Dom Post on Parties

The Dom Post on Saturday had an amusing editorial on political party positioning:

This is the story of Peter and Helen. They used to be an item but Peter moved out. He had a fling with Bruce, then shacked up with Jim, but the relationship ended when Winston moved in. Helen, meanwhile, got together with a different Jim. They’d had a thing before but it ended badly. Second time around it went better, but they’re just good friends. Jim doesn’t do it for her anymore. Now Peter and Helen are back together, but things aren’t going well. Winston has inveigled his way into their bed and Peter’s caught Helen making eyes at Jeanette.

Secretly he’d rather be with John, the new kid on the block, but that hasn’t stopped him scolding Helen for her wandering eye. Nor has it stopped him getting cross that John’s friend Bill has been telling people he thinks John will end up going with Tariana.

Then they get downright snarky with Peter Dunne:

As United Future leader Peter Dunne noted in his speech to the Tawa Rotary Club this week: “What’s the point of being the loyal and dutiful one, when the other party is out there playing fast and loose with the field?”

What indeed?

A life of selfless loyal devotion to Labour, then Future NZ, then United, then United Future has been rewarded by other parties treating him like a biddable commodity. Just what kind of politician do they think he is?

Even worse, they’ve started following his example.

Just because it’s okay for Mr Dunne to make overtures to National while in bed with Labour, doesn’t mean it’s okay for Labour to make eyes at the Greens or National to flirt with the Maori Party.

Leader John Key should be knocking on his door with a bunch of flowers.

Or that’s how Mr Dunne views the situation anyway.

If politicians are in any doubt as to why they rank below prostitutes, car salesmen and journalists in the latest Reader’s Digest trust survey they need wonder no longer.

And then back to the humour:

But what will happen next? Will Peter reveal a previously hidden passion for Jeanette? Will Winston finally announce his undying love – for himself? Will dancing aliens admit they’ve taken over Rodney’s body?

Will the other Jim (Anderton) consummate his long march from the political Left to the Right by joining ACT?

Will John succeed in seducing Tariana?

Or will Helen open the shower door to discover that MMP, like Bobby Ewing’s death in Dallas, has been a bad dream? New Zealand still has a first-past-the-post electoral system, Bruce Cliffe is still a National MP, Peter is still a Labour colleague, John is still making millions as a currency dealer in London, Jim is still not talking to her and Taito Phillip Field is still a trade union official with an interest in home renovation?

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