my pre-campaign Catch-Ups. After a decade of holding Senior Offices within the National Party Organisation, I had been thoroughly enjoying semi-retirement in the two or so years since quitting as Lower North Island Deputy Regional Chair. However, all good things must come to an end, and as many of you will know by now I have accepted the offer to be Mark Blumsky’s Campaign Chair and Manager for the Wellington Central Seat. My spare time has just disappeared!!!!

In today’s Catch-Up, I thought I would share a little bit about some of the important friends I have made over the years inside and outside the National Party …

Mark Blumsky: Mark is a dear personal friend, and an ideal Candidate with endless energy, ideas and positivity for Wellington. I know I am going to enjoy the Campaign, and already have been staggered at the amount of support there is for Mark. In fact, co-ordinating all the offers of help is probably my largest task. And those who have been involved in Campaigns before will know how vital a large Volunteer Base is!!!!

Katherine Rich: I am very, very sad about what happened this week. As well as being my favourite MP, Katherine is a wonderful friend. It’s pretty heart-breaking to see stuff like this happen to a close friend, even though it is part of Politics. As soon as I collect my emotions, you can be sure a few heads are going to roll over this latest kerfuffle – or my name’s not David P Farrar!!!!

Roger Sowry: Roger, of course, is quitting the political life later this year. Which is why I no longer tend to think of him as simply being one of New Zealand’s greatest MPs but just a terrific joker. As soon as he gets out of Politics, Roger has promised to take me to sightseeing up at the old Mangatinoka brewery and sundry other landmarks from his eventful life.

Dr Don Brash: When people wonder why I still haven’t run for Parliament, I simply point to this remarkable Leader. Only a few of us – myself included – are fortunate enough to call Don a best mate, and right now he needs friends like me on the outside more than the kind of leadership tussle that would be bound to happen were I to formally join the Caucus. And here’s a fascinating titbit many of you probably don’t know about this intensely private man: for many years now, Don has been married to a beautiful woman from Singapore a small Asian state located off the coast of China.

Jenny Shipley: It’s still not widely appreciated just how much of the true power behind Jenny’s political success came from her husband, Burton, whose cheerfulness and good humour sustained her Prime Ministership through many a dark hour. Whenever I used to see Burton in the Parliamentary Corridor, I would always make a point of lifting him off his feet and swinging him around in one of those huge bearhugs I reserve only for my most trusted political mates.

Ruth Richardson: The former Finance Minister once told me something very true about life and politics, but unfortunately I am not at liberty to share it.

Karl Rove: Shortly before the recent US election, I was surprised to receive an urgent late-night call from Karl, one of my oldest American friends. At the time the Democrats were leading the Republicans in the Polls, and the GOP Strategist was naturally worried about President Bush’s likely prospects in the November run-off. “Karl,” I told him, “winning a Campaign is about three things: Message. Message. Message.” And the rest, as they say, is history ….

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston: In happier times, I was privileged to hold regular long-distance ICQ conversations on the Internet with Brad and Jen. Oh, the cyber-laughs we shared!!!! Jen was always big on using smiley faces in her messages :- Then she gradually stopped using them – but sadly I never picked up on the real reason until it was too late. Why was I so blind to her growing emotional distress? Where was David P Farrar when Brad needed him the most? Look, if you want to judge these wonderful people over what’s happened to their marriage, then you might as well judge their closest New Zealand friend too. [Guards, take him away – Ed.]

%d bloggers like this: