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June 22, 2010 6:00pm by David Farrar

John Clarke explains the oil spill

Clarke is superb.

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Humour
BP
Humour
John Clarke

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Michaels

Beautiful.
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June 22, 2010 6:03pm
side show bob

Not sure the people of the gulf will see the humour.
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June 22, 2010 6:07pm
gazzmaniac

er, John Clarke has lived in Australia for a number of years and this was in fact on the ABC’s 7:30 report. Maybe if NZ stopped claiming Australian TV programming the Australians might stop claiming NZ’s soccer team.

Also, I never thought I’d see you write “Clarke is superb” 😉
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June 22, 2010 6:10pm
RRM

😀

For some reason I hear Muldoon and others of that era whenever he speaks.
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June 22, 2010 6:13pm
dad4justice

I wish Fred Dagg would come back home as this country needs some REAL BLOKES. Just look at the pathetic pc politicians and the girlymen communist media wimps.
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June 22, 2010 6:17pm
Steve

Hear hear D4J
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June 22, 2010 6:19pm
Steve

If Fred Dagg came across something called ETS he would just bury it in a gully down the back of the farm. But then I guess some wingnut would find it one day
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June 22, 2010 6:28pm
philu

ah..!…steve…!

my little afrikaaner-racist….!

..eh..?

and how is browns bay..?…these days..?

is yr colonisation/occupation complete…?

..fuck all ‘blacks’ there..eh..?

and…wrong again darling…!

clarks’ politics are yr worst nightmare….

(psst..!..i dunno that he is that keen on afrikaaner-racists..eh..?)

..and would probably ‘bury’ them before any ets…eh..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)

[DPF: 10 demerits – off topic and trolling]
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June 22, 2010 6:36pm
gazzmaniac

piss off Phil
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June 22, 2010 6:49pm
Johnboy

“and…wrong again darling…!

clarks’ politics are yr worst nightmare….

(psst..!..i dunno that he is that keen on afrikaaner-racists..eh..?)”

Know him well do you phool?
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June 22, 2010 7:03pm
Steve

Fucking wanker, I do not live in Brown’s Bay. Another guess gone wrong Phool. I have an Afrikaan surname, I am 3rd generation New Zealander. My NZ ancestors would be ashamed to support parasites like you.

You really are such a cunt

[DPF: 20 demerits]
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June 22, 2010 7:07pm
philu

mere details….the afrikaaner-racist is the main point…

..that you don’t deny…

..eh..?

my little afrikaaner/white-spremicist/-racist…?

..eh..?

(and my only clue was ‘steve’…eh..?..)

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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June 22, 2010 7:10pm
Steve

Take your insults to GD Phool
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June 22, 2010 7:12pm
gazzmaniac

…stick to the topic…

or piss off Phil…

…eh?…
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June 22, 2010 7:16pm
philu

and you can take yr fucken white-supremicist/racism somewhere fucken else..!..eh..?

..we don’t need racist-scum like you here…

(if you haven’t learnt in three generations…

..you never fucken will..)

..piss off…!

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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June 22, 2010 7:18pm
starboard

oh dear..phools about to have another online breakdown ..
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June 22, 2010 7:22pm
Steve

Keep taking the drugs and leave us normal people alone fuckwit. Where did you get the idea that I was a white-supremist/racist?

Must be all in your peabrained, drug fucked mind
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June 22, 2010 7:25pm
Johnboy

Twenty demerits for forgetting to insert the word ‘useless’ seems a tad harsh David.
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June 22, 2010 7:26pm
Inventory2

Philip Ure said

ah..!…steve…!

my little afrikaaner-racist….!

..eh..?

and how is browns bay..?…these days..?

is yr colonisation/occupation complete…?

..fuck all ‘blacks’ there..eh..?

and…wrong again darling…!

clarks’ politics are yr worst nightmare….

(psst..!..i dunno that he is that keen on afrikaaner-racists..eh..?)

..and would probably ‘bury’ them before any ets…eh..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)

[DPF: 10 demerits – off topic and trolling]

What a bugger eh; 10 more demerits, and Phil won’t have to go to the library for four weeks. Oh dear; how sad; never mind 🙂
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June 22, 2010 7:30pm
philu

“..Where did you get the idea that I was a white-supremist(sic)/racist?..”

aw..!..gee…!..i dunno…!

maybe yr ‘stupid black’ comments may have nudged me in that direction/ to that opinion…?

..eh..?

..i dunno…whatayareckon…?

..would that usually ‘do it’..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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June 22, 2010 7:34pm
Whafe

philu, I have no idea as to why your father wasted a load on you, he should have gone for the tummy lob………

Get a job man……………

[DPF: 20 demerits]
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June 22, 2010 7:40pm
philu

um…!..how is calling an afrikaaner-racist on his call that john clark wd support his racistpolitics..?

how the fuck is that ‘off-topic and trolling’…

and meanwhiile rightwing scumbags can say whatever they fucken like..wherever..eh..?

but hey..whatever..!..

fucken ban me..!

who gives a flying fuck..?

eh..?

your arbitrary-rulings are just ideologically-driven censorship-shit….

you..a fucken free-speech ‘liberal”..?..eh..?

don’t make me fucken laugh..!

eh..?

when was the last time you off-topiced a rightie..?

eh..?

fucken never…

that’s when..!

bah..!

fucken ‘whatever’…

..eh..?..

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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June 22, 2010 7:42pm
gazzmaniac

Please, please, go ahead and ban him! Please! Forever!
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June 22, 2010 7:43pm
Steve

My first demerits ever, but worth it, naming for one of those things you are Phool
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June 22, 2010 7:43pm
TimG_Oz

Errrrm .. meanwhile…. … … …

That was funny, but I thought this was funnier

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AAa0gd7ClM
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June 22, 2010 7:45pm
Johnboy

Well done Steve. You lost your virginity in a worthy cause. 🙂
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June 22, 2010 7:47pm
Sam Buchanan

Oh dear… and this thread started with such good humour…
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June 22, 2010 7:47pm
philu

and hey..!

if you ban me..you won’t have to put up with me calling you..and the fucken drongos.. on yr bullshit all the time..eh…?

and .. after all…you have got your benificiary-pogroms coming up..eh..?

the hate-posts will be flowing thick and fast then…eh..?

will you be getting yr fake-benificiary to do another ‘turn’..?

y’know..that one you had sitting on the lawn..drinking beer and waiting for the pizza to arrive..?

..and laughing at her mug-neighbors as they drove off to work..?

(that one got a ‘good’ comments-thread..eh..?

..the droogs really vented for you…eh..?..)

will she be appearing again..?

when yr benificiary hate-posts/pogroms start..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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June 22, 2010 7:49pm
RKBee

Really liked the character John Clark played Fred Dagg.. but have never warmed that much to John Clarke himself.. but still good dry humour..
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June 22, 2010 7:51pm
heathcote

Phool I would have thought you of all people would be able to spell beneficiary…..I mean…..you are the living definition of the word
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June 22, 2010 7:54pm
Johnboy

I wonder if John every played a stoned out loser with a bad attitude?

Must have a look through Youtube……..eh? 🙂
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June 22, 2010 7:56pm
Whafe

heathcote, +1, just beautiful…..
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June 22, 2010 7:59pm
Whafe

philu = you going into one mate, pucker up, you are going to blow a valve……. A job does so much good for the soul, try it, may surprise you…..
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June 22, 2010 8:00pm
starboard

…told ya ..online breakdown in one…heh loser ure so predictable
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June 22, 2010 8:02pm
Michaels

er, John Clarke has lived in Australia for a number of years and this was in fact on the ABC’s 7:30 report. Maybe if NZ stopped claiming Australian TV programming the Australians might stop claiming NZ’s soccer team.

Also, I never thought I’d see you write “Clarke is superb” 😉

He has indeed lived in Australia for many years, however, like a horse, several bands, and a few radio hosts, he is still a kiwi. But more importantly, he has an “E” on the end of his name!!!
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June 22, 2010 8:04pm
philu

and the reasonhe dosen’t come back here..

..is ‘cos he is scared of flying…

(quite a rational ‘fear’..i feel…)

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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June 22, 2010 8:09pm
Steve

philu = you going into one mate, pucker up, you are going to blow a valve……. A job does so much good for the soul, try it, may surprise you…..

Just need a one way valve, nothing to him and he pays tax.
Go for it idiot, blow your foo foo valve, have a fucking breakdown
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June 22, 2010 8:10pm
Johnboy

“..is ‘cos he is scared of flying…”

A joint would calm him down……eh?

Have one yerself Magpie before you blow something.
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June 22, 2010 8:21pm
godruelf

Always liked his plan to retent a few sheep. Guess now he would be retenting a few trees for the ETS.
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June 22, 2010 8:23pm
Ed Snack

Rule 1, don’t get into food fights; BUT, David, I think the original comment by philu thoroughly deserved the riposte. I am very disappointed in your tolerance for labelling people racist and then giving demerits for a response. You are, IMHO, far too tolerant of the trollish behaviour from Mr Ure, that was off topic, unpleasant, and unnecessary. Please take some more appropriate action.

Then onto the topic, Clarke is usually very funny with these monologues (or effective monologues), don’t know if it is well known here but he was in “The Gillies report” on Aus TV for a while, a sort of “Frost Report” style program.

I would argue (pointless when we’re talking satire, but never mind) about his “democratic solution” (liked the phrase !). BP is certainly not blaming the US Administration, although some commentators are. Some of the criticism does seem quite justified. The administration has been remarkably slow to take any effective action except for its shakedown of money from BP that one Democratic senator has already suggested be diverted to pay for the health care bill. When the Dutch offered skimming boats about 3 days after the spill, they were turned down because they weren’t US crewed as required under the 1920’s Jones Act (note that immediately after Katrina Bush suspended the act as he could, to enable appropriate relief to be ferried in on a temporary basis); in the big speech about the spill the whole schtick seemed to be that the solution was to build windmills, or something. In short, the UIS administration has acted in an utterly clueless fashion with that one signal exception, extracting money. One imagines that even Jimmy Carter might have been a bit more switched on.
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June 22, 2010 8:32pm
Mr Nobody NZ

Its your house DPF but I do agree with Ed’s comments above. Philu was trolling andgot exactly the response he was seeking.
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June 22, 2010 8:43pm
trout

Another look at John Clarke’s take on the ETS

http://layout-pat.blogspot.com/2010/06/john-clarke-with-his-take-on-ets-and.html

We need this man or his equivalent so badly in NZ; nothing like satire to prick the balloon of self important politicians and bureaucrats.
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June 22, 2010 8:47pm
philu

“..I am very disappointed in your tolerance for labelling people racist ..”

um..!if someone says ‘stupid blacks’…he is not a racist..?

yr making a lot of sense there…snack..

what wd be a racist comment..?

in yr book..?

‘stupid black’ obviously not making the grade…

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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June 22, 2010 8:48pm
big bruv

Phool

“fucken ban me..!

who gives a flying fuck..?

eh..?”

Evidently you care quite a bit.
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June 22, 2010 8:55pm
Will de Cleene

Fred Dagg died and ascended bodily to Melbourne. I still reckon we owe him a gong.
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June 22, 2010 8:55pm
Whafe

in my book, “white mother fuckers” is racist philu………

I too agree that it is your casa DPF, but could you answer as to why you are so lenient on an oxygen thief like philu?

Surely there should be a Kiwiblog rule that professional full time bludgers should not be allowed to participate in the blog scenes??
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June 22, 2010 8:59pm
Whafe

b bruv, dont try and reason with an idiot, it is an impossible feat…
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June 22, 2010 9:00pm
Hurf Durf

Another thread ruined by that fuckwit Philip.

Is the head librarian getting annoyed by your hogging of bandwidth yet?
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June 22, 2010 10:04pm
PaulL

1. Yes, ruined
2. I call bullshit on the library story

As for the thread. Did you hear the US Senate/Congress or whatever, having a go at the CEO of BP? Pathetic. And then the lefty media climbing on. It’s bloody obvious that, in the US legal system, you’d be an idiot to admit anything on TV, you’ll end up getting sued. So of course he said nothing. Hard work spending that long getting abused and saying nothing – he definitely earned his pay that day. What I can’t understand is why the hippies couldn’t see the cause and effect there – they support the system that creates exactly that behaviour – lawyers biggest donors to the Democratic party.
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June 22, 2010 10:13pm
philu

“..What I can’t understand is why the hippies couldn’t see the cause and effect there – they support the system that creates exactly that behaviour..”

you mean how the regulatory bodies became so corrupted/loaded with industry insiders … under bush jnr…?

..and therefor totally ineffectual..?

phil(whoar.co.nz)
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June 22, 2010 10:18pm
Harpoon

Phil’s correct. US govt regulator staff have been found to be in the pay of the oil companies. Some were literally in bed with the managers and directors of the oil companies they were inspecting.
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June 22, 2010 11:08pm
Hurf Durf

And Barky never had the opportunity to purge the MMS despite being President for 14 months.

Oh wait.
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June 22, 2010 11:31pm
burt

philu

In every system there are people on the take, you know this is true. This is a poor reflection of humanity rather than a poor reflection of big oil, capitalism, govt, welfare, unions etc. You call for a rebuild of capitalism but the replacement will still be based on people doing stuff, governance, things changing hands. You are fooling yourself if your new would order can shrug the ugly side of capitalism because that ugly side is humanity, your new system will inherit that trait from the get go.
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June 22, 2010 11:39pm
francis

this is brilliant, thanks, david!
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June 23, 2010 12:39am
si_rangi

shot phil , ruin a thread that was highlighting something that was pure genius
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June 23, 2010 7:09am
Rich Prick

philu’s tinfoil has worn very thin. Must be getting the probe.
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June 23, 2010 9:39am
Pete George

Long before Deepwater Horizon, there already was an existing Dead Zone in the Gulf of Mexico. And this 25-year-long environmental disaster was well-known to many scientists.

But that’s a diversion, here is a real explanation about the oil spill…

This newest disaster most closely mirrors that of the Ixtoc I well, lost by Pemex 31 years ago, almost 12,000 feet down in the Gulf’s Bay of Campeche.

Chemical dispersants were sprayed onto the Ixtoc I oil slick, and over the next nine months many experts were brought in to attempt to cap the well. In the end it was the successful drilling of the relief wells that reduced the oil pressure at the original wellhead. Only then was it successfully capped.

A Dead Zone Was Already in the Gulf
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June 23, 2010 9:46am
tvb

It is not BP it is BRITISH Petroleum and the COE is British – right!!!
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June 23, 2010 1:51pm
RightNow

It is seeming that the reason the top-kill attempt failed is that the situation is worse than is being portrayed. As I understand it the speculation is that the sea-floor is rupturing.
http://www.theoildrum.com/node/6593/648967
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June 23, 2010 1:58pm
redeye

I’m struggling with the definition of Irony. Could it be Phil fucken up a comedy thread by a famous left winger on a right wing blog?

Nah, maybe not.
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June 23, 2010 2:09pm
gazzmaniac

RightNow –
It’s not the seafloor rupturing. The author of that article reckons that the cement job on the casing was botched, which has led to oil escaping around the casing and eroding the cement jobs for all of the casing runs (there are generally several casing strings in a well) leading to the support for the blow out preventer being compromised. The top kill failed because the heavy mud just blocked the casing, so the oil went around the outside of the casing instead.

If that is the case, the well should never have been drilled without repairing the cement job; I find it unlikely that this would not have been aparrent prior to reaching the reservoir. There are tests that must be carried out to allow the continuation of a well after a casing job, and if these were not carried out, were fudged or done incorrectly then this will come out in the wash. Without details it is speculation however.

The fact that a Halliburton employee even wrote that it “was against our best practices” on the job log says to me that he obviously had concerns with it. In the oil patch if you have a concern there are proper channels to go through, and if they don’t work (ie the Company Man ignores you, because he knows best) then all you can do is tell your supervisor your concerns in writing so your arse is covered when the shit hits the fan.

I suspect that any investigation will find that shortcuts were taken, procedures or policies were breached, there were a series of events that led to the disaster, and that there is a blame and arse covering culture.
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June 23, 2010 4:23pm
Jeremy Harris

It’s outside the environment..!
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June 23, 2010 7:12pm
Put it away

What the FUCK are you talking about PhailUre ? Someone slip some dust in your doob tonight ? You honestly can’t see why insane unprovoked apropos-of-nothing rants about someone being a “racist afrikaner” are off-topic on a thread about John Clarke talking about the oil spill ? Get off the Mary-J before your last dying braincell flickers and is gone.
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June 23, 2010 8:19pm

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