Dear Phil

Phil Goff has been handing out lots of advice lately from telling Neelam Choudary to bring a chaperone to have coffee with Richard Worth, to his musings on how a younger woman would not be interested in an older man.

Cactus Kate has located further advice that Dear Phil has been handing out to his MPs. Here are some extracts – the full set is at Cactus Kate:

Dear Phil,

Simon keeps asking me for coffee after our Breakfast television spot early on Thursdays.

Should I take a chaperone?

Thanks and keep up the good work. I am enjoying your strong positive leadership.

Yours sincerely

Jacinda Ardern M.P.

And Phil’s reply:


Lovely to hear from you. I have looked up your parliamentary profile and indeed you are a strikingly beautiful young lady. I don’t know how I haven’t noticed you before and for that I apologise.

It is clear to me that you should always take a chaperone. That Bridges lad reminds me a lot of myself at that age. In which case you are always under danger.

I suggest speaking to one of Helen’s old people and arranging a chaperone. They could possibly wait in the car while you have these meetings and you can text a warning to them if you feel in danger. Make sure you keep these texts for later use. We could set Bridges up a beauty.




Dear Phil

I am embarrassed to mention this but considering your comments recently I need clarification.

As a woman if I receive some 100 text messages and phone calls in the space of a few months, should I think a man finds me sexually attractive?

I ask as it is Duncan Garner again, he just won’t leave me alone. Is he hiding his attraction to me under the guise of journalism? I am old enough to be his mother, but he’s a cuddly little pup.


Hon. Annette

Hopefully this may become a regular series!