Dim-Post asks the hard questions

The Dim-Post asks the hard questions of John Key:

  1. Why did the jackals and wolves at Auckland zoo crawl to the front of their cages and prostate themselves before Key during a recent family visit?
  2. Why do retail staff at the mall near his home allege the MP and his family are stockpiling food, drinking water, ammunition and antibiotics?
  3. Is Key’s favourite musician really Robbie Williams? I mean, really? Robbie fucking Williams?
  4. How can he claim to represent the people of Helensville when his 2007 statement of assets list his primary residences as ‘hollowed out volcano’ and ‘orbital pain-control platform’?
  5. Why is he called Earnest in urban areas but Jack when canvassing for rural votes?
  6. Do rich dudes play Monopoly with real money or not?

Nicky Hager has intercepted a copy of Key’s draft answers and leaked them to me:

  1. Because Crosby/Textor ordered them to do so
  2. In case Helen steals another election
  3. No. That was a focus group supplied answer to appeal to 18 – 25 year olds
  4. It isn’t a volcano, it is just a large bach
  5. I prefer to be called Jack but as the public don’t want me to sell Earnest, I am keeping that name also for at least my first term of office
  6. No, because there are no $500 notes in real life. It’s like playing monopoly with nothing but $1 notes.

Comments (10)

Login to comment or vote

Add a Comment

%d bloggers like this: